Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Well, it's about two months until Season 4 debuts, so I'm trying to pump out as many chapters as I can before then. Evidently, DJ P0n-3 will get a song. Which probably means she'll have a speaking part. How many years of fanon are gonna go down the drain when that happens? And my fingerprint on her has only just appeared. Is it too much to hope they make her Cockney? …Yeah.

Oh, and before I forget again—a message for the guest reviewer Loli Pop. Are you still around? I know you wanted me to edit for you. I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner. Get yourself an account so we can talk, I'm looking forward to helping you out.

Chapter Fifty-Eight

Twilight walked down a narrow Bazaar street. On one side of her was the chest-high wall that marked the edge of the Bazaar; on the other side, an assortment of convenience stores so brightly lit that the night turned into day.

She looked over the edge of the wall, down at the same countryside where they had been camped almost twenty-four hours ago. She tried to capture the image and memorize its every detail, so she could come by again when the city shifted at midnight.

"Hey hey, Twilight Sparkle!" said a gravelly voice.

Twilight turned, spotting a familiar heavyset and brown-maned unicorn, standing at the entrance to one of the stores.

"Joe!" she said brightly, trotting over to him. "Nice to see you, I didn't think I'd run into you out here. What are you doing at this place?"

"I'm renting it," he said proudly. "Got up here over a week ago, before it even crossed the border into Equestria. Business has been good! I heard you can't get a decent donut at the Bazaar, and I aim to change that. They love me out here, I'm moving more donuts and donut-related magical artifacts than I ever have before."

"Donut-related…?" Twilight said blankly.

"Hey now," Joe warned. "I may not wear my mane in ringlets or smell like a lady, but I'm still a unicorn. And a graduate of Princess Celestia's school for the gifted, I may add."

Twilight beamed. "How could I forget?"

"So, hey," Joe said, "if you're not doin' anything else, I don't open 'til two. Wanna come in for a cup of coffee?"

"Sounds great," Twilight said. "Something chocolate-frosted and custard-filled would be nice as well."

"You bet," he said.

They walked into the shop together, Joe going behind the counter to start up the oven and the coffee-maker.

"So, how's Spike?" Joe asked. "He get anywhere with Rarity yet?"

"Actually, Spike seems to have gotten completely over her," Twilight said. "Ever since the royal wedding, he's been pursuing Sweetie Belle… that's Rarity's little sister."

Joe looked impressed. "Well, that's one way to do it…"

"It's not what it sounds like," Twilight said, amused. "His crush on Sweetie Belle is different from what he used to feel for Rarity. Purer, somehow. And I think it actually got Spike and Rarity closer together."

"Yeah? How's that?"

Twilight shrugged. "When she found out that Spike was pursuing Sweetie, she broke down and confessed that she had feelings for him. Once all the heated arguments calmed down, they started being honest with each other, really reaffirmed their friendship. She's been trying to talk him up to Sweetie Belle ever since."

"Ha, hooked Rarity and threw her back," Joe said smugly. "Classy! Knew something like that would happen. That Spike's been a charmer ever since he could talk. I don't know this Sweetie Belle filly, but she doesn't stand a chance."

He floated a coffee cup and donut on a plate to her. She nodded her thanks and brought the cup to her lips.

"Listen," Joe said quietly, leaning in. "Speaking of… matters of the heart…"

Twilight raised an eyebrow and Joe flinched.

"Um… I only meant… I've heard rumors about the guy who stole the crown jewels…"

Twilight slammed her coffee cup against the counter, and he went silent. She glared at him for a few seconds, then sighed.

"Yes," she said softly. "That was my boyfriend."

Joe bowed his head in shame. "Sorry, I… I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's okay, Joe," Twilight muttered, biting into her donut.

"You were studying love, right?"

"Yes."

Joe smiled. "Well, then just think of it as a failed experiment."

"That's how I try to look at it," Twilight said, giving him a small smile in return.

