Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: Season Three
Chapter 2: 2. radio
Previous Chapter Next ChapterAuthor's note
To SpaceRat, once I catch up to Orange-Ratchet in my House of Pony fics (as in if he hasn't updated his own version in a while), then I will get back to them. Until then, I won't rest until Season 1 is over.
Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: radio
Rainbow is at it again, typing in another e-mail at home, calling out, "This pony got miles and miles of the e-mail style, etc, etc." The first e-mail is brought up.
Rainbow Dash if you were in the legend of spyro trilogy alongside your friends how would the trilogy have gone?
D.J. Scales
"D.J. Scales, are you related to Vinyl Scratch by any chance?" Rainbow asks a bit puzzled then shrugs it off. "Anyway, good question. It probably has cool music, hard levels and a big boss battle, followed by stuff that may or may not make any sense; next e-mail!"
Subject: radio
Dear Rainbow Dash,
I got friends who are radio hosts. Can you give them any pointers on what they can say and/or do on their show?
bowing to you
Eraser, Coltland
Rainbow said 'and/or' as 'and slash do' then she types in, saying, "Come on, no need to bow Erase. Get up. Rise my colt son...and giveth me instead 7 and 50 bits to get some tofu chicken stuff."
Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Okay, so your 'friends' are radio show hosts, right? Well, the first rule of the roof when it comes to radio personalities is that you must look absolutely nothing like how you sound. Take Little Yellowstroke for an example."
We see Fluttershy in her cottage as Rainbow spoke up, "Okay; here's a cutesy know it all that sounds how she speaks."
"Thanks, Rainbow Dashie." Fluttershy said to Rainbow with a smile.
"Don't call me that please. Now if Fluttershy sounds like a radio host, hay, she would sound like this..."
Without warning, Fluttershy spoke in a spontaneous radio host voice, "Yo yo you hey! It's the Deathly Pally, coming to you on the air at number 901, PA3D FM, 'The Surf'!" We see Fluttershy wearing a T-Shirt from PA3D FM 'The Surf'. "Yeow! Coming up next are some hot new tracks from triple W pony-yahooooooo!"
Fluttershy in horror covers her mouth as we can hear Rainbow laughs. The yellow Pegasus pony yelps in fright, "Eep! Don't you ever make me do that again!"
Back at the computer, Rainbow types on as she adds, "Now then, once the voice/appearance mismatch begins to work, what happens now depends on what kind of radio station your pal works for. Listen and be amused as I run a test sentence through various genres."
A voice is heard as a sentence appears on-screen, "Rainbow Dash's test sentence is 'The dish was delish and it made quite a dish'." We see some sort of foal's book weird book with the title sentence as the title, made by Crazy Prof. Ponyinterviews.
"First off is public radio which is both smooth and smarty."
We see a radio labeled 'Pony-Jo' on the counter in Bon-Bon's kitchen as we can hear Rainbow as a host, "Today on Canterlot Hill, the fish was delish and, according to the members of the senate, it made quite a dish. You ponies are listening to a member supported public radio."
As the theme song for the theme plays, Bon-Bon came in, running a bit as she said, "Lame public radio. It never even got me my tote bag."
"All right, next up is the drive time morning show." Rainbow said as she types some more. We see a poster that said 'the AM morning 'CRUDE PONY' crew' that shows two Rainbow Dash lookalikes as hosts. "To be honest, these two are the kind of ponies who are like lame stand up comedians, except you can't heckle, jeckle, or throw stuff at."
A clock radio is seen showing 6:59 AM, which is dark at first. But once the thing turns to seven, the lights and radio are turn on. Rainbow is heard again, this time as the morning talk show host, Hey, peonies, rise and shine! The fish was delish," We can hear the canned laughter. "Hang on, wait for it aaaaaand..." Clowny sounds are heard."And it made..." A boing sound. '...quite a dish."
We see the clock radio is in Derpy's house whose has a tote bag over her head. The pony is holding a glass of juice with ice cube while snapping, "Come on, big box; shut up about the fish already!"
"Well, I supposed that's the way that..." More honking sounds are heard followed by more canned laughter. "...the cupcake breaks."
"High ball!"
Derpy throws the glass at the radio as if frustrated.
Rainbow continues typing as she adds, "Next is the utterly depressing stuff which is called college radio. Apparently, they let any bewildered fresh pony trots into the booth and try to run things."
At a boom box that held a blank tape, once again Rainbow is a host, this time of college radio, as she is heard over a song ending and some feedback, "Uhhh...that was 'The fish was delish'...and we hear that...let's see..." We can hear the mare going through some CD jewel cases. "...six...er...'It Made Quite a Dish'."
As Rainbow's voice talking, we can see Fluttershy in her cottage, listening to the program while doing some calligraphy, "Let's...uh...campus outreach is looking for...well...hang on..."
Rainbow types on her computer, "In this mare's opinion, the whole college radio thing can pretty much be summed in 5 words: 'Dead air...well...dead air'."
"Okay, ponies, I am out of here for now. But...uh...first up is...well, uh, well...an hour of...chanting." Rainbow's voice is heard on the boom box. As a chant is heard, Fluttershy hits the Play and Record buttons as if wanting to hear more of that stuff.
Rainbow then types in some cool stuff, "And just in case your pals are...well, in the past, how about some Ponyland like radio?"
We now go to a room in Ponyland that shows Rainbow's ancestor Firefly reading in front of a microphone, "This week on The Fish Was Delish program, brought to you by Portal Washbolt laundry paste..." We see a logo for the product in question. "...we join the Fish himself at the Ponyland wharfs as she close in on the Quite a Dish's hideout. Make sure you stay tuned for more stuff."
We see the logo again that shows a colt eating from a jar of paste that has a spoon on it. A voice over sang, "Portly Washcolt: Don't eat it like the cartoon, man."
"Done and doner, Eraser! Your pals oughta be on their way to annoying stallions, drivers and gas attendants all over Equestria." Rainbow said as she types on her computer. "Say, any chance you can get me those free coozies, Frisbees or bottle openers from those guys?" We can see the mentioned stuff. The blue coozie said 'PEBD the Voice of RDAU 89.3 Several Dozen Listeners', the white Frisbee said 'The Surf number 901, PA3M FM', the red bottle said, 'Smooth and Smarty'. "Those free giveaways are what I called highly flammable."
The paper comes down, bringing the whole thing to an end.
Fluttershy is having a conversion with Big Macintosh as she said, "Oh, I rarely agree. It's more than just a matter of simple economics. In other words, I'd say..." Suddenly the radio host voice and mannerisms took over, music plays as the mare exclaims excitedly, "Yeah, oh yeah! What's the phrase that pays for plays these days?! It's the number 9-0-2 'The Surf'. Don't you touch that ZABITTABLOUGH!"
"Zabittablough," Big Macintosh asks, confused by what Fluttershy just said.
We return to the Ponyland radio as it spoke up, "Make sure you stay tuned for more stuff."
As the Portly Washbolt Laundry Paste theme plays, Firefly listens with Gen 1 Spike while saying, "Well what do you know! It's true what ponies say! The radio does add 4 and 20 stuff to one's voice!
The End
Author's note
That's some awesome radio stuff, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow shows that she can do more than check e-mails, do weathers, etc. The mare shows her part-part-part-part-very part-time job as a mascot for Time Turner's work place. Read, review and suggest.