Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter Eighty-Four

Twilight stood in front of her desk, magically calling up her quills and inkwells from around the library. Discord yawned widely as he sat sprawled across the entire Golden Oak Library staircase.

Twilight set down a stack of stationary, adjusting its corners carefully so they were all perfectly aligned. Discord stifled a giggle.

She sighed as she began writing. "I don't want to know… and I mean I really don't want to know… but I'm meant to learn from this experience, so… what are you laughing about?"

"Your obsessions and compulsions," he said, amused. "All your schedules and systems and little quirks. You remind me so much of my mother."

"Your mother?" Twilight exclaimed in surprise.

"Yeah, she's a real nerd," said Discord, reclining even deeper. "You're so much like her, in some ways. But despite that, I feel you wouldn't get along with her—wouldn't, metaphorically, see eye to eye. Which is good. I like you a lot better than her."

"Thanks, I guess," she said, bewildered.

He raised his eyebrows. "Problem?"

"I just… I didn't realize you had parents," Twilight muttered.

"Not 'parents', just a mother. Conceived me solo. A single mother, if you will. Haha, single mother."

Twilight rolled her eyes.

"Once she was done carrying me, I sprang out of her mouth as a fully-formed adult," Discord continued. "But I didn't look like this. I wasn't 'me' just yet. My name was Accord."

"Accord?" Twilight breathed.

"Yes," Discord said bitterly. "I was, by all appearances, just a garden-variety… creature. Featureless. Emotionless. Boring. Everything my mother meant me to be. Until I discovered ponies."

Twilight turned to him in shock. "What?"

"Oh yes. You little creatures caused quite the stir when you first popped up about a hundred thousand years ago. You're a strange sort of beast—you're the scholarly sort, Twilight, so I hope you realize just how unusual your species is. Very in touch with nature, to the point that it bends to your will—indeed, it needs you. Destiny, etched into the name you were given and the symbol marked on your body. Unusual enough that you stirred up passion in a passionless being named Accord. Something in the back of whatever I had for a mind back then wanted to be more like you."

Twilight held her breath as he solemnly began examining his own body. "So I changed my shape, my simple nature leading me to think that perhaps that would change my destiny. Bits and pieces of everything I admired, and to top it all off…" He traced the outline of his profile with his eagle talon. "The head of a pony."

"…Is that what your head is supposed to be?" said Twilight. "You don't look like a pony."

"Hey, what do you want from me?" he said, raising his hands to the heavens. "I'd never seen one. Just had some cruddy illustrations. Accurate or not, I happen to like my face."

Twilight shrugged. "All right, go on."

"It was just like earning a cutie mark," Discord said wistfully, lifting his head. "I knew then who I really was. I was sooooo happy. …What is true happiness? Is it the sun's light after an age underground? A pool of cold water in a scorching desert? A hot meal when you've been living on scraps all your life? …Is it getting laid?"

Twilight stared disdainfully.

"Regardless," Discord went on, gesticulating wildly, "all of that was nothing compared to the pure ecstasy that filled me at that moment. Can you imagine? A flood of joy—that much wild and uncontained FEEEEEELING in a creature who previously had had no emotions whatsoever. That was the true magic of my change. That rush of happiness is what gave me the power to do… well, you've seen what I can do. Just about anything!"

He slouched again. "My mother… she didn't approve. But I dream of the day I prove to her that my power is worth something…" He glared at Twilight. "By killing her."

"I see," Twilight said, entranced. "So… why haven't you?"

"She's crafty, Twilight Sparkle," Discord sighed. "Fast. Powerful. She knows how to make her move before I'm ready, but it won't happen again." He smirked at Twilight. "It's funny, isn't it? You ponies have always feared and hated me. But you made me. Isn't that ironic?"

"No, that's not what's ironic," said Twilight, tapping her quill against her parchment. "The ironic part is that you owe it to us for gaining the inspiration for your current existence that makes you so happy, but you treat us as slaves and playthings."