"'Cause you always handled yourself pretty good in the face of those," Joe said, gesturing to the wall of the store.

Twilight looked, and saw there was a bulletin board there. Joe had been indicating an old newspaper clipping, a photograph of the two of them, in their mid-teens and wearing lab coats, holding aloft a potion.

"Would you look at that," Twilight said, stepping up to the board to get a closer look. "I remember that day. We broke the all-time record for brewing that potion. What was the headline? 'SGU's Unstoppable Lab Team', wasn't it?" She chuckled. "I haven't thought about that article in years… good times."

"Good times," Joe agreed.

Twilight looked at the other items on the bulletin board. There was a large photo of Twilight and her friends in their gala dresses, exhausted and frazzled, with Joe grinning in the foreground. Another photo showed Joe and the group with Princess Celestia and Joe's two fellow bakers, in front of their award-winning amalgamated dessert.

"The Gala… and the Dessert Competition," Twilight muttered.

Joe nodded. "Ever since you moved to Ponyville, I… I try to commemorate every time I see ya. I mean, we used to see each other almost every day. Now it's a grand occasion every time. What we're doing right now? This is the third time we've seen each other in three years. Can you believe that?"

"My painting," Twilight said suddenly, noticing another image on the board, a watercolor painting of two houses, Twilight in front of one and Joe in front of the other. "Me and My Neighbor. I did this when we were in kindergarten. And then I gave it to you… you kept it?"

Joe shrugged, embarrassed.

"I used to love painting," Twilight said, looking back at it. "You know that I've kind of started doing it again? Nothing elaborate, just something to occupy my mind."

"That's… cool. No, it's great, is what it is."

"And what's this?" Twilight asked, noticing another painting.

Joe came up alongside her. "Something I did for art class, my first year at the SGU," he said. "You liked painting so much, I thought I'd try my own hoof at it. I don't really remember what exactly I was trying to convey, I assume it was supposed to be some kind of allegory. The lobster has my color scheme and the kitten has yours, so that's pretty obvious… plus, there's a sunset with a cup of coffee in it, so, yeah, that's probably us-related in some way."

The painting showed the lobster stretching out its claw toward the kitten, who was just out of its reach, determinedly looking away.

"Uh… huh," Twilight said slowly.

Joe hunched over, his green eyes looking at Twilight nervously. "Listen…" he said. "I wanna show you something. Something, uh, related to my board here."

"Yeah?" Twilight said, smiling at him innocently.

"Okay," Joe muttered, pulling four sheets of paper out from his apron. "This is the poem I wrote for our very last literature assignment before graduation." He passed one of the sheets to Twilight, who read it over.

"It's the, uh, second draft of the one I'd done earlier in the year," he went on, holding up the second sheet. "Which was a complete rewrite of the one I did when we were thirteen… which was, wouldn't ya know it, a rewrite of the one I did when we were nine." He dropped all three of the remaining sheets on the counter, then watched in apprehension as Twilight's eyes scanned the poem, growing wider every second.

"Oh my goodness," she breathed. She stared at him. "This poem is about… and the bulletin board, it's… everything on that board is about you and me together. Oh my goodness, oh my gosh…"

"…Yeah," he said, looking down at the floor.

"You love me," she stated. "You've always loved me."

He nodded.

"My entire life, I've had a stalker and didn't even know it."

He recoiled in shame.

"That is so COOL!" Twilight said gleefully.

Joe laughed. "Hey now, 'stalker' is a bit strong… we lived next door to each other, then we went to the same school. Plus, it's not really stalking when you're the one who keeps turning up where I am. How about 'secret admirer'?"

"I was kidding, Joe," Twilight said with a smile, passing the poem back to him. "This is… I don't even know what to say. This is wonderful!"

"It is?" he said with disbelief.

"Yeah," she said, nodding enthusiastically. "Why… why didn't I know about this sooner?"

