Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: Season Three
Chapter 43: 43. 4 branches
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Once again, Rainbow is singing while bringing up the first e-mail of her show, "Start your day the Rdemail way, and never get out of bed!"
Rainbow Dash
You flithly egotisical organic waste. Your time is expiring very soon. Consider this a warning.
RD
Rainbow of course scoffs this off while typing this response, "So who are you supposed to be? One of my lame former computers; I could've sworn that I blew you up not so long ago. I like to see you try. And change your initials, don't go stealing mine; Next e-mail!"
Subject: random-est
Hey there Rainbow Dash
I was wondering as to what the randomest thing that Pinkie Pie has ever done, said or imagined?
ur bigest fan
Lanky elgroucho N.Y.
Rainbow reads 'Hey Rainbow Dash' in a bored time while reading the rest of e-mail the same way, the mare got bored of praises by now apparently. She also draws our 'ur' before biggest fan and say 'N.Y.' as 'Nueva Yolk'.
Rainbow clears the screen as she begins to type in, saying, "Well, my good, Lank, that whole thing is way too broad a subject and would take a several days or so just to scratch the surface of that icy cloud, especially when it comes to imagining stuff. That one has its own spreadsheet for Celestia's sake." We see a spreadsheet that is title 'One Awesome Idea for a Personal Style'. Across the cells is a drawing of Pinkie's head wearing candy and veggies, with a hoofwritten caption that says 'GRYFFIN CANDY WIG'. "Anyway, nah, we will have to be more specific in order to cover any random Pinkie Pie stuff in one e-mail. Time for you ponies to learn all about..."
We now see a Canterlot like building topped with a dome that looks like Pinkie's head. There's a banner that shows what Rainbow's saying, "The Four Branches of Random Things Pinkie Pie's done."
"Yay, I am one neglected official!" Pinkie exclaims happily on top of the building.
"Okay, now the first branch is in charge of keeping ponies informed." Rainbow continues as we see a dotted line traced to a TV with Pinkie's head on the screen. A caption appears under it that the Pegasus pony explains, "It's the 'House of Doing Random Stuff on Equestrian T.V.'"
We see Pinkie on her show while the mare say, "Well, isn't that a tasty makeover, pony friends?" A crowd full of ponies cheers on, "Huh, huh; From Drab to Fab with nothing but the cake frosting!"
We see pictures of the Mayor appearing on the left and right sides of the screen, the one of the left is labeled 'Drab' and features a normal picture of the mare. Meanwhile, the picture on the right is labeled 'Fab' and shows the Mayor covered with cake frosting.
Pinkie holds up a cake frosting container with the word 'Cakey' on it, making the crowd cheers. Once the pictures are gone, the mare continues, "All right, my next guests say that their employee doesn't be responsibility on the job...but I think they are just big meanies!" We see the Cakes frowning as the words 'Alleged Big Meanies' appearing on the screen's bottom. "All right, let's bring her out, folks!"
As the crowd boos, Pinkie turns to a curtain...before a spotlight appears on her. She is now wearing an ugly hat that is backwards, a fake beard, undereye bags under her eyes and a n apron with the words 'DENIED; Ponyama City Beach'.
"Right, whatever, you know you want some." Pinkie said in a creepy voice. A chair is thrown at her, knocking the pony down. The crowd cheers.
Rainbow's voice spoke up, "Yeah, that's right. Pinkie had put herself on his own 'Random Sometimes Lazy Employee' talk show secretly."
We go back to the list as a dotted line is traced to a coffee mug that has Pinkie's face on it. Rainbow's voice said, "The next branch tracks the random things that Pinkie Pie has done on her job. It's called 'The Bureau of Doing Random Things at Sugarcube Corner'."
At Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow was talking on her cell phone while typing on her corner. We can see a Dullhead computer while the mare speaks, "Yeah, yeah, of course this is the password that you gave me for safe keeping. Listen, it could be the last four digits of your dog...or your mother's maiden credit card number..."
"Hey Dashie; There's a Cupcake Party at the water cooler!" Pinkie is heard calling out to Rainbow Dash hopefully.
"Pinkie Pie, as much as I would love some cupcakes, I can't. I'm talking to a Phone Tree Survivor Number 13. Now then, yeah, the whole password..."
"Dashi!; Free Apple Cider at the cooler!"
"Whoa, forget that, madam! There's free Apple Cider happening!" Rainbow exclaims excitedly as she flew out of her chair that made the Getting up Noise, leaving her cell phone behind. The Pegasus pony can't turn down a chance for free Apple Cider!
Of course, when Rainbow arrives at the cooler, she saw the most weirdest and most random sight ever: there's Pinkie stuffed into the cooler with one of her legs hanging out a water dispenser. There are paper cups scatted across the floor of course.
"Oh, horse feather. What gives? There isn't any free Apple Cider." Rainbow said to Pinkie with a frown. "Pinkie Pie, what did you make me come out here for now?"
"Well, there is a free...ing Pinkie Pie from the water cooler." Pinkie said to Rainbow much to her disbelief. "Pretty super duper fun, right?"
"Okay, so tell me, what were you doing when this happened?"
"Well, I was in Barbed Wiredados, trying to hang a picture on a wall..."
