Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: portrait

"Hey there everypony! Time for a musical Rainbow Dash E-mail this week," Rainbow exclaims. She presses enter and begins to sing. "Da-doot doot doot Dear, Dear Rainboqw Dash, oh I was wondering—" The mare stop singing. "Forget it, can't keep this up."

Subject: portrait
Dear Rainbow Dash-
I was wondering; did you ever wanted to have somepony paint a portrait or your awesomeness?
guess what, it's-
Dolean Burgers (aka Coolio da Fillyio)
Applelossa

Rainbow roll her eyes and types her screen while asking, "Yeah? Well, guess what? No pony is going to call you 'Coolio da Fillyio', I mean quit making up lame nicknames for yourself. I will call you Dealin' Burgers which I bet doubles as an accurate job description."

Rainbow clears her screen as she continues, "Now moving on, I guess my awesomeness is worthy of portraiture. Perhaps I can get one done by the Deutsch Pony Master."

---

We see a portrait of Rainbow that has her in a long wig, a beret and a toga that is holding a toy stick with a duck's head in the end. The painting is in a gold frame with a museum placard next to it. We see an 'Adventures of Mare Do Well' comic book that shows a being known as the 'Deutsch Pony Master' standing over the Mare Do Well and Deustsch Pony Man, both of them are wounded in a pile of rubble.

"Right, in other words, the kind of paintings that are always getting stolen or messed up by art bandits," Rainbow's voice commented.

Sure enough, we see Spike, in a black mask, skull cap and t-shirt that reads '4rt b4ndit' appearing, placing a stencil over the painting and painting in a 'robot tank' along with the words 'RAD, RAD ROBOT TANK' in Rainbow colored spray paint.

"Oh yeah, thanks, Spike; that baby is worth something!" Rainbow's voice exclaims to Spike excitedly.

"No problem, Rainbow Dash!" Spike exclaims with a salute.

---

Rainbow resumes typing on her computer as she said, "Or perhaps one of those black and white ink portraits that you see in the rich pony newspapers."

---

We see a black and white newspaper that shows an image of Rainbow in a business suit, cell phone and all. The mare's voice continues, "Obviously those ponies aren't rich enough to afford any color. Not even solid lines! Just a bunch of dot and dashes, I probably look like some Morse code." We can hear her imitating the Morse code. "Dah dah dah dee dee dee...I am-a ho-o-olding a really old cel-l-l pho-o-one!"

---

Rainbow has clears her screen back on her computer as she continues typing, "Wait, oops, no, I got it! A painting of my awesomeness demands the finest of materials! And what be finest than a black velvet in a cheap imitation wood frame? Heck, it would be showcased..."

---

We see a velvet painting of Rainbow holding a skunk. There is a lamp with a moose on it that can be seen to the left.

"...in the fanciest double-wide pony trailers. Check that out! I caught that skunk at last! Oh, I have been chasing that pest for...whoa!" Rainbow exclaims as we see a poster of a unicorn on a snowmobile that has the caption 'Born to be danged' with another moose lamp on the right. "...is that a blacklight poster of a unicorn on a snowmobile?! Awesome! That is some esteemed company."

A bottle of Apple Cider flies at the lamp breaking it breaks. We can hear a drunken Berry Punch saying, "Hey thanks for breaking that moose lamp; Always hated the blasted thing."

---

Rainbow types in her computer, saying, "Too bad I don't know anypony with a useless Master of Fine Arts degree though. May as well settle for something a bit more...how do you say it...made by Pinkie Pie or Spike."

---

We see Spike clawing a relief bust of Rainbow's face into a log. The mare come sin, saying, "Well, that's very...uh, slobbery, Spike. Not what I had in mind when you said 'sculpture'." Classical music begins to play. "You are really...err, going to town, ain't you?"

Rainbow stares at Spike still working while saying as she motions a hoof, "Listen, I will...leave you two alone. Okay?" The mare then backs away.

---

In Pinkie's home, the pink pony is sprinkling some glitter onto a macaroni picture. There's a sticker on the left side that said 'Great Thyeme'. Rainbow trots in, commentating, "Awesome Work, Chef Coltardee! Like I couldn't have gone down to the kindergarten and hired a 5 year old to make this. Then again, that sounds creepy and I may go to jail for doing so."

"No problem, Dashie! I will wait for you!" Pinkie exclaims to Rainbow happily while slamming the glitter down.

---

Rainbow sat back down at her computer and types in while saying, "Well, thanks to some ponies whose talent appears to be lacking, I guess the only way to do this is a self-portrait. Yours truly will render it in nothing less than the classic style of the True Pony Masters!"

---

We see a shot of Rainbow...who somehow got her head into a wooden cutout of a muscular mare holding a sword with a keyboard on it. The mare's muscles are in the shape of the letters 'RD' and she is holding a falcon.

One visible lower foreleg has a boot that looks similar to the Electro kind, there are also two cans of paint that are labeled 'Some Paint' and 'More Paint'. We also see a cutout of a sea pony at the cutout mare's hooves with an empty space for a head.

Rainbot paints it with a small brush while saying, "Nice, at last. A self-portrait that accurately depicts who I am, where I'm coming from and my passing interest in the falconry," The mare prepares to get out of the cutout. One problem though. "Oh, horse feathers. How do I get out of this blasted thing?"

As Rainbow kept on trying, we see the reverse angle with the mare hanging by her head. She groans, "How the hay do I get into this thing?" Rainbow kicks her legs together a few times. At the front view, the mare holds up the duck-head toy from the first portrait and makes the bird talk, "Quack, quack. Hey Lord Duckstick, great to see you; Say, do you happen to have a hacksaw in your pocket, right?" Rainbow spoke like the duck again, "Quack, quack; Too bad," She then spoke normally," How about you, Princess Seabra?"

Rainbow moves the bird on a stick into the sea pony's face hole and continues making the bird speaking in a high, sultry voice, "Quack, quack." The mare spoke normally, "Sure, no problem! I love to serenade you anytime with my...mystical keyswordtar thing...may as well since I ain't going anywhere...anytime soon."

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We see a printable version of the robot tank stencil that Spike used to vandalize a painting earlier.

---

Rainbow, despite getting stuck, manages to break her way out but her head is still in the hole, broken off from the rest of the portrait. She is showing off her 'keyswordtar' to Berry Punch in the field.

"So that's when I realized that I don't need any Lamaze classes whatsoever." Rainbow explains to Berry Punch with a grin.

"Hmmm, I don't know why but there's something different about you, Rainbow Dash." Berry Punch said to her friend puzzled. "Did you get your mane cut?"

"Nope, but I got this new keyswordtar." Rainbow begins imitating a guitar riff while waving the keyswordtar around, changing back and forth from normal to falsetto each time, "Maow, maow, maoooooooow; Keyboard, keyboooooard. Maow, maow, maooooooooow. Fight some brigands," As this goes on, Berry Punch grins as she held up a lighter somehow, "Maow Maow, Maoooow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-owwowwoww-whammy-barrrrruh."

The End

Author's note
Nice portrait...so to speak. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow talk about her younger years at flight school. Read, review and suggest.