Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Nine

The sun shone over the lingering frost on the trees and plants of Ponyville, glittering attractively. Applejack anxiously trotted down the street, pausing every time she saw a clock and quickening her pace afterward.

Rainbow Dash swooped down and flew over her head. "Hey, Applejack. I hear you're in a bit of a slump."

"In ways you could never understand," Applejack said contemptuously.

Rainbow got in front of Applejack, matching her pace and flying backward, to look her in the eye. "Hey, don't be like that. I remember what it's like to go through what you're going through."

"Oh, I think you forgot how I'm feelin' a long, loooong time ago," Applejack said. "How old were you when you lost your virginity, twelve? Eleven?"

"Okay, yes," said Rainbow, "I've been sexually active for many years. You know when was the first time I had actual, good, fulfilling sex? Like a month ago."

"And about seven hundred times since then," Applejack retorted.

Rainbow landed on the ground and watched Applejack trot along. "So, what, you hate me because I'm happy now? You'd prefer it if I was as miserable as you, is that it?"

"I…" Applejack sighed and stopped walking. "No. No, that's not it. I'm sorry."

With an accepting smile, Rainbow caught up with her and they kept walking together. "Hey, it's okay," she said. "Remember how sullen I got when Twilight was with Joe? You and I are practically twins."

Applejack beamed. "We do harmonize really well together."

"Yeah, we do!" Rainbow laughed. "So you can talk to me, all right? I'm your friend."

"Yeah, I know that."

Rainbow leaned against her, giving her a mocking pout. "You don't hate me, do you?"

"No, not at all," she said. "Though if I did, it would be because we wear the same dress size but you weigh less than half what I do, not because of any relationship-status issues."

"So you hate me for my lightweight pegasus physiology?" Rainbow laughed. "That's racist. And since when do you care about your weight?"

"Since I started tryin' to imagine myself havin' sex!" Applejack said grimly.

"You know you have no fat, right?"

"I know, but I have muscle tone. Are guys into muscle tone?" She looked back at her flanks anxiously.

"Your guy will be," Rainbow assured her, smacking her on the rump. "If an athletic bod is good enough for me, it's good enough for you."

Applejack gave Rainbow a sidelong smirk. "I'd rather not have somepony who's into girls slappin' my ass without at least buyin' me a drink first."

"Sorry," Rainbow said cheerfully. "So, where you headed in such a hurry?"

"Oh, well, my cousin Braeburn is passin' through," Applejack said with a small smile. "I'm on my way to the train station to pick him up. He's takin' a trip 'round the country, and he's gonna stay at the farm for the weekend before settin' off again."

"Your cousin's coming?" Rainbow Dash said eagerly. "Oh, that's great news!"

"Yeah," Applejack agreed. "Havin' him around, that might be just the break in the monotony that I need."

"Well, not just that," Rainbow said slyly. "You and your sexy cousin sleeping under the same roof? You are so getting laid this weekend! Problem solved."

Applejack whipped around and slammed a banana cream pie into Rainbow's face. Its tin clattered to the ground, and Rainbow grinned through the layer of cream. "There we go! There's the Applejack I remember. Nothing like an old running gag to get the happy juices flowing again! Laughter really is the best medicine."

Applejack looked around at the empty streets around them, confused. "I don't even know where I got that pie," she muttered in bewilderment.

"Pinkie Pie would be so proud of you," Rainbow said, awestruck.

Rainbow wiped the pie off of her face as they arrived at the station and stood on the platform. Applejack kept her eye on the nearby clock tower.

"So, when does his train arrive?" Rainbow asked.

"Soon," Applejack said tightly, still staring at the clock.

Rainbow tilted her head interestedly at Applejack's intense focus. "Wishing you knew how to read a clock?" she said knowingly.

Applejack snorted with laughter. "Oh, shut up."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

On the train, Braeburn sat next to a young buffalo girl. While she had a dainty figure, she was slightly larger than he was.

The two of them were avoiding each other's eyes, an awkward silence hanging over them.

"You know," Little Strongheart finally said, "while I've got you here, I wanna talk about what this whole thing… means."

"All right," Braeburn replied pleasantly.

"You're taking a trip to see all the sights in Equestria… I've always wanted to do that sort of thing… and I'm only coming with you because it's convenient," she said firmly. "All we can hope is that we can get along with each other. It does not mean that we're getting back together."

"I understand that," Braeburn grumbled, suppressing a snarl. Brightening, he said, "Well, as long as we're talkin' about what this whole trip is gonna mean—"

"No," she interrupted, smirking. "I know what you're gonna say, and I want to make one thing perfectly clear, Kemosabe, and that is that I am not going to call you Kemosabe."

He blinked. "But you just—"

"It's reserved for when I'm threatening you," she clarified.

"Ah, gotcha," he chuckled.

"And one other thing," she said, suddenly glaring dangerously. "You've got to keep your temper under control, all right? Or else this trip is over."

He glowered back at her. "I don't have any issues with my temper."

"Oh, you don't, do you?" she said derisively.

"No!" he snapped. "I…" He took a deep breath. "Just because you pushed a particularly sensitive button one time, that doesn't mean I have a temper control problem."