"Okay, on second thought, that's everything I need to know, you are so random, Pinkie Pie. How about we try this?" Rainbow suggests. She goes up to the water cooler and press the nozzle button in hopes to somehow squirt Pinkie out of here.
"Owie, ow, stop, OW!" Pinkie yelps a bit causing Rainbow to stop what she's doing. "Wow, Celestia, that hurts! On second thought, Dashie, never mind. I guess I will stay here in forever. Just stack my mail on me and watch over Gummy, okay?"
Rainbow shrugs as she heads off. Pinkie Pie will get out of there eventually; the pink pony smiles while saying, "Thanks, Dashie; Super duper; so where are we going for lunch today; any veggie buffet?"
As we return to the list, we see a scoreboard that rolls up to its high number limit of 999,999 before resetting to zero. Rainbow's voice asks, "Ever play video games that if you get the highest score possible, it eventually flips back to zero? Well, sometimes, Pinkie does something so random, she flips back to being...well...non-random."
The scoreboard disappears as a dotted line now goes to a picture that has Pinkie with a graduation cap on. A caption under her says 'The joint Sub-Committe on So Random it's Non-Random-ities'.
We see Pinkie on a soap box talking to Cherry Berry whose is in the foreground. The words '14 times' is written on the soapbox. The mare says, "Really awash with flavor!"
"Okay, Pinkie Pie, here's another one. What is 2 plus two?" Cherry ask Pinkie curiously.
"Wow, that's easy..." Suddenly Pinkie begins to speak quickly as we hear computer-type music in the foreground. "...the force between any two charges is equal to the absolute value of the multiple of the charges divided by 4 pi times the vacuum permittivity times the distance squared between the two charges."
"Uh, no, Pinkie Pie, that's Coltomb's Law."
"Oh, right, right, sorry. 2 plus two...easy! 22!"
We return to the list of 'Random Things Pinkie Pie's done' Rainbow said, "And finally there's the most powerful branch of them all: The 'Boudoir of Doing Random Things While inside a College Mascot Costume'."
We see a dooted line that goes to a football helmet with Pinkie's face on it, the caption that appears under it shows what Rainbow has mentioned.
We now see Pinkie inside her Sugarcube Cupcake costume, apparently setting up a campfire inside it. The pink pony smiles while saying, "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy; why, moving into this super duper and least locking myself out of my home-enest decision that I have ever made!" The mare holds up a stick that has a juice box stuck on one end over the fire, "Yep! This juice box is going to roast up good and nice; Dark, lovely. Bed, Bath and who knows where else be-yond!"
Just then Caramel came up, looking horrified as he ask, "Pinkie Pie, what are you doing?! Are you crazy?! That costume is made out of flame pro-tardant Polymascotfoamalate!"
"Polymascotfoamalate?!"
We now see Surprise in the field standing next to Beezen; his cart is crashed in the background. The villain remarks, "Pony, we don't have polymascotfoamalate where I came from!"
"Simple, you are a magic creepy fool, Beezen." Surprise points out to Beezen with a shrug, much to his shock.
We now see Surprise and Firefly dancing with a banner over their heads that reads 'Polymascotfoamalate!', which background singers sang to, "Polymascotfoamalate!"
Surprise is seen dressed up like a baby while saying, "Feed it to the foals."
Beezen joins the ponies on stage as the background singers sang once more, "Polymascotfoamalate!"
Firefly has sour cream on her face while holding baby powder on her back along with a cup of soured cream, saying, "Or maybe a top on Soured Cream too!"
We see the globe that has the words 'POLYMASCOTFOAMLATE' written on front of it along with its chemical formula. The announcer spoke up, "Polymascotfoamlate, helping Equestria..." We see some certain words appear as he said them. "...ingenuitize the Future all over!" A record scratch is heard.
Pinkie pauses to think then shrugs while saying, "Oh, that. Well, I should be perfectly safe, right?" The mare begins to sing. "Polymascotfoa-"
Pinkie was cut off as an explosion happens, sending Caramel packing. After a while, we see the mascot costume disintergrating as we hear breaking glass happening.
Back at the list, Rainbow stands up in front if, speaking as music plays, "All right, there you have it, ponies! It's up to you to make your own informed decisions about the randomest things that Pinkie Pie has done! Get involved." We see banners appearing as the Pegasus pony continues, "Write a letter to your local Pinkie Pie-Piny or throw a trash can through a plate glass window, whatever doesn't get you into trouble." Rainbow then leaves.
"And that's how I become a law!" Pinkie Pie the capital building sang as firework appears in the air, "Ptoo, ptto, and all those other gun shots!"
The paper comes down to bring this chapter/e-mail to its close. More fireworks appear.
On a weird planet, Knightshade is on it with Beezen, hanging near a snake-like creature that came out of the ground. We can see a ringed planet in the background.
Beezen, stamping feet, said, "Well, Knightshade-in-space-things, they don't got hot blonde groupies with weird bangs on my planet, eh?"
"That's not so complicated! You don't have polyhairsprayteasealate!" Lefty explains to Beezen madly.
Merry, holding a tentacle in a hot dog bun, mumbles with his mouth full, "Plus you are one magic creepy fool." He took a bite out of the sandwich while chewing, disturbing his pals.
The End
Author's note
And that, my friends, is the 4 branches of the Random Things that Pinkie Pie has done. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow decides to get a new chair with help from Time Turner. Read, review and suggest.