Joe shrugged. "When we were at school together, I thought about askin' you out all the time. I just… didn't. You were too smart for me, too beautiful, and—this is probably the most important part—so antisocial that it took you a whole semester to notice that the guy who served you your morning coffee and your lab partner were the same dude."

Twilight winced. "Yeah… and then I had to be informed that you were also my foalhood next-door neighbor. I'm so sorry about that. It was embarrassing enough for me, but you must have been devastated."

"Little bit," he admitted.

"Well… you know…" she said flirtatiously, stepping closer to him, "I'm not antisocial anymore."

"And it's made you more beautiful and brilliant than ever," he agreed.

Twilight beamed. "Aw, that's sweet. Thank you." She used magic to remove his hat, and ran a hoof through his mane.

"So, what now?" he said nervously. "Should we… go out sometime?"

Twilight shrugged. "Why bother?"

"What?" he demanded with dread.

"Well… let's see… we've known each other for a very, very long time," Twilight said. "We're friends, I think. And… I trust you. What more do we need? I don't think there's anything that can be added to our relationship by going out. Why don't we just… get a room?"

He stared at her in shock. "I… I've got a room. I'm staying in an apartment not far from here."

"Perfect," Twilight said. "You're prepared, I like that." She leaned close to him, then broke out giggling.

"What's funny?" Joe asked, smiling.

"I'm going to kiss you," she said. "I didn't see my evening going in this direction, did you?"

"Not at all," he admitted.

She leaned forward, kissing him experimentally. He kissed her back with eagerness, pressing against her. She cried out in surprise, then attempted to return the kiss with equal passion, managing to push him backward.

"Wow, you really do love me," she said with wonder. "Come on, show me to this apartment."

"Okay," he whispered.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Later, Twilight stood on the balcony of Joe's tiny apartment, her front hooves hanging off the railing. She gazed out at the small portion of the Bazaar beneath her, and at the world beyond the small walls. There was a flash of light, and the landscape beyond changed, from flowery fields to a forest with a river flowing through.

Joe poked his head out the door. "Ah, there you are," he said. He wrapped a front leg around her shoulders and rested his head against hers. "How ya doin'?"

She leaned back against him. "I'm doing great, Joe," she said. "It was wonderful. Thank you."

He chuckled. "Don't thank me. It'd be creepy if I thanked you."

"I mean it," she said. "Thank you for being brave."

"Brave?"

"Yeah," Twilight said. "You worked up the nerve to finally show me all the signs of your affection. You didn't have to do that. You had no way of knowing how I'd react. But you did it, and your courage paid off for both of us." She turned her head and kissed him. "So, thank you. I needed this."

"Yeah?" he said, amused. "I for one needed the aerobic activity. I gotta find other ways to get my heart rate up that high."

"I'm serious, Joe," she said. "I really, really needed it… from you. I realize now that if I had tried getting into a relationship again, if it had been anypony else, I would have been overcome by this irrational fear that he was going to betray me too, some nonsense paranoia that would have taken over my life. But it's you. You've been a constant fixture in my life since before I can even remember. I couldn't possibly mistrust you." She stretched, arching her back. "My tension and stress has been ruling me more than I realized. Meeting you tonight, being with somepony I can trust… I feel free of that now. So thank you."

He nuzzled her. "Well, you're welcome. And thank you for taking charge. I never woulda thought you'd wanna move so fast. This is gonna be the start to a great relationship…"

Twilight tensed up, then slowly extricated herself from his embrace. "Listen, Joe… about that…"

He came up alongside her, placing his own hooves on the railing. "Yeah?"

"…This may hurt," Twilight said. "And not the least bit because it's going to be a huge pack of clichés…"

Joe frowned. "Um, okay…"

"I'm still a bit of a broken bird after what happened with Vorpal Blade," Twilight confessed. "I had a great time tonight, but I'm not ready for another relationship. I think we should just be friends."

He considered that. "That wasn't too many clichés," he said. "At least you didn't say you had a fear of intimacy…"

Twilight laughed and rolled her eyes. "I know, right? That's the worst line I've ever heard."

