Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-One

Rainbow and Derpy sat at an outdoor table at Sugarcube Corner. In front of Derpy was a huge pile of muffins, while Rainbow had only a single muffin and a cappuccino. Rainbow, as she usually did in the cold weather, was wearing her thick black cloak.

Neither of them were eating; Rainbow was simply staring into her drink, enjoying the heat emanating from it, while Derpy in turn was staring at Rainbow and smiling.

Eventually, Rainbow felt Derpy's gaze on her and glanced up. "What?" she said nervously.

"Just… staring," Derpy giggled. Rainbow smiled back at her. "Hey, Rainbow? Do you… do you ever miss guys?"

"Guys?" Rainbow said blankly.

"Yeah. You know, guys. And what they can do for you… sexually… that I can't."

Rainbow shrugged. "In my experience, sex with guys is pretty thankless. They're unskilled and care only about themselves. I know there are guys out there who aren't like that, but I've never been with any of them, so… no, I don't miss guys." She drummed her hooves on the table and stared into space, then was overcome with a horrifying realization and gaped at Derpy. "Why, do you miss guys?"

"No!" Derpy exclaimed, equally alarmed. "No, no, no! That's not what I was getting at. I don't miss guys at all. I told you, you are the best lover I've ever had. I just was worried that maybe you miss guys."

"All right," Rainbow said, breathing deeply to calm herself. "You had me really scared there for a second. Don't worry. No, I don't. You're nothing but a step up, baby."

"Okay…" Derpy peeped. She smiled. "Wow…"

"What?"

"Just…" Derpy muttered shyly. "Me, always so paranoid about not being enough for you, and… you, even more paranoid than I am! I know it's kinda mean to be happy about you freaking out like that, but it just makes me realize… I'm so lucky to be with somepony who's so into me. I don't understand what the big deal is, you know? I'm just me…"

Rainbow reached out and touched her hoof. "Yeah, well, 'just you' happens to be the best thing that's ever happened to me. Speaking of, that reminds me…"

"Hmm?"

"I've been thinking," Rainbow said, "we really ought to rearrange all the household objects at my place to make some more room for your possessions."

Derpy furrowed her brow in confusion. "Rainbow Dash, I don't have any possessions."

"Oh," Rainbow said innocently. "Well, we better get you some, then! And then figure out where to put them."

"Rainbow…" Derpy objected.

"That's right, we're gonna go shopping!" Rainbow said animatedly. "And we'll get you everything you need to make my house yours."

Derpy slouched, embarrassed. "Rainbow, you don't have to do that for me."

"Yes I do," she insisted. "You're my girlfriend. No girlfriend of mine is allowed to say that she doesn't have any possessions."

"You're sweet," Derpy said with a blush, batting her eyelashes.

Rainbow nodded with satisfaction. "I'd do pretty much anything for you, babe." They sat in contented silence for several seconds before Rainbow added, "You know, if you do miss guys, they have invented a product to specifically help chicks like us to—"

"Oh, sweet princesses, no!" Derpy said, appalled. "I mean… no thank you. You're a girl, I like you as a girl, you're a good lover because you're a girl. I wouldn't change a thing about that."

"Good, because I really, really didn't want to do what I was about to suggest," Rainbow said dryly. "But for you, I'd totally have done it."

"Again, it's really sweet that you would do that for me," Derpy said brightly. "But don't do that for me."

Rainbow laughed. "Okay."

Derpy tilted her head. "You ever feel like we've been together too long to be so preoccupied with sex? We really ought to talk about something else for a change…"

"Well, that's what I was trying to do a minute ago with the 'possessions' thing, I was trying to be romantic…" Rainbow mumbled.

"Oh, of course! Well, you did a really good job of that, sweetie."

They shared a quick kiss and a smile, and returned to dining.

From down the street, a deep voice bellowed, "Is that the world's fastest racin' machine?"

Rainbow Dash grinned, not bothering to turn around. "Is that the world's fastest racing machine's daddy?"

"Looks like it!"

"Yay!"

Derpy leaned back in surprise at the high-pitched voice Rainbow had affected. Rainbow whirled around just in time to intercept the hug of a large, pale purple-blue stallion with her exact array of mane colors, wearing a cloak similar to hers, but less extravagant. After a brief, loving squeeze, they parted and she looked into his dark brown eyes. "So good to see you, Big Daddy! What brings you to Ponyville?"

"I just had some spare time," he said casually. "I talked to Fancypants about you after I did his big holiday banquet, so I thought I'd come by and see my favorite daughter."

"Your favorite daughter?" Rainbow teased. "I am still an only child, right?"

"As far as I know, yeah," he laughed. "But no, probably not really."

