TCB: A Kinder World

13 - Friends in unexpected places

“So let me get this straight,” Doppel said, looking at the humans and ponies on the other side of the table, the table the only island of light in the otherwise dark room. “You’re saying that these two ponies are the real Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy, from another world, and they’re travelling to our Equestria to tell them to surrender to what’s left of the humans, or they kill... the other world’s Celestia?”

“But they don’t know that the HLF’s got the wrong Celestia,” Emmet pointed out, the man pointing triumphantly at Doppel.

“Right,” Doppel nodded. “So I’ve got the general gist of things?”

“More or less,” Twilight nodded.

“You honestly expect me to believe it?”

“Yes,” Emmet said. “Because it’s the truth. Or at least, the truth as I heard it. The original escorts have since bowed out of the mission for various reasons.”

Twilight frowned at the mention of “various reasons” and didn’t look at Emmet.

Doppel just leaned forward on his elbows, and closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply, before the door to the room opened of it’s own accord, letting in a stream of light.

The changeling on the other side, mimicking a tubby, balding human for the hands, wordlessly walked across the room, and placed a tray on the table; on the tray were seven glasses, and one large bottle of whiskey.

As if taking an invisible cue, the changeling left as quietly as it had arrived, and the room was mostly dark once more. Doppel reached for the bottle, his hoof morphing into a hand as he seized it and poured a large glass, which he placed in front of himself.

“Uh,” Twilight raised a hoof slowly.

“What?” Doppel asked. “You want some?”

“No,” Twilight shook her head. “Since when did changelings need to actually eat or drink?”

“We don’t,” the changeling grunted, taking a sizable gulp of his drink. “But I’ve found that alcohol is great for dealing with headaches like you lot.”

“Where’s the problem?” Emmet asked. “We almost did, but we ultimately didn’t draw attention to your community, you’ve got nothing against us... I think... and we’re after something you don’t use anyway, gas.”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” Doppel complained. “You are outsiders. Now outsiders know of our existence, and even if you don’t set out to tell someone... what if they extract it from you? There are ways of making a creature talk, we know. I don’t think the swarm could handle having to flee again.”

“Again?” Fluttershy asked. “What happened?”

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to run a swarm without using a hivemind?” Doppel asked. “We can send short-range bursts and communicate telepathically over short distances, but we can’t use the longer-range hivemind, or we risk contamination from the other swarm. And if we can’t use that, then when our scouts are caught by surprise, we don’t get any warning, and next thing we know, we’re running for our lives in the dead of night.”

Twilight pursed her lips as she walked around the human raider issue, and locked onto the hivemind problem. “What is the “other” swarm?”

“The Queen,” Doppel sighed. “Something got into her, and it spread like wildfire through the hivemind. About half of us managed to cut our connection in time to avoid it. The other changelings, the ones that didn’t disconnect in time... they’re different, now. They followed the queen before, but now, it’s different. And the Queen... now, she bows to Equestria’s crown.” Doppel tapped the table with his unchanged hoof. “Queen Chrysalis never bowed to any creature, god or otherwise. So we stayed away, set out for new lands, infiltrating communities en masse, scrounging what love and emotion we could. Each one fell victim to the same thing our Queen did, as they began to have more dealings with the ponies, and each time we moved on.”

“We’re not the first ones, huh?” Desmond muttered. “That’s news to me, the ponies never mentioned running into other races before. In fact, they never mentioned them, full-stop. Tell me this - if you’ve been on the run for so long... why are you out here on Earth?”

Doppel smiled. “Earth. Home to the Humans. The only creatures we’ve ever seen completely without magic. And oddly enough, the only creatures who have never succumbed to the mind-darkness. And with so many of you... slipping into and infiltrating your communities, even as they were overrun, was a simple affair. We fed well,” Doppel’s face fell. “Until Celestia worked out how to turn you into ponies. Then you fell just like everything else has fallen, and as communities were wiped out and we were forced into hiding. Pickings got slim.”

“If you can infiltrate us,” David asked, “Why can’t you just infiltrate Equestria itself, imitate regular ponies or something? Earth’s a long way to come just for a feed.”

“Would that we could,” Doppel shook his head, taking another drink. “The ponies do not emit emotion that we can feed off. Likewise for any race that has fallen to the mind-dark. It is like being adrift at sea - you only have the water you take with you, and you cannot drink of the water around you. Humans are filled with such a varied mix of emotions, and precious little love for anything that didn’t come out of them, but they are all we have left.”

