Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: more armies

"All righty, bring me one cool suitable e-mail." Rainbow said as she brings up an e-mail to see what's to expect. "That way, I may expect it down."

Dear Rainbow Dash,

If you (or Jussonic) ever had time, may I suggest watching a 3-episode story arc of the Internet show Atop the Fourth Wall. The episodes are Ultimates 3#5, Youngblood 2 and mighty Morphin Power Rangers? The main character, Linkara, reminds me of you a bit abs the ways you treat your computers reminds me of how Linkara treats his blue robot Pollo. If not, I understand (smiley face) (PS, Atop the Fourth Wall is a real Internet show)

Billy Arratoon

Also, to Jussonic, I actually would recommend watching these epsodes. They may give you some idea of hw to write the Rainbow Droid (I based him off Mechakara, Linkaras robotic double)

If not, I understand. (smiley face)

"Billy, that is tooooo long." Rainbow said in annoyance as she types down her answer. "Consider yourself lucky though. Those episodes seem a bit complicated for yours truly to take. And Linkara; don't compare me to him. I don't break my computers...all the time. And who's this Rainbow Droid; next e-mail!"

Subject: Cloudsdale's Army
Miss Rainbow Dash
I got three colts that wants to join the Cloudsdale army. Do you have any pamphlets, brochures, video info and such that could help.
Yours,
Raul, Perth
Western Coltralia

Rainbow reads 'Miss' as 'Missius', remarking "Hey, I ain't no mere Rainbow Dash, got it?" She also reads 'Raul, Perth' as one name.

Rainbow clears her screen, frowning as she types in her answer, "Look, Perthy Rauly, as I have been over this already a couple of e-mails ago, Cloudsdale doesn't have/need an army. If we ever needed any muscle whatsoever, we always give it out to our favorite band of shady missionaries...err, wait, I mean mercenaries, MERCENARIES, PONIES!" We see a Shadowbolts album of the same name. "Anyway, if your colts want so much to enlist, they can..." The mare doesn't type the next word, "...just..."

Rainbow continues typing as she said, "...swing by the Cloudsdale booth at the Equestrian Military Career Fair which is happening right now."

"Uh, Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo interrupts as she is nearby, making Rainbow turns to her. "The fair won't be for 3 weeks."

"Oh...not for 3 weeks. Okay, I guess I can wait."

---

2 weeks later...

"All right, introducing..." Rainbow said, deciding to perform a show in Sugarcube Corner with her friends along with ponies watching. Scootaloo is on a chair with a cane, bowtie and top hat that has the word 'Chicko' on it. The mare turns left and right while reading, "Chicko the Orangeaticent! And her beautiful assistant..."

We see Big Macintosh behind a table with two basketballs in a shirt that he's wearing. As the stallion waves, Rainbow continues on, "Big Mac with two basketballs shoved down his shirt!"

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh exclaims with a smile

"Yaaaay, awesome!" Spike cheers on while clapping.

"Ugh, 'dis is sooooo embarrassing fer us Apples." Applejack groans in embarrassment by what her's brother is doing.

"Tell me about it. That top hat and bowtie doesn't suit Scootaloo." Rarity said in agreement while sighing.

---

1 week later...

Moving on, the fair has now arrived in the Canterlot Community Center where ponies go in to either enlist for armies or to check things out. Rainbow is there in a booth, wearing an eye patch and a mustache which appears to be taped. Her booth has a muffler, a lot of brochures and a pipe.

As Time Turner trots by, Rainbow speaks to a pony in a bad accent, "Hey there, Ganglo-Saxon. You seem to be a foal that gets his or her lunch handed to a lot. How would you like to be a lunch handerer for once?" The mare holds up a hoof that has a robot claw taped to it just for show. "We got the On Point Wonderbolts brochure just for you."

Rainbow puts a brochure on the table that has a logo for 'On Point Wonderbolts' on top of a colored background. The mare continues, "It's a Equestrian trifold..." She opens the brochure while continuing on, "...printed on 65 pound card stuff."

As we glances at the brochure, Rainbow continues trying to sell it, "15 point Helvetica, laid out using LightningExpress, a pirated version of LightningExpress!" We flip open to another side that shows pictures of the On Point Wonderbolts in action. "Cool, eh? We specialize in black sop, browns op and the usual beige op, depending on how you look at it."

In a footage of Cloudsdale (with a hopscotch grid that has been drawn into the clouds), we see Rainbow Dash, her friends, Big Macintosh and the CMC wearing fake mustaches (most to the embarrassment of most of them since it was the cyan mare who made them wear them). 'CLASSIFIED' is stamped onto the screen though we do see Sweetie Belle hopping across the squares.

"Hey, come on, Sweetie Belle! Go fer 60s, 60s!" Apple Bloom cheers on.

