Romance and the Fate of Equestria

For this chapter, I found it necessary to write lyrics for a couple of popular songs that exist in this universe. Bask in the meaninglessness! Thankfully, the actual chapter is much more meaningful than the song lyrics…

Chapter Thirty-Two

Twilight walked down the street toward the library, cheerful, without a care in the world. Her good mood quickly snapped into concern when she heard alternative rock blaring from within the library.

She opened the door, and saw the armored figure of Gewgaw sitting at a desk, looking over numerous books. Gewgaw looked up, and Twilight recoiled.

The song playing was "By the Blades of Her Eyes". Twilight had never understood what the song was actually about, never mind what the title meant, but it seemed eerily apropos now, as Gewgaw was indeed staring daggers at her.

"When I see the things that were, I think of her / When I'm caught in a trap, I feel her wrath / By the blades of her eyes, everything dies / By the blades of her eyes, everything dies…"

Twilight turned the radio down from across the room. "Hey there," she said. "So, you're back. Does that mean I can help you?"

Gewgaw grinned toothily. "Probably not. I mean, I'm waaaay far gone. Completely dead inside. My life is a complete mess. All my potential has been crushed, just like my horribly damaged psyche. Nopony can help me anymore."

Twilight stared uncertainly.

"Or did you mean you wanted to help me in your capacity as a librarian?" Gewgaw said sweetly.

"…Right," Twilight said. "Well, you just let me know."

The song faded out. "Hi, Ponyville! Good morning and wub wub wub!" came the distinctive rise-and-fall of DJ P0n-3's voice. "Ah, it sure is cold this morning, isn't it? It's gonna get frosty. I for one can't wait for that first beautiful snowfall. You're listening to The DJ P0n-3 Hour, Ponyville's most popular early morning radio show with me in it."

"Tee hee!"

"That's right, in case you didn't recognize that giggle, that was Octavia, friend of the show and friend of mine, who has agreed to become a semi-recurring feature on the program. Whenever she's not busy in Canterlot, she's gonna be down here. I think we're all gonna enjoy having you here, mate."

"Thank you. I'm going to enjoy being here. So what are we doing today, DJ P0n-3?"

"Well, since you ask, I was thinking about how to best welcome you to my program, so I started asking myself what your favorite music was when we were kids."

"Aw, you didn't."

"That's right. Here's a little treat for those of you who, like Octavia and myself, were little teeny-boppers at the turn of the millennium: the next song of the morning block, 'Favorite Girl', by Loli Pop."

Gewgaw froze, looking as stunned and hurt as if she had just been punched.

"Technically, it was her first and last great hit," DJ P0n-3 continued. "But we, her true fans, know that everything she did was completely classic. All the teen anthems, all the first loves, this hip party song was the best among equals!"

"Oh, I can't wait!" Octavia said. "I always loved Loli Pop. Still do, actually. Whatever happened to her?"

"I wish I knew, Octavia. I would've brought her here to Ponyville."

"I'll settle for the song, Vinyl. Let's play it!"

Twilight turned to Gewgaw, who was still staring in complete shock. "Of course," she muttered. "Why didn't I see it before? You're petite, you're golden all over… and your voice!"

Gewgaw turned to glare at Twilight.

"I was such a huge fan of yours!" Twilight went on. "I'd listen to your records over and over, every night while I studied."

Gewgaw pointed a hoof at Twilight. "Shut… up," she enunciated.

"Well, it's true, isn't it?" Twilight said bluntly. "You're Loli Pop. Aren't you?"

From one of the pockets of the thick leather band around Gewgaw's hoof, a knife emerged. She tackled Twilight with such force that the two of them rolled all the way across the room. Gewgaw had Twilight pinned against the wall, the knife at her throat.

"Say that name again, and I'll cut off your face," Gewgaw growled.

Twilight instinctively fired up a surge of magical energy; the stranger pressed the knife against her horn. "No spells!" she growled. Twilight's aura faded. "Thank you," Gewgaw said cordially.

There was silence for a few minutes, apart from Twilight's heavy, terrified breathing… and the bouncy pop song playing in the background. The little golden mare listened, as her own voice sang the sugary-sweet melody, and her lower lip and eyes began to quiver.

She stepped away from Twilight and sat down in the middle of the floor, looking pitiful and exhausted. She tucked her head in to her chest and started sobbing.

"I'm the music / I'm the magic / I'm the sweetest girl you know in the whole world / Don't forget me / Don't ever leave me / Keep on telling me I'll always be your favorite—"

Twilight turned the radio off, and looked at the shattered figure of the former pop star, feeling nothing but sympathy despite the dangerous moment that had just passed.

"What did happen to you?" she whispered.

The pony lifted her head and wiped her nose with a leg, glancing at Twilight dismissively. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," she said.

"Try me," Twilight said.

The other shrugged and stood up. "Well, all right," she said. "See, I've been largely forgotten, which is good. And even before, nopony in Equestria ever knew much about my personal life. That's because I lived in New Clovenshire."

