Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: Season Three
Chapter 53: 53. My Little Pony: DNA Evidence
Previous Chapter Next ChapterAuthor's note
This time, I'm doing something different. In this chapter, it will be a Homestar Runner toon fanmake of the one short that ties in a certain running gag, so let's do this, shall we?
We see yellow letters on a black background that zooms out slowly with Pinkie's voice saying, "Previously on My Little Pony..."
We see the scenes of what happened in some e-mails that happened so far. In 'equestrian-athlon' at a table, Fluttershy and Derpy were having tea, the former was talking happily, ''That gave me the reason that the DNA evidence was tampered with.''
In 'unnatural' and in Cloudsdale, Rainbow is having a party with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, grinning as the mare say, "...and of course, that's how yours truly has tampered with the DNA evidence."
Inside the movie theater from 'the movies', sure enough, we see Twilight sitting next to Minuette. In the movie, someone is heard saying, "...but when I came back, the DNA evidence was missing!"
In an exempt of 'your funeral', we see Rainbow on a log that says 'Equestrian National Park' while holding a Timberwolf. Of course it turns out that Rainbow's body is standing in Fluttershy's cottage, not much of a place to admire, is it? Pinkie bounces in happily in a brown hat and jacket, hanging onto the statue.
"Oh hey, did you find the DNA evidence yet?" Fluttershy ask Pinkie with a smile while helping out a raccoon.
Now in an office from 'from work', Rainbow is sitting at her computer with a downtrodden Pinkie and a stern Big Macintosh leaving.
"Right, yes, sir; Sorry, sir; Right away, sir, Hallelujah, sir," Pinkie said with a downtrodden look. As Big Macintosh trots off, the mare follows him. "I will get you that DNA evidence on your desk by five."
Now in a scene from 'rough copy', Pinkie sighs sadly as she sat on the couch in her home, windy noises are heard. The pink pony, after some time, said, "DNA Evidence..." When will this running gag be resolved?
Well, it's about to be resolved...today! A guitar comes in to the music and plays a jazzy tune. We see a purple background with the title appearing onscreen, angled and in block letters...
My Little Pony: DNA Evidence
We now see the library as Twilight stood in front of an easel that has a chart of different ponies and the links between them. As a crowd is heard muttering, the purple unicorn held up a hoof while attention, "All right, ponies. Your attention if you please!"
It turns out that her crowd is actually Nyx, Spike, Owlowiscious and Peewee with a record that has the crowd noises playing nearby. The filly nods while speaking to the dragon, "Spike?"
"Oh right." Spike said as he turns the record player off, causing the crowd noises to cease, "Twilight; Your floor."
Twilight nods as she explains, "Okay, for some time now, there has been some sort of running gag that is called 'DNA Evidence'. I decided to do an investigation to figure out what this 'DNA Evidence' is all about." The mare points a hoof at the chart while continuing, "And after some extensive investigation, I am now ready to release my findings. First off, I spoke with my friend Fluttershy who brought this running gag to a start in the first place."
We now see a house as Fluttershy is speaking with Twilight at her cottage. The yellow mare spoke, "Well, it started several weeks ago..."
Flashback
We see Fluttershy coming into her cottage while wearing a toga, not noticing muddy hoofprints on the floor at first. We can hear the Pegasus pony voice-over, "I just came back home from my toga-yoga claw but then I saw that somepony has broken into my cottage. The culprit responsible has left behind some DNA evidence."
Marzipan gasps as she finally saw the condition that her cottage is in, somepony snuck in and made a mess of the place. The mare saw that her couch cushions are disarranged while a picture on the wall is crooked. Fluttershy notices that that the muddy prints stop right at the couch. Who could've broken in and what is it that he or she was looking for?
Fluttershy looks around and saw something made out of glass visible behind a cushion...
End Flashback
Twilight using her magic to hold a pen and notebook nods as she ask, "So what was is in the DNA evidence; Mane particles; Skin flakes; some blood perhaps?"
Flashback
"Actually, no; it was a little test tube that is full of green DNA evidence."
We can see Fluttershy in front of the couch and taking out a test tube that has some green liquid from it. The mare inspects the tube carefully, interesting.
End Flashback
"Ah, just like in the movies." Twilight said while writing something down on her notebook. "Go on."
Flashback
Fluttershy must find out what this DNA evidence is all about so she leaves her cottage, on her way to somewhere.
"I then took it over to Time Turner so he can analyze it and see what he himself can come up with..."
