Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: from work

It is another day in Equestria...but this chapter doesn't start at Rainbow's computer. Nope, it started elsewhere. We see her looking to the camera, hushing us with one hoof while whispering, "Shh, quiet, ponies! Yours truly is checking e-mail at work together. Can't let the Mare know what I'm up to." Indeed, we see her at a computer. Rainbow is working at her co-shop at a corporation and is now doing work on something or another. The mare sings as she types in, "Oh, tiptoe your hooves 'cross the keyboard for the quietest email you can check."

Of course as Rainbow is trying to get to her e-mails, the DELETED! buzzer is heard. To the mare's annoyance, she saw an error message with a hoof blocking a basketball that said 'BLOCKED! Back to work, mare'; the box shakes as the buzzer plays. Apparently the head boss knew what she's up to now.

Rainbow types in while saying, "Aw, horse apples! They got everything blocked off now, as well as those 20% awesome pop-up insurance ads with those cool mini-games in them. I must've tasered that Changeling ten times." The mare stops typing as she looks thoughtfully. "Luckily for yours truly, I got Spike to hook me up with this Dragonware; Heh heh."

With a smirk, the mare held up a purple diskette with green spots that is labeled 'Spikeware ver. 2.1' with an ASCII-art like drawing of Spike on it. If this baby doesn't get Rainbow through to her e-mils, then nothing will. She puts the diskette into the computer, causing it to make a whirring sound.

Now the text 'Granny Vizier's Corporate Firewall Teleporter' appears on the screen as we see a picture of an old mare and a brick wall. Movie plays as we the screen now changes to animation of an old mare vaulting over the wall into an envelope. The words 'Running...' appears before it changes to 'Done and done' once the animation is done. The mare grins as the bottom progresses from yellow to red, showing that Rainbow has made it past the block.

"Oh yeah, nice work, pixel-granny; Undermine those corporate oppressors in witcha bad self!" Rainbow laughs eagerly as she brings up her first e-mail.

Dear Rainbow Dash:

What would Spike look like if he grows up?

Sincerely:
Michael Hammond.

"Hammond? Are you related to the guy from the Jurassic Park films or not?" Rainbow ask with a chuckle then she begins to type in. "Well, Doc Hammond, Spike would look the way he is when the little guy went rampaging...but that's when he was greedy and insane. Now that Spike isn't anymore, I can suspect that he will still be a huge dragon, but saner and more better. Next e-mail!"

Dear Rainbow Dash,
If you could have any awesome job in Equestria, no matter how much it pays, what would you have
From The Dimwon

Rainbow reads 'The Dimwon' as 'The Dittle One'. The mare types in as she explains, "You ask like I haven't told ya millions a million times already..."

As drumroll sounds are heard, Rainbow clears the screen as she explains, "Captain of the Wonderbolts of course!" The 'tada' sound effect is heard as the words 'Captain of the Wonderbolts' flash in many colors. "Maybe being one get to wear that awesome Wonderbolt outfit and uses some signal moves to lead those guys and kick some flank! Yeah..."

Rainbow pauses, waiting for her imagination to kick in...but all she's getting are cricket chirps. The mare looks around, confused as she ask, "Wait, shouldn't we see me as Captain of the Wonderbolts by now?"

"Baghh," A familiar voice spoke while imitating a buzzer noise. Rainbow turns to see Noteworthy nearby. "Sorry, Rainbow Dash, but the heads has me install a firewall on your imagination. Nothing personal but that free thinking of yours is wasting the company's cost bits!"

"What the hay?! Oh that is it! I am never EVER going to quit this job but will complain about it some more!" Rainbow exclaims angrily as she hits her desk with a hoof four times.

"Eh, go ahead. Meanwhile, I'm going back to tasering that Changeling...err, upgrading the...taserin' that Changeling...server." Noteworthy said nervously as he heads off, covering up what he's really doing.

Rainbow sighs as she types in while saying, "Well, the best I could do is try and describe it using work approved stuff. All right, let's see..."

The mare clears her screen as she brings up a blank graph. As Rainbow continues typing and speaking, the words appear in red above the graph, "'Why Captain of the Wonderbolts is my Dream Job'." An image of a Wonderbolt appears in the background, "20 percent pantsuit."

A green bar comes up from the bottom of the graph with '20%' written on it along with 'pantsuit' written under it. Rainbow continues, "17% Wonderbolt awesomeness..." A shorter purple bar comes up with '17%' written on it' and 'Wonderbolt awesomeness' is written under the text.

"Excuse me? Cube neighbor!" Derpy is heard speaking causing Rainbow to see the goofy mare peeking over the side of her own cubicle. We also see a Dullhead comic. "Uh, my work thingie is asking me if I should log off or log out. What shall I choose?"

"Bah, temps, go figure; what, can't tell the difference between logging off and logging out at all?"

"Well, not really. Well I was in charge of the schwa sound at dictionary dot come, they used to..."

Rainbow interrupts Derpy as she explains, "Look, all you gotta do is held down escape, control, tab, alt, both shifts, numb lock and that little squiggly thing until the screen turns blue. After that, stare at the screen itself until your shift is over."

"Oh, okay! Thanks, Rainbow Dash!" Derpy exclaims happily as she goes back into her own cubicle. The mare shrug as she goes back to what she's doing.

"Now then, where were we...oh yeah," Rainbow then types in. "2% Crudules...2%...4 budules..." She continues speaking some unintellible. "...speed milk privileges..."

