Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: candy product

"Check 1, check 2...Sibilance, Sibilance. RDEmail." Rainbow spoke as if she is doing so into a microphone...which the mare is as she blows into a mic and taps it. Rainbow then begins checking her e-mail.

Subject: Candy
Dear Rainbowdash
One thing I was wondering about, if you're famous, popular, and a magnet for stallion, how come you dont got any candy product...or food thing...to sell yet...
From somepony who isn't pinkiepie

Rainbow, while reading, say 'Dear Rainbowdash, One thing I was wondering about' as one clause, pronounces 'don't with a short O sound (rhyming with 'font'), inserts exaggerated pauses at each ellipsis, then humming to herself for a few seconds while waiting on the longest one right before the name. She pronounces 'somepony' similar to 'Saloney'.

Rainbow types in as she said, "Well, Somepony, of course you ain't Pinkie Pie. Otherwise, you would've fallen victim to Eggie's Foal's Daddy: my Pinkie Pie junkmail filter." We then see the filter in question that has a cross through Pinkie Pie and some words.

Eggie's Foal's Daddy
P*P Junkmail Filta
Subject, Time, Sender
Re: Besing Friends, 10:22, Pinkie Pie
Draw Metal Iron Again (smiley face), 10:22, Pinkie Pie
Re: re: re: resending, 10:23, Pinkie Pie
Re: PonyPharmBalancy News, 10:23, Pinkie Pie
Possible caper, 10:23, Pinkie Pie
Rrrrates so low!, 10:24, Pinkie Pie
Shrimp vs. Curly Mule, 10:24, Pinkie Pie
Say, it's almost 10:25!, 10:24, Pinkie Pie

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues typing, remarking, "Come on, just because I don't have a candy product now, doesn't mean that I won't by the end of this e-mail. I am so famous, popular, and a stallion-magnet that yours truly will have one! Why is it that athlete ponies are the only ones with their own candy bars? Shouldn't they got their own brand of, not sure, jockstrap, divorce lawyers, etc. instead?"

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues onward, "For yours truly's own candy bar, we gotta get a name that is 50% Rainbow Dash, 50% teeth rot, and 50% awesome! How about...RDBOOM," We see a brown bar labeled 'RDBOOM' that smashes onscreen before disappearing. "Oh yeah, that's what you're going to feel when you eat one...like you got RDBOOM!"

Rainbow has problem pronouncing the last part, typing it slowly before saying, "Now we got to make sure and represent as many of the different states..." A candy-based periodic table covers the screen. "..of candy matter as possible. We will start out with a huge gaseous cloud of jello matter..."

As Rainbow say the next part, we see a pile of jello appearing from the left, puffing into a shiny white vapor, "...which are encased in a globule of semi-solid licorice colloid." We see some black goo coming from behind, encasing the vapor in a bubbly black sphere. The whole thing shrinks while it and blobs like it fill the lower part of the screen. "A bunch of those should be floating in a channel of liquid nougat..."

Now a wave a white nougat fills the lower half, causing the licorice spheres to begin floating in the new stream. Rainbow continues, "...which of course I found out is the candy version of veal, yuck. Anyway, we roll all that up inside a solid crisper cooking log..." Now a cookie dough log with chocolate chips wrap around the stream, putting it back to the center. We now see a small stump sticking out with a leaf. "...and cover it with rich, creamy...cupcake frosting."

A bunch of frosting covers the top of the candy log. Rainbow smiles while saying, "Yum; Next, sprinkle that with, not just crispy puffed rice, but whole tiny bowls of crispy puffed rice cereal." We now see 12 tiny bowls of crispy puffed rice cereal being dropped onto the treat. "And finally, cover that mess with the old BBC; Or just Boring Brown Chocolate, yeah."

Liquid chocolate is poured right onto the candy, completely the whole thing. An British like voice said, "I say..."

"Oh yeah, this is a confection worthy of the RDBOOM! Name," Rainbow said as the word 'RBOOM' is embossed onto the candy. "But...I should think of a better shape than the standard piece of horse crap kinda shape."

---

In the bathroom, Rainbow is reading a newspaper while snapping, "Yeah, Foal Ruth. I'm speaking to you!"

---

Back at the Periodic Table, Rainbow is heard mumbles, "Let's see...shape, shape, what will work? Shape..." The candy begins transforming through a bunch of shapes like a chainsaw, a bit sign, a hooves up, a syringe, a campfire, Equestria (with the word 'BAR' written on it), a mustache, and the bust of Megan. "Say...how about my wings?"

Sure enough, the candy transforms into Rainbow's wings. The mare is heard exclaiming, "Oh yeah! Everyone knows my wings! And they could come in with a built-in bite out of them!" We see a bite being taken out of the wings with a 'crunch' noise, "Just for security, because who wants to steal a pair of half-eaten chocolate pants?"

---

Rainbow smiles as she types in on her computer, saying, "All right! With a candy bar like that, one can get away with anything!"

---

We see a candy commercial beginning. We get a close up of Rainbow's hooves and wings as she flew down a road, going towards the camera. The words 'copyright 2012 Cheap Pony Foodstuffs' at the bottom right corner for the first few seconds. Rainbow begins to sing in a voiceover.

Rainbow: You got the munch.
The crisp and the crunch.
Livin' in the gutter with Grandma...
When Coach puts you in,—
You gotta go for the win.
Y2K turned out all riiiight!

Rainbow with chorus: RDBOOM!

Rainbow: You can do it!
RDBOOM!
Crunchy chew it!

Rainbow with chorus: Who's got the money?!

Rainbow: You got...RDBOOM!

Rainbow has problem pronouncing the name. A TV announcer spoke rapidly, "Buy one now and you get one free root canal or a cavity search; whichever pain comes first!"

The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end. Rainbow moves her head to the side to peek under the paper shortly after.

---

We see Pinkie, dressed like a robber, smirking as she prepares to steal a discarded candy product, exclaiming, "Yes, pay dirt; Pair of half-eaten choco-pants!"

---

We see Gello's face appearing in the gaseous jello vapor, speaking in a creepy and distorted voice, "Fools! You can't destroy me; Ha ha ha ha!"

The End

Author's note
Man, would I love a candy bar like that! In the next chapter/e-mail, which is the 150th one, Rainbow begins visiting alternate universes while Pinkie tries to make a fruit smoothie. Read, review and suggest.