End Flashback
Fluttershy frowns as she held up a tube that has purple liquid that is stamped with a label that said 'TAMPERED WITH!' The mare continues, "...unfortunately, I got this back in return."
Twilight decides to talk to Time Turner in his laboratory to see what he knows. The stallion spoke up, "Well, it started a few weeks ago. I just got done teaching my..."
Flashback
Time Turner came into the laboratory while wearing a toga from the lessons that Fluttershy spoke up. As he took his toga off, we can hear him voice over, "...toga, yoga class, when Fluttershy herself shows up."
Fluttershy is wearing her toga as she came in with the test tube, speaking, "Time Turner. If it's not too much trouble, can you analyze this DNA evidence for me? Please?"
"Sure can, Fluttershy, but it's going to cost you a lot of bits though." Time Turner said to Fluttershy, warning his friend that he may have to bill her a lot for doing the task.
Fluttershy smiles as she gave the test tube to Time Turner. Perhaps the mare can find out what it's all about.
End Flashback
Twilight nods as she ask Time Turner, "So when you analyzed it, did you find out anything?"
Time Turner shrugs as he said, "Oh yeah, that. Okay, the next thing I knew..."
Flashback
"...that is when Rainbow Dash entered my lab."
Sure enough, Rainbow flew into the lab once Fluttershy is gone, smiling as she said, "Oh hey Time Turner! I would like one awesome green apple snow cone!"
"Sure, coming right up!" Time Turner exclaims as he heads into another room where he keeps the machines and supplies for the snow cones.
Of course, when Time Turner enters the room, he got a big shock. There is a shelf that has four hand-soap containers that are labeled 'Red', 'Purple', 'Green Apple' and 'Blue'. All of the containers held certain appropriately colored liquid for the snow cones...all but the 'Green Apple'. For some unknown reason, its container has a hole nears it bottom, which means that all the green stuff is gone.
"Yikes! Err..." Time Turner said nervously as he held up an unflavored snow cone in one hoof. The stallion got to get some green stuff but how? He then saw the evidence in the other while muttering, "Err, blaaaah..."
Time Turner has no choice: he pours the evidence onto the snow cone, got to keep up business. Returning the other room, the stallion said, "All right, here you go. One..." The stallion turns his head to the side to pretend cough. "...cough, cough..." Then Time Turner turns back to Rainbow, adding, "...green apple snow cone. Yeah..."
Time Turner gave the cone to Rainbow who takes it with a smile. The stallion will have to serve the purple stuff to Fluttershy when she comes back later.
End Flashback
Twilight, who wrote down what Time Turner said, stops and looks up, asking in shock, "Wait, you served DNA in a snow cone?! Are you serious?!"
"Yep! It sold like hotcake!" Time Turner exclaims to Twilight with a grin while holding up one hoof.
Twilight decides to question Rainbow next. The Pegasus pony is in Cheerilee's classroom, sitting at the desk while leaning backward in the chair. Interestingly enough, she is wearing her Dasheresque glasses with a bubble gum cigarette in an ashtray on the desk for some reason.
"Right, yeah, I brought that DNA snow cone." Twilight admits to Twilight who is in front of a window while writing with the pad and pen.
"Wait, hang on. You knew it had the DNA evidence in it all along?" Twilight ask Rainbow in surprise and disbelief.
"Well, yeah, duh!"
Flashback
As Fluttershy came into the lab with the DNA evidence, she fails to see Rainbow on the side of the place with her shades down. For some reason, the cyan Pegasus pony is taking an interest in the whole affair.
Rainbow is heard voicing over next, "I overheard Fluttershy having some DNA evidence. I decided to use it to continue my own genetic experiments with Scootaloo...for reasons I prefer not to explain."
One of Time Turner's windows are opened so Rainbow leans to the right, hearing Fluttershy talking with the stallion while holding the tub. The cyan mare rubs her hooves in glee, time to get to work so she flew off to an opened door nearby that leads to the room with the snow clone flavorings, the 'Green Apple' beaker is full then.
"So I decided to spring into action."
Rainbow smirks as she then uses a pencil to make a hole at the bottom of the container, ducking down as the liquid pours out. Now for the next phase of her plan; Once Fluttershy is gone, the mare flies in through the front door, saying, "Hey Time, keep, one green app 'sn'oc, on the rocks...and keep it rusty, got it?"
Rainbow returns to her computer room, with the snow cone, or what's left of it in hoof.
"When I got home later, the stuff was all melted..."
