Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-One

"Ah, yeah! Manehattan!"

Rainbow whirled around overhead, flying in circles around the other seven as they walked down the streets beneath the towering buildings.

"Look at this architecture!" Rainbow gushed. "See, this is what being a pony is all about. Equestria is best civilization. Huh? Huh? Look at that skyline!"

"Yes, it certainly is nice," Twilight agreed. "Powerful, beautiful…"

"Phallic," Rainbow supplied.

Twilight sighed and glared up at the spinning pegasus. "You know, Rainbow, I'm trying to remember the last time you said anything that didn't have a filthy punchline, and I'm drawing a blank. All I can remember are times when you weren't speaking at all. Those were good times. Go back to that."

"Eh, no," Rainbow said simply, setting on the ground and walking alongside Twilight. "You know, you're really good-looking, I ever tell you that?"

"Where are you going with this, Rainbow?" Twilight grumbled.

"Oh, come on! I'm just saying."

"Well, no, I don't think you've ever told me that before," Twilight sighed. "Thank you."

"Yeah," Rainbow said with enthusiasm. "You know, you look around and you realize… most unicorns are pretty good-looking. I mean, sure, lots of earth ponies and pegasi are attractive too, but you almost never see a unicorn who isn't attractive. You know?"

"I don't know if my experiences can confirm that," Twilight said, puzzled.

"No, it's true, it's totally true," Rainbow insisted. "And you know what, I think I've figured out why."

"Yeah? How's that?"

"Simple natural selection," said Rainbow, clearly eager to express these thoughts. "The reason unattractive unicorns aren't really a thing is because… okay, we go waaaay back to the dawn of our species, right? Now, way back in those primitive times, if you had to be terribly attractive to get a mate, there wouldn't be unattractive ponies anymore, so obviously you didn't have to be the perfect specimen of an earth pony to get a mate, you didn't have to be the perfect specimen of a pegasus to get a mate, but I think if you were a unicorn chick back in those days, you did have to be crazy good-looking in order for prospective mates to get over the fact that you had a giant phallus in the middle of your forehead…"

"OH MY CELESTIA, RAINBOW DASH!" Twilight bellowed furiously. "You took it too far! That is the most racist thing I have ever heard!"

"Really?" Rainbow said dryly. "You ought to get out more."

"No," Twilight retorted. "No, that is not okay! How about a little 'golden rule', huh Rainbow Dash? How'd you feel if somepony was telling offensive pegasus jokes?"

"By all means," Rainbow invited. "Hit me with your best ones, I don't care."

"I don't know any racist jokes!" Twilight fumed.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Again: you ought to get out more."

"It's not a subject that's worth studying!" Twilight retorted. "Rarity! Rarity, you're with me, right? That was not cool."

"Oh, do relax, darling," Rarity said comfortingly. "We all know there's no actual animosity between the three races anymore, it's all in good fun. I happen to like unicorn jokes."

"Really?" Twilight said skeptically. "Like what?"

"Oh, you know, the old standards, like 'Is that a horn in the middle of your head or are you just happy to see me?' or 'Hey, mind if I hang my coat up?' or 'If you're so magical, why don't you—'"

"Okay, wait, wait!" Twilight cried. "So you're okay with ponies saying that your race's defining trait, the thing that makes us special and gives us our grace and intelligence… is phallic?"

"Well, sure," Rarity said with a shrug. "It's not as if that isn't true. They're long and hard and—in fact, I have a great story on the subject: the time I lost my virginity! I was a sophomore in high school, and I was having a sleepover with my best friend at the time. We got to talking about boys and wondering about things, and well, she was a unicorn as well, so we…"

"Okay, I'm beginning to think you're helping Rainbow Dash's case a lot more than mine," Twilight groused.

"I'm not trying to help anypony's case, darling," said Rarity, shrugging again. "Just stating the facts."

"You call those facts?"

"I see what you did there," Rainbow said slyly. "I assumed you'd been with six stallions, and you said 'something like that'."

"Yes indeed," Rarity giggled. "Something like six stallions, except that it was four stallions and two fillies."

"Up top." Rainbow raised a hoof, and Rarity clacked her own against it.

"Did not know that about you, Rarity," said Twilight, still scowling.

"Yes. I say 'fillies' because both were when I was in high school. I moved on to boys when I was in college, and… well, I've been unwittingly celibate ever since."

"Just an experimental phase, then?" said Twilight.

"No."

Twilight raised her eyebrows. "So you're bisexual too? You've never mentioned that."