Rainbow unleashed a snorting laugh that sounded entirely unnatural and forced. "Oh, Daddy, you're so cute," she said in an uncharacteristically girlish tone.

The stallion looked past Rainbow to Derpy. "So, who's this? I don't think I know this one. She hasn't been in any of the pictures you've sent me of your badass little girl group, has she?"

"Nah, she's new," said Rainbow. "I'll introduce you. Derpy, I'd like you to meet my daddy."

Derpy smiled at him from her seat. "Hi, I'm Derpy."

He approached her and shook her hoof. "Charmed. Folks call me Big Daddy Rainbow."

"Big Daddy here is one of the best snowstorm engineers ever to come out of Cloudsdale," Rainbow boasted. "Like, ever."

"Aw, you're too kind," Big Daddy laughed, waving it off.

"And Daddy, this is Derpy, my… roommate."

Derpy's eyes widened with shock. Rainbow made eye contact with her over Big Daddy's shoulder and silently mouthed, "Please… please…" Derpy only stared at her, with an unmoving, perturbed expression. Rainbow grinned weakly, trying to look apologetic.

"Roommate?" Big Daddy was saying with concern, oblivious to that tense, silent exchange. "You havin' some financial troubles, sweetheart?"

"Ah, no," Rainbow said, hastily regaining her composure. "But Derpy is, and I'm helping her out."

"Is that right?"

Derpy continued staring at Rainbow in stunned disbelief before realizing Big Daddy was addressing her. "Uh… yes," she said slowly. "Yes, that's right. See, I was gonna get married… but I left the guy at the altar."

"Hmm, good for you," Big Daddy said with a vicious smirk.

"And since I had nowhere else to go," Derpy went on, "Rainbow Dash took me in. She's a very good…" She narrowed her eyes at Rainbow and venomously finished, "roommate."

"Well, good for you too, darlin'," Big Daddy said to his daughter. "You never let your friends down."

"Oh, I certainly try not to," Rainbow said sweetly. "So, how long you gonna be in town?" She wrapped a leg around one of Big Daddy's and leaned against him.

"The whole weekend, probably."

"That's great! Where are you staying?"

"Well, I was hopin' I could stay with you."

"Oh!" Rainbow said, trying to look upbeat to mask her unease. "Certainly. Well, why don't you hang around town for a bit, and I'll try to make my place presentable for company. I'll come and get you tonight."

"All right. Sounds good, sweetie."

Rainbow started flying off. "Love you, Big Daddy. See you in a bit. Ah, Derpy, are you coming?"

Derpy turned one eye toward her unfinished pile of muffins, then stared steely-eyed at Rainbow. "Of course," she said coldly, abandoning the plate and flying after Rainbow.

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"So," Rainbow said to the group, "the reality we need to present for Big Daddy's sake is that Derpy and I are just roommates. No romantic attachment, just friends. In fact, just to be on the safe side, let's say that we're fringe friends who aren't really all that close, but happen to be doing the roommate thing, 'cause, you know. Everypony got that?"

The six friends were gathered in Golden Oak Library, and all of them looked confused and concerned as they tried to process Rainbow's words.

"You call your dad 'Big Daddy'?" Twilight inquired.

"Analyze my oedipal issues on your own time, Sparkle!" Rainbow snapped. "For now, can I count on you guys to hold up this deception for me?"

"We simply can't agree to that, Rainbow Dash," Rarity said solemnly.

"Why not?" Rainbow demanded.

"Open your eyes, darling," Rarity said, putting harsh emphasis on her usual epithet. "You're hurting the one you love."

Surprised, Rainbow looked around for Derpy, and finally saw her sulking in the corner.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, flying over to her. "Derpy, babe, I'm so sorry I sprang that on you like that! I know it was unexpected. I'm real sorry you didn't get more of a heads-up, but… heck, I didn't even know he was coming."

In response, Derpy only glared. Rainbow Dash sighed sadly. "Look… the reason I can't tell him we're dating is a really long and complicated story. I can't go into it right now. Can you guys just trust me? I need to know I can depend on all of you to hold it up, at least for the couple of days that he's here."

Derpy's scowl deepened. Rainbow looked around helplessly at all of the others, who simply seemed unconvinced.

"Guys?" she said pitifully. "Come on, you guys are my friends, aren't you?"

"Of course we're your friends, Rainbow," said Applejack, "but even friends can't do somethin' so down-low for ya as easy as all that. Speakin' as a pony who's about as convincin' a liar as a spider who says he just wants to kiss ya, I'd at least like to know why I'm tellin' a lie before I commit to it."

"I don't see what's so complicated about it," Derpy said bitterly. "Obviously it's because I'm a girl."