Sure enough, Rainbow, in her Dasheresque glasses, came in with a glass of green liquid, most likely the DNA evidence.
"...after that, I put it in a glass on my desk and went downstairs in my cloud home..."
Rainbow put the glass onto the desk with plans to experiment on it later before leaving.
"...so I can do one my high impact toga-yoga videos. Don't ask, really."
End Flashback
In the present, Rainbow finishes up her story, "Of course, that's the last that I saw of that DNA evidence stuff."
"So you left it on your desk, hmmm?" Twilight ask Rainbow in amusement while looking up. Hmmm, what pony would go in and take the DNA evidence...a certain pony who likes to come in uninvited...
Twilight nods arrives at Pinkie's home, since the pink pony likes to come into Rainbow's home uninvited and take some stuff (plus Fluttershy did asked her friend to look for the DNA evidence, so she's one of the characters in the running gag).
"Yep; I came to Dashie's place the other day. The yellow mare told me to looking for some DNA evidence or whatever." Pinkie explains, looking upset in one part then brightens up later.
Flashback
After Rainbow left her computer room, the vial of DNA evidence is still on her desk. Just then, Pinkie came in wearing a hat and trench coat, bouncing while saying happily, "Hiya, Dashie! I'm wearing a hat and trench coat for some reason!" The mare spots the glass, unaware of what the liquid is, "Yay! A tall, cool glass of soda! Don't mind if I do!"
Pinkie drinks the evidence, unaware of what it is still, happily...then she yelps in alarm and spits it out like mad. As the pink pony recovers, Pinkie saw that she spits the stuff right onto Scootaloo, who is on the computer's left side all dripped and green tined!
"Hey! What's the big idea?!" Scootaloo scowls at Pinkie angrily.
"Oops, sorry, Scootaloo; that stuff tastes like sour apples." Pinkie said to Scootaloo as the filly is using a gross towel to clean herself off.
"Ugh! As if being covered with tree sap isn't enough. Now I got to clean this stuff off with a gross towel that I found. Disgusting!"
End Flashback
Twilight, writing something down, looks up thoughtfully as she asks, "So, she wiped her face off with a gross towel, eh? Hmmm..."
Twilight visited Caramel at his home as for some reason he was around the office when the DNA evidence was mentioned. The stallion looks upset as the purple unicorn confronts him about this.
"Okay, okay! You figured it out, Twilight! My cover is blown! I am really..." Caramel begins to say as he pat his chest and put his hooves on his hips. As a heroic halo appears around her while accompanied by a heroic sound effect, we see a Mare Do Well comic that shows Caramel in some weird costume, "...Damp Towel Stallion!" He cups his chin in his hoof, "And his mild mannered alter-ego, Dan Towelstallion!"
"Caramel, no pony ever heard of those ponies." Twilight points out to Caramel in annoyance and disbelief.
"That's because Damp Towel Stallion is a super hero who likes to collect damp towels from all over Equestria!"
Flashback
A while after Scootaloo cleans herself off, the annoyed filly has abandoned a green spotted towel on the desk in the computer room. Just then Caramel shows up wearing a black mask while wearing a towel around his neck as if it's a cape.
"Holy moist molecules; It's a green-stained damp towel!" Caramel exclaims as he seizes the towel in triumph. "This is the rarest and most powerful kind, yeah!"
In the office, Caramel, who is out of his costume, rolls his janitorial cart across the hallway while the towel is still in it. We can hear him voicing over now, "I then took the towel to work the next day in hopes to find someone who needs some microwave lasagna stains cleaned up."
Caramel stops his caramel for a moment and begins working with a vacuum cleaner, humming while not noticing Pinkie, who shuffles from the right while looking upset. She is muttering to herself, "Ugh, stupid DNA evidence. How am I supposed to find that stuff by five?"
End Flashback
"Of course, when I came back to my cart, my towel was gone! I am thinking that it's none other than my arch nemesis..." Caramel remarks with a frown as he shakes a hoof. We now see another Mare Do Well comic book that has a character that looks like Time Turner. "...Dry Raga Turner or his mild-mannered alter ego, Coltfus Ragamoofin."
"Ugh, honestly Caramel," Twilight groans while shaking her head by what her friend is saying. "Your imagination needs work."
"Yeah, you're probably right...of course, I did nothing something else..."
Flashback
In the office, we see some muddy boots that is near Rainbow who is at her desk while Caramel is moving his vacuum back and forth.
"...the fact that Rainbow Dash has muddy boots right near where she was working."
