Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: what I want

''Ding-ding-dong, ding-ding-dong, ding-ding-'' Rainbow sang as she checks up the first e-mail to see whom is sending her a message now.

Rainbow Dash

So you decide to Ignore me. So typical. Your arrogance will once again prove to be your downfall.

RD

Rainbow snorts a bit as she comments, ''Oh, so it's you again, huh faker who used my real name? I know what to do with you...'' She quickly delete the e-mail causing the usual buzzing noise.

DELETED!

''Deleted,'' Rainbow laughs cruelly at erasing the e-mail. ''Honestly, whoever this bimbo thinks he is can go bite my tail feathers. Okay, next e-mail!''

Subject: hearth's warming eve

Dear Rainbowdash,
Whatcha want for Hearth's Warming Eve?
your holiday spirit
Talent Jardro
Des Ponies, IA

Ranbow sings through the part with 'Dear Rainbowdash', pauses between 'Jar'' and 'dro' but doesn't say the name of the city, state. The mare then types in, asking, ''Come on, where did you get that name? George Coltcas? Ta'lent J'ar-dr'o from the computer lame animated planet of Des' Pon-iesía; I would've come up with a way cooler creative name than that!''

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, ''Now then, everypony knows the cool stuff that I want, Ta'lent. One catapult that send out balls of Bushwoolies...'' We see a board game that is called 'BUSHWOOLIE-PULT!' ''...One incredible awesome chainsaw cloud..." We see the blueprints for the mentioned project, ''...subscription to Wonderbolts, a hot step-brother...that e-mail writes itself big time. Now then, it's more important to show what I DON'T want for Hearth's Warming Eve.'' She types in 'Hearth's Warm-E Eve'.

---

Now we see the TV shopping channel for 'Celestia ShopCan' as we hear Rainbow's voice saying, ''Now our first item is this perennial all-star of lame awful Hearth's Warming Eve presents: the ornament of course!'' We see an ornament in question.

We see Rainbow with Rarity, the unicorn smiles while saying, ''Yes, darling, there isn't any better way to say 'I don't get what your interests are' than to give somepony a present that won't be of any use once it's opened.''

Rainbow smiles while saying, ''Yeah! Nothing like opening a gift just in time to put it in a box in the attic for a year that can ruin one holiday; And when next Hearth's Warming Eve comes around, once you get it back out...well, it's still just an awesome snowpony surfing the net.''

''Right, Internet is so hot this year.''

Just then the phone is heard ringing making Rainbow say, ''Hang on, we got a caller.'' The mare put one hoof to her head as if answering the phone. ''Go ahead and talk to me, caller. How many bits or whatever shall I put you down for?''

"Rainbow Dash, did you put wild beast stuff in my laundry again?!'' Bon-Bon is heard on the line along with some wild beast noises. ''Gah, no! Lyra, look out! Gah,'' Soon the dial tone is heard, meaning that the mare was forced to hang up. Rainbow chuckles a bit in amusement.

''Yes, another satisfied customer! All right, next off is we got one of metal dancing musical bot thingies, the kind that you can activate by accident just by getting too close.''

Sure enough, Rainbow got too closer, causing a Dancin' Rainbow Dash Musicial Bot to sing in a heavily distorted voice, ''Been dreamin'; I been waitin'; to fly with those great ponies; The Wonderbolts, their daring tricks; Spinning round and having kicks.'' As the bot's music fades, the Pegasus pony frowns as she covers her ears to drown out the music. ''Perform for crowds of thousands. They'll shower us with diamonds. The Wonderbolts will see me right here at the Gala!''

''My, listen to that moldy oldy in the glorious drive through stereo style,'' Rarity comments as we see a sign that reads 'Drive through Stereo' appearing over the white unicorn.

''Yeah, who can appreciate the song when all you are hearing are the plastic gears and motors clanking together in one efforty to barely bust some sort of move at all?'' Rainbow asks with a grin to the camera.

''Yes, these things can only scream 'I dropped at the pawn store on my way over'.'' Rarity adds in. Of course, Rainbow looks at the bot thing as if in some sort of trance as per the swirly eyes. ''Now then, to our next item...uh, Rainbow darling? Are you all right?''

''Oh sorry, Rare...I am completely entangled by these...hypnotically swaying hips...'' Rainbow said while looking at the robot shaking its flank wildly. The mare shakes her head violently to snap out of it, ''Ahem. Our last gift items involves the fake idea of that if you made something yourself, it isn't a worthless piece of horsecrap!''

We see some sea shells as Rarity explains, ''Yes, these sea-shells has gotten some office supplies that are hot-glued to them for no reason but to be annoying.''

''Yeah, and the more globs of hot glue that I can see, the quicker that yours truly wanna throw it in the garbage...or eaten by a bear.''

''Yes, this clothes-pin reindeer ornament is indeed forgettable precious.''

We see the mentioned ornament as a record is heard scratching. Rainbow remarks, ''Whoa, homemade and an ornament; that is defintely what I called an anti-gift; Any pony who gives you one of these things, you definitely gotta pay them because it's so blasted poor...maybe it's because those ponies are so poor.'' We hear a white noise now.

---

We see Rainbow back in her computer, speaking as she types, ''As you can see Ta'lent, my young apprentice friend, that's my 'Please Great Aunt Whatever You Are, Don't Get Me This Pathetic Item For Hearth's Warming Eve' list. I highly suggest that you make your own. But in the event off that not happening, make sure you take advantage of all the temporarily help that retailers hire at this time of year. Those ponies will refund anything, trust me! Hay, last year, I returned one omelet to a hardware store for nigh on 50 bits. Well, ponies, from me to you, Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!''

As Rainbow Dash leaves, the paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to a close.

---

We see a Dancin Twilight Sparkle Musical Bot Thingie that sings in a heavily distorted voice, ''My Little Pony, My Little Pony Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahhh…..(My Little Pony) I used to wonder what friendship could be (My Little Pony) Until you all shared its magic with me.''

The End

Author's note
Okay, folks, those are the gifts that Rainbow Dash doesn't want for Hearth's Warming Eve. In the next chapter, does the Pegasus pony need an image overhaul when it depends on how old she's getting? We will find out. Read, review and suggest!