Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: secret recipes

"Email, na na, na na, na na, nanaNA..." Rainbow sang as she is once again at the AwesomeX, getting the first e-mail of the chapter.

Dear Rainbow Dash. i have two for you to answers

1. have you ever thought that what you did for the Emerald Dogs i think you might have cause a war in further time.

2. have you thought of asking soarin out for a date. just asking.

Your friend Greenrob.

Rainbow pauses then types in while explaining, "To be honest, I haven't thought about those guys for sometimes now. But if there's a war, my pals and I will be ready. Also, as far as dating goes...well, that's kind of on a TBD kind of level; Next e-mail!"

Subject: family recipes
Dear Rainbow Dash,
When my brother and I groan up, we wanna be chefs. We got to know, do you have any secret family recipes that you could share with us? That way, we can make them!

Peach and Daisy, (from NJ)

Rainbow reads 'Dear Rainbow Dash' as' The Usual' as 'NJ' as 'Neigheria'. The pony types in, saying, "Well, Peachy, got to say, funny. Since you are from the continent that Zecora is from, I am sure that you zebras are used to eating stuff like exotic fruits, nectars...and maybe bugs."

Rainbow clears the screen, typing as she continues, "So our recipes may be a bit uncouth for you folks." The Pegasus pony stops typing, "Uncouth, yeah right."

Rainbow types on, asking, "I wonder if something could just be plain couth. Betcha Fluttersh can be plain couth. Okay, Peach Tree, our family recipes tend to center around the grossing out of or the making puke of friends as well as well-wishers. Maybe Changelings, if we're lucky." The camera moves back as we see Scootaloo lying onto the computer desk while flinging floppy disks all over. "Hey, Scoots! How about we try out Great Uncle Ponydabber's Pre-Tend Ice Cream Showdown," The mare's legs kick to each syllable of what she just said.

"Oh yeah, okay!" Scootaloo exclaims eagerly as she got up, then the screen grays for a moment...

"Please note: Rainbow Dash may or may not have an actual Great Uncle Ponydabber."

---

In the field, we see Caramel holding a basketball, looking confused while bouncing the thing. He asks, "What the hay is this thing? A bounce thing; I wish I know how Earth stuff works."

Duing this time, Rainbow and Scootaloo arrives on the scene, the Pegasus mare is holding what appears to be a bowl of ice cream with yellow sprinkles while the little filly has a towel around herself. Those two are up to something.

"Hey, Scoots, check this out!" Rainbow exclaims to Scootaloo with a smirk. "It's our good pal, Caramel. Hey, Caramel! Wanna try out freed iced-c-cream? It has got toasted coconut!"

"Oh, how could I refuse?" Caramel asks eagerly while throwing the basketball over himself. "Can't afford the money-cost variety!"

As the basketball fell behind some trees, Caramel takes the ice cream and pigs out of it like mad. The stallion mumbles, "Wow, Sweet Celestia! This is awful though."

Caramel kept on eating as a smirking Rainbow comments, "Don't worry upset, Caramel. You are proud new eater of a healthy bowl of…sour cream and hair of Scootaloo!"

Caramel drops the bowl in shock upon realizing what he himself's been eating. Is Rainbow serious?! Unfortunately, the mare pulls away Scootaloo's towel to reveal some of her coat shaved from the waist down.

"Hey, kinda embarrassing but gives me a cool breeze!" Scootaloo exclaims happily to the sickened Caramel.

Caramel yelps as he begins making disgusting noise, spitting out coat while looking frightened. The stallion yells out, "Ugh! I'm going to puke my flank!"

"Come on, please don't elaborate on that!" Rainbow exclaims in disgust by what she just heard.

"Nah, it's easy, I do it all the time! Come on, I will show ya!" Caramel explains. The two fillies fled in terror and disgust as they run off. "First, you hold up your flank..."

We can see a recipe card appearing, showing a recipe...

Recipe:
Great Uncle Ponydabber's Pre-tend Ice Cream Showdown

Ingredients:
3 scoops (really) sour cream
1/2 of shaved Scootaloo
1 bowl
1 languagely challenged vaguely stallion type pony

Instructions:
Mix ingredient until golden brown

We can hear Rainbow's voice remarking, "Now for the best results, dip Scootaloo in egg wash before shaving or she will end up getting some red shaving bumps all over herself. Not a pretty sight, I promise you that."

---

Outside the Carousel Baroque, Rainbow spoke in a sotto voice, "All right, we're mixing this next one up on them, Scootaloo. I filled this old Rainboom Stick..." The pony holds up some underarm deodorant that is labeled '20% Awesome Glacier'. "...with some white chocolate. Oh yeah, we will really gross out or cause Rarity to puke when I begin eating it right in front of her!"

"Oh yeah, Sweetie's sister is going to puke all right." Scootaloo remarks with a mischievous grin. The first attempt to make someone puke from the secret recipe didn't work; this next one will.

Of course, inside the Carousel Baroque at this moment, Rarity was watching TV…and is surprisingly eating the same Rainboom Stick that Rainbow has. The mare got more underarm deodorants and spray cans in a bowl next to her.

"Come on, Calfeb, you can't marry your guitar!" A stallion named Coltsworth protest to a cow named Calfeb in concern on the TV.

