Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: rampage

"Email, check it, come on, a-come on, y'all-a. Email check it, come on, a-come on, y'all!" Rainbow sang as she is on her computer, checking her e-mails once more. Let's see who is sending her yet another one.

Dear Rainbow Dash

What if I were to tell you that I've seen you hear black slippers and spoke to me in a mix tween your voice and a robotic voice

billy arratoon

Rainbow shook her head and speaks while typing, "Then I say you are more random as Pinkie Pie. As far as I know, there isn't a robot like that in Equestria...BUT I will keep an eye out just in case. No need to get ill prepared; Heh heh; Next e-mail!"

Overdue rampage
Dear Ong-stray Ad-bay
I do thinks it has been too long since you have been on a rampage.

Sincerely Venky,

Rainbow pronounces the misspelled 'der' and states 'Sincerely Venky' as the closing greet with the 'Comma' being the sender's name. The mare chuckled. What a weirdo, eh?

Rainbow types in, saying, "Well, Epressing-day Nerd-nay, I think it has been way too long since you look at your MLA handbook! Man, seriously!"

Rainbow clears her screen while she types on, continuing, "Anyway, yeah, it has been a while since my last rampage. But I promise you, I didn't go soft or anything. I've grown more selective of what types of rampages to go onto here. Like the other day, me and the Cutie Mark Crusaders went on a Reading Rampage!"

---

We see the mentioned ponies on Rainbow's couch with a lot of books stacking around themselves; Apple Bloom, Sweetie and Scootaloo are wearing half-moon reading glasses while holding a waffle, which drips syrup right onto the floor, that reads 'BUG' in syrup. Rainbow meanwhile reads 'Smart Investing for Lame-Os'.

"Man, I'm enjoying myself." Sweetie said happily.

"This book speaks to me in like..." Rainbow said as she flips the book upside down. "A couple of different languages..."

"But 'dis here book is too long." Apple Bloom complains while Scootaloo move away slightly.

---

Rainbow kept typing on her computer as she remarks, "See, what I mean? Not the rampage-stompin'-pony style rampages. There's a pie limit as far as rampages are concerned. Why, one can even go on a regal rampage."

---

In the Carousel Baroque, Rainbow got a blanket around her neck, holding a scepter while wearing a crown. She smirks while hitting Rarity with the scepter saying, "I bequeath thee, I bequeath thee, I bequeath thee!"

"Ouch, ouch! Knock it off!" Rarity exclaims with a groan by what Rainbow is doing.

"Ye hath quivered me tuppence, whiny drama queen!"

"Okay, you lost me, what..." Rarity was cut off when Rainbow hit her with the scepter 2 more times. "Ouch!"

We can hear Rainbow's voice as she and Rarity look at the camera, "Ooh, wait, how about a legal rampage?"

---

Outside Derpy's home, the cross-eyed Pegasus pony was looking out the door as Rainbow, in a business sit and holding a bunch of papers, snaps, "This is a sub-po-ena!" She throws the papers onto the steps. "I summons exhibit 4-B to my chambers pronto!"

"Sustained," Derpy exclaims as she take out a judge's gavel, hitting herself three times accompanied by sound effects.

---

Back on the computer, Rainbow types in while saying, "And who could forget the lyrical rampages that me and AJ are always going on...or more like going 'OOORRRFF', howdy!" She said the last part in a fake Southern accent.

---

On a stage, the two mares are standing with microphones. Music plays in the background as the two are singing.

Rainbow: I'm on a rampage!

Applejack: Ah've got problems wit' mah hooves an' mah back!

Rainbow: I'm on a rampage!

Applejack: Ah'm about 'ta have a dope rhyme attack!

Rainbow: I'm on a rampage!

Applejack: Applejack, rock all type o' sportsie!

Rainbow: I'm on a rampage!

Applejack: An' if yew don't believe me, yew can git wit' 'de Spikey!

We see Spike scratching on a foal's record player. Twilight of course came up, causing the music to screeches as the unicorn ask, "Wait, how is saying the same four words constitutes a lyrical rampage?"

"How is an egghead constitutes a powerful unicorn?" Rainbow remarks to Twilight as she points to the audience. "I'm on a rampage, yo!"

"But what about the rules of verse; Why, Iambic pentameter is where it's at! Hit it, Spike!"

"And what do you even want me to hit, pray tell?" Spike asks Twilight with a frown.

"Not sure, just drop some beats, I guess." Twilight answers Spike with a shrug.

"Yeah, they are going to be 'eggy' beats in your case." Rainbow remarks with a light chuckle. "Go ahead, Spike, time we witness the purpleness."

"Sure, no problem," Spike said as he starts the record player, playing a very simplistic, old video game style like 'beat'.

"The quill; the page; Ly-ric, ram-page," Twilight said, making a rhyme so to speak. "Hmm, word up?"

Rainbow and Applejack makes a snicker as the former remarks, "Oh yeah, how great, Twilight. Didn't think you were hood. Let me ask ya: what part of Canterlot streets are you from anyway?" The mare snickers again.

"Whoo-whee, Twilight, yew are a real MC! A Mistress o' Ceremonies," Applejack remarks as she and Rainbow laugh for a moment. Of course, the Pegasus pony looks confused upon realizing what the cowpony just said.

"Wait, what?"

"Awww, who needs you ponies? It went over well at my Poetry Slam the other night!" Twilight snaps to her friends sternly.

---

At Sugarcube Corner, which got up comedy club decorations from Nightmare Night, but with a banned marked 'Poetry Slam' in front of them. Twilight is by the microphone right now, Fluttershy and Nyx are watching her.

"The quill; the page; Ly-ric, ram-page; Word up," Twilight said with a smile.

"Oh yes, good style, Twilight." Fluttershy said in approval. "Geoff Coltcer would be so proud."

"Yeah, you're doing good, mommy!" Nyx squeals to Twilight happily, "Much better than some poetry masters or mistresses that we know."

---

"Yeah, right, run along, DJ Egghead Hornhead." Rainbow said to Twilight back on the stage. "We're heading back for rampaging!"

"Eeyup! We oughta call yew 'TS'...fer Twilight Sparkle!" Applejack jokes while laughing like mad. Of course, Rainbow and Spike stares at her as if she was being discorded again.

"Honestly? What's wrong with you?"

"So Ah ain't good at making abbreviation jokes. Give me a break here!"

"And you're on a rampage?" Rainbow asks Applejack skeptically while the beat picks up.

"Eeyup, number one jam on all de' stations," Applejack exclaims as Rainbow's wings move in a jazz motion along with her head.

---

"So as you can see, Comma, you can hurt ponies and their feelings with all manner of different rampages." Rainbow said while typing back on her computer. "So, copper, until next time, I will be in my chambers. I mean Spike, I will be in my office...which is this room. So I will be right here, yeah."

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail came to an end. We see a parody of the classic video game 'Rampage', showing Spike as Spikezilla running across the screen with a familiar bow in his claw to the music played under Twilight's rap. We see Apple Bloom running across, a speech bubble is over her saying, "Give me back mah bow, yew huge thieving reptile!"

We see a poster for Daring Do and the Legal Rampage. Now we see the cover of the Twilight Sparkle CD 'Witness the Purpleness'. The subtitle 'Spoken word'...is wisdom!'. We see a Parental Advisory that said 'Very Boring'.

The End

Author's note
Man, Rainbow sure went on some rampage, didn't she? In the next chapter/e-mail, the mare gives her thoughts on garage sales and the sale patrons (as well as the difference between 'garage' and 'garbage'). Read, review and suggest.