As Rainbow continues speaking some stuff, a vacuum cleaner noise is heard drowning her out. It turns out Caramel is vacuuming her cubicle. As them mare continues typing and mumbling unintelligibly, the stallion sings a bit, "Doe-da-doot doo; Doo; Da-doo-da-doooo; A-reet-da-deet-dee; A-da-da-da-deeee," Rainbow stops typing and frowns as Caramel turns the vacuum off, "Oh, hey there, salaried Pegasus employee!"

"Ugh, hey, hourly wage Earth pony."

"I hope you don't mind but I notice that you're checking one of your e-mails. Man, I got some cool ideas for words to put into an e-mail."

"Caramel, not to be a jerk but I ain't taking any suggestions right now." Rainbow remarks to Caramel in annoyance.

"Oh, too bad," Caramel said with a sly smirk, having an idea on something. "I hate to be in your horseshoes if the boss finds out that you're checking your Rdemails while at work..."

"Ugh, fine, all right! What do you want me to type in?"

"Oh great, cool! Now let's see..." Caramel said, scratching his mane to see what to type in. The stallion then spells out his word which Rainbow types in, the said word appears superimposed over the frame's bottom, "P...f...a...r...g...t...l? That's a word, right?"

"Pfargtl," Rainbow scoffs in annoyance as she pronounces each letter while sounding it out. That isn't a word, that's dumb!"

"Right, is that a word or what?"

Rainbow scowls angrily as she hits her head on the keyboard, sending the superimposed letters flying off, "Look, does it sound like a word to you?!"

"Not sure." Caramel said with a shrug. "I only know a few."

"Oh, dang...err, dang! Say, I think some customer service has threw up her microwave lasagna! If I were you, I would go sprinkle sawdust all over that stuff."

"Oh, that is what I live for!"

Caramel laughs eagerly as he heads off to do the task with the vacuum cleaner in tow. Unknown to him, Rainbow has lied to get rid of him. He goes past Pinkie Pie who is in another cubicle with a poorly made mock-up of Rainbow Dash that has a cardboard word balloon that said, 'hey there, I work so hard and am not stuffed with frosting. Of course, the mock's up slowly falls over.

"Hey, what the pfargtl," Pinkie ask in alarm and annoyance upon seeing this happens.

Rainbow continues what she's doing on her computer, getting rid of the chart while saying and typing, "All right, back to the, back to rdemail. Now let's talk about dorsal ridges..."

"Oh, hey Dashie," Pinkie exclaims happily as she bounces up to her friend. "Wanna know what my dream job would be, huh huh huh?"

"Pinkie, not right now, really; I mean, not right now."

"Why, I would be the mare..." Pinkie begins to say. Suddenly we see a shot of blue sky with clouds while happy fantasy music plays in the background. "...that flies around..." We see the pink pony falling onto the scene while riding a large flying goldfish. "...on a cutesy big plastic goldfish!" An oversized toothbrush appears near Pinkie who uses it to happily paint in the sky. "I can also paint clouds with one oversized novelty toothbrush, oh cute!"

"Wait, what? How come your imagination's working?" Rainbow ask bewildered, causing Pinkie to stop painting clouds and for the music to stop before we return to reality. The Pegasus pony's imagination has been blocked by Noteworthy so how come Pinkie isn't?

"Oh, easy, you silly filly; I got admin privileges; Helps when one of your best friends is the Big Cupcake!"

"Ahem!" A familiar voice snaps in annoyance as we see Big Macintosh is nearby, frowning at the mare in annoyance while he's wearing sunglasses and is carrying a bike with the text 'BIG CUPCAKE' on his back, "Pinkie Pie!"

Pinkie yelps and turns to Big Macintosh while saying, "Gah; the Big Cupcake!"

"Back 'ta what yer're doing, Pinkie Pie; be playful on yer own time; Not paying yew 'ta do 'dat at work; Nnope!"

"Right, yes, sir; Sorry, sir; Right away, sir, hallejuah, sir," Pinkie said with a downtrodden look. As Big Macintosh trots off, the mare follows him. "I will get you that DNA evidence on your desk by five."

"Ugh, never mind, dimwit. Checking rdemails at work isn't worth the trouble, how do those bloggers do it, I will never know. Well, better get back to work." Rainbow said as she clears her screen. A message appears that say 'would you like to:' we see two buttons, one that says 'Log off' with the other saying 'Log out'." The mare mumbles while doing typing noises, "'Scape... tab... squiggly..."

We see a word that appears 'esc dot ctrl dot tab dot alt dot shift dot shift dot numblock dot ~ ~ " }' Soon this message appears...

TEMP LOG OFF/OUT ERROR

See what you did? You are definitely not working here again!

The paper comes down, bringing this ee-mail/chapter to an end. Rainbow pauses as she say, "Wow, this will be a long one. I haven't even done my first sit in the mare's room and play Ponytris for an hour break yet."

We see some pony playing a game that involves tasering a Changeling.

The End

Author's note
This goes to shows that it's pointless to do e-mails from work, I guess. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow tries to sue somepony for using her and Scootaloo in a comic, Pinkie makes some sort of fortune in flavored water while Fluttershy gets her revenge! Read, review and suggest.

Hammond is the name of the old man who owns a amusement park of dinosaurs that turned into a disaster in the Jurassic Park films and books. Michael Hammond has the same last name.

The scene with Caramel is based on the deleted scene with Coach Z of the actual e-mail.