Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: Season Three
Chapter 71: 71. fan club
Previous Chapter Next ChapterRainbow Dash's E-Mails: fan club
Rainbow is up to her tricks, bringing up her usual e-mail while singing, "Green green grass... A pleasant ghost...Rainbow Dash E-mail, make us some toast!"
Hello Rainbow Dash,
You see, I'm trying to look for a girlfriend to date, but I can't get one because most girls already seem to be taken or are pretending to be taken, but wanting to stay single. Do you have any advice? I'd like to know.
Brayden
Rainbow remarks, "Whoa, one not made by Adam." She types in, saying, "Well, if you want some advice, either make an ad out looking for a mare or find one that isn't single and grab her. Trust me, both shall work; Next e-mail!"
Subject: Rdemail Fan Club?
Any chance yer e-mail show has it's own fan club, lass? If so, who is the president of it? An' what do they do?
Best regards,
Brave Heart, Eatinburgh, Scotland
Rainbow stutters the 'it''s' then remarks, "Cool, my cousin send me an e-mail." The mare types in, "Oh yes, fan clubs; Sweet, innocent, restraining order inducing fan clubs. Don't get me wrong, fans are great. But the addition of the word 'club' kinda ruins it."
Rainbow clears the screen as she continues on, "Which ironically is the opposite of how it usually works. For instance: turkey =..." The word is type in a dull brown color which other voices accompanying her. "...mrenh, turkey club =..." Rainbow next word is in a rainbow color. "...mmmMMRENHhhhhh!" The other voices cheers on. "But yeah, there is an rdemail fan club. It's the 'Rainbow Dash Fan Club' whose members call themselves 'Dashers'. And in a great orange flyless irony, their president is my fan Scootaloo!" We see a member card for the said club.
We see Scootaloo in the CMC tree house standing at a table, wearing hat that is styled against Rainbow's man. The filly is singing, "Popa-ulation: Tiii-iii-iiire!" She sat down, making a familiar getting up noise. "Okay, Dasher, it's been a week for our fan club."
We see the fan club considers of Big Macintosh, the CMC and various colts and fillies, wearing the same Rainbow style mane hat. Scootaloo announces, "We finally switch over from our web hosting from Coltfire to Equestriacities." We see a screen of the Dashers website called 'The Rainbow Dash Club Website' that pops up. It shows a pixelated picture of Rainbow Dash dancing along with links to 'Our pal Skippy's website'. "Plus, they've upgraded all of our dead links to hyperlinks!"
Once the website screen drops again, we see Scootaloo as she remarks, "We also has several interesting discussion in the ongoing debate series 'Non Sequitur Champion: Smith or Derpy'.
We see Derpy, wearing a Rainbow style hat, remarking, "Hay, my name is Derpy and I'm a son of a Pegasus Unicorn thing!"
We also see Granny standing near a duffel bag, remarking, "Carrageenan, Monteljohn; All right if you young'uns detect me to the nearest bus whatever."
"Right, so that debate is over. Also, I have received confirmation that Alan LaDude who sent the very first Rainbow Dash E-Mail is a lock for this year's Equestrianfest." We see a flier for the mentioned fest. Once it's done, the filly continues, "There is also a rumor that Rainbow Dash herself might show up to sign autographs!"
We see Rainbow flying by a window, carrying one huge submarine sandwich, going b the window as the mare remarks, "sorry, can't make it." As this continues, we see that somehow Sweetie Belle, still wearing her hat, is holding onto the other end.
"Also, try not to forget to send a lot of e-mails to Rainbow Dash on Sunday night. I think we should go with asking about Time Turner's first real name; some good potential there; A firebrand that one!"
Back at the computer, Rainbow continues her typing, "That's fan clubs, folks. Of course, the next worst word that you can couple with the word 'fan' is, yeah, you got it...the word..." As ominous, eerie music plays, her voice slows down as the camera zooms in on what she's typing in. "...fiction." Then Rainbow's voice went normal, "Which is much better than fanmake if you think of it."
We now see a sheet of paper; words appear on it as Scootaloo says them, "'A Grade A Awesome Day', a rdemail fanfic by Scoots." We now see the AwesomeX as the filly's word appears above the scene now. "The AwesomeX hummed quietly to itself."
We now see Rainbow Dash rubbing her chin, looking at tit puzzled. The mare mouths the dialogue that her fan is giving her, "'Curious,' said Rainbow Dash, 'Very curious indeed.'"
"Especially since that's how I really talk." Rainbow remarks to the camera. We now see the message on the screen saying, 'Your inbox has no new messages'.
"Her inbox flicker 'no new messages' back at her."
"Okay, this is definitely fiction, not really. There's no way..."
Just then Pinkie Pie bounces in, mouthing the dialogue that Scootaloo is writing (though the words stop appearing after the word 'striding'), "'Hey there, Rainbow Dashie,' said Pinkie Pie striding casually into the room. 'Guess what? You don't have to answer another e-mail anymore!' 'Grandiose', replied Rainbow Dash with her eyelids lowered." Sure enough, Rainbow lowers here yes lies, "'What did you do this time?'"