The back of Twilight's neck prickled.

"It's way, way to the southwest. So isolated you could hardly call it part of Equestria."

"…So I've heard," Twilight said nervously.

"I left there a while back," the mare went on. "Too many memories of who I used to be. But I had a purpose. I'm after three vile and loathsome international criminals. A trio of complete sickos named Crazyface, Skippmud… and Vorpal Blade."

Twilight gulped, barely able to breathe. "Vorpal… Blade?" she said meekly.

"VB to his friends, Veeb to his very close friends," the mare said absently. "They've been evading the world's authority for decades, and been evading me for almost as long. The 'evading me' part is more important, seeing as I'm the only pony in the world who actually wants them caught. So, do you know them?"

"I, erm…" Twilight stammered. "Well, Skippmud and Crazyface are, um, my boyfriend's coworkers. I don't know any Vorpal Blade."

The other smirked and looked sideways at Twilight. "You don't sound like you're too sure about that. Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?"

"…You?" Twilight said in the same uncertain tone.

"Well, let's see…" the mare muttered, feeling around some of her countless pockets. "Ah, here we go…"

She whipped out an old photograph and thrust the sepia-toned image, unmistakably of Snicker-Snack, into Twilight's face. "This your boyfriend?"

"Yes," Twilight said, her voice cracking.

"Yeah, that's Vorpal Blade."

The mare slapped the photograph down on the desk smugly. Twilight stared in horror, taking in the entire picture; it showed Snicker-Snack through a veil of rain; one of his blank white eyes was rimmed with dripping, fresh blood, but he wore a triumphant smirk on his face. He was clambering through a huge hole that had been blasted in a stone wall, flanked on either side by a much younger, slightly smaller, Skippmud and Crazyface.

"No…" Twilight peeped. "No…"

The small mare started toward the door. "You go ahead and keep that. I'll just call myself a liar and run myself out of town, shall I?"

"Wait," Twilight said frantically. "Tell me what you know."

She turned around. "Really?" she demanded, advancing on Twilight ferociously. "You want to listen to what I have to SAY?"

"Y-yes?"

She backed away. "Hmm… that's never happened to me before. I might need a minute to figure out where to begin."

"Um—okay," Twilight said softly. "Can I get you a cup of tea?"

"Sure, I'd… yeah."

Twilight ran to the kitchen and started numbly preparing tea.

"You didn't recognize his name," the mare observed. "What do you call him?"

"Snicker-Snack," Twilight replied dully.

"Ah, right, the great big banner at the party," she said thoughtfully. "I get it now. How literary of him. 'Cause the vorpal blade goes snicker-snack. Ain't he clever? No. No he ain't. So then, you're Twilight?"

"Yeah…" Twilight muttered, returning to the desk with the tea. "Twilight Sparkle." She looked back at the photograph, anguished. "What… what is this picture from?"

"Their escape from imprisonment in a far-off land, about twenty years ago."

Twilight frowned. "How can that be? He looks exactly the same."

"He's older than he looks, apparently. And I mean a lot older."

Twilight shook her head with disbelief, and the other's rude smirk quickly vanished. "Listen, I… I'm sorry," she said. "This must be hard for you to take in all at once."

"It's okay," Twilight whispered. "Just tell me your story, please."

"Mmkay," she said, taking a sip of tea. "Well, as you figured out, I used to be Loli Pop. A kid singer known for my happy face, but I never really meant it. I was… shoved, forcefully, into the life of a celebrity at a very young age by my… let's just call her my guardian. But, well…" She lay a hoof on the book she had been reading when Twilight had entered; to Twilight's surprise, she realized it was an ancient volume about name science. "This mumbo-jumbo is pretty true. Not only was I a pop star, I was also a loli. Hehehehehehe… hehehehehehehe… ah-hahahahaha…"

The former pop star launched into a bout of hysterical, desperate, insane laughter that went on for nearly a minute. Twilight waited patiently until the laughter abruptly stopped and was replaced by a very businesslike demeanor.

"There was another local personality in New Clovenshire… Crazyface. Actor, singer, devoted to his kid fans. Naturally, all the comedians in New Clovenshire had jokes about him. 'Ooh, he's always hanging around kids, he must be some sort of child molester, har-de-har-de-har'." She gritted her teeth and glared at Twilight. "Let me tell you: I, for one… didn't… find… those jokes… funny."

Twilight gaped. "He… he didn't."

"Oh, he did," the mare said, grinning tightly. "He seduced the hell out of me. I didn't want to bang him, I didn't like it, but it would have been rude to turn him down. Don't you agree?"

"Why didn't you tell somepony?" Twilight whispered frantically.