"So it's my fault?"

"Um, yeah?" he said. "I think it's basic etiquette that when you're hangin' around with your boyfriend, you don't openly show off jewelry that you got from your other boyfriend."

"He was not my 'other' boyfriend," she laughed. "You and I had been broken up for weeks."

He gaped. "No we hadn't!" he exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yes, we had," said Strongheart, increasingly amused.

"Well, nopony told me," he scoffed.

She smirked. "Well… you know we're broken up now, don't you?"

"Yes, I'm perfectly clear on that nowwwwww," he said through gritted teeth. He scowled deeply. "Are you sure we can do this?"

"I'm sure I can do this," she mused.

"Will you stop that?" he said coldly. "Okay? You're deliberately tryin' to provoke me by insultin' my good name. That don't prove you right about me havin' a temper, you…" He paused, grinding his teeth covertly, and proceeded calmly. "I'm a better pony that you think I am. I'd have been great for ya if you'd given me more of a chance. I'm glad we're takin' this trip together, 'cause you're gonna see that what I actually am is a lot better than what you… assume I am."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"I think that's it!" said Applejack, peering at a train approaching from the west, still distant.

They silently waited for it to come closer.

"I love Derpy so—I'm sorry," said Rainbow. "It's a reflex whenever there's a moment of silence, sorry."

"'Sallright."

A few minutes later, the train whistle played the familiar six-note riff from the chorus of "Sweet Home Appleloosa", and the train pulled in to the station.

The doors opened, and Applejack scanned the faces of the ponies filing out until she spotted Braeburn and ran out to meet him.

"Howdy, cousin!" she said with a broad smile. "Welcome to Ponyville. It's been a while."

"Yep, yep, goin' on two years," he agreed quietly. "It's good to see you again." They embraced.

Rainbow floated above the crowd, and gasped in delight at the sight of a creature who towered a head over the rest of the train's disembarking passengers. "Little Strongheart, is that you?"

The young buffalo gave a small smile. "Hey, Rainbow Dash."

"Well, look at you," Rainbow said in admiration. "You've gotten a lot bigger and bulkier."

"Thanks. So have you."

"Well, I—HEY!"

Strongheart laughed, and Rainbow Dash set down on the ground on her hind legs, getting in a boxing stance. "So, what do you think? Rematch?"

"Sounds good to me!" Strongheart said with a huge grin. "Let's go a couple of rounds."

"Oh yeah! Good times."

They backed away from each other and started threateningly circling each other there on the train platform, taking a few practice swings at each other and laughing all the while.

Elsewhere, Applejack and Braeburn walked side by side. "It's gonna be really great havin' ya stay with me this weekend," Applejack said. "We've got a lot of catchin' up to do, a lot of talkin' about stuff that I can't talk about with ponies I see every day."

"I know exactly what you mean," he said solemnly.

"So, how's your uncle?"

"Apple Ton? He's all right. They had to use a crane to get him out of his room, but he's okay…"

"Oh, man, that's rough."

"Yeah."

Rainbow Dash spiraled through the air over their heads, clutching her chest. "Oh! Oh, she gored me!" she cried melodramatically.

Strongheart caught up to them, laughing. "I did not 'gore' you! I nicked you a little bit with my horn."

"I don't care what you call it!" Rainbow retorted. "You got me right in the nipple and it hurts."

"You gonna be okay?" Applejack said seriously.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, I've got three more."

"You what?" Applejack demanded.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Endnotes

Ah, so glad I finally squeezed in a reference to Uncle Apple Ton! As I may have mentioned before, a little over a year ago I moved to my birthplace of Appleton, Wisconsin so that I could work at my family's restaurant. When I told my girlfriend about it, she found the name of the town to be absolutely hysterical… for some reason. I dunno. English isn't her first language, I guess would explain it. Anyway, it inspired me to try to find a way to get as much hilarity out of the name "Appleton" as she thought it already had, and I quickly realized that the answer was in MLP: Uncle Apple Ton, a morbidly obese member of the Apple family. I liked that idea, and this Braeburn subplot allowed me to finally reference it. Yay!

Lots to say about Rainbow's "right in the nipple" bit. Originally, that was going to be the introduction to a running gag that would've spanned the entirety of Part Three: ponies getting hit in the nipple. In my original plan, it happened constantly. You'll probably agree that it was a wise choice to trim it down to one, maybe two more occurrences, if that.

When it came to this chapter's use of the gag, I thought it would serve me well to find out how many nipples a horse actually has, to see if the "three more" joke was accurate. Turns out, they only have two. Oops. Damn you, research! But instead of eliminating the line, I just threw in Applejack's bewildered response. My assumption there is that Rainbow is deliberately being weird and random, since she's clearly in that sort of mood during this whole chapter.

And yet, she's clutching her chest. One doesn't need to do any research to know that horses' nipples are nowhere near their chests, but I knew from the moment I came up with the gag that I'd be using some artistic license there, both for the joke and for more serious nipple-related events (no, trust me, there is such a thing). While I'm not about to go so far as to give ponies actual breasts, I felt that correct placement of the mammary glands ran the risk of dehumanizing and desexualizing the characters. And we can't have that.