"Hey, Dashie, check out my Scootaloo impression. Ahem." Pinkie whispers to Rainbow as she clears her voice, allowing Scootaloo to voice over.
"'I turned all over them over to 12 Times a Day Mare!'"
Sure enough, in an empty space on the left side comes 12 Times A Day Mare...which is Scootaloo herself in a yellow mask and cape, with a logo having '12' on the chest. She flew down and lands behind Pinkie, booming, "I can do it! Why, I can do it 12 times!"
"Oh hey there, Scootaloo," Pinkie said to Scootaloo happily.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! '12 Times a Day Mare'," Rainbow asks Scootaloo skeptically. "Look, I am into meeting new OCs and all but you can't make up terrible new characters that may act like Mary-Sues or Gary-Sues...ignoring any persecution towards little Nyx."
"...she said while putting on a bonnet." Scootaloo is heard saying. To Rainbow's horror, the mare finds herself wearing a bonnet on her head. The mare tries to take it off but to no prevail, "And giving Pinkie Pie one deep-tissue message."
As the computer flew out of the way, Rainbow finds her upper forelegs rise as she is unwillingly approaching Pinkie. The mare screams in horror, "Gah, no; Stop!"
"Ho boy, this is going to be great!" Pinkie squeals, turning around to get a bad rub.
"Okay, Scootaloo, that's it! I didn't want to do this to you but you forced me into it! Two can play this extremely nerdy game!"
Rainbow prepares to get revenge as a piece of notebook paper came down. As the mare spoke, her words appear as she speaks them, the dialogue appears in word balloons, "'INTO the REVENGESPHERE!' A dashers fanfiction..." The following doesn't appear. "...because I got a lot of time to say both syllables." The following words do appear, "By Rainbow Dash."
Rainbow begins as we see a rough drawing of Scootaloo at the table with a poorly drawn Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, an angry weird shape that is supposed to be Big Macintosh with a scary drawn on his head, and weird shapes that looks like foals.
Rainbow is heard speaking as Scootaloo, "'and that's why I like them Star Wrecks'"! The mare then spoke normally, "said Scootaloo as an entire bag of chicken fell out of her mouth."
"Wait, what? I can't eat chicken! What the hay," Scootaloo protests to her idol in shock. Suddenly we see a drawing of her being attacked by a cupcake with eyes and fangs.
"Suddenly without warning, an huge eight four cupcake constrictor eng...sm...exploded from out of nowhere!"
The caption 'engsmplkode' is added to the drawing with a burst around the cupcake constrictor for emphasis. This ends up confusing poor Scootaloo.
"Rainbow Dash, you can't start making up terrible new words no matter how cool they are!" Scootaloo protests to Rainbow in alarm.
"...whined Scootaloo,-..." Rainbow's voice comments as we see a picture of the cupcake constrictor partially wrapped around Scootaloo, ready to eat her. "...who is already up to her waist in a braided frosting roll."
"Okay, I get the idea, Rainbow Dash! I will go easy on the fan fic from now on!"
"Just then,-..." Rainbow's voice adds. We see Pinkie coming in from the left with her pink coat gone; a bunch of leaves are covering her private parts. Rainbow didn't want the word 'fan fic' to be used and wants Scootaloo to change it. "...Pinkie Pie bounced in, naked without her coat."
"Fiction, okay, I mean fiction!" Scootaloo exclaims frantically and horrified. "I will go easy on the fan FICTION, please!"
"Hey 12 Times a Day Mare," Pinkie exclaims happily to Scootaloo while leaning to the filly who looks away in terror. "You're going to eat all those chickens, right?"
Rainbow, satisfied, types on her computer while saying, "Ohh, grandiose, very grandiose 20%. Hate to do that to Scootaloo but she gotta learn. But maybe fan clubs and fan fiction aren't all bad. In fact...I think I will go dabble in some Princess Celestia fan fiction right now!"
"...said Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo's voice is heard. The mare got up and leaves, making the Getting Up noise, "...said Stool Scooter." The new paper comes down to bring this chapter/e-mail to a close, "...said the new paper that no pony, not even me, likes."
We see a picture of Derpy's 'parents': a Pegasus and an Unicorn.
In a scene with Vector Rainbow Dash, she booms, "YOUR HEAD ENGSMSPLODE!"
Rarity is playing a game of paddleball game but kept missing. The unicorn sighs, "Oh, dear. I can only do it 11 times today."
For some reason, 12 Times a Day Mare flew in from out of nowhere, booming, "I can do it! I can do it 12 times!'
"I don't even want to know how you fly when you don't know how to yet, Scootaloo."
We see a roughly drawn cartoon of Celestia with a puddle in front of her as well as an unknown substance around her mouth. Rainbow's voice speaks as the princess, "I cannot believe that I ate all that cake!" The mare then spoke in her normal voice, "...Said Princess Celestia."
"Sometimes I wish that was fiction." Celestia said with a groan. Eating all that cake is stuffy!
The End
Author's note
Cool work from me; Ironic that Rainbow Dash is in a fan-fiction right now; in the next chapter/e-mail, the mare herself enters Tank the Tortoise in the Ponyville Pet Show. Read, review and suggest.