Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: Season Three
Chapter 46: 46. looking old
Previous Chapter Next ChapterRainbow Dash's E-Mails: looking old
Rainbow is at it once more, working on checking on her e-mails. As clock ticks are heard, the mare slowly say, ''Boom, tick. Tick a tick a tick, e-mail. Boom, tick some more. And some more tick. What; Didgeri...''
Rainbow
it seems that new years is going to be tonight hope ya ready to ... ring it in cause i know i am so anyway though you think you can ever be friends with Trixie ? she seems really caring on the inside and basically it was Snips and Snails the brought in the Ursa Minor thus driving poor Trixie out (Kinda feel bad for her) i think for her she needs friends instead of fans
Your's Truely,
Adam
Rainbow answers as she explains, "'Well, to be honest, I don't know about that. That depends on my mood...and if I am in a forgiving mood; Next e-mail!''
subject: looking old?
Dear Rainbowdash,
You must really look old, how old are ya anyway?
Your faithful awesome fan,
Andy Coltiao, Marewan
Rainbow reads the sender's name as 'Andy, C-O-L-T-I-A-O and maybe Y, from Marewan'. She then types in while explaining, ''I will be honest, Andy, my age is a closely guarded secret, one that is protected by a secret order of closely guarded monkeys that live on top of the Death Mountains.'' We see a picture of the Three Keepers of Metal Iron from a certain game standing around a chest wearing brown robes while on top of a mountain that shows lightning in the sky.
Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, ''Those ponies would rather dance with a timber wolf than give out my age. Of course, they may give you some crusty guarded bread if you're lucky.'' We see a sample of the beast. ''Now then, what do you mean that I look old? Come on, are you suggesting that the nightly nacho cheese masks that Pinkie Pie gave me aren't working at all?''
We now see Rainbow looking in a mirror in the bathroom, the mare got nacho cheese on her face as she covers her eyes with two corn chips, adding in some jalapeno slices; Weird, eh?
Rainbow yelps as she exclaims at her computer, ''No way! I can't let foals think that yours truly is old! Am I really losing the youth vote here? This calls for one EMERGENCY MARKETING MEETING!'' The mare then made a siren while yelling, ''Whaaaa donk; Click click click click click click click!''
Spike was watching TV when Rainbow's voice is heard echoing all over, ''Attention this isn't a drill!'' The baby dragon in concern got off the couch and heads off to see what his friend wants.
Applejack was working at her stand when Rainbow is heard calling out echoingly, ''Whaaa-donk; Click-click-click-click-click-click-click. This is not a drill.'' The cowpony leaves the stand, much be important!
At a desk, Rainbow held a paper cup of coffee as she stood in front of an easel that has a piece of paper that said 'EMERGENCY MARKETING MEETING!' The Pegasus pony say, ''All right, thanks for coming on short notice and because I demanded it.'' We see Spike holding another coffee cup, Big Macintosh with a one gallon jug of coffee and Applejack with a half-empty plastic cup of coffee. ''You all represent the best, the brightest, and ponies whose I can depend on image stuff...well, except you Fluttershy.'' Indeed, we see the yellow mare smiling as she held a box of some tea. ''You're here for legal reasons and because we needed something cute to keep me going.''
''Yay; Word booty,'' Fluttershy said to Rainbow with a smile.
''Okay, I need an image overhaul, something to reconnect yours truly with the foal youth of today. A couple of words that says...'' Rainbow then moves the front piece of paper on the easel today, showing a picture of herself badly drawn, on a skateboard while it is near a pony on roller skates. The real Rainbow herself reads the caption that is on it, '''Yo, what's up, young pony? I am so on the go that I drink yogurt from a tube.' So whatcha guys got?''
''Well, I think I got something that can really help! Check this out!'' Spike exclaims as he turns on an overhead projector then puts on a transparency which has these following words...
