Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter Eighty-Three

A bonfire had been lit in Ponyville Plaza, numerous ponies gathering at its picnic tables and warming themselves near the towering fire.

"Good evening, ladies."

Twilight's friends nodded and smiled to her, freezing uneasily at the sight of Discord sinking into the seat of an unoccupied umbrella table. Twilight sat across from him, leaving her friends at the table they were all sharing despite the space that had been left for her.

"Discord, take a note," Twilight announced.

Discord produced a quill and parchment. The other ponies gasped, as did Spike at the head of the picnic table, looking confused and hurt.

"Kidding!" Twilight said brightly. "Just wanted to see how you'd react." She giggled. "All right, Discord. I assume you've kept a record of all my rules and commands."

"Indeed I have," he said, summoning a notepad and pencil in a puff of smoke, flipping through the pages.

"Okay, well, we had a good first day," said Twilight. "I just need to lay down a few end-of-the-day rules for you to follow from now on, based on your behavior today. We might end up doing that at the end of every day."

"All right, lay away," Discord said pleasantly.

"Rule number one: you are not allowed to play any percussion, wind, or keyboard-based musical instruments."

"Okay…" Discord muttered, writing that down. "Oh dear, words are coming out, the Elements are making me ask this: you do realize you're implicitly allowing string instruments?"

"It's a privilege, not a right," Twilight said simply. "Don't abuse it, or it goes right on the list."

Discord looked flattered. "Well, thank you."

"Rule number two: you are not allowed to pave anything."

"Okay, I deserved that," Discord admitted, his pencil scratching against the paper. "Entirely had it coming…"

"Rule number three," Twilight continued, "no looking for loopholes in the rules."

Discord's spine straightened and he went into a series of seizures and convulsions. When those ended, he slumped over in exhaustion and muttered, "I am a law-abiding citizen."

He lifted his head and glared at Twilight. "Clever. I had a feeling you'd try that, you're certainly smart and savvy enough. I only wondered when. First day, good job. Too bad it doesn't work."

"What just happened?" Twilight demanded.

"A little anti-paradox safety measure kicked in, because you gave me an order I couldn't possibly follow. It would require me to be able to control my own thoughts. Nopony can do that." He considered for a moment, then continued, "I'll show you, here: don't think about the last time you made love with Vorpal Blade."

Twilight looked surprised as her thoughts immediately went to that event. She then gritted her teeth and glowered at Discord.

"Yeah, it hurts, doesn't it?" Discord taunted. "Chew on that next time you try to police somepony's inner thoughts. One cannot keep one's mind from wandering. And you certainly can't control another's mind." He sneered. "Now that I think about it, I'm shocked and appalled that you would even try. Tyrant."

"Tyrant?" Twilight repeated. "T… tyrant?" Her horn sparked involuntarily, and she climbed up onto the table to get into Discord's face. "You are calling me a tyrant? For hoping to keep you contained?"

"Justify it all you like," Discord said smugly. "All tyrants do."

"Now you listen to me," Twilight growled. "What you did, what I'm trying to prevent you from doing again, is something that will never go away for any citizen of Equestria who lived through it. You warped minds. Infected them, scarred them. The wave that healed Equestria's landscape could never heal that. A few ponies never recovered. Several times, I've heard it compared to rape, and I find it an appropriate comparison."

"Rape?" said Discord. He burst out laughing. "That's a bit melodramatic, don't you think?"

"Be silent," Twilight said calmly, her eyes glowing red and flame bursting from her horn. "I'm in charge of you, and I'm not letting you commit a single evil act ever again! If that means controlling your thoughts, fine! It was worth a shot, I'm glad I at least tried it, and I don't care how it makes you feel! You deserve any and all means used to control you."

"Two wrongs don't make a right, Twilight Sparkle," Discord said innocently.

"Oh, DON'T EVEN!" Twilight snarled, a jet of lava spurting out of her horn and landing on the plaza's paved floor, sizzling. "As if you know right from wrong!"

The two of them leered at each other, their faces inches away from each other and orange in the firelight, all eyes on them.

After several interminable seconds, Twilight sighed. "And to think… when we got here, we were getting along so well."

"Best thirty-second-long friendship I've ever had," Discord agreed.

"Well, it's over now," Twilight said resignedly, getting back into her seat. "You are always looking for loopholes, aren't you? Hoping to find a way to break my rules, or break free of mine and Celestia's control entirely?"

"Of course," he said immediately. "I'm trying to make the best of this situation in all I do, but it's just not me."

"I have to find a way to stop that," Twilight said softly. "Let me think… okay, revised rule number three. Any action you might take, if it occurs to you at all that you might be bending or reinterpreting any rule you've been told to abide, if it seems illegal or immoral, or if you suspect even for a second that it might make me angry… Don't. Do. It."

Discord transcribed that directly, then pondered it, his eyes darting back and forth. "Ironclad," he decided. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Twilight said cordially. "Now then, rule number four: please disregard rule number three."

Discord stared at her. "…What?"

"Changed my mind. That rule probably would've come back to bite me in the ass."

"Heh, now that you mention it… almost certainly," Discord chuckled deviously.

"Plus… I want to see what you come up with," Twilight said mischievously. "You're a… fascinating adversary."

"Oh," Discord said, as if touched. "Well, thank you. I feel the same way about you. You're very good at this game. I thought you had me beaten. But you're giving me a sporting chance. That's awfully nice of you. I certainly wouldn't have extended the same courtesy to you. I hope we're still giving each other a good challenge like this far into the future."

Twilight smiled. "So… are we okay?"

"I can let it go if you can," Discord said warmly.

"Good."

Twilight turned to her friends. All of them were staring at her silently in disbelief.

"What?" she asked them.

"I think they think you're being reckless," Discord muttered.

"Maybe I am," Twilight admitted. "Maybe I'm testing my mind a little too much."

"Well, I approve," Discord offered.

"And that's all that matters, isn't it?" said Twilight, beaming. "Us enjoying our arrangement."

"There are worse things," Discord said grudgingly.

She held up a hoof to him. He slammed the palm of his lion hand against it, then clasped it in his fingers.

"I will put a stop to your evil," she promised.

"And I'll enjoy watching you try," he replied.

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Endnotes

One final shout-out to my former friend Jon. Roughly a month ago, he proved himself to me as a narcissist, a hypocrite, and just plain mean. Jon, my brother, may you live happily and be at peace with yourself. As for me, things are certainly going well. I'm quite happy. And now prepared to never think about you again.