Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter Fifty-Seven

It was dusk, and Fluttershy followed Applejack down a narrow, winding alleyway.

"So where are you headed?" Applejack asked over her shoulder.

"Oh, wherever you're going," Fluttershy said. "I don't really know anything about the attractions around here."

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Really? Is that why you've been stickin' with me all day? You coulda said so, I'd have spent less time buyin' seeds."

"I didn't wanna bother you," Fluttershy said. "You know more about the Bazaar than I do, and we share a fondness for nature, so I thought following you was my best bet."

"Guess I've disappointed so far," Applejack said grimly. "Hate to tell you this, but there ain't no nature at the Bazaar. Not really. They pushed it all out to build their paved roads and apartment blocks."

"Oh," Fluttershy said sadly.

"Yeah, real shame, ain't it?" Applejack said. "But… I think you'll like where I'm headed now. Things really pick up around here in the evening."

The alley opened up into a sudden downgrade in the street; in a tiny valley that looked as if it was scooped out of the Bazaar's terrain, a circle of neat brick buildings was contained within a wrought-iron fence. High above the buildings, in the circle's center, an enormous boulder floated and spun in place, glowing red-hot.

"Say hello to the Blazestone Club," Applejack said, gesturing to it.

"Oh…" Fluttershy said nervously. "Is… is it a nightclub?"

"Kinda, but it's actually closer to a country club," Applejack said. "They've got golf, polo, kayaking, snorkeling…"

"In… inside the buildings?" Fluttershy said in disbelief.

"They're bigger on the inside," Applejack said. "And, apparently, there's some semblance of nature in there. They have the fanciest restaurant and best drinks in the whole Bazaar, and two dances that run all night long, ballroom and nightclub."

"Sounds really exclusive," Fluttershy said. "How are we going to get in? Don't we need membership?"

Applejack walked down the slope toward the entrance. "If the rumors I've heard about the entrance are true, we don't have anything to worry about there. Aha, there it is. Heh heh heh, so it's true… let's go. I'll do the talkin'."

"Wait, what?" Fluttershy said, picking up speed as Applejack did the same. "What did you see?"

"Our ticket in," Applejack said. "All we gotta do is chat up the bouncer, and… bring it to his attention."

"Bring what to his attention?" Fluttershy said, bewildered.

Applejack approached the one gap in the fence, where a dark violet stallion stood guard. The stallion was elderly and diminutive, with spectacles, a bowler hat, and a long white mane and beard.

"Hey there," Applejack said brightly. "Ain't you a little small to be a bouncer?"

"Hardly," he said in a thin, reedy voice. "Observe."

His horn glowed pink, and the gap in the iron fence was filled in with bars of pure pink energy just as elaborate as the real fence's elegant design.

"Touch that, and your fur and skin get zapped right off," the old bouncer said proudly. "But you two weren't planning on causing any trouble, were you?"

"No, sir," Applejack said. "We just wanted to get in."

The bouncer tapped a book that sat on a small table next to his position. "Well, I need to see either your membership cards or your names on tonight's list. What'll it be?"

"Uh, neither, I'm afraid," Applejack said. "But… get a load of that stained-glass window behind ya."

He raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"No really," Applejack said brightly. "Look at the pony with the label that says 'Honesty' and the one that says 'Kindness', and then look back at us."

The bouncer turned his head. The window showed Nightmare Moon and Discord standing back to back, screaming in terror and agony, as most of their bodies had been charred down to bare muscle or even bone. They were surrounded on all sides by the six bearers of the Elements of Harmony, turned into idealized beauties with long legs and heavy makeup, but still distinctly recognizable, with their cutie marks emblazoned behind them.

He looked back at the pair of them nervously. "You're…" He leaned to the side to get a look at their cutie marks.

"There's a tip in it for ya," Applejack said, winking.

"Of… course," he muttered, making the magical fence fade away. "Welcome to the Blazestone Club, most honored spirits of the Elements."

"Thank you," Applejack said, slipping him a few coins.

"Yes, thank you very much, sir," Fluttershy agreed, paying him as well.

They proceeded into the ring of buildings, drawing glances from the other club-goers if only because of Applejack's proud strut.

"I can't believe that worked," Fluttershy muttered. "With the way nearly everypony at the Bazaar has changed their appearance, I'd have expected him to accuse us of being impostors."

"Eh, maybe he knows somethin' we don't," Applejack said, shrugging. "Besides, he saw our cutie marks. Those are almost impossible to fake. You know, we should really play the 'Elements of Harmony' card more often."

"Should we?" Fluttershy said in alarm.