"I was just a little filly with no education. They'd never taught me anything more than what a frilly little gewgaw needed to know. So, I didn't know he'd done anything that'd get him in trouble… just me. Just… me. So I kept a lid on it. By the time I understood the full implications, that I could get him locked up, it was years later, he was long gone. And anyway, who could I tell? There wasn't a single pony in my life I could trust. So, if I wanted justice, I was gonna have to go out and get it myself. So I made myself over into this"—she gestured to her attire—"and left New Clovenshire to hunt him down. I was sixteen."

Twilight bit her lip in concern. "What… what do you mean, 'long gone'?"

"It turned out, New Clovenshire was just their first stop after… whatever it is they were doing in the ten years between this right here"—she tapped the old photograph—"and coming back to Equestria. They've been repeating the process in town after town ever since. They roll in and start integrating into the town's social scene; Crazyface, the upcoming star; Skippmud, his edgy and hip emo lawyer. And Vorpal Blade, the publicist, who is soon accepted as a beloved pillar of the community. They hang around for a year or so; Crazyface satisfies his… appetite… for young fillies who can keep a secret, Skippmud performs a few simple cons and scams around town for spare change, and Vorpal Blade gets into everypony's closest confidence… then they strike."

"Str—?" Twilight coughed, realizing her mouth had gone completely dry. She took an unsteady sip of tea, spilling much of it. "The strike… what is the 'the strike'? What do they do?"

She didn't answer.

"TELL ME WHAT THEY DO!" Twilight cried.

The other responded with a feral, bestial snarl, clacking her teeth together in Twilight's face. Twilight flinched away, and the girl calmed down quickly.

"They're master thieves," she said softly. "They steal just about everything of value. They loot museums, trophy rooms, government buildings, ponies' homes… every unique item in the whole town. And then they vanish. They're never caught, never traced, never even suspected. I tail them pretty well, you know, but I can never catch them, never get close enough… I tell ponies, of course, what they do. I tell them exactly who's responsible. But nopony ever believes me… nopony ever believes a word I say…"

"I believe you," Twilight said. "With all of my heart. Your every word rings with real pain. Who wouldn't believe you?"

The other gave a small smile. "I don't know about that. You know, Vorpal Blade's never used a fake name before. Or had a girlfriend. I wonder why he's doing things differently?"

"Don't I feel special," Twilight said bitterly.

"And yet…" the other mused. "And yet, the girlfriend is the first one to consider that he might have done anything wrong."

Twilight exhaled heavily. "He may have gotten me to love him, but I never pretended to know all of his secrets… Nopony has ever even considered that you were telling the truth? That's so… odd."

She nodded, her eyes misting up. "Sometimes, they ignore my warnings so thoroughly, it's like I haven't even spoken. Like I don't even exist…"

Twilight pressed a hoof against her forehead, thinking hard. "That makes no sense! From what you've said, their operation seems so sloppy and obvious… but nopony even suspects? …How? I don't get it…" She looked up at the little golden mare. "They have to be stopped."

"Yes, they do," the mare agreed. "Finally, somepony who's figured that out." Out of nowhere, she added, "Hey, you wanna know something else? You know how Crazyface always introduces himself with, 'They used to call me Crazyface the Clown, but nopony likes clowns'? That's a filthy lie. He's never been a clown in his life."

She started gnawing and chewing on her hoof until she drew blood. She looked at the wound, looking darkly satisfied.

"Be that as it may…" Twilight said uneasily. "We should, um…"

"Right!" she snarled thirstily. "Where are they?"

Twilight kicked open the library door with a fierce sense of purpose and marched out into the street, the stranger in tow.

"We'll start at their apartment," Twilight said. "That's where they were when… when…" She sighed. "When I was there all last night and this morning…" She hung her head and started crying.

The leather-clad mare awkwardly reached over to tap Twilight on the shoulder. "It's, um… you're gonna be okay. Okay? But you gotta focus. Where's this apartment?"

Twilight pointed in the general direction.

"Mm-hmm," the mare murmured. "What have they been up to?"

"I… I don't know," Twilight admitted. "I never thought to actually ask what they've been doing all this time! No, wait—I do know that Crazyface is directing the school play."

"School play?" she demanded, thrusting her incredulous face into Twilight's. "What, like, with kids in it?"

Twilight cringed. "Yeah, wh—Oh." She gasped. "Oh, shit."

"Come on," the other snarled. "We'll start at the apartment, I can track 'em from there." She started barreling toward the apartment.

Twilight teleported to block her path. "One last thing," she said. "Who are you?"

The other tilted her head, confused.

"You're not… who you used to be," Twilight explained, hastily correcting herself before mentioning the name. "And I get the feeling you're not really 'Gewgaw' either. So what should I call you?"

She inhaled deeply. "You, my friend? You can call me 'Venni'… or 'Slash'. Either one works. My, ah… my name is Vengeance Lash. I picked it out when I left home… and I'm gonna keep it until I get my taste of justice."

Twilight nodded. "Okay then. Lead the way, Venni."

They galloped down the street side by side, furious and fiercely determined.