YOUTH THOUGH
MAGIC EDITING
MANE QUICK CUTS
INCESSANT MUSIC
DISORIENTING CLOSE-UPS
Rainbow looks interested as she ask Spike, '''Youth through magic editing'? Well, this Pegasus pony is on board and is not bored. So how does it work?''
Spike smiles as he hit a button on a remote control. Soon a remixed version of the e-mail places. It shows techno music that consists of a drum track and some Spie noises. We see several quick repetitions of Rainbow bringing up the e-mail play, with the tilt angle changing and zooming in on the screen further on each one.
We see a shot of Rainbow's head as we can hear her say, ''Didgeri...dear...'' Now we see extreme close-ups of her eyes, moving across the screen. ''Didgeri...dear...'' The mare is now seen with an extreme close-up of her mouth which is upside down, ''Didgeri...dear Rainbow Dash.''
Now we see a side-on show of Rainbow at her desk, the left side of the screen is mirrored on the right. The mare is heard commentating while reading the e-mail, ''You must really look old.'' Now the last two lines of the e-mail on the computer slide into the top third of the screen, Rainbow's hooves on the keyboard slides into the bottom third. We now see a close up of her eyes that slides into the center third. ''Your faithful awesome fan...''
The top and bottom third slides away that shows Rainbow's face as she finishes the e-mail, ''...from Marewan,'' We now see her hooves as the mare types in while saying, ''I will be honest, Andy...'' We zoom in at the computer screen, tilted at an angle. ''...my age is a closely guarded secret...''
Now tracking lines show up, the shot rewinds to just after 'I will be honest, Andy...' was typed, the preceding line plays in reverse. Soon in a split-screen shot, we see the same shot of Rainbow in all four corners, each with a different color tint, red on the top left, yellow in the top right, green in the lower left and blue in the lower right.
''Now then...'' Rainbow said in a normal shot while type. ''...what do you...'' We now see a close up of her mouth. ''...mean that I...'' We see a close up of her typing hooves. ''...look...'' We see a side view of Rainbow's head, ''...old?''
Now we see a close up of the electrical outlet under the desk before all goes staticy. Back at the emergency marketing meeting, we can hear weird sound effects from 'car' playing in the background as Rainbow tries to look straight, having trouble while doing so.
''So Rainbow Dash, does that sound so cool or what?'' Spike asks Rainbow with a slight smile on his face.
''Okay, Spike...not sure if I should either throw up or have a seizure...'' Rainbow said with a gulp, a piece of paper is put onto the easel that shows the mare throwing up and seizing that is labeled 'STYLE 1' and 'STYLE 2'. Obviously, the mare is freaked out from that little slideshow.
Applejack, holding up a folder that is labeled 'GOODBAD IDEAS', explains, ''Well, sugar cube, Ah done noticed how foals love anything wit' a lowercase 'i' in front of it. 'Dat's how it done works fer me at mah stand!''
At the stand, the desk has a sign that reads '10% OFF A LOT OF iTems. Pinkie Pie and Derpy is in line right now, the bottom of the marquee that says 'STAND (IN LINE) Y'ALL!'
''Hey Derpy, what color iTem will you get?" Pinkie asks Derpy with a grin on her face. The pink pony can wait to get her iTem!
Back at the meeting, Applejack continues in the pitching idea to her friend, ''Shucks, if necessary, we could try iRainbow or iDash or...''
''No way, forget it! We tried that with lowercase 'e' a week months ago and look where that got us.'' Rainbow grunts a bit as we see a large number of boxes, all of them are labeled 'eRainbow Vague Online Investments'. The wind is heard blowing through as Tank crawls in. ''Next idea!''
''Well, Rainbow Dash, I do got a few ways to spice your luck and adds 100s to your resale value...if you don't mind me giving out my idea.'' Fluttershy said while taking out a piece of paper that shows a diagram of Rainbow's head
''Yeah, well, I am legally obligated to ask you to move on...as well as a gesture of friendship too.''
