Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: redesign

As our chapter opens, we see a darkened computer room that has yellow tape all over the computer. Rainbow is heard saying, "Yeah, e-mail is nice..." The lights are turn on as the mare goes to her seat to sit down. "habalubabulabada!" Rainbow laughs while getting rid of the tape. "Email is twice, habilastilbilasaw!" She pulls up the first e-mail.

Dearest Rainbow Dash,

How have you been also your great great great great great great grand father wanted to right an email to you i wanted to know that i love you my Rainbow Dash , i have one question though . When are you and your weather team sending snow? the first day of winter is tomorrow Signed - Death Bringer and Firefly (smiley face)

Attachment Email
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Hey Dashie yea my OC Alicorn death bringer and Firefly wanted to send this as an Email toward you so heres mine ,Ya know everytime I sit back and think my mind drifts to either you or Twilight? also you and the weather team are bringing snow tomorrow right ? that unless ponyville does get snow a white covering of snow but not a blizzard though it would be kinda funny so here it is Twilight snow being dumped on her head an angry Twilight thats like Rarity Dirt in her coat or mane a Rarity who freaks about anything fashion realated (trust me) anywho believe me while i can be creepy and don't take offense to that but I Love you RD

Adam ,

PS XOXOXOXOXOXO

Rainbow sighs while typing in, saying, "Look, Adam, no offense, but I really don't feel that same way about you. Mostly because how long your e-mail is and the fact that death bringer doesn't even exist. Also, as far as the weather team goes, snow may be on the program sometime soon...yeah, it would be funny for what happened to Twilight and Rarity."

Rainbow clears the screen then continues, "Sorry, sorry, Adam, but you got to find someone else your own species or who cares because I don't feel the same for you again. Okay, next e-mail!"

subject: keeping life exciting
dear rainbow dash
no offense but seriously, I am getting 20% bored of the 'no loafing sign' and white paint.

jeremy coltson coltada

When Rainbow say 'dear rainbow dash', it echoes, causing her to look around a bit. The mare then pronounce the name funny before she begins to type and speak, "Oh, that's funny because when you say that Jeremy," The mare says that as a mumble. "Because I am thinking about how yours truly is with your flank, your face and your snotty nose."

The word 'nose' echoes, making Rainbow look around again. She clears the screen while continuing, "Yeah, I suppose the No Loafing sign oughta take a cue from the fast-food, soft drink and bad sport teams industries, as well as combat sluggish sales and decades of losing with a new slick logo redesign." The screen cuts back and to the No Loafing sign while the white wall vanishes. The mare begins rapping to a beat, "First you squish it, skew it, and turn it all around. Squish it, skew it; turn it all around."

The border disappears as the words are squished, skewed and turned around. Once it's done, they are at a slant as the mare speak, "Okay, next up, we oughta make it fast, slick and shiny like Pony Jo in a tuxedo." The words themselves then curve, the letters' tops became spikes pointing to the left and they all become shiny. Rainbow begins to rap once more, "Uh; Pony Jo with da tux-eee-do!"

The words then react to the beat of Rainbow's rap as various decorations litter the screen with a no symbol appearing behind the words. The mare now says, "Time to play Color Wheel Roulette. No Whammies, no Whammies!"

The color of the sign cycle through various schemes, we see the box sign for the Color Wheel Roulette Stupid Home Edition by Pony Electric Games.

-50% fewer deaths than the Russian Pony Version
-Pant 1, pant off!
-Twice as many deaths for the Garden Version

The colors now end up the words that are a dull yellow with the circle in the background turning a greenish tan, the blank space in the middle turns brown. Rainbow said as the audience groans, "Awww, wow, dude. Now you think you're done, right? Wrong! You gotta now put it in molten Ponyiglas..." The sign became glossy, "...to give it that whole 'foals under 3 will choke on it' awesomeness."

One 'ding' later, sparkles appear on the logo. Rainbow then adds, "Wait; almost forgot the creepy fangs." We hear a roar as bloody fans came out of the logo.

---

Rainbow and Spike are now in front of the computer which shows the new logo that the mare just described on the monitor. The baby dragon asks, "So how are we going to print this baby out?"

"Not sure how we will print it out since somepony sliced off the back of your monitor. And stop rubbing the plastic bar of soap on the desk." Rainbow said as she motions to Spike's cordless mouse. "No offense but you don't got what it takes to bring the NO LOAFING thing into the digital age."

Rainbow rubs Spike's head as he shrugs and closes the window. The mare, with a grin, turns to the viewer as she exclaims, "But yours truly sure do!"

---

Back at the No Loafing sign, Rainbow is heard saying, "And now fresh from elementary school for pony cafes and lotto machines..." The sign now turns into a LED display used for cafes at schools. "...here comes one of those really hard to read message board signs!"

The words 'NO LOAFING' scrolls past on the sign followed by a crawling worm. Rainbow continues, "This baby is capable of advanced animation, scroll-a botones..." We see the words 'HAY IS COOL' coming in with individual pixels coming from both sides before meeting. "...as well as 12 levels of blinkiness."