"Yeah," Joe agreed. "'Cause what we just did in there? That kind of was intimacy."

"Absolutely. But it's always used as an excuse to sleep around. Makes no sense."

"Totally."

Twilight tilted her head. "So… you're okay with this?"

He shrugged. "Not really, but what I think doesn't matter. If you're not ready for a relationship, you're not ready. To be honest, I don't really know how to have one either."

Twilight nodded. "Thanks for understanding." She held out a hoof to him over the railing, smiling. "So, what do you say? Friends with benefits?"

He stared at her hoof. "…Yeah, okay," he said. "I can live with that." He pressed his hoof against hers, and they shook on it.

"Sounds good," Joe muttered, looking away. "Friends with benefits."

"Should be fun."

"Yeah… for another couple of weeks."

Twilight raised her head. "What?" she said in a hushed tone.

He closed his eyes. "I'm staying at the Bazaar, Twilight. Permanently."

"What?" she exclaimed again. "No! Why?"

"I've been planning this for months," he said, staring out at the shops below. "This apartment, that little shop? I'm hoping it's just the beginning. Ever since I found out that the Bazaar was comin' around, I started makin' plans. There was nothin' keepin' me in Canterlot, not really. I've gone as high up the donut chain as I possibly can in Equestria. I was gonna sell my donuts and magic to folks all over the world. Woulda been great… then I heard the rumors. The word on the streets was that Twilight Sparkle was hittin' the dating scene, looking for love. And I thought… if I had the slightest chance of finally being with you, that would be a good enough reason to stay in Equestria. That might've been worth any risk. But if, uh… if we're not gonna be in a real relationship… I'm gonna go with my original plan. If that's okay with you."

Twilight smiled. "What am I gonna say? No? Of course it's okay with me. Go, see the world, do great things." She caressed his face with a hoof. "I'll miss you. I'm very, very glad that I found out how you felt about me before you left. And I hope we spend more nights together like this before the Bazaar leaves Equestria. But I won't ask you to stay with me, not when I'm not ready for a real relationship. What kind of friend would I be if I strung you along like that?" She kissed him.

"Thanks," Joe said grimly. "Maybe you'll see me when the Bazaar comes back. Who knows, by then maybe I'll have a real big donut shop, a fancy house. I won't be in any better shape, though. Nopony will trust a donut guy who's in shape."

"I hope I do see you then," Twilight said. "In fact… I'll make a pact with you. The Bazaar is due to return in about four years and eight months, roughly projected. Say we're both still single when that happens… then we'll get together, we'll be together for real." She beamed. "Plus, we'll be thirty. That's usually the age where ponies set these kinds of pacts."

"Meh," Joe said. "I don't like those kinds of pacts. They can only end in tears."

"You have experience with fallback pacts?" Twilight said skeptically.

"No, but I think about 'em," Joe said. "I hear about 'em, and it seems like it's only too likely that when the time comes one of 'em's gonna be single and the other one won't. Look at you and look at me. Which way do you think it's gonna go?"

"Joe…" Twilight said tenderly.

"Think about it," Joe insisted. "I can see it now: five years from now, the Bazaar comes back around, I'm all excited to see you so we can make good on our pact… and you greet me all friendly, but then it turns out you're engaged, and I gotta pretend to be happy for ya even though I'm devastated and my heart's ripped out and I'll never be cheerful again…"

"Whoa, whoa, Joe, take it easy!" Twilight exclaimed. "Okay, you've made your point with your elaborate fantasy about me being oblivious and leaving you to die. You're manipulating my emotions a little bit, don't you think?"

"Maybe," he grumbled.

"Yeah. Not cool, Joe."

"Sorry."

"Well, either way, I see what you're saying," Twilight admitted. "I… I wouldn't want that either, to be single and awaiting your return only for you to come back with a fiancée. Let me revise the pact a little. When the Bazaar comes back, you and I get together… no matter what."