"That too!" Discord said brightly. "Irony is fun. Well, I'm off to bed." He slid down the stairs and got to his feet, then immediately turned on his heel and began walking back up the steps. He paused halfway up and turned to Twilight. "Thank you, by the way."

She tilted her head. "For what?"

"Listening. I didn't think you would. But you did."

Twilight smiled. "Of course I did."

"Yes…" he muttered. "It was nice, getting that story off my chest. It's been so long… remind me to tell it to you again sometime, but next time, including all the juicy details I left out of the first telling."

"I'll be sure to do that," she chuckled, returning her gaze to her parchment.

Discord watched her curiously. "Hmm," he said thoughtfully. "You listened to my story, I suppose a bit of give and take is in order… what are you doing?"

"I'm writing a letter to my boyfriend."

"Oh?" Twilight recoiled in mild shock at the sight of a miniscule Discord standing on top of her stack of paper. She turned back toward the stairs; despite his voice having clearly come from that direction, he was no longer there. "Have you told him about our new living arrangement?" the tiny Discord asked, bending down to look at the writing she had already done.

She picked him up with her magic and set him on the surface of her desk. "I'm telling him everything that goes on in my life."

"That's cute," he said, still trying to catch a glimpse of her writing. "A letter to your boyfriend, that's nice. But I meant, what are you doing with your life?"

"Same as always," she said casually, hunching over her letter and bringing both front hooves onto the desk to block his view. "Friendship."

He beamed at her.

"I'm also studying love," she added grudgingly, giving up her attempts to conceal her writing.

"And how is that going?" he asked. Surprisingly, he was looking at her, not at all taking advantage of her lowered guard.

"Um… splendid," she said. "I've collected a great deal of information, from my brother and his wife, a few romantic entanglements my friends and I have gotten into… and out of… and myself, I'm currently in a long-distance relationship."

"Ahh," he said slyly, growing slightly larger and coiling around her neck like a scarf. "The long-distance relationship, a classic of the genre."

"What genre?" Twilight demanded.

"Life. Life is all the genres. So tell me, why even bother attempting a long-distance relationship? Well, I suppose it's like your beloved donut-hawking fatso said: it's all an experiment. Is it one of those experiments you know is doomed to fail but you do it anyway just to get a complete set of data? Because you know how the saying goes, don't you? The one about all long-distance relationships really just being slow, prolonged breakups?"

He grinned at her innocently. She glared at him and yanked him off of her neck, dropping him to the floor. "If you already know who he is and what he said, why'd you even ask?" she said coldly.

"Just trying to be polite," he squeaked from the heaping pile of his own coils.

"Well, that went well."

"Don't snark at me!" he snapped, expanding to his full size and standing erect. "I'm just telling it like it is."

"It's just…" she grumbled, frustrated, "every time I think I can get used to you, five seconds later you prove that you're still a monster."

"A monster?" he exclaimed, clutching his hands over his heart. "I'm no more or less of a monster than anypony else."

"Is that so?" Twilight sneered.

"Oh, I know you see me as some kind of spirit or personification of everything that goes against the natural order," he said, leaning down and glowering at her, "but really now… look at me."

He grabbed one of her hooves and forced it against his chest. They stared at each other expectantly until Twilight realized she could feel his heartbeat beneath his feathery chest.

"Flesh," he said softly, letting her hoof go. "If you prick me, do I not bleed? If you tickle me, do I not laugh?"

"Cute," she said dryly. "I could point out that when that line was written, the audience was supposed to see the guy who said it as a manipulative sleazeball who's full of baloney." She leered at him meaningfully. "Seems appropriate."

"That's true, but the intervening years have vindicated him," Discord said haughtily, raising a finger declaratively.

Twilight stared at him, then burst out laughing. "Ha ha ha! You think that you're… PFFHAHAHAHA! Well, good luck with that. Now go to bed."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, promptly starting back toward the stairs on foot. "See you in the morning!"

She continued laughing to herself under her breath, and returned to her letter.

My relationship with him is as tempestuous as you'd expect… but don't fear for me, Joe. For all the annoyances, it's alarming how much fun this is.