"Well, it would be a bit misleading to call me 'bisexual'," said Rarity. "It's a sliding scale, don't you know. I wouldn't say no to a tryst with an attractive mare if one came along today, but I'd much rather have a stallion. If I had to put numbers to it, I'd say I'm about ten percent gay. Call it 'bi-curious'."

"…Do I have to?" Twilight said dryly.

"If you want the report about this conversation that I know you're going to write to be accurate, then yes, you must," Rarity shot back, smirking.

"It's true, though," Rainbow said, nodding her head vigorously. "It's not just straight and gay with bi in the middle, there's a whole lot of shades of gray. Me, I'd say I'm about… meh, seventy-thirty."

"Ah, fascinating," said Rarity. "Which is the seventy?"

"Gay," Rainbow said seriously. "Always loved the ladies… just couldn't get any. Kinda stopped trying after a while. It just felt more comfortable to play the odds. You go up to some random guy, odds are that whatever other compatibility issues there are, you can at least be almost certain he's into chicks. Approach a random chick, though, and you're far more likely to embarrass yourself."

"Too true," Rarity said solemnly. "And then, of course, there are the girls who'll flirt with you all night and then leave the place with some stallion, you being nothing more than a tool used to titillate the observing fellows."

"Ah, yeah, I've had that happen to me," said Rainbow. "You too, huh?"

"No, no, I've done that."

"Ohhhhhh. You bitch."

"Yeah…" Rarity agreed, blushing.

Big Macintosh slowed his pace, falling behind the group a bit. Derpy noticed and fluttered over to him. "Hey!" she chirped. "What's up?"

He eyed her cautiously, then brought himself to speak. "You ever get the feelin' you and me are the seventh and eighth wheels around here?"

Derpy shrugged. "The way I see it, if a contraption can have six wheels, why not eight?"

He contemplated that, surprised. "Huh. Well, that's almost profound."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"So, what kinda food do they have at this place?" Applejack asked as the group lounged around in the entrance hall of the restaurant.

"Ah, sushi," Twilight replied.

"Sushi? What in the hay is that?"

"It's hard to describe," said Fluttershy. She gently patted Applejack's hoof. "Don't worry, I'll order for you. I'll get the good stuff."

"A'ight."

Beaming, Fluttershy resumed her conversation with the fish in one of the many aquariums that lined the room.

"Fluttermac, party of eight!" the host called. "Fluttermac, party of eight."

"That's us!" Rainbow said brightly, popping out of her chair. "Let's go."

"The reservations are under 'Fluttermac'?" Fluttershy said blankly.

"Yeah, that's you two," said Rainbow.

Fluttershy stared.

"It's your couple name."

She kept staring.

"It's a portmanteau," Rainbow said in a posh accent.

"Ooooh, portmanteau," Derpy said appreciatively.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Soon, their food and drinks arrived.

"Whatcha got there, Applejack?" said Rainbow. "An apple martini? Very original."

"Hey, I'm a simple gal, I stick to what I know," said Applejack, scooping up the drink. "That's why I let y'all order for me. On that note…" She leaned forward, peering at her sushi roll. "What am I lookin' at here?"

Fluttershy inspected the roll. "Well, it's mostly white rice, and there in the center are gourd strips, avocado, fried cucumbers, and spinach."

"And the wrapping around the edge?"

"Nori. It's an algae. Ah, seaweed."

"And these little orange dotty things all over the top?"

"Fish eggs."

Applejack stared at the roll blankly. "…What do you do with it?"

"I think you're supposed to eat it, darling," Rarity said dryly.

"What, just like that?" Applejack demanded. "Yeahhhh, somehow I don't think so." She glanced at Rarity and did a double-take. "Wait, what are you doing? What are those?"

Rarity froze in surprise, her levitated chopsticks hanging in midair. "Uh, these?" she said uneasily. "They're chopsticks."

"But… but earth ponies can't use chopsticks!" Applejack exclaimed. "No wonder I had a bad feelin' about this food. This is racist food!"

"Boy, there's a bit of that going around, isn't there?" Twilight smirked.

"The chopsticks are a personal preference of mine," Rarity said defensively. "You're not required to use them."

Rainbow Dash chuckled.

"What are you laughin' about this time, Rainbow?" Applejack grumbled.

