Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Would it surprise anyone else to learn that the fanfic Cupcakes came out before the episode "Party of One" did? When I found that out… well, I was plumb terrified.

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty

Twilight rotated the five changeling eggs, turning them toward the gentle heat lamp which hung over them during the night. As she finished with the last one, one of the ordinary females, she gave it a loving nuzzle with her nose and turned toward her five friends, who were gathered around a large white screen. Pinkie Pie was setting up a film projector.

"So, what are we gonna be lookin' at here?" Applejack asked.

"My screen test for Cupcakes II," Pinkie said proudly.

"Eep!" Fluttershy squeaked in horror, her eyes widening.

"Oh, don't worry, it's not scary," Pinkie assured her. "It's just a little thing to see how I look on camera, and how my makeup looks on camera, and… you know, my acting. It's just me standing around talking."

"Oh," Fluttershy said in profound relief. "Okay…"

"You know what's funny?" Pinkie chattered. "The movie is actually called Cupcakes II. The second Bonny Blu novel was called Songbird, but that's not even gonna be in the title of the movie. It'll be faithful to the book, but it'll just be called Cupcakes II." She finished prepping the projector, and looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "You never see a book sequel that's just the book's title followed by a number. They only do that for movies. I wonder why that is?"

"Can we watch the screen test?" Rainbow said impatiently.

"Right, right, sorry…"

Pinkie fired up the machine, and there on the screen appeared the image of a plain, dark room with gray walls. A pony was facing away from the camera; she wore her fluffy mane in pigtails, and both her mane and tail were deep pink with powder-blue streaks, and decorated with streamers. Her oversized cutie mark was three powder-blue cupcakes, one of which had a huge bite taken out of it.

She turned to face the camera and gave a winning smile. Her fur was a faint pinkish-purple, but she had very familiar bright blue eyes and curly eyelashes.

"That's you?" Twilight gasped.

"Yup," Pinkie said brightly. "They're making my coat just a little bit purple so I look more like Syrenity, and the transition is easier for the audience. It's okay, 'cause the whole story is in the basement area, and it'll be kinda dark, so by the third movie they're gonna let me have my natural color."

"Ooh, so they're definitely going forward with the third movie, then?" Twilight said with interest.

"That's what they said," Pinkie said seriously. "I don't really know how it works. At first, they told me they'd only make the third movie if the second one makes enough money. But after I made the screen test, the producer told me that the studio had okayed the next one, and they wanted me to sign a three-movie contract! So, I don't know what changed."

All the others were scarcely listening, as they were leaning toward the screen, captivated as the onscreen Pinkie Pie's eyes went glassy, and slowly drifted almost imperceptibly in opposite direction, then snapped back into focus. "HIIIII!" she said delightedly.

"Oh, I think I know what changed their minds," Rarity breathed.

Pinkie Pie's character had picked up a big knife now, and was toying with it, twirling it around, before balancing it vertically atop her hoof by the tip of the blade. "Hey, you wanna hear a joke?" she said in a breathy, shrill voice.

Twilight gasped. "Oh, that's amazing! That doesn't even sound like you!"

Pinkie looked at Twilight with innocent fascination. "So, when you've got Syrenity Jossfly in the role, it reminds everypony of me, but when it's actually played by me, it's not even close?"

"Hey, go figure, right?" Twilight said dryly.

"Okay, here come the joke, listen…" Pinkie said in hushed tones.

"So," said Bonny Blu, "two muffins are sitting on a tray in an oven." She pumped her hoof, and the knife did a perfect spin and landed back on her hoof, handle first. "One of 'em says to the other, 'Is it just me, or is it hot in here?' And the other one says, 'Holy crap, a talking muffin!'"

She cackled hysterically, her eyes going in opposite directions again. "Yeah… I don't really get it either…"

With another flourish, the knife went flat, and she spun it around on her hoof, dangerously close to her own face.

"Oh, man!" Twilight said breathlessly. "You know what makes this so compelling? When your eyes do that unfocused thing, it doesn't slow down your performance at all, you just keep on going. I never even noticed this when I saw the first movie, but when Syrenity did that, it made her acting kind of dull and forced."