End Flashback
"Eh, to be honest, I don't find that suspicious at all." Caramel remarks with a shrug, not finding the muddy boots suspicious at all. Twilight on the other hoof does.
Twilight goes back to interrogate Rainbow, demanding answers about the boots. The Pegasus pony remarks, "First off, egghead, my boots were not muddy at all, okay? I have been stomping in pumpkin pie all morning and decide to spread that stuff through Fluttershy's cottage as a joke."
"Aha! So it was your DNA evidence!" Twilight exclaims with a smirk. Looks like the mystery is solved, it was Rainbow's DNA evidence that she lost because the mare lost it when she broke into Fluttershy's cottage that day.
"Actually, no...it was yours."
"WHAT?!"
Twilight looks shocked upon hearing what Rainbow just said, that DNA evidence of the purple unicorn's?! Her friend chuckles while admitting, "Yeah, it's all true. I was swiping change from...
Flashback
A while before Fluttershy came back home, Rainbow was tracking pumpkin stuff through the place on her boots. The mare begins digging through the couch to find some change. A familiar test tube is seen exposed from Rainbow's feathers.
Rainbow is heard speaking, "...the cushions of Fluttershy's couch. I guess I must've dropped it by accident."
Sure enough, we see the test tube falling from Rainbow's person and landing into the couch, into the same area where Fluttershy will find it later on.
End Flashback
Rainbow shakes her head while holding up a hoof, saying, "Awww, man. I was this close to finding out the truth. You were performing all that awesome magic and did that studying under the princess. I was seeing if one day if you would turn into an alicorn."
"Rainbow, that's silly." Twilight snaps to Rainbow in annoyance. "If that was the case, I would have leave you guys to do some princess work or something like that."
"Yeah, well...I guess no pony will ever know for sure, would we? Now then, if you excuse me, the stairs of this place had been burned down by termites. So it looks like I'm going to have to fly!"
As Dasheresque music plays, Rainbow flies off in a hurry.
Twilight decides to end the case there, deciding that it will be forever be unknown. Of course, back in the library, the mare pulls something from under her bed: a box of her deepest secrets. She grins as she herself take out a test tube...full of familiar DNA evidence!
As Twilight held up the test tube, she smirks madly while saying, "Yes...no one in Equestria will ever know for sure. Heh heh...ha ha ha...HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HAA HO HO HO HO HO," The mare then laughs madly and insanely. It has been some trouble but the mare has gotten her DNA evidence back.
Flashbacks
As Rainbow was taking change from Fluttershy's couch, she is unaware that Twilight was peeking in through a window. The mare has suspected that her friend has taken DNA evidence from the purple unicorn to see if she will someday be an alicorn...and Twilight is determined to steal it back and keep Equestria, even herself, from ever knowing.
As we continue hearing Twilight laughing madly in the present, the mare of the past was waiting patiently for her chance, seeing Fluttershy giving the test tube to Time Turner and so forth. Finally, we see Twilight smirking as she hide behind Caramel's cart and swipes the towel, stealing the DNA evidence back at last.
End Flashbacks
Rainbow continues laughing madly, no one will ever find out if she will be an alicorn. The mare kept on laughing...but then slows down and stop as she realizes that Spike, Nyx and the pets are in the room, watching and finding out the revelation that she has stolen her DNA evidence back,.
Twilight chuckles sheepishly as she saw the group, with Spike crossing his arms. The mare then say, "Oh, hi...forgot that you are here; Err, you all aren't going to say anything are you?"
"Hoo," Owlowisicious said as Peewee chirps a bit.
"Hey, I won't say anything. If it turns out that you're an alicorn, we will have to leave the gang and I ain't planning on leaving Rarity anytime soon." Spike remarks. The baby dragon decides that it's for the best that no one in Equestria will ever find out if his 'big sister' would be an alicorn someday or not.
"Yep; anyway, mommy, you got your secrets, I got mine." Nyx said as she held up a familiar treasure box happily. Twilight chuckles in relief; Looks like her secret is safe...for now.
As two ascending notes play, accompanied by a screen that turns black, we see a purple background that shows two familiar words in block letter that zooms out slowly.
The End
Author's note
Well, so it's Twilight's DNA evidence and she stole it back. Looks like the world will never know if she will be an alicorn or not...and Twilight is going to make sure that no pony will ever know. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow explains how to tell others about embarrassing social mistakes. Read, review and suggest.
This chapter references the rumor that the season 3 finale would have Twilight transforming into an unicorn and the fears of it.