Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: record book

Rainbow was at her computer once more, singing as she brings up the first e-mail of the show, "Drape it over your aaaaaaarms, step out in styyyyyle, Rainbow Dash Emaaaaaaail..."

So Rainbow What do you think of the Power Rangers Megaforce ? me i think its fantastic and there airing on ABC and Nick if you have direct TV or Dish now that's 20% cool your's truely Adam

Ps you should put your mane in a ponytail (smiley face and wink with a smiley face)

Rainbow pause to think then respond, "I don't watch much of those shows, probably overrated but no offense. As for the ponytail, maybe, just maybe...all right, next e-mail!"

Subject: records
dear rainbow dash
i wonder if you were in the record book at some point. if so, whatever for?

justin, tx

Rainbow said 'book' as 'buk' while saying 'tx' as 'Tee-Ex'. The mare types as she said, "Wow, the Justin TX! That must be 4 more cylinders than the standard one. Perhaps better Blue Book value as well." We see a drawing of Standard Justin (some generic pony) on an index card, as well as the Justin TX, showing a weird smiling car in front of the stallion. It is labeled with 'built-in smoke', '3 front wheels' and 'justin' (arrows pointing to each one).

Rainbow continues, "To be honest, I don't recall if I was ever in the record book or not. But I should be! Let's take a look, a book look at least."

Rainbow goes over to a table as she put down the book onto the labeled. It is called 'EQUESTRIA'S RECORD BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS'. The mare comments, "All right, now let's see what we got in here."

Rainbow opens the door to page 42. It has a picture of a very dirty Cheerilee in a 1980s like look which reads 'Chapter 4 - Records of Weirdest, Longest Fashion Streak 65 Days, 3 Hours, 42 minutes: CHEERILEE'.

"65 days, really?!" Rainbow asks in surprise and disbelief. "Way outdated, I'm sure that she has surpassed that one by a lot of fortnights at this point. At least, depending on what is in Cheerilee's closet."

Rainbow turns to page 116 for a better one. She finds herself as a filly in a diaper that reads 'Chapter 4 - Records of Smell, Dirtiest Diapey, Very, Very Dirty: RAINBOW DASH'.

"Dirtiest Diaper...gah," Rainbow exclaims in alarm. She quickly throws eggs, daisies and coffee right onto the page, making fake coughing noises. The mare smiles nervously while saying, "Coffee, eggs, daisies! Oh, man, too bad. I guess I must have 'accidentally' drop my breakfast all over the record of whatever that is. Heh heh."

Rainbow returns to her computer and types once more, "Yeah, obviously this book is in serious need of one update. Okay, let's start with the title, shall we? Maybe we could go for...'Count Stallionardeaux's Book of Party Tricks, Southern Pony Jokes, and Equestrian Records'!" We see the book appearing. "Yeah, that is definitely a book worthy of every toilet-side magazine basket. How about we go see about updating some of those records, shall we?"

Rainbow gets up to do just that.

---

We see Twilight using a magnifying glass to write on a small (and I mean SMALL) piece of paper while humming, with her face magnified. Rainbow came in while asking, "What's up, egg bottom? Tell me, how smart are you?"

"Why would you want to know that?" Twilight ask Rainbow puzzled.

"Well, Count Stallionardeaux wants me to gather new records for his record book." Rainbow explains while holding up a clipboard which got a paper that reads 'who the eggiest?'.

"Well, that this oughta interest you! I have transcribed Paradise Estates Lost onto this single very small piece of paper, in four languages as well!"

"Right, that deserves a record big time!"

A buzzer is heard as we see a page of the book. It reads ' Chapter 7 - Records of Smartest, Biggest Waste of Time: Twilight 'Biggest Egghead Ever' Sparkle'. The picture shows the unicorn looking through the magnifying glass while smiling at the camera.

---

At Granny Smith's house, the mare is preparing to eat a giant pile of salt as Rainbow came in, calling, "Hey Granny Smith I really need some disgusting eating records. How about you have lunch? Betcha you will set several without trying even once."

"Oh good idea! Ah like eating lunch! In fact, Ah am having a giant pile o' salt!" Granny Smith exclaims as we see the entire pile, along with a salt shaker is labeled with the number 7 sitting near it, a can of 'Standard Justin' Brand salt that is, "Vwoooooooooooooooooo-foop!"

The mare soon sucks all of the salt in one gulp as if a giant monster, as well as the salt shaker.

"Wow, very nice work!" Rainbow exclaims impressed. Granny Smith hiccups 3 times. "So you got the hiccups now?"

