Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: Season Three
Chapter 47: 47. equestrian-athlon
Previous Chapter Next ChapterRainbow Dash's E-Mails: equestrian-athlon
In the next chapter, Rainbow is once again singing while bringing up her next e-mail, ''I'm doin' a party, I'm makin' it happen, on Rainbow Dash E-Mail.'' The mare had trouble convincing Cheerilee that she isn't really her great-grandma but at least that trouble is now over.
Great I was loling all over after reading these! Oh rainbowdash how do you feel about pears... Time turner hates them...
Thunderdrop caliponya
Rainbow types in, answering, ''Well, I don't mind pears. They are good for some ponies. As for Time Turner, do I care what he thinks? Hay no; Next e-mail!''
subject: spike
Rainbow dash,
I was wondering about something for a long time. How far can you throw spike? And if you don't wanna do that, could you beat up pinkie pie just in a friendly fight?
Lewie Coltkin
Esstex, Mareland
Rainbow reads 'Esstex' as 'S X' as we see a video game based on his name 'Lewis Coltkin SX: Mareland'. The mare smiles as she types in, saying, ''Funny, how this always seems to work out, Coltkin old buddy...''
Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, ''Because those two stuff you mentioned are the first two events in the Equestrian-athlon!'' We see the logo for the Equestrian, zooming in with Ponyville visible in the background as trumpet music plays. The mare then say, ''Unfortunately for yours truly, those two events ended up being my worst ones. The Spike Chuck is consistently dominated by the Kenyans...err, I mean Big Macintosh especially since he invented the Stallion Kick Slop.''
We now see Big Macintosh next a pile of dirt, kicking Spike covered in the stuff right out of the pile fast.. Rainbow is heard saying, ''Trust me, that big guy is unbeatable!''
The Mayor is next to the distance markers to see how far Big Macintosh throws Spike, the baby dragon is screaming while flying through the air, ''WHOOOOOOOA!"'
''Looks like it's a new record,'' The Mayor exclaims in amazement.
At a table, Fluttershy and Derpy were having tea, the former was talking happily, ''That gave me the reason that the DNA evidence was tampered with.''
Suddenly Spike lands onto the table hard, sending mud onto Fluttershy's and onto the lens of the camera, the mare yelps in alarm by this. Derpy on the other hoof exclaims happily, ''Hey there Spike! Glad to see you dropped by! Ha ha!''
At the result boards of the Equestrian-athlon, the results for the Spike Chuck are Big Macintosh with 211 points. Rainbow continues, ''Now then, the Greco-Pony Pinkie Pie Friendly Fight is one event you think I would be good at. Unfortunately, the reigning champ seems to have great knowledge of Pinkie Pie's weak points.''
We now see Pinkie wearing a sweat band and an athletic outfit coming onto the screen. With a glare, the mare...hits herself in the stomach, snapping, ''Come on, you little so and so!'' She then slaps herself in the face and hits herself in the stomach once more. ''Oh, is that all you got?!'' Pinkie punch herself in the side and then the face, ''Yeah, yeah? You think you got it like that?''
Pinkie hits herself 3 times while snapping to herself, ''So what do you think this is, you little doormat?" The mare gets hit in the face once, ''Magic school?!'' She gets hit in the stomach once more. ''Not a chance!'' Pinkie of course gets hit in the stomach once more. ''Yeah, that's pretty obvious!''
We return to Rainbow, typing in as she explains, ''Once again, my friend is soooo random. Still we oughta put those Pinkie vs. Pinkie fights on pay per view.'' We see a poster of the brief thing. ''Oh, speaking of pay-per-view...''
Rainbow is seen sitting on the couch, the words 'Remote Put' is seen in the upper hand corner as the mare is heard saying, ''Next up is the Remote Put.''
We see the TV with the word 'Ready?' on the screen. An announcer is heard as it reads the text that shows up, ''Cute little filly from annoying sit-com is now singing a long patriotic song.''