He stared at her, stunned and wide-eyed.

"I'll be faithful to you," she said. "I won't go looking for love. We'll stay in touch. And when the time comes, I'll be ready."

Joe sighed. "That's a big promise, Twilight. You don't have to—"

"Joe," Twilight said firmly. "I promise. I'll be true." Her face and tone softened. "Can I get the same promise from you?"

"Twilight…" Joe said. "You read my poem. And it was a really sucky and juvenile poem, but you learned something from it. And what was that?"

"Um… that you love me?" she said blankly.

"Yes I do," he agreed, looking deeply into her eyes. "And if five years as the ultimate donut kingpin makes me forget that, well, you have permission to kill me when I get back, 'cause I'll have lost myself."

Twilight nodded. "So, do we have a pact? When the Bazaar leaves the country, we part ways as friends… and when it comes back, we become a real couple."

Joe smiled. "Works for me. We have a pact."

They kissed, tenderly and sweetly. One kiss ended and another began, and this went on for several minutes, never getting too heated or aggressive, even when Twilight slipped her tongue into his mouth and kept it there for a surprisingly long stretch of time.

"Man, I am exhausted," Joe muttered when they parted.

"What do you mean?" Twilight asked, concerned.

"I feel like we've gone through a whole year of 'relationship' in the past hour."

Twilight laughed. "You're right, this whole thing was pretty sudden, wasn't it? I'm a bit overwhelmed by it myself. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Joe said, nuzzling her face. "This is the best night of my life… until the next one comes… in five years."

"Aww, Joe," she cooed, kissing his cheek. "So, you're exhausted. Too exhausted to go back into the apartment and make a mare out of me again?"

"I… I could do that…"

"Great," she said. "Go on in there, I'll be just one minute."

Joe returned to the apartment, and Twilight produced a quill and parchment.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Falling in love is easy. It can be quite mind-boggling just how easy it is. Much in the same way that, so I've heard, dying is easy.

But falling in love with the right pony at the right time—that is to say, living—is much harder. You will cry. Your heart will bleed. You will lose all of your self-respect, and will often have to take quite the journey to find it again. Is it worth it? I have to believe it is. No matter what troubles you might have in life, being with the right love, even more so than being with the right friends, can make it all go away.

Love can be found in odd places, but it's best found right under your nose. Maybe, just maybe, the love I've been seeking spent years making me coffee and helping me mix potions. Maybe everypony can find love by looking a bit closer to home. What's right for you, what "living" is made of, is often nearer than you realize.

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

P.S. Some of my friends made a discovery on romance that they wanted me to share with you, and I suppose now is as good a time as any. Apparently, guys like fajitas.

Twilight rolled up the note, and was prepared to place it in the saddlebags she had placed at the foot of Joe's bed, to send it later. But as it turned out, the very instant the note was finished, a shadowraven had fluttered up to the balcony, and was now staring at her expectantly.

The raven was an unnatural black, darker than anything that occurred in nature, but was also somewhat transparent; Twilight could see clear through its feet to the railing it was standing on. It had one red eye and one blue, and both eyes smoldered like burning coals.

"Oh… hello," Twilight said. "You'll take this to Princess Celestia?"

The raven nodded.

"Okay, good," she said brightly, floating the letter over to the bird. The raven took the note in one of its claws, bowed to Twilight reverently, and flapped off without the slightest whisper of sound.

Twilight returned to the cramped, white-painted studio apartment; apart from Twilight's bags and Joe's apron, it contained only a mattress, where Joe sat expectantly.

"Hey, while you're at work, can I sleep here?" Twilight asked. "I've been awake for more than twenty-four hours."

"Of course," Joe said.

"Great," she said, climbing up onto the bed with him. She flipped him flat on his back and kissed him violently. "I've got two weeks to spend at the Bazaar, Joe," she muttered. "I'm going to spend every hour trying to top the previous hour. Come up here and give me an hour that'll be hard to top."