Rainbow gaped at her, looking revolted. "No, it's not because you're a girl!" she said wildly. Pausing, she hunched over and sighed. "Daddy knows which way I swing. I told him when I was nine, he's always embraced it. Checking out chicks was always something we could bond over."

Fluttershy tilted her head curiously. "You knew you were bisexual when you were nine?"

"I knew my sexuality inside and out," Rainbow said spitefully. "The guy kinda messed me up, in case you haven't noticed."

Derpy's anger had faded away, replaced by an expression of curiosity and sympathy. "So… it's not because I'm a girl?"

"No," Rainbow mumbled.

"If you were dating a stallion, you still would have told Big Daddy he was your roommate?"

"He probably wouldn't have bought it, but yeah," Rainbow confirmed.

Derpy walked over to Rainbow and stood at her side, leaning against her intimately. "Then what's the problem, sweetie?" she whispered. "…I'm sorry I got so mad."

"No, it's okay," said Rainbow. She sighed deeply. "Okay, I'll just explain everything to you all right now," she said reluctantly.

She scuffed the floor with her hoof, her eyes downcast. "You see… when I was born, Big Daddy had already been divorced twice. Before I hit puberty, he got divorced four more times. That's why, right around the time I got my cutie mark, he made me promise that I would never, ever fall in love with anypony, no matter what. He didn't want me to get hurt like he did.

"Now, I never once intended to keep that promise, not even for a moment. No matter what happened to me, no matter what failures I suffered, I still knew there was a pretty good chance that someday I'd fall in love and settle down and be happy. But him? After going six for six with mares that he thought were right for him and turned out, without exception, to be heartless gold-diggers, he just doesn't believe in love anymore. I want to respect his wishes. So even though I broke my promise, and always knew I would, I want him to think I've kept it."

She finished her story with her lower lip quivering and her eyes glimmering with tears, unable to look at any of the others.

Pinkie slowly approached. "Aww, poor Rainbow," she said tenderly. "I think you need a hug." She grabbed Rainbow and squeezed as tight as she could.

"And a kiss," Derpy agreed, reaching out to turn Rainbow's head toward her and kissing her gently, then giving her a little beep on the nose with her hoof. "But… not in front of your daddy," she concluded.

"So… you're on board with this?" Rainbow said to Derpy, straining her voice as she was still getting squeezed.

"Yes."

"Thank you," Rainbow said passionately, breaking free from Pinkie's grip to hug Derpy, nuzzling into her fur, looking warm and peaceful.

Over Rainbow's shoulder, Derpy shot a sorrowful look at Twilight, who gave a similarly sad, helpless shrug in return.

"And the rest of you?" Rainbow said hopefully.

Twilight looked around at the group for a consensus, and they all nodded solemnly. "We will," said Twilight. "But… must we?"

"You must," Rainbow said firmly. "I don't like it either, but you'll have to live with it."

"Are you absolutely sure?" Derpy asked fretfully, lovingly nuzzling Rainbow's shoulder with her snout. "I mean… what about when we get engaged? When we get married? Your daddy's just… not gonna know about it?"

"He's not gonna know a thing," Rainbow agreed.

"That's sooooo sad," Derpy pouted.

"Yeah, well, life is sad," Rainbow said with a note of finality. "I'm gonna go set up a guest bedroom for Big Daddy… and one for you." She gave Derpy a little kiss. "I love you." She flew out the door.

"I love you too," Derpy said inaudibly. She looked around at all the others. "What a horrible, horrible way to live," she said, anguished. "She loves her dad so much… that's why she's keeping him in the dark like that, but… it's just so wrong. I don't think he even knows her. When they were together, she acted like… well, me. Like a little schoolfilly. She wasn't herself. I hated it."

She inhaled slowly, and released it in a puff. "I can't let this keep happening. I won't. She's my girlfriend, and no girlfriend of mine is gonna go through the most special moments of her life without her beloved daddy."

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Endnotes

For Big Daddy's physical appearance, I figured I'd go with the guy who appeared for a few brief seconds in Season 3. I don't know what kind of fanon personality Rainbow's dad has, and I'm content with the fact that I never managed to find out, 'cause I had a personality pretty much picked out back when the name "Big Daddy Rainbow" was first mentioned waaaay back in Chapter 7.

My concept back then was that he would be like a ponified and rainbowized Mr. T. Everybody likes Mr. T! Classic. I assume that by the time I introduced Rainbow's cloak, I also figured he'd have a bit of Ned Stark in him as well. But, well, a lot of stuff in the story these days mixes together my old notion of trying not to be influenced by anything past Season 2, with a small pinch of inspiration that does come from beyond that point. So, I still picture him as having the Ned/Mr. T mannerisms, but looking like Rainbow's canonical dad. Yeah.