"Oh, nothing," she said innocently. "Just… Rarity being a sushi snob, with the chopsticks and everything, and Applejack not wanting to touch the stuff. It's funny, 'cause you're more likely to find a food that Applejack digs into but Rarity won't touch. You know, you two think you're such total opposites, but seriously, the sheer Ponyville-ness is overwhelming. You're nothing but two sides of the same cracker."

"Cracker?" Applejack scowled. "You're calling me earth-trash?"

"You're calling me earth-trash?" Rarity demanded.

"I'm just saying you two are the same," Rainbow said casually. "You're both born and raised in Ponyville, you just go about it in different ways."

"Okay, I think three times in one evening more than meets our yearly quota for racial humor," Twilight said decisively, "and I'm saying the word 'humor' with big-ass quotation marks around it. Can we drop this, ladies? You're making me uncomfortable."

Derpy sneakily stole a roll from Fluttershy's plate. Fluttershy noticed and stared in surprise, causing Derpy to nervously put the roll back on Fluttershy's plate.

"Y-you can have it if you want, Derpy," Fluttershy said uncertainly.

"No, I didn't want it," Derpy assured her. "I just like stealing food, I don't keep it."

"You steal food often?" Fluttershy said in alarm. "Why?"

"Just to see if I can. If I can do it, I feel good, and then I just return it. But if I get caught, then… it's funny."

"Is she great or what?" Rainbow said gleefully.

"If you say so," Fluttershy said in amusement.

"Hey, could somepony pass the wasabi and the soy sauce?" Pinkie called out.

Twilight slid both bottles over to her, and Pinkie promptly smothered every one of her rolls with both condiments in a matter of seconds, then scooped them up and placed them all in her mouth at once, chewing them with an exaggerated moan of "OM NOM NOM."

The others stared blankly at Pinkie for only a moment before each returning to their own meals without comment.

Out of nowhere, Fluttershy said, "Macky, will you marry me?"

The whole table went still and silent. Slowly, all eyes turned to Big Macintosh.

Seeming just as stunned as the rest of them, he said, "Eeyup."

The shocked silence went on for a few more seconds before the table erupted in squeals and giggles. Fluttershy flew over the table and into his lap, where they kissed passionately.

"What?" Twilight laughed. "Did that just happen? Did that seriously just happen?"

"IT! JUST! HAPPENED!" Rainbow roared triumphantly.

Fluttershy returned to her own seat to the sound of polite applause from the other restaurant patrons.

"Oh my gosh, Fluttershy, you're engaged!" Twilight squealed. "Wow. That's… wow."

Applejack held up her martini. "You think I could make a toast?"

"Oh, of course," said Fluttershy.

"Well…" Applejack stood up. "What can I say about my big brother and Fluttershy? The first time the idea was thrown out there, I was freaked out. But then I saw it, and it was like… why weren't things always like this? You guys are so perfect for each other." She paused, becoming choked up. "And I'm just so happy… and listen, all y'all, ever since we all took down Nightmare Moon together, you five have been like sisters to me, and now one of you is actually gonna be my sister, and…" She sobbed. "And I wish I had four other brothers so you could each have one of your own, but I'll settle for just one. Best-friends-in-law forever, am I right?" She raised her glass. "To Big Mac and Fluttershy."

"Big Mac and Fluttershy!" everypony at the table echoed. Among the cheering, seven wine and martini glasses, and Pinkie's soda bottle, clinked together.

"Ooh! Ooh!" Derpy said excitedly. "Can I make a toast too?"

"Oh!" Fluttershy said in surprise. "Um… I guess so, Derpy. Yes, go ahead."

"Okay." She stood up. "I first met Big Macintosh four years ago at a Winter Wrap-Up after-party, and of course I wanted to sleep with him—"

"Sit down, babe," Rainbow said in amusement.

"No, no, this is gonna be good, just let me finish," Derpy insisted. "Come on, trust me."

Rainbow shrugged. "Okay, I trust you."

"Okay," Derpy said cheerily. "Well… I offered. And he said no. He knew who I was, and he said I was too young. I didn't get that. I was eighteen, nopony was drinking, how was I too young? I never forget it, 'cause… nopony had ever turned me down before, or since. So I was always wondering about that, trying to figure it out. It took me a long time to understand what he meant, but I do now. Here's a guy who knows his way around a mare… and I mean really knows his way around a—"

"Sit," Rainbow ordered.

"No! Let me finish! Please?" Derpy begged.

"Fine."