“Um,” Fluttershy said, quietly. “Can’t you just do what you’ve done before and... move on?”

“Move on to where?” Doppel asked. “There is no race untouched by the mind-dark, and while we were able to endure the years between fall of the Gryphons and discovery of Humans, it cost us much, and we were fortunate. We would not survive another famine.” Doppel looked into his glass. “When humans are finally gone, we will follow not long after.”

“What if we find a way to get rid of this mind-dark?” Twilight asked. “What then?”

“Well,” Doppel said, sighing wistfully as he leaned a chin on his hoof. “We could feed upon ponies once more. We would be drowning in emotions. We could rejoin the swarm, even, it would be a glorious day.”

“Well,” Twilight said, “If you let us go, we’ll deliver the message from the HLF to Equestria, and then find a way to make that happen.”

“What?” Emmet asked, surprised.

“We’ll do it,” Twilight vowed. “We’ll find out what’s wrong with these ponies, and fix it. Ponies aren’t supposed to be like they are in this world, and I refuse to believe that this is natural. Something evil is afoot, and we’re going to stop it.”

“How do you plan to stop it?” Doppel asked.

“I... uh,” Twilight hesitated. “I don’t know right now. But I’ll study it, and find out!”

“A solid plan,” Desmond muttered, sarcasm heavy in his voice.

“It’s magic,” Twilight said. “It must be. Doesn’t affect humans because they don’t have any. And who’s got a talent for magic?” Twilight turned in her chair to point at her rump. “Hello! If anyone can fix it... I can.”

Doppel looked at them. “You’re serious.”

“She’s very determined when she doesn’t know something,” Fluttershy said.

“Well, then.” Doppel sat back. “The Swarm is screeching for your incarceration or execution variously. If I said you were going to be imprisoned for the rest of your lives, I do not think there would be any objections.”

“We’d object,” pointed out David. “Loud, and often.”

Doppel held up a hoof. “One of the benefits of being separated from the hive-mind, however, is the ability to think for oneself. Sometimes this is a flaw, like when I invited you here in the first place, neglecting to make sure you were changelings to begin with. Others... it’s a gift. I’m going to exercise my ability to think for myself, and as the leader of the Swarm, I’m going to let you go free.”

“Thank you!” Twilight said, nodding.

Doppel continued. “There are conditions, however. You must tell no-one of us, and you must make all attempts to help the swarm. Do so, and we will aid you in return. Cross us...” Doppel’s eyes hardened, and his mouth opened slightly, revealing fangs. “You will wish you had not. Do we have a deal? Or should I go prepare the cells?”

“Deal,” Emmet said, holding out a hand over the table. Doppel looked at it, and releasing his grip on the glass, shook his transformed hand with Emmet.

+==[~~~]==+

Two royal guard pegasi stood guard outside the doors to the castle gardens, looking out over the royal hedge maze and statue garden.

“Do you ever wonder why we’re here?” One of them asked.

The other one shrugged. “It's one of life's great mysteries isn't it?” He shrugged. “Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there a power even greater than Celestia, just watching everything, you know, with a plan for us and stuff?” The guard shook his head. “I dunno, man, but it keeps me up at night.”

“Uh, no,” The first guard shook his head, nonplussed. “I meant, why are we here, watching an empty statue garden? Who on earth would attack the castle from the ga-”

“Shh!” The other guard said, holding up a hoof. “Do you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“Sounds like rope.”

The first guard cocked an ear. “Yeah, sounds like that sound when somepony’s sliding down a rope really fast.”

“Whoashit”

“What was that noise?” The second guard asked.

“I dunno exactly what they said, but it sounded kinda like that noise you make when you lose your grip on som-”

Something large and heavy fell out of the sky, and with a crunch and rattle of metal, landed on the first guard, helmet bouncing away. The second just watched in abject terror as some... thing with only two legs got up, groaning, before it turned an empty visage towards him; in that thing’s eyes, he only saw a reflection of himself in two wide, empty eyes, as it reared up to it’s full height, and took a step towards him. The second guard could see death in his near future, so he did the only thing he could do to avoid it.

With a bleating noise, he pitched over sideways and collapsed, fainted.

Richard looked at the two guards, as the rope above him twitched, and with a buzz of metal, Lyra stopped descending, hanging just above Richard’s head height. Clutched in her mouth was a special handle clamped to the rope, small wheels visible in the mechanism. She let it go, and dropped to the ground, quickly making way for Trixie who arrived in a similar manner.

