Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: Season Three
Chapter 62: 62. pizza joint
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"Let a lil' e-mail into your heart, and it'll clog your arteries!" Rainbow sang as she brings up the first e-mail of this show. Time to get this said show on the road!
Well Rainbow I do have a question or two . Ever read anything else besdies Daring do ? like maybe something Scientific or something Romantic or something fille diwthadventure tha doesn't involve Daring Do besides i already know your a die hard fan of Daring Do besides i'm a real die hard fan of Power Rangers always have and always will . Anyway ever watched Batman or Superman or are hey boh ponyfied in Equestria ? now i kow tha my qeustions are weird sue me if Pinkie is random han tha makes me weird and random and that's a good thing
Your's Truely
Adam
Rainbow types in, asking, "Like I said, I have read anything else, though not anything for eggheads or mushy stuff. The adventures are where I'm at. As for Batman, Superman or anything 'ponyified'...who knows? You Adam are so random. Let's see if the next e-mail is better."
Subject: rdemails!
Hey Rainbow Dash,
As a typical college stallion, I am wondering if there's a pizza joint in Equestria somewhere...you know, if you, me and the colts can hang out sometime.
Hopeful in Coltslyvania,
David
Rainbot got more excited as he reads the last two lines. Yes, yes, finally! College stallions, e-mailing her!
"BLARG," Rainbow screams excitedly as she types in. "Yes, yes, we have a pizza joint!" The mare flails her arms like mad, "I gots me a pizza joint!" She fell off her chair and flops away more excited. "Always been at the pizza joint, come there with me!"
And thus, Rainbow begins opening up her pizza joint, a fake one to impress the college stallions. As she stood behind a cardboard box in Cloudsdale, Scootaloo works on writing 'Rainbow Dash's Cloudsdale PIZZA'. The two mares are surrounded by pizza boxes, Neighborhood Style!
"Come on, Scootaloo, hurry up with that sign!" Rainbow exclaims to Scootaloo impatiently.
"I'm going the fast that I can!" Scootaloo snaps in annoyance as Rainbow flies to the front of the box. "This name isn't that complicated."
"Whoa, no way! That's way too long already! We got to have something short, catchy and awesome that David and his colts can read real quick. You know awesome stuff like 'The Sam' or 'The Coliseum'. It won't work if they have to be like..."
In a Teen Colt Squad scene (with slower version of the music), we see the cast talking to a stallion wearing a robe with 'Dave' on it. Football Jock and Hum Dum are wearing robes too; What's His Flank is in his regular clothes while the Ugly Mule is in a sarcophagus dressed like a mummy.
"Hey boys; How about we cool off and meet up at..." David begins to explainsas the words appear on screen that are said slowly, "Rainbow Dash's Cloudsdale pi..."
"Ugh, this is taking too long!" Football Jock exclaims in annoyance. The stallion doesn't want to go to a place with a long name like that!
"I'm bored already!" What's His Name adds in frustration.
"I am heading home." Hum Dum remarks with a nod.
"I belong in a museum!" The Ugly Mule remarks, his voice muffled due to him in the sarcophagus.
"Nah, cool college colts don't have that time." Rainbow said while shaking her head. "We gotta strike while the colt is still hot."
"Ugh, fine, how about this?" Scootaloo ask with an exasperated sigh. The filly scribbles out most of what she put down, then add in 'The' over 'Dash'. The sign now reads 'The Dash'. "Cool enough for ya?"
"Oh yeah! The Dash! Short and to a point! I love it!"
For a moment, it looks like Rainbow's scam is going to work without a hitch. But then a familiar goofy mare appears, saying, "Hey, yeah! Can I have a slice of tp-roni, some tomato sauce and...mushrooms!"
"Derpy, go home!" Rainbow exclaims with a frown. "This isn't really a pizza place at all, only a front to meet some stallions!"
"Ooooh, okay! I will have a calzone then, with some tp-loaf and some m-cheese!"
Without warning, the phone on the cardboard box rings, much to Rainbow's confusion. The mare asks, "What the hay? Hang on." She picks up the phone to answer it, "Yeah? The Dash; Thanks for calling?"
On the other end, while Derpy leaves to the left, is Cheerilee, calling out, "Yes; I would love 50 of the Thanksgiving Lover's pizzas delivered to the school; the class is having a party and I need some food, fast!"
"What the hay?! Cheerilee, how did you even know about this place?!"
"For your information, I spend all day calling random numbers in hopes to finding a new restaurant that serves tofu pizzas! And your place happens to be one that I don't recognize!"
"Come on, this isn't a real place!" Rainbow snaps to Cheerilee over the phone as we can hear wings flapping towards her. "We're..."
Suddenly Rainbow looks shocked as she saw a 'you got to be kidding me' sight: there's Derpy nearby in a shirt and hat for the Dash. As Scootaloo, also wearing a hat, heads off, the goofy mare spoke up rapidly, "Madam! Table 44 needs more breadsticks! Those soccer foals left without paying and one of our delivery ponies caught a flat!"
"What the hay are you on about?! Weren't you a customer a few seconds ago?"
"Uh yeah, but Scootaloo hired yours truly for the lunch rush! Hey, somepony got to make those bits, right; Right!"
Derpy zips off, making Rainbow sighs a bit. This isn't right! She only made this pizza place to bring some stallions over, not make it into a successful fast food place!
"Oh man, this is soooo wrong." Rainbow said in frustration. "Scootaloo, we were trying to make a pretend pizza place to score some colts. But instead, we somehow made a successful and well-reviewed actual pizza place!"