"Well, think about it," Applejack said. "Ever since we got together, we save Equestria, what, twice a year? And none of us has ever asked for free stuff or used it to further our careers or gotten 'entitlement issues'. If it's somethin' as harmless as gettin' into a club, I think we have the right to pull rank. Karma and all."

"I… I guess you're right, if it's nothing too overboard," Fluttershy said, looking around. "I think this was a good idea, Applejack. What should we do first?"

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An hour or so later, the two of them wandered out of one of the buildings and made their way to a bench. As she sat down, Applejack transferred her margarita glass from her teeth to a hoof.

"That art gallery was exceptional," Fluttershy said breathlessly. "I almost didn't want to leave."

"Coulda stayed there forever," Applejack agreed. "Heck, I'd stay there just for the margaritas. Best I ever tasted."

"Mm, I agree," Fluttershy said, inspecting her own glass. She gently pried the lime wedge off the rim of the glass with her tongue and ate the entire thing, wincing at the alarming taste.

"Hey girls!" said Rainbow Dash, dropping from the sky to land on the bench between them. "Enjoying the art gallery?"

"Yup," Applejack said. "Nice to see you here. How'd you get in?"

"Same way you did, I'm sure," Rainbow said smugly.

"Stained-glass window?"

"You're damn right. I always wondered how I'd look with such a Celestia-esque figure…"

Applejack laughed. "Hey, at least they tried to flatter us. Have you tried the margaritas yet?"

"You know, as it happens, I have," Rainbow said, wrapping her arms around the other two. "And it's made me want to try something. We're all suffering a few anxieties… let's turn to the bars for some extra-special Dash-patented stress release. What do you say?"

"Stress release sounds good," Fluttershy muttered. "If it'll take my mind off of life in general, I'm up for anything. What'd you have in mind?"

Applejack smirked in amusement. "Don't tell me, Dash, let me guess: you're gonna get us all laid," she said dryly.

"Eh, we'll do that tomorrow," Dash said. "But for now, I was thinking we start a bar brawl."

Fluttershy giggled. "Dash, there aren't a lot of circumstances that would make me think that's a good idea." She took a huge swig of her margarita, shuddered, and exhaled heavily. "I'll think it's a good idea in about five minutes. Let's start preparing."

"All riiiight!" Dash said with approval. "Let's hit the Blazestone Club's tavern, scope out a target, and slug it out. Really takes the edge off!"

"Okay!" Fluttershy said enthusiastically.

Applejack sighed. "All right, I'm comin' too, but only as backup. I'll be there to supervise only… and now I'm not gonna finish this drink, because I should probably be alert for when I have to keep you from gettin' massacred."

"You're no fun at all," Rainbow chided.

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The tavern was lit only dimly, its floors and walls made of nicely polished wood. The air was strangely misty, and slow, bass-heavy music filled the room.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy weaved back and forth between the tables, Applejack following behind them nervously.

"So, who are we going to provoke?" Fluttershy whispered.

"I like the look of these two," Rainbow said, pointing to two absolutely enormous earth pony stallions wearing heavy plate armor sitting at the bar.

"They're huge!" Fluttershy said in alarm.

"Yeah, but we're speedy and skilled," Rainbow replied. "This is nothing we haven't done before."

The three of them took seats at the bar right next to the giant stallions, Rainbow adjacent to them and Applejack farthest away.

"Okay," Fluttershy said, giggling nervously. "I can't believe we're really gonna do this. How does somepony start a fight?"

"Well, there are a number of methods," Rainbow said. "I think I can work out one that's appropriate to this situation. Can I get a glass of water?"

The bartender slid a glass to her. She picked it up and turned to the stallions. "Hey!" she barked. "You guys wanna fight?" She flung the water into the nearest stallion's face.

He jerked away in surprise, his eyes shut tight and his ears flattened. He had beige fur and steely gray hooves; his mane was shaved, but his black tail was unusually long and luxurious, and he had a spiky goatee. His armor was black and covered in spikes, and he had dark purple lines tattooed on his face and scalp.

His mildly surprised expression soon gave way to a broad smile. "Heh heh heh… heh heh heh heh heh…" he chuckled in an impossibly deep baritone.

"Don't do it, Iron Throne," his companion muttered in a gravelly voice.

"And why not? If these charming mares desire a fight…" He opened his eyes. "…A fight they shall get."

His eyes were golden. His pupils were not only vertical cat-like slits, but glowed a blinding yellow.

"Whoa…" Rainbow Dash remarked. Before she could react any further, Iron Throne lifted a hoof and punched Rainbow across the room.