"Nah, those are my heart attacks of course!" Granny Smith explains to Rainbow with a weird smile.

We see another buzzer as another page appears: 'Chapter 3 - Disgusting Eating/Old Mare Records, Least Healthiest (Pony?): Granny Smith'. We can hear the old mare hiccupping once more.

---

Pinkie is in the field standing a box telling some Southern pony jokes, the box itself reads '13 Y'all', "Hey, whatcha call a Southern pony with no teeth and watch stock pony racing all? Ba-ha-ha-haaa! Wow, those ponies don't wear shirts!"

---

Rainbow meanwhile is talking with Cheerilee, asking, "So Cheerilee, what kind of wonderful stuff can you give us? Which isn't related to teaching or your 1980s era?"

"Well, I am going to set the Equestrian record for putting nine pieces of chewed gum on my face while singing the song 'I'm Just Me' while hopping on one foot." Cheerilee explains as she put chewed gum onto her face. The mare starts hopping on one foot as she begins to sing.

"Cheerilee..."

"I'm just me!" Cheerilee sang, causing Rainbow to shake her head in annoyance. "Can't you see?" Rainbow hits herself as if wanting to knock herself out, she is. "I'm just a silly little bumblebee!"

"Ugh, knock it off!" Rainbow snaps in annoyance. Cheerilee stop her hopping and singing though still stood on one foot. "Cheerilee, not to be a jerk pony, but you can't go and make up some random horsecrap which no pony else will do and call that a 'record'."

Derpy flies in, hopping on one foot while having 9 pieces of chewed gum on her face. Rainbow didn't notice as she kept on berating Cheerilee, "Count Stallionardeaux will not like..."

Derpy begins to sing, much to Rainbow's annoyance, "I'm just me! Can't you see? I'm just a silly little bumblebee!"

We see a record page which said, 'Chapter 91 - Weirdness/Awkwardnesses, The Semi-Annual Background Pony Award Or Best Offer! Derpy Hooves'; It has a picture of the mare with gum on her face but with her eyes no crossed somewhere else.

Pinkie appears as she asks eagerly, "Hey, what does a Southern pony call a dead possum lying in the middle of the road? Ba-ha-ha-haa! Maybe sushi," Regardless, an unseen audience groans.

---

Rainbow goes back on her computer as she types while saying, "Yeah, I think we're almost done here. The Cutie Mark Crusaders set the record for..."

We see another page that reads 'Chapter 2 - Special Records, Most Macaronis Nailed to A Paper Towel Tube...By the Cutie Mark Crusaders (just one though): Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo'. The picture shows the three fillies holding a tube with holes in it along with one macaroni piece nailed into the thing.

"...Most Macaronis Nailed To A Paper Towel Tube...By the Cutie Mark Crusaders." Rainbow adds in.

We see another page which is labeled 'Chapter 11 - Records of Smell/Track and Field, Pole Vault, 20 ft. 1.4 in.: Rarity'. Of course, for some reason, there isn't any picture but a black box that said 'No Surprise, No Photo is Available'.

"Rarity set the World Record for the pole vault, surprise there." Rainbow explains. "And of course Twilight's brother Shining Armor and his wife Princess Cadance won the Cutest Couple one."

We see another page that said ' Chapter 9 - Awesomest, Cutest Couple: Shining Armor and Princess Cadance' that has a picture of Shining and Cadance trying their best to look cute.

"Oh wait, I forgot about yours truly." Rainbow said, frowning as she remembers that the mare has yet to be in the record book. "Okay, got to get in this record book somehow. I will get the record for..."

"Uh, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy spoke up as she appears. "Not to be mean, but how about 'Most Biggest Ego'; if that's all right?"

"What?! 'Most Biggest Ego'?! Hey, I don't have a big ego."

"Uh, not to contradict you but you do have the ego the size of Trixie Lulamoon's."

"What a bunch of horse CRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRR..." Rainbow begins to say, looking ticked off while saying the word 'horse crap' very long.

A buzzer is heard as we see another page: 'Chapter 7 - Saying Words for A Long Time Records, Longest 'Horse Crap', 13.4 Second: Rainbow Dash'. It shows the mare in what position she is now.

"...ap! Horse crap," Rainbow snaps to Fluttershy, unaware of what just happened.

The paper comes down as this e-mail/chapter comes to an end.

The End

Author's note
Yes, the ponies has set a lot of Equestria world records! Awesome! In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow goes back a few years, days, whatever to show the first e-mail she has ever answered: giving advice on getting the stallions. Read, review and suggest.