''Gah, hay, I stinking hate that filly! Why did they bring her on that show in the first place?! Argh,'' Rainbow screams as she throw the remote in hopes to turn the TV off. It instead hit the wall and breaks into two, sending the batteries flying right out. We now see the graphic appearing on screen that is accompanied with a buzzer noise; it reads 'DISQUALIFCATION! BATTERY FAULT,' ''What? Oh man, these games are fixed! Check the Minotaur's pants! Check the...''
We go through static as we return to the results screen. Besides the game that Big Macintosh won, we see the Greco-Pony Pinkie Pie Friendly Fight won by Pinkie Pie at 319 points. The Remote Put is won by Cherry Berry at 11 points. Rainbow is heard speaking, ''Now our coverage of this year's Equestrian-athlon continues with the Clean and Jerk...Harry the Bear's Undies...Over His Head. Luckily though no pony has to clean them.'''
We see Rainbow and the Mayor behind Harry the Bear, his underwear is sticking out of his butt with a ruler shown against his back. The Pegasus pony in concern ask the mayor, ''Uh, you sure that this bear doesn't have a wedgie that is illegal and insane by now?''
''No, that's the regular starting point.'' The Mayor explains to Rainbow with a smile on her face.
''Okay, enough. I am so boycotting these dumb games.''
Harry roars a bit as if saying 'Thanks Celestia for that!'
We go back to the results screen that shows who won what event so far, with the Clean and Jerk Harry the Bear's Undies over His Head which is won by Twilight Sparkle at 6 billion points (and live to tell about it). Rainbow is heard saying, ''And of course, there is my strongest event...'' We see a graphic appears which adds a new picture with each word, ''Probably Something with Guitars, lasers, Robots, and Hot Colts.''
We see a Activated by Spike cartoon which shows a version of the Equestrian-athlon turning into a cloud at the top right corner. Rainbow, with laser arms, attacks robots that walk in the background. A stallion in green and white trots by and he goes by the mare, she can be seen through the green part.
''Hey, wait, look, handsome!'' The AbS Rainbow exclaims to the stallion as he shoots robots with his lasers. ''I won it, the Good Medal, yeah'!'' Sure enough, the mare held up a 'Good medal' with one laser hand. Okay, maybe this event is a fake.
We now see the Activated by Spike version of Spike himself playing the guitar, the word 'Streisand' appears across the screen (going off to the right) as someone says it.
Rainbow types in on her computer as she says, ''And so, once all the medals are given to the wrong athletes, we come to the closing ceremony things, that celebrate poor sportsponyship, drug testing, and some ponies twirling ribbons for no good reason!''
On stage, Caramel and Fluttershy are twirling ribbons while singing for the closing ceremony things.
Caramel: Togetherness.
Fluttershy: Togetherness.
Fluttershy and Caramel: Encircling the World.
Without warning, Pinkie, wearing a white show suit, jumps down and knock Caramel and Fluttershy off the stage. As the mare sings, her legs move rapidly.
Pinkie: Just take those old glasses off the shelf...
As the song continues, fireworks go off in the background.
Rainbow types in at her computer as she say, ''There you go, Coltkin Shampoo.'' We see a bottle of Coltkin Shampoo that has this label...
COLTKIN
WITH GREEN TEA
AND CEREMONY
''So fancy, we don't have an opening!''
Rainbow continues onward, ''Those are a few days of glory we're talking about here. And once the ceremonies are done, most Athletes for the games at once begin filming product endorsements while their names are still in our minds in the meantime!''
In a kitchen, we see Rainbow with a box of cerel and a bowl, doing a commercial. The mare says, ''Wow, wipe my brow...'' She wipes the sweat off her face as she continues then held up a gold medal. ''You know, winning gold medals like this take a lot of hard awesome cereal as well as dedication! Which is why I eat...''
Rainbow held up a box as she continues, ''Substitute Crunch, it's the official cereal of athletes that you wouldn't remember in a few weeks anyway!'' We see a shot of the cereal near a bowl of cereal with two gold medals hanging off the side of it. ''Substitute Crunch,'' A speech bubble comes out of the box. ''''Cuz I Probably Won't Get Paid'.''
The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to a close.
The End
Author's note
Man, those Equestrian-athlon games sounds like fun, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Time Turner grew 100 feet tall! Can the ponies deal with this unnatural disaster? Read, review and suggest!