She smacked against a wall, but quickly came galloping back. Iron Throne took the opportunity to pick up the helmet he had rested on the bar and place it on his head. It was black like his armor, with a pair of horns that swept upward, dramatically increasing his height.

Rainbow darted past Iron Throne, whose eyes were on Fluttershy. "Come on, Iron Throne!" she called. "Come over here and get some!"

Iron Throne roared with laughter as he charged at her. She dodged and he overshot her, skidding to a stop. He spun and tried to grab her, but she slipped out of his reach again with a taunting "Haha!" She rammed into his side, but his armor and his firm stance prevented her from shifting him so much as an inch.

Fluttershy hovered above them, her hooves raised in a poor imitation of a boxing stance. "Just tell me what to do, Rainbow Dash," she said anxiously. She brightened suddenly. "Ooh, pressure point!"

She pressed her hoof firmly against Iron Throne's neck, and he collapsed to the floor. Fluttershy laughed in astonishment. "Did I do that?"

Iron Throne's companion advanced on Applejack, and she got out of her seat and tensed up, backing away slowly. He was blue-furred, maneless like Iron Throne, his tail a white tuft. He had a wooden hoop earring in his left ear, while his right ear was nothing but a deep hole. The right side of his face, including around his eye, was covered in a purple tattoo that resembled a paint spatter more than anything else. His eyes were yellow, but normal unlike his companion's; his armor was bulky and purple.

As he loomed over Applejack, he sighed and turned his eyes to the ceiling. "Agh, my heart really isn't in this."

"Really?" Applejack said, standing up taller. "Good, 'cause I'm not either. I'm really, really not…"

"Ah, that's good to hear," he said, getting back onto a bar stool. "I try to keep the leash on Iron Throne, but he loves his battles…"

"I completely understand," Applejack said, sitting next to him. "I'm just here to make sure these two don't get themselves killed."

"Hmm, well, in that case, I propose we simply observe, only intervening if things get too dangerous."

"Sounds like a plan," Applejack said. She held out a hoof. "I'm Applejack."

"Good to meet you," he said, bowing his head and shaking hooves with her. "I am Earthwalker."

"Nice to meet ya too," she said, leaning back. "Hey—ten bits on my girls."

"I accept," Earthwalker said, smirking.

Iron Throne was back on his hooves, breathing heavily as he stood in a complex battle stance. Fluttershy circled around him, trying to figure out what to do next. Iron Throne dragged both of his right hooves slowly across the wooden floor, then suddenly rose to his hind legs with a mighty roar, his front hooves unexpectedly igniting with blood-red fire as he drew them back and thrust them toward Fluttershy's chest. She flapped away hastily and his attack came up short, but the sudden blast of heat was sufficient to send her floating away.

Rainbow dropped from the ceiling, her entire body weight slamming onto Iron Throne's back, cracking the floor and sending out a rainbow-colored shockwave that shattered three of the tavern's tables and splintered nearly every plank in the floor. Fluttershy, slightly singed but looking wildly gleeful, smashed a chair against Iron Throne's face. When that didn't seem to faze him, she yelped in fear and backed away, picking up a vase from a shelf off the wall and throwing it at him. It, too, shattered against his face.

Applejack and Earthwalker watched these proceedings with mild interest. Applejack's gaze started to wander, looking over Earthwalker's enormous frame and stone-hard features.

"Hey, listen," she said conspiratorially. "Princess Celestia's havin' this banquet with the Bazaar's leaders later this week, and I've got an invite. You wanna come with me?"

"Oho," Earthwalker exclaimed in surprise. "You are more than you seem, aren't you, dear Applejack? That sounds like something I would like very much to do… but I shouldn't. There's a lady in the arctic north waiting for my return."

"Ah, I gotcha."

"I am sorry."

"Aw, that's okay," Applejack said. "That's sweet. You're from the arctic north, huh? You musta only just hopped on here, then."

"That's right, last week," he said. "I and Iron Throne, my close friend and blood brother, shall travel the world with the Bazaar on its long journey. When we return home, we will be warriors and true stallions."

"That sounds really neat," Applejack said. "You're already lookin' like Bazaar ponies. Where'd Iron Throne get that crazy thing done to his eyes?"

"Actually, these tattoos are tribal," Earthwalker said. "And Iron Throne's eyes have always looked like that. He's got the blood of the Old Gods, don't you know."

"Does he really?" Applejack said with interest and skepticism. "Are ya sure about that?"

"Oh, yes," Earthwalker said reverently. "The Old Gods disappeared more recently than folks think: only a few short years before Celestia took her place as Princess. And they've always been well-known for being very, very bad at staying disappeared. Iron Throne has one or two of them on his family tree. His mastery of battle and chaos is proof."