The words 'NO LOAFING' came back as the letters blinks. The screen blinks as fireworks appears on the display, making Rainbow cheers, "Yeah, let's celebrate with no loafing with some fireworks and a pony doing cartwheels!" Once the fireworks are gone, a pony is seen doing cartwheels on the display. We go back to Rainbow as she adds, "No mortal pony would think of loafing under the four-colored dotted digital stare this baby! You know...unless they end up looking up too late and the words 'No' had already scrolled off..."

Cut back to the display as the 'N' in 'NO LOAFING' scrolls off. The mare comments, "...so they would end up thinking that it said 'DO Loafing'." The mentioned words scroll on as we see a bumper sticker for Lamey Mountain, Coltado. "Or probably Frankle Delcoltao Loafing, like one of Equestria's laziest presidents."

We see the pony doing the cartwheels appearing after 'DO LOAFING' follow by 'Frankl' then we go back to the computer as Rainbow is typing once more, speaking, "Okay, enough loaf for now. As for the white wall, if you gotta repaint something, may as well use that green screen paint that the ponies in movies still think is awesome. Then the wall can be whatever you want!"

Sure enough, the computer room now has bright green walls instead of white. The Pegasus pony flew into the middle of the screen as she continues in voice over, "Now imagine if you will, being able to frolic through the bread aisle..." Now the wall, with Rainbow's eyes, is replaced with an image of the bread aisle as seen in grocery stores. The mare continues, "...without leaving your home of course."

The mare leans against the wall as she sits down. Rainbow's voice said, "Wow, the bread aisle. Man, warm me with your enriched, bleached awesomeness bosom! And give my sight back, okay?"

We now see another part of the computer room with the same green paint with Rainbow sitting on the floor, looking at the wall and holding a controller as if playing a video game. The mare continues voicing over, "Or you can also play your favorite video games where the pixels are big as Big Macintosh!"

We see the wall turning into a video game which is called 'Sundae Pony Driver' that shows a bowl of ice cream on wheels that drives down the road, getting toppings. T he mare imitates a car's engine while saying, "Vrrrrrrrr! Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" The vehicle gets a cherry as the words 'GOTTEN CHERRY' appears, "Vrrrrrrrrrr! Whoa, wet walnuts! Watch out!"

Of course, the sundae car hits a jar with the 'W' on it, causing it to blow up. Rainbow groans in disappointment, "Aw, man!" The screen reads 'Too Late. Your James is over' which has a cherry under the words. "Geez, this game is for lame-os."

"Of course, what green screens are really for..." Rainbow is heard voicing over again. We now see her with a Greek like spear, shield and helmet, glancing at the wall that now has an island village with a 'Realistic' Cyclops monsters on it. Scootaloo is heard doing the monster's voice. "...is battling real stuff!"

The monster steps forward, roaring while trying to attack Rainbow who moves out of the way. The mare yells out, "Ha; takes more than some kung fu monster to stop me from sending toilet right over the Temple of the Alicorns!"

Suddenly Lyra came in; her body overlaps the walls causing the green screen's image to appear over the unicorn, leaving only her head and hooves. She is wearing a medallion that is replaced with something glossy, curved and with fangs that look like Spike's remake of the No Loafing sign.

Rainbow and the monster stop fighting as Lyra speaks, "Rainbow Dash, check this out!" The monster glances at the emblem on her medallion. "I just got a new medallion! I squished it and skewed it. Plus, I turned it all..." As the monster glances to Rainbow, Lyra's medallion is squished, skewed and turned away. Needless to say, the Pegasus pony and the monster screams in terror as they fly/run away. "...around?"

---

Back on the computer, Rainbow frowns as she types, saying, "Oh forget that, Jeremy! If you are so bored with yours truly's style, I got a change for ya."

---

We see the laundry room as Rainbow is heard saying, "No, stupid! Pan up!" The screen pans up to see some Cloudsdale theme wallpaper right on the ceiling. "I have put up this awesome Cloudsdale theme border in the laundry room, "Oh, and check this out!"

The screen zooms onto the washing machine as Rainbow continues, "I even hot glued some clouds onto the washer and dryer's knobs! Cool, huh?" The mare is now seen next to the washer as she continues, "And best of all, I did it for under 50 bits! Okay, that's our show, folks. Join us again next week...not really...when we show you how to knit your own splatter paints...and best of all, it's all for under 50 bits!"

We see a logo for 'redesigning RDEMAILS, JERK HOOF' appears as the singers sang, "Ba-doo ba! Do Daaaah!" On the last part, the words 'FOR UNDER 50 BITS' appear as the paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

We see a conversion between Scootaloo's redesigned No Loafing sign and the redesigned Lyra Heartstrings one. The former begins purring then growling before roaring at the latter, causing it to run off in fear while yelping, "Yike, yike, yike, yike, yike, yike!"

The End

Author's note
Well, you folks can forget about the redesigning, no thanks to Lyra Heartstrings. In the next chapter/e-mails, Rainbow tells us how she keeps cool in the sun during the summer times. Read, review and suggest.