"Okay, so despite… what I just said… here's a guy who doesn't like aggression, and who realizes that just become something's legal doesn't make it moral. There aren't a lot of guys like that in the world, and I know that because if there were, I would have been rejected a lot more often. So, Fluttershy, you're marrying somepony very rare and special. You're super-lucky, and I'm so happy for you." She sat down, grinning broadly.

"Okay, that went better than I thought it would," Rainbow admitted, "but since you've already told that story, how about you don't tell it at the rehearsal dinner or the wedding? There's no need to retell the story about the time you tried to sleep with the groom."

"Oh, come on, Rainbow," Twilight chided, "you can't say that's worse than anything you've said. I mean, today alone…"

"Excuse me, has anything I said today been an engagement toast?" said Rainbow. "Give me some credit, I know where to draw the line."

Twilight stood up next. "Gosh… this is just… you know, a few short months ago, I had the idea to start studying love. And of all the things I've seen since then, nothing has been more perfect than you two. It hasn't always been easy. You didn't know how to approach each other, you've had conflicts, you even split up for a while there, but you never stopped being true to who you are and what you believe, and it's led you to this. You're perfect and… engaged." She sniffled. "You're an inspiration to me. You're everything I wanted to learn, everything I want to be. And future generations will thank you for truly making love shine across Equestria."

The others cheered, and glasses clinked all around the table again.

"THAT WAS FREAKING BEAUTIFUL!" Pinkie shrieked.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

At the center of the sushi restaurant was a spacious dance floor, its design a colorful and elaborate mosaic, dimly lit except for the blue glow from more fish tanks. Fluttershy and Big Mac were nearly alone there, slow-dancing in the exact center of the floor.

On the edge of the dance space, Rainbow Dash sidled over to Applejack. "Hey, you," she said, nudging her. "Fork it over."

"Whaddya mean fork it over?" Applejack said in surprise. "You fork it over."

"Ah, no, I believe I'm the one who won."

"Nuh-uh," said Applejack. "I'm the one who bet they'd get engaged on this trip, and you said 'not a chance in hell'."

"Actually, what you said was that you bet Big Mac would propose," Rainbow corrected. "I knew he'd never have the guts to do that, and he didn't. Fluttershy proposed. Which is what I knew would happen. So I win."

"Ohhh, so you had this whole thing figured out ahead of time, didja?" Applejack taunted. "You're soooo clever. Well, here's a tip, genius: if you've got that kinda foreknowledge, maybe you should set the terms of the bet before the event's over, when there's a chance somepony might actually believe you. Now fork it over."

Rainbow scowled. "Fine, I'll pay you. But this isn't over. I know Fluttershy better than any of you. I knew she would propose tonight, and I know exactly how every detail of her engagement and marriage is gonna go. So you better watch your back, 'cause I'll be… um… back."

"Would you two stop it?" Rarity said irritably. "You're ruining this romantic moment for them."

"What are you talking about?" said Rainbow. "They're way over there, they can't hear us."

"…Okay, me," Rarity muttered. "You're ruining this romantic moment for me."

"Heh, sorry Rarity," Applejack chuckled.

"Yeah, sorry."

Pinkie prowled across the dance floor, about to pounce on Fluttershy. Without even looking, Fluttershy said, "We'll talk about my wedding plans later, Pinkie."

Pinkie turned on her heel and pranced away. "Okay…"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Endnotes

All right. This chapter, and the ones before and after it, are the first update I've done since Season 5 ended. Whew, I never imagined I'd still be writing this story three seasons later. In some ways, I'm glad it's taken me this long. As the time goes by, I get a chance to just think about what comes next, and that allows me to add more depth and heart to all the chapters I haven't done yet. At the same time… being three years out-of-date has become really disheartening.

When I started, I never thought that would happen. Because Season 1 and 2 never messed with the status quo; nothing ever really changed in the series then. So you'd think that things like the Crusaders actually getting their cutie marks, or Cadance and Shining Armor announcing they're having a baby, you'd think those things would forever remain solely the domain of fanfiction. Such things ever being canon seemed impossible… right up until the moment they actually happened. Now they're real. Now when I do them, they just won't feel special anymore. I love what the show has become. But it makes me feel like the quaint relic of a bygone era. You know?

On another note… the Crusaders getting their cutie marks, that helped me finally break down the last barrier that was keeping me from feeling emotion about my grandmother's death. Because when she watched Season 1 with me, she was always disappointed every time the CMC didn't get their marks at the end of an episode. And now she'll never get to see that they did. Kind of a silly thing to be the event that let me finally be able to cry. But it is what it is.