Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Loli Pop: That… wasn't overly helpful. I can't really find you over there. Please, create an account here so we can actually talk. Do it right away, because I won't be talking to you like this again. This is no way to have a conversation.

May I extend a very, very personal shout-out to the lovely September, who has not only finally breezed her way through to the story's current position, but has been helping me with a plan to move the story over to deviantArt, complete with fancy cover illustrations! I'll let you guys know when those start coming out. September, you are an angel.

And, making sure every reviewer gets a mention at some point or another, here's one for the very sweet Ranger138. Nice to see you again!

Chapter Sixty-One

Cup Cake and Carrot Cake shifted in their bed, slowly starting to wake up as the sun filtered into their room.

"Morning, sugarplum," Mr. Cake said, smiling.

"Hi, honey," Mrs. Cake mumbled. Her eyes opened. "Hey… isn't it our day off?"

Mr. Cake's grin widened. "Hey, yeah! Store's closed, Pinkie's got the kids."

"We… are completely alone," Mrs. Cake agreed.

"Well then, why don't you come over here and give daddy a little smooch?"

"All righty then, let's make ourselves nice and cozy…"

Just before their lips met, they heard a loud crash, followed by a small hurricane of giggling.

"Oh, what in Equestria was that…?" Mr. Cake grumbled.

"We're about to find out," Mrs. Cake said exhaustedly, clambering out of bed.

The two of them came downstairs to find Pinkie with the twins, racing through a strategically-built maze of furniture.

"What's going on?" Mrs. Cake demanded.

"DADDY!" Pumpkin squeaked, taking an enormous leap through the air at Mr. Cake. He extended an arm to catch her, and she landed perfectly in the crook of his elbow.

"Aw, hi there, my little rhubarb torte," he said sweetly.

"Daddy, my name's Pumpkin Cake," she chided.

He gasped and his eyes widened in mock surprise. "It IS?"

"Yeah," she giggled.

Mrs. Cake beamed at Pound Cake hopefully. He looked back at her and said simply "WHAZZUP?"

Mrs. Cake sighed and turned to Pinkie. "Pinkie, honey, it's cute and everything, but if that turns out to be the only thing he ever says, I just might arrange for you and all of your family members to take personal responsibility."

"Ooh," Pinkie said apprehensively. "Okay. So what does that mean? You have mafia connections?"

"Yakuza, actually."

"Nice!"

"Yep," Mrs. Cake agreed. "Anyway… what are you and the foals doing here?"

"We live here," Pinkie said brightly.

"Yes… yes, I know that," Mrs. Cake said slowly. "I just assumed, since it's our day off, that you'd be taking them to the Bazaar."

"Oh," Pinkie said, understanding. "Well, I thought about that. But then I realized you guys would probably be going to the Bazaar. So, I figured the best way to give you a day off from me and these two would be to stay here."

"Well, that's very thoughtful of you, Pinkie," Mr. Cake said. "But we're staying at home today. We've already been to the Bazaar."

"What, eighteen years ago?" Pinkie said blankly.

Mr. Cake shrugged. "How much could they have changed it, really? Besides, it's really crowded there. And loud. And it's usually really hot, and bright, and…" He sighed. "We're old, aren't we?"

"Yeah," Mrs. Cake said sadly.

"So… if you'd let us enjoy our day off… here," Mr. Cake said delicately, his eyes flickering toward his wife. "Yeah. Think you can take them to the Bazaar now?"

"I guess," Pinkie said. "Gotta get up there anyway. You know, it's Apple Bloom's cuteceañera."

"You don't say," Mr. Cake said through a tight smile.

"Yep, that's today," Pinkie said, nodding. "I usually like to cut it close, show up and start decorating ten minutes before the party starts, but for Apple Bloom, with all she's been through and what she's feeling… yeah, she deserves some real meticulous effort. I'll start twenty minutes before! Pound, Pumpkin, come here, we're goin' to the Bazaar!"

The twins darted over to Pinkie, nuzzling her legs.

"Oh, Gummy, there you are!" Pinkie said, spotting the tiny alligator under the counter. "Pound Cake, go and get Gummy for me, okay?"

"GUMMY!" Pound roared. "Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy"—he flapped across the room and picked him up—"Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy"—flew back across the room, Gummy dangling underneath him—"Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy"—and sat on Pinkie's back, cuddling the unresponsive reptile. "Gummy Gummy Gummy Gummy GUMMY!"

Pinkie beamed at Mrs. Cake, who shrugged. "Okay, you're off the hook."

"Come here, Pumpkin," Pinkie said, putting the filly on her back as well. She prepared to leave, then turned back to Mr. and Mrs. Cake. "Hey, have you guys seen that movie Cupcakes?"

Mr. and Mrs. Cake shrieked and held each other tightly.

"I was just asking," Pinkie said coldly.

"Erm… sorry, Pinkie," Mrs. Cake muttered. "No, we haven't."

"Good. Don't." Pinkie sighed. "Okay, guess I'm going up there. Enjoy your day off. But listen, you two… next time you have a day off, don't spend it here. There's more to life than sitting quietly at home. Live a little! Days off should be about going out and having adventures. You grok?"

Mrs. Cake smiled appreciatively. "Yes, Pinkie. Thank you. We grok."

"Ah, but do you—"

"Yes, we grok in fullness," Mr. Cake interrupted. "Can you go now? There was kind of… a moment…"

"All right," Pinkie said, bobbing out of the store happily. "La, la-la, la-la, la-la…"

Mr. Cake turned to his wife and wagged his eyebrows at her. "So… where were we?"

Mrs. Cake smiled apologetically. "Oh, not now, Carrot. The moment's passed. I'm not sleepy enough."

"Not sleepy enough? That's a new one…"

"Oh, come on, you should know by now that I need to be the exact right amount of sleepy."

"Hrmmm, yeah," Mr. Cake grumbled.

"Hey, look on the bright side," Mrs. Cake said. "If the twins turn out to be as smart as they seem, they'll probably graduate at sixteen. Then they'll move out and go to college. And when they're gone, I'll be the exact right amount of sleepy all the time."

"True enough," Mr. Cake agreed. "See you in fifteen years, then."

"That's right," Mrs. Cake said, amused.

"So, uh, speaking of. When does Pinkie Pie move out?"

"Oh, she doesn't. We're stuck with her."

"Yeah, I was afraid of that," Mr. Cake muttered.

"Oh, now don't knock Pinkie Pie," Mrs. Cake said sternly. "I keep her around for you, you know. You need somepony to fantasize about."

Mr. Cake looked appalled. "That is the most ridiculous—okay, yeah."

"Yeah."