"…Huh," Applejack said, not quite believing it. "How 'bout that?"

Rainbow Dash picked up a canister of tequila and flung it at Iron Throne. He ducked, and the canister hit the back of a dark green, gray-haired unicorn's head, the drink spilling down his neck.

"RAH!" the unicorn snarled as he spun to face his attacker, baring his gnarled brown teeth.

"By the Old Gods," Iron Throne muttered.

"Aw, hell," Rainbow commented.

"NYAAH!" the unicorn rasped. One of his eyes was beady and red, the other had a lusterless pink iris with no pupil. The two eyes focused independently, looking from Rainbow to Iron Throne to Fluttershy, his brow furrowing with furious concentration as his horn started sparking with sickly green magic.

"Nyang nyang nyang—EEEEYAAAAH!" he screeched. His magic ignited, and some black thorny vines burst from the ground, wrapping themselves around tables, chairs, and the legs of any pony who was close enough, the thorns drawing blood.

Where there were no thorns, crevices opened up, green fire spurting from them. Floating through the air came giant, disembodied sets of horrible teeth that matched the unicorn's, chomping and snapping randomly at the bar patrons. Fluttershy shrieked as one came after her, backing away and kicking at it hopelessly.

The bar was in a hurricane of chaos, centered on the hideous unicorn, who stood on a table with his eyes bulging. "GYAAAHAHAHAHA!" he screamed giddily.

"Okay, this was my bad," Rainbow shouted over the chaos, slicing through a thorny vine with her wing. "I guess I'll be the one to get him."

"I can help you there," Iron Throne rumbled. He lifted Rainbow over his head and hurled her at the madly cackling stallion. She angled her head to collide with his sternum, sending him tumbling off the table. She took his place, staring down at him. His magic fizzled slightly, but quickly fired back up, the foul plants and gnashing teeth only speeding up and becoming more relentless. One of the sets of teeth went after Rainbow Dash, chomping down on her neck. She screamed and rolled around, falling off the table and trying in vain to force the teeth off.

Applejack hopped onto the bar to evade a grasping vine. "C'mon, we gotta tackle him!" she hissed to Earthwalker.

"What's that now?" he said anxiously.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed him around the middle, throwing him into the air. As he started coming back down, she turned around and bucked him in the back, sending him flying toward the unicorn, crushing him beneath his bulk.

A green force field expanded around the unicorn's horn, throwing Earthwalker back. The stranger backed away, holding his horn out threateningly.

"Hnorf!" he fumed. "Hyeerrrr! Hnah!"

He turned around to find himself face-to-face with Fluttershy, who stared at him harshly.

"AAAAAAAAH!" he screamed, jumping back. His eyes turned outward, catching a glimpse of Applejack and Iron Throne charging at him from two directions.

With his magic, he picked up the skinny gray pegasus he had been dining with and summoned him to his arms, hugging him tightly, to the pegasus' annoyance. Both of them dropped through the floor as if it had suddenly turned to water, disappearing just as Iron Throne and Applejack turned around to kick him. Their two pairs of back hooves clashed together with a deafening CRACK. The impact sent out a gust of wind that blew out all of the candles in the tavern, and sent some plates dropping off of their shelves.

The tavern went silent. All of the vines, green flames, and marauding teeth had vanished, but the damage they had caused remained: the tavern was completely trashed.

Rainbow was flat on her back, huffing and panting, clutching the painful bite on her neck. Iron Throne walked up and gazed down upon her. She flinched, but he offered her his front leg. She took it gratefully, and he helped her back onto her hooves.

Applejack and Fluttershy stepped up to Rainbow, silently inspecting her overall condition. Earthwalker glared at Iron Throne, who grinned sheepishly. All eyes in the tavern were on the five of them.

Rainbow Dash looked around and exhaled. "Any of you guys want a round? It's on me."

There was a general chorus of assent, and the five of them casually walked to the bar.

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Endnotes

This is important: if you ever see me say Iron Throne when I mean Iron Will or vice-versa, let me know so I can fix it. I'm still picking out spots in early chapters where I mix up Rainbow and Rarity. Real embarrassing.

Interestingly, despite the many Game of Thrones references I've made over the course of the story, Iron Throne's name is actually a reference to Baldur's Gate. In fact, nearly every character we will meet at the Bazaar is a shout-out to Baldur's Gate. The ticket guy, the forked-tongue guy, the incoherently jabbering guy. Not that I expect anybody here to be familiar with Baldur's Gate. Anyone who is familiar with those games will be entirely unsurprised to learn that Earthwalker's cutie mark is, of course, a hamster.