We see static before seeing Rarity in front of a sign that said 'Review Divine. As music plays, the white unicorn say, "Hello, darlings! Rustic and filled with that old cardboard charm..." The Dash's logo rolls in from the bottom right. "...the Dash serves up Equestrian style pizza at a price that won't leave a dent in your saddlebags!"
As Rarity points upward, we see a green check mark and the text 'pick' appearing with a ding before going through static once more.
"Perhaps we are doing this wrong, Scootaloo." Rainbow said thoughtfully in Cloudsdale. "I mean, who said that guys want to meet ponies in person anymore, right? They want to meet them online!"
In a view of the computer with a nondescript web browser open, the test for something called 'virtualdash' is typed into the location bar. We can hear Rainbow's voice, "Welcome to Virtualdash dot biz!"
The screen turns green as we see a logo for 'Virtualdash dot biz' along with a button that says 'login'. A cursor moves over the last one, clicking it. The screen now shows a picture of a pizza with eyes, arms and legs. To its left is stuff for 'EYES', 'MANE', 'MOUTH', 'NOSE', 'TOPPING' and 'CRUST'.
"Cool, that's where typical college colts can make their own slice of pizza for some serious social network," Rainbow's voice said as the cursor moves around, clicking the 'eye' button twice, the 'mane' button twice', the 'nose' one 3 times and the 'topping' button twice, causing the features on the pizza to change with each click.
The screen now zooms in to see two slices of pizza in Clousdale with Rainbow, with the lower left corner saying 'Dash points $500.' Rainbow's voice said, "With me!"
The computerized Rainbow Dash booms in a weird voice of the real mare's, lines appear in orange bubbles above her as she speaks, "Hey, hotties! Welcome to the Dash!"
Of course, when the slice of pizzas talks, they spoke in familiar voices that are weird with lines appearing above them; The left one spoke in red bubbles and like Derpy's, "Hey, pony, can I get a slice of tp-roni?"
The pizza on the right, in a weird version of Cheerilee's voice with purple bubbles appearing above it, says, "Yeah, I would like a pick-up order for my class."
"Hey, you ain't David! You're pizza trolls, consider this a flame war!" The computerized Rainbow booms as she made both slices of pizza catch fire, making them both run off.
"Ugh, it burns, it burns!"
"Ahhhhhhhhh," The slice of pizza on the left screams in alarm.
"Well, may as well spend all these Dash points." The computerized Rainbow Dash remarked with a shrug. May as well not make these points go to waste, right?
As the number of Dash points decreases, objects appear in Cloudsdale. There's an arcade game and the couch as well as Pinkie Pie's dresser and cow lamp. The right fence is painted in Wonderbolts colors with the left one pink with three dots. As this happens, the avatar's $500 in Dash Points drops with each item, ending at '$-51'.
We see static as a disappointed Rarity is seen saying, "Well, darlings, with a uncouth UI and a played out avatar system, Virtualdash dot biz..." The mentioned website's logo appears from the bottom right as she points up ward. "...really miss the marks."
A red X with the text 'Miss' appears over the logo, followed by a buzzer sound. Rarity continues, "Plus, every time I tried to add Rainbow Dash to my Dash list, she called me 'unfashion'. The nerve," This ends with more static.
Rainbow sighs as she types in on her computer, saying, "Hoo boy. I am all out of ideas. Not sure how to get David and his colts over to my pizza joint now. What..."
"Oh, hey Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo calls to Rainbow as she came to the right of Rainbow. "David and his pals are over at my pizza joint if you wanna see them!"
"Wait, what? They're at your pizza joint? The Dash has competition; since when?!"
"Just follow me, Rainbow Dash. I think you will be surprised."
Rainbow reluctantly follows Scootaloo over to the Ponyville school. May as well see what this so called pizza joint is all above. The filly stops in front of the basemen doors that are labeled 'SCOOTS PIZZA' that is written on a strip of masking tape on them.
"Wait, that's your pizza joint?" Rainbow asks Scootaloo skeptically. "I mean, the school basement?"
"Yep, sure do! We open this place after school hours!" Scootaloo explains to Rainbow with a smile.
"I will believe it when I see it!"
Rainbow opens the doors and got a big surprise: balloons and confetti came out of the doors while loud excited noises are heard. The cyan Pegasus pony looks amazed. This is a pizza joint, Scootaloo has truly out done herself big time!
After closing the doors and cutting out the sound effects, Rainbow excitedly exclaims, "Whoa, Scoots! This is awesome! I am so in! Any chance you take Dash points?"
"Rainbow, we take everything in this place!" Scootaloo remarks to her idol with a grin.
"Again, I amso in!"
Rainbow laughs as she open the basement doors and jumps into the basement, followed by Scootaloo who closes the doors behind herself. They open out as the filly came out, looking dazed.
"Oh yeah," Scootaloo said happily as she goes back into the basement, closing the doors. Unknown to her and everyone else in there, Cheerille came in with some school supplies, some tools and some Apple Cider.
"Hopefully I can get this stuff into the basement. I'm glad to come back right after school closing." Cheerilee said with a smile, unaware of what's waiting for her in the basement.
Back at the computer, the new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.
Back at the review place, Rarity points upward while saying, "Rainbow Dash phones this one in with Rainbow Dash E-Mail 179." rdemail179 dot html slides in at the screen's bottom right. "Despite a strong showing from fan favorite Rarity..." The unicorn touches her mane while continuing. "...the e-mail ultimately fizzles due to some heavy reliance on what ponies called 'internet pizza jokes'.
A red X and the text 'MISS!' appears on the logo itself.
Derpy smiles in her 'The Dash' uniform, dancing on a blue background while singing, "Party; Scoots Party!"
The End
Author's note
Wow, awesome e-mail, ain't it? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow gives out advice on slumber parties. Read, review and suggest.