Oh god, Pinkie, what have I done?

I'm writing to you under house arrest. It's as much to get my thoughts in order as anything. I am so ashamed of what has happened. You would be so ashamed of me, and I deserve it. You taught me to love everypony, and to find joy in everything, but I have shamed your trust in me. Oh god Pinkie, forgive me.

It was that bitch Luna. She actually tried to make a pass at me. I can't believe she would be so crass as to try and play on my feelings like that. I thought she was my friend. She was a monster.

I went to see her at the palace, and was welcomed as an old friend. Celestia seemed distracted, and excused herself for some official business. Luna, acted all shy at first, making small talk about Ponyville and our friends. Like a year hasn't passed since she would look me in the face. She talked about being so lonely, and sad. She tried to fucking kiss me. Can you believe that? The bitch made a move on me! You and her were best friends, and she tried to move in on that. I rebuffed her, of course. My heart is given to one pony at a time, as you may remember. As much as you may have wanted to share me, my heart just doesn't work that way.

Then she started telling me things that made my skin crawl and my mind lock up. My powers. My power as a creator in this world. They weren't gone. The power to shape reality, which I had when I first appeared here. It was blocked. She had blocked it. Her and her sister didn't trust me so they put a block on the power I had.

Power I could have used for good. Power I could have used to find a cure for the curse. Power I could have used to change Fluttershy back. Power I could have used to save you. Oh god, I could have saved you. I could have saved over a hundred ponies that died needlessly to that horrid curse. You could still be here with me, instead of me sending these damn letters to a grave, where they will never be read.

I'm so sorry, my love. I lost my mind as my heart broke all over again. All the shame, guilt and self loathing that I have been hiding from came back, and my mind went away. I was drowned in sorrow and hatred, and I lost control for the first time since that fight with my darker half. Even then I had some self control. I truly went berserk in a way I haven't done since I was a child.

I attacked the princess. I remember breaking two of her legs, and savagely beating her over and over. I may have lacked my creator magic, but I was at least her match as an Alicorn. She didn't even fight back as I attacked her over and over again in my blind rage and despair. I remember she was still begging for me to forgive her as I snapped her neck.

Damn her for being immortal. I cannot kill her any more than I can kill myself. And you know as well as anypony how close I have come to that in my past.

And now I sit, awaiting sentence from Celestia. She has confined me to our house, with guards outside. I could easily destroy them. Even the magical barrier around the house I could dismantle if I wanted to. But to what end? Where would I go? My only home is here now.

Princess Celestia. I almost attacked her as well when she appeared. I was still crying over the body of her sister when she appeared to stop me. She had no qualms about using the creator magics to restrain me. She stripped me of any magic I had, and held me in place like a foal.

It was only at that moment that I realised that Luna too could have used that power against me, but hadn't. She too has the creator magic, and could have defended herself against me easily. She had chosen to let me rage against her, never lifting a hoof against me in defense. It wasn't til that moment I realised that she truly was sorry for what she had done to me. What she had done to US. But I was too much of a foal to see this. All I saw was my hatred and the loss of you that had driven me to madness.

I am so sorry, my love. You and your friends taught me the value of love, tolerance, and forgiveness. In my moment of grief, I threw that all away for a bit of revenge, and forever lowered myself in your eyes. How could you ever forgive me for betraying your love.

I'm so sorry Pinkie. I just can't keep my promise to you today. There is no more laughter left in my heart now. I see only blackness and despair. I feel only shame and sadness. I have failed you, and I have betrayed your trust in me. I am no longer worthy of your memory, or your love. I await my fate, and long only for your forgiveness, which will never come now.

I am so sorry

Drax