At the booth, Rainbow grins while showing off her features, saying, "Oh yeah, how else would you ever get an eye patch, a mustache or a robotic hoof like this, clank clank...unless you join our shady band of missionaries? Horse crap, I did it again!" The mare yelps as whoever she's talking to is leaving as if not interested. "Wait, come back! I meant mercenaries; we do bad stuff, really!"

At the booth for the Equestrian Royal Guard, an old veteran Royal Guard in his harm is sleeping while being fed some food through a mask and tube. Near him is a table with a sign that reads 'Out to lunch. Watch video' which has an arrow pointing to the TV. Two posters are on the wall near the old pony.

The video shows a silhouetted Shining Armor climbing up Castle Canterlot as the princess is heard speaking as if doing the narration, "The drive...the power...the skills...the motivation...and yes, the power again.." The stallion reaches the top, grabbing his sword. "...the fortitude..." Shining held his sword by his side, "…The strive as well..."

Shining laughs as he held his sword to the dark, cloudy sky with lightning flash, Celestia's voice continues, "As the ideals..." Lightning hits the shovel but luckily, we see the stallion in his armor. "The list of attributes..."

The video shows Shining on a black and white poster with five more Royal Guard members with him in the same gear. A Princess Celestia is in the center along with the words 'Equestrian Government' at the top.

As the video comes to a close, Celestia's voice continues speaking as the words that she say appears, "The Equestrian Government; Honor; Valor; Harmony."

At Pinkie's booth, she is wearing her orange bowl on her head while taping a spoon to a hoof. The mare is recruiting members for the Pinkiestarmy ever since the failed takeover of Cloudsdale. The table that she's using has a familiar Pinball Machine AKA William Clark, behind a sign that reads 'You Can't Play This. This Is a Memorial Statue, You Silly Pony'. Near the table are two posters on the wall, one of them shows Pinkie in the same outfit with the caption 'Do You Has' with another poster showing the bowl and spoon with an caption, 'Dooooo You Like?'

"Hey there, pony! Say, pony, pony, pony, pony, pony, pony, pony, pony!" Pinkie exclaims sternly while pointing a spoon at whoever is approaching. "You appear to be a pony to come from a long line of those with 5 bits! Well, the Pinkiestarmy has a career for ya in the baker forces! Are you good at video games? I do, just not the rough ones."

Pinie chuckles as she continues, "Hay, last time I fired up one of my video game tapes, all I got was a waffle." We see a picture of a waffle iron that has a video game controller and a cartridge in it. "Well, do you like pamphlets? Do you?!"

Pinkie holds up a book of 'Game Program Instructions' by a video company while continuing, "Here's an pamphlet." The goofy mare then rips it in half. "Now here's do. So do you have a colt-friend or a filly-friend? Well, what if they were a wooden spoon and an orange plastic bowl?"

Pinkie held a spoon and lifts her bowl off her head temporarily, then frowns while saying, "Wow, you are really random, mister. What kind of a screwed-up pony are ya anyhow? We don't recruit ponies like you here! Go on, get out of here!" The pony waves her spoon to motion the viewer away; Weird.

---

Rainbow, back at her computer, types in while saying, "Yeah, that's fair right Raulberg. You can send your coolest son off to join the On Point Wonderbolts. That way, he'll have to be jumped in. You can send your lazy fat son to join the Equestrian Government. He gotta be...stallionized in. Is that a word? And when you send your step-headed red maned colt to certain randomness in the Pinkiestarmy...well, I think your son will be jumped out. Well, gotta go find that bicycle pump. I think Chicko the Orangeaticent's beautiful assistant is looking lopsided."

Rainbow got up and heads off just as the paper comes down to bring this e-mail/chapter to an end. But something's wrong, it came down with an odd-sounding noise, looking crumpled up and torn. Rainbow peeks in, looking concerned while saying, "Hoo boy, that doesn't look good."

Rainbow leaves, unaware that a good friend of hers is about to meet his end very soon.

---

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are at a table at the fair, standing in front of a sign that bears the logo for the Pony Commando-Os and has the words 'Meet TV's Shep Ramsey and Friends!' Unfortunately, no pony is stopping to even see them, maybe because of Scootaloo's lame commando name.

"Sigh, no one wants to see us." Sweetie said with a sigh. "We can't get our fair cutie marks this way."

"Ah done told ye 'dat commando name o' yers was a bad idea." Apple Bloom remarks to Scootaloo with a frown.

"Ugh, I can fix this." Scootaloo groans after a long pause. The filly takes out a red marker and scribbles on the sign. The name 'Shep Ramsey' is replaced by the words 'Metal Iron'. Suddenly the CMC smiles with Scootaloo sighing as a large crowd of ponies gather around them, mumbling to each other. We can hear stuff like, 'Oh, look, it's Metal Iron, Metal Iron!' and 'he looks so tall, "See?"

"Yeah," Sweetie exclaims with a smile

The End

Author's note
Well, those are the armies, take your pick, folks. And what's wrong with the paper? In the next chapter/e-mail, the paper itself meets its end as Rainbow reminisces about the paper. Read, review and suggest.