"Well, you can't blame her," Pinkie said earnestly. "It takes a lot of focus to unfocus like that. Okay, here's the part where I just sort of wander around for a while, so you can see the whole thing: the cutie mark, the tail, my body language…"

"I am pumped for this," Applejack marveled. "I'm actually pumped for the sequel to Cupcakes. You believe that?"

Pinkie blushed. "Oh, come on. I'm not that good."

"No, you are, Pinkie!" Fluttershy insisted. "…I'm still never gonna see the movie, but this, this is very good!"

Bonny started walking straight for the camera. "We've been friends for a long time…" she said in an unsettling, absent-minded voice. "You said this morning that you trusted me." Her eyes went blank again. "I just want you to know that I feel the same way. I trust you to be my friend forever… and ever… no matter what."

Fluttershy squeaked in fear as the character produced a red-hot branding iron. The brand was a "BB" symbol, and with the most light and casual smile imaginable, Bonny jabbed the iron at a spot just underneath the camera, so it looked like it was being thrust into the viewer's chest. The ponies squirmed in discomfort as she clearly relished digging the hot iron deep into her imaginary victim's flesh. Seconds later, the film ended.

"Woof!" Rainbow said raggedly. "Pinkie, here's my honest opinion… you wanna know how good that was? I think that in ten years, twenty years, it'll be a total cliché to hear somepony say"—she put on a nasal "valley girl" accent—"There's a Cupcakes I? I thought Cupcakes II was the first one!"

Twilight laughed, and in a similar voice said, "How could you not know there was a Cupcakes I?"

"Was Pinkie Pie in the first one?"

"No."

"Well, no wonder I never heard of it!"

The two of them fell over laughing.

"Aw, you guys!" Pinkie said, beaming. "Thank you so much!"

"Well, I mean every word of it," Twilight insisted. "Captivating, Pinkie. Truly."

"Let's watch that again!" Rainbow said eagerly, flying over to the projector.

Pinkie Pie giggled and put a hoof to her mouth, clearly overcome by flattery. "I don't think it's impressive that I can act, you guys. I think anypony who has feelings can act, or at least anypony who understands feelings…"

"That's not true, Pinkie," said Twilight. "There are a lot of perfectly decent ponies who can't act."

"I don't see how," Pinkie said, shrugging. "I just think about my character, and I think, 'How is she feeling about this? All right, I can see why she feels that way, I can feel that way, let's roll!' The hard part is acting while competently handling a knife. That's the part that takes some skill."

"Oh, no doubt," Rarity said in amusement.

"I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with the parts where I get stabbed and electrocuted, 'cause… you know, that's not really an emotion…"

Rainbow scratched her chin and thought about that. "If I was getting stabbed and electrocuted, I would feel… upset, I think."

Pinkie snickered.

"You wanna do some research?" Twilight said eagerly. "I could electrocute you right now and we could film it. Please? I've always wanted to electrocute you…"

They all laughed, and Pinkie leaned her body against Twilight's. "Oh, Twilight…"

Rainbow squinted at the screen as the film started up again, staring first at Pinkie's legs on the screen, and then at her actual legs. "Did you get a bikini wax?" she said in surprise.

"Uh, yeah," Pinkie said casually, turning her head and extending one of her hind legs backward in an attempt to look at it. "They told me my legs would look better on film that way. What do you think?"

Rainbow nodded, looking impressed. "Sleek!"

"I have got to see this movie," Applejack muttered, seeming almost hypnotized by the action on the film.

"Well, you'll have to wait until next fall, you silly," Pinkie chirped. "Oh! Twilight, do you have the books? I'm thinking I should read them all before we start shooting."

"No," Twilight said apologetically. "I checked when you first got the part, but the library only carries the first one. Sorry. The others are really hard to find, they've been out of print for years."

"Really?" Pinkie exclaimed. "Wow. Weird…"

"But I'll search for copies of the others," Twilight said confidently. "I'll contact every other library in Equestria. I'm sure they exist somewhere. We'll get our hooves on them."

The reel ended again.

"Pinkie Pie the movie star," Rainbow said with awe. "I think I can say without a doubt that this is the coolest thing any of us has ever done."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Really? Are you forgetting about all the times we've saved Equestria, discovered amazing long-lost magic, and… our general habit of just doing things cooler than anything that's ever been done? Are we just forgetting about all of that?"

"Why not?" Rainbow said casually. "Everypony else does."

"Mmmyeah, that's true."