Calfeb respond with, "I can sure try!"

Rainbow and Scootaloo came in; the former exclaims eagerly, "Hey, Whiny Queen! Check me out, I'm eating...wait, forget it." The Pegasus pony saw what her friend is doing: picking up a spray can and sprays it into her mouth before going back to eating the Rainboom Stick. "Figures, I thought I could count on ya to be disgusted."

The duo leaves as Rarity, noticing, protests, "Wait, you two; come back, darlings! I was actually on a dare from Applejack to do this. Although this stuff is strong enough for a mare but tasty enough for an unicorn! Come now, don't you wish to try Everfree Rush? Or Thunder Mist?"

We see another recipe card spinning onscreen as it shows this...

Recipe:
Crazy Aunt Eulamare's Deodorant Doppleganger

Ingredients:
6 oz. white chocolate
1/2 of shaved Scootaloo (you know, for the moral support)
1 kinda cleaned-out Deo-odor Cake

Instructions:
Mix ingredients. Preheat oven. Add hot if necessary.

Rainbow's voice groans, "Geez, why are deodorants and other stuff always named after biomes in the first place?"

---

Bon-Bon is on the couch reading 'The Latest Equestrian News' as her friend Lyra Heartstrings came in with one of Rainbow Dash's Pre-Tend Ice Cream Showdown bowls. The unicorn asks the Earth pony, "Hey mare-friend, ever tried any of this free ice cream that Rainbow Dash has made?"

Bon-Bon put aside her paper, having a funny look on her face as she spoke, "Lyra, didn't any pony told you? That's cottage cheese and hair from Scootaloo."

"What the hey?!" Lyra yelps as she does a spit take, spitting out some coat hair. "Ugh! Rainbow Dash told me that it was just sour cream and Scootaloo hair; Time for this to be a job for Stupid Uncle Foal's Goodtime Diaper Pie!"

Lyra storms off to the left as the screen turns grays for a moment once more...

"Please note: Lyra definitely doesn't have a Stupid Uncle Foal."

---

Back at Rainbow's computer room, we see a pinecone and a bendy straw in a bowl with a sign nearby that said, 'this is not A pimecone, diaper pie! I mean re-gular pie'. Rainbow and Scootaloo trots in, the latter got some yellow sticky notes on herself; some with black dots, to cover up her shaved area. No success, unfortunately.

"Come on, Scoots, that does so looks totally real. I swear, no one will be able to find out. Wait, what's this?" Rainbow asks as she spot the sign and reads it, "'Not a pimecone'. Ha! Whoever made this is definitely right!"

Lyra peeks in, frowning as she snaps, "Well, well, it's my good pals Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash! Say, I heard you two mares had been eating some serious regular pie in here."

"Yeah...we got some left over if you want to have it."

"Yeah, well, it's anywhere near as good as your free ice cream, ha!" Lyra put the pine cone in her mouth, crunching it up like mad. Her friends look amazed at one another, the unicorn was trying to trick either one of them into eating the pine cone as payback for the ice cream. Of course, Lyra spoke with her mouth full, "Ha! So long, suckers!"

"What do you know? Even when we win, she wins." Rainbow's voice said with a sigh.

---

Back at the computer, Rainbow finishes up the e-mail, typing while saying, "There you go, fillies, those are recipes for the ages. But if you seriously want to be chefs when you grow up, we have definitely got a super-secret family recipe for you. It's called cooking the 'C-H-I-blank-blank-E-N-L-blank blank." She types this as ' _).

"What; oh, don't think I don't know what you're up to!" Scootaloo's voice yells furiously as she throws a floppy disk labeled 'JERK' that hits her idol on the head.

"Ouch!" Rainbow groans as she types on. "Of course, the blanks are for 'L M O and double PP: Chilmoenlpp, my family got a secret recipe for typing that thing. Yeah, yeah..." The mare types one 'yeah'. "We are a weird family. We used to be from 'Weirdsdale'; 'Come off that cloud and eat your Chimoenlpp', that's what my poopaw used to say. Poopsaw, man I miss you so much."

The paper comes down, Rainbow glances while whispering, "I guess Scootaloo brought it. If you want that recipe, just ask."

---

Rarity is gone from her TV but it's still on as Coltsworth is heard yelling, "Calfeb, that daisy sandwich is mine!"

"Ha! No way! That sandwich is mine!" Calfeb snaps right back at the pony.

---

Scootaloo frowns as she is reading a book that is labeled 'So You Want to Make Cupcakes out Of a Pony'; it has a picture of Scootaloo putting a lid on a pot with Rainbow Dash on it. The filly isn't going to cook her idol, just remove any frustration.

We now hear the narrator's disclaimer about the 'poopaw'...

"Err, okay, I don't know what a poopaw is."

From the Kitchen of Poopsaw
Chicken-fried Chilmoenlpp

Ingredients:
3 or 7 medium sized Chilomenlpp
2 salt
40 hotcakes

Instructions:
Get off cloud. Then cook that ugly orange thing.

Bumdummyburge '12'

The End

Author's note
Those are the secret recipes, folks. What do you think? In the next chapter, Rainbow performs her rock opera 'RDEMAIL'. Read, review and suggest.