Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter Fifty-Nine

Princess Cadance flew above the gilded streets of the Bazaar, flying alongside miniature palaces with peacocks tethered at their gates, a fortress made of ice with lava flowing down its walls, a simple convenience store with a golden statue of a sphinx twice the size of the store itself sitting on its roof.

Cadance hovered above all the buildings on the block, gazing up at the massive golden palace at the Bazaar's peak, the home of the High Merchant, a title that had recently been passed to a young and brilliant entrepreneur named Greensleeves the Magnificent. The palace shimmered against the starry night sky.

Below Cadance, the door opened in a multi-story hotel designed to look like a system of cave dwellings. A white unicorn stallion with a blond mane staggered out, bobbing and weaving through the streets.

"Cousin Blueblood?" Cadance demanded, flying toward him and landing on the ground at his side.

Prince Blueblood's bloodshot eyes turned toward her. "Cousin Cadenzzzzzza," he slurred. "Imagine… running into yoooooou on the streets of the Bazaar. Shmall world, ishn't it?"

"You're loaded," Cadance said flatly.

"Well, excusez-moi for being born," he snapped. "We can't all be immortals, with your high resistance to intoxication and other natural abilities that prevent any fun from happening in your presence."

Cadance stared blankly, then shrugged the remark off. "So… what's up?"

"They turned me down," Blueblood growled. "They turned down Prince Blueblood, those bastards, those common gutter scum!"

"Who did?"

"Adventurers, Cadenza," he said reverently. "Real live adventurers… and if I may preempt any smart remarks about superheroes, no, not those Adventurers. The profession's title had meaning and gravitas behind it once, and I was going to sign on with a real band of them. They needed… a unicorn. I was perfect for the position, but they rejected me! It's inconceiva-believa-splicable."

"Maybe they found your level of intoxication off-putting," Cadance said dryly.

"I put myself into this state after their foolish rejection, thank you very much, oh perfect cousin with all your perfecty perfectness," he drawled. "Why would they do that to me? I'm Prince Blueblood! Where else would a group of low-born, dirt-covered adventurers find a unicorn with my level of education and magical mastery?"

"What education and mastery?" Cadance demanded, amused.

"I HAD THE SAME EDUCATION AS YOU, COUSIN!" he bellowed. "I was right there with you, learning royal protocol and the history of the kingdom and how to interact with all the 'little ponies'. All valid skillsets for an adventurer, and I daresay I'm damn good at them."

"Oh, you're fantastic at relating to your subjects."

"And you know what else I learned? MADGE! ICK! What's an adventuring party without an expert in magic, hmmmmm?" He stared at her expectantly.

"…I don't wanna say the wrong thing," Cadance said tonelessly.

"Rose Belt and her lackeys will come to regret snubbing the heir to the throne!" he declared. His legs wobbled, and he shook his head to clear the dizziness. "And I will make them come to regret it… at a future date."

Cadance giggled.

"I see no humor in this situation," Blueblood said coldly.

"It's just… you said you were the heir to the throne," Cadance chuckled.

"Well, I am!"

"Cousin Blueblood," Cadance said, grinning broadly, "our aunts are goddesses, beings of cosmic power older than Equestria itself. They're going to live forever. Who gives a tin shilling who their heir is?"

"Well, I think more ponies ssssshould give a tin ssssshilling, whatever that be… being," he said through gritted teeth.

"And if the identity of the heir mattered—which it doesn't, but if it did—I'm the heir, not you," Cadance said gently. "You're second in line. Just so you can get your story straight in the future."

"WHAT?" Blueblood shrieked girlishly. "Since when are you ahead of me in line?"

"Since I got married," Cadance said. "The laws of succession give priority to the members of the royal family who are married. And please don't think you can pick up some crown-chaser off the streets and get married tomorrow to take your spot back; since I got married first, I'll be ahead of you as long as I remain married… which I intend to do for at least the rest of my life."

Blueblood's eyes bulged. "What kind of lunatic sham of a hereditary monarchy do they think they're running here?"

"The kind where the monarchs can make up whatever crazy rules of succession they want to because they're never going to die," Cadance said wryly. She tilted her head. "Should we be worried about you, Cousin Blueblood?"

"I assure you, even those ahead of me in line have no reason to be afraid of me," he said calmly.

"Nopony's afraid of you," Cadance said. "I meant, should we be afraid for you, concerned about you doing something—excuse me, attempting to do something stupid that'll ruin your life and your career?"

"No, cousin," Blueblood said, hanging his head. "I have no delusions of improving my station. I'm where I'm at, and that's… that."

Three pegasi—a black mare, flanked by two cloaked and hooded stallions—darted out of a high window of the stony hotel. They passed overhead, light from the streets creating a blinding flash of reflection off the mare's golden belt buckle, and disappeared quickly.

"Ah, there they are!" Blueblood roared. "It's those three! They're the ones! HEY, BELT! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS AFFRONT, DO YOU HEAR ME? …No, I suppose you don't, but it's true. You will. Yyyyou wwwwill. Have fun exploring the ancient castle of the royal pony sisters without me."

"I get the feeling it will be more fun without you," Cadance said under her breath. "Wait a minute, they're going to the ancient ruins in the Everfree Forest?"

"That's their planned expedition, yes," Blueblood mumbled. "Their studies indicate some of the old kingdom's treasure still remains within."

"Sounds awfully dangerous," Cadance said fretfully, looking off into the distance where the trio had disappeared. "I hope they tell the ponies who love them where they're going. Their families must worry about them."

"The only personal connection adventurers have is to their equipment, their treasure, and if they're stupid, to each other," Blueblood declared. "Isn't it elegant in its simplicitatitudiness? I'd have been the best the profession had ever seen."

Cadance embraced him. "Sounds like a pretty lonely life, cousin," she said. "Come on, we're at the Bazaar. Have some fun, go shopping, play a casino. Then come back home to the castle and your family." She rubbed her nose against his. "I wuv you, sweet widdle Cousin BB. Where's that smile, you drunk bastard?"

He glared at her.

She backed away and tapped his shoulder. "Live it up, heir of the heir. I won't bother you anymore. If you don't intend to come home, well, I'll miss you."

Cadance took to the air again, flying above the busy streets.