''Thanks, squee!'' Fluttershy shows the diagram of Rainbow's head. As she suggests the change, they appear on the diagram itself. ''Well, we are going to start with a flagstone path that leads up to your chin, like so. Then we will fill up the negative space around your head with some Forsythia...and maybe some veggie sauce. And finally, we will install a water feature right here on the forehead. I think that it will make a great focal point when entertaining guests for the summer.''
We see some outdoor tables and a deck chair. Rainbow roll her eyes as she flew up to Fluttershy remarking, ''Oh yeah, Fluttershy, that will work great...if I was a BACKYARD!'' The mare screams so loudly that a strong wind came out of her mouth, causing the yellow mare's mare to go glowing around while ripping her cheeks. ''Okay, next!''
Big Macintosh took his turn, pulling out a card that is labeled 'wear a diaper, eyup!'', it has a diaper that has pictures of an alien that hangs from the middle that is labeled 'duct tape' and pictures on the right that are of 'grass', 'rocks' and 'mounds'. We see a cloud that flies across the top of the screen while towing the words 'WEAR A DIAPER!'
''How about wearing a diaper?" Big Macintosh suggests to Rainbow with a grin.
''Well, nice try, Big Guy, but that is too younger than I was looking for. Ugh, hay. These ideas are terrible, all of them! What am I not paying you ponies for anyway? Time for me to resort to extreme measures; Like Gene Coltman, time for a lace lift!'' Rainbow exclaims with a smirk. We now see a new piece of paper on the easel that has a diagram of the back of her head, an arrow points away from her maNe with the caption ''FIX THAT SUCKA TIGHT'. ''Spike, Big Mac! Get ready for surgery!''
In a lounge room, Rainbow, Big Macingtosh and Spike came from above in surgical gowns and masks. Time for the Pegasus pony to get one huge image overhaul!
''Right, on three, Big Mac,'' Rainbow insists. Big Macintosh nods as he grabs the mare by the mane, ready for the anything, ''1, 2...aaaaahhhhh!''
Big Macintosh pulls on Rainbow's head so hard that his friend's head got deformed, stretching out her facial features. Her mouth is now severely stretched while her speech sounds weird and subtitles. Big Macintosh looks surprised, wondering if this is a good idea or a bad one.
''Oh yeah, I feel at least 10 years younger.'' Rainbow said with a smile while looking excited. "Time for me to go relate to the younger ponies.''
Rainbow trots off a while through Ponyville until she arrives at the school. Cheerilee is eating some lunch just as the mare spoke up, so to speak, ''Hey, Cheerilee! What's up, my fellow young pony?''
Cheerilee blinks in surprise upon seeing Rainbow then ask, ''Why Great Grandma! When did you get here?" Obviously, the mare's face has made the school teacher think that she is her great grandmother.
''What? Come on, I am not Great Grandma! I am a young pony like you! Come on, I eat yogurt from a tube, really!''
''Hee hee, of course you do. You always eat everything through a tube. Well, time to take you back to the home that you escaped from again.''
''Wait, hang on! Cheerilee, I'm a hip young pony, really!'' Rainbow protests in alarm as Cheerilee grab her by the hoof, taking the mare. This is obviously one bad case of mistaken identity here!
''Yes, I saw your new hip. Looks great,'' Cheerilee said happily, not heeding Rainbow's protests as the mare is dragged right out of the school. ''How about telling me again about how the Depression fought Celestia naked in your front yard; Silly crazy great grandma.''
The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end.
At the eRainbow warehouse, Pinkie grins while calling in an echoing voice, ''I will take it! Hay, I will take 12!''
The End
Author's note
Poor Rainbow, being mistaken to be an old mare by Cheerilee; Oh well. In the next chapter/e-mail, the residents of Ponyville participate in the Equestrian-athlon! Read, review and suggest!