“Trixie is, as always, amazed at your ability to physically defeat creatures,” she remarked as she disembarked the rope, pulling a face to get the taste of the handle out of her mouth.

Rainbow Dash arrived, circling in to touch down next to the guards. “Whoa, Richard. You did this?”

“I just landed on one and the other one fainted!” Richard said, defensively. “It’s not my fault!”

“It kinda is,” Lyra said, looking up and using her magic to tug on the rope briskly. Far above, the faint ding-ding of a bell was heard, and the rope began to ascend once more, rising back up to the airship hovering silently overhead. “You didn’t want to use the handle, and you lost your grip on the rope. If you’d just used the handle, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Look, can we stop talking about how soft your royal guard is,” Richard asked, “And find Princess Luna?”

“It’s the middle of the night,” Rainbow Dash said. “That means Princess Luna’s probably in the throne room, holding night court.”

“Well, let’s go get an audience, then!” Lyra suggested. “Let’s go get in line!”

“Not so fast!” Trixie exclaimed. “Do you think it’s such a good idea to just... waltz into the throne room, filled with guards and ponies, while bringing Richard along? Because, no offense intended Richard, but you’re positively filthy and covered in blood. Not to mention strange, unusual, and likely to receive a few thrown spears on reflex.”

“You sound just like Rarity,” Rainbow Dash complained. “That just shows he’s a worker who takes pride in what he does.”

“Why don’t we send a scout in, and make sure that the throne room’s empty before we go and show off Richard?” Lyra asked.

“We would need to secure an audience,” Richard muttered. “Preferably one that makes all the other ponies go away for the duration.”

“How are we going to do that?” Rainbow Dash asked. “None of us are that renowned, or nerdy-looking enough.”

“Well,” Lyra said, “I’m not famous, but I do have a lab coat. And you know what they say, the clothes make the mare.”

“We need someone famous,” Rainbow Dash mused. “Think we could, like, pretend to be scientists or something?”

“Rainbow Dash,” Richard muttered. “Just... are you not a famous pony?”

“What?”

“Well, you’re an Element of Harmony that slew Nightmare Moon before, so wouldn’t that make you a national hero? Sorta-famous?”

“Oh yeah!” Rainbow Dash grinned. “I guess I am! I also won the junior flier award! Does that help?”

“Rainbow Dash is an athlete,” Trixie pointed out. “Why would she need an audience with the Princess?”

Lyra plucked at her coat. “Science. A new-found interest in it. She’s here on behalf of Twilight Sparkle or something.”

“Yeah, Science with like, holes in reality, and stuff,” Rainbow Dash rubbed her hooves together. “And lemons that explode.”

Richard nodded. “It’ll do, I guess. But you look kinda grubby to be a scientist.”

Trixie pointed across the garden, where a sculpture of some long-forgotten creature atop a pedestal spouted water, which fell down into a large pool around it’s base. “Water fountains are not the most civilized way of getting clean, but they suffice, and Trixie knows a spell to dry a pony off.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Rainbow Dash held up hooves. “No way am I having a bath in a water fountain. Besides, it’s gonna be freezing!”

“Look,” Richard said. “You get in that fountain and scrub off, or I do Plan B and just cut and stab my way to the Princess. I don’t think that plan will end well, but at this point, I don’t really care.”

Rainbow Dash looked at Richard, mortified. “You wouldn’t.”

“I want to go home,” Richard said. “I’m tired, hungry, sore and upset. My race is going extinct, and I’ve got this feeling in my gut that we’re running out of time. A little blood here and there will not stop me, and I’ve got no problems with just killing ponies until I get what I want. I’d rather not, since you seem like good ponies, but goddamn. You’re pushing it.”

“Fine, jeez,” Rainbow Dash held up hooves in surrender, and beckoned to Lyra. “Labcoat. I’ll get it cleaned up while I’m there, shall I?”

+==[~~~]==+

“Celestia,” Tulip grunted, legs and arms waving as he tried to free himself from the invisible grip around his torso. “This had better not be a trick!”

“Have a little faith, Commander,” Celestia said calmly, eyes closed in concentration. “And please stay still. I’m trying to work out what does and doesn’t belong in your body.”

There was a pinching sensation in the Commander’s gut, and his face screwed up reflexively as he felt something moving around. Grunts of agony from the other two suspended humans indicated they were going through a similar ordeal.

With one last tug, the offending object was removed, and Tulip watched a small lump of lead covered in his blood float in front of him, held by magic. His gut tingled, and in what had to be the strangest sensation he’d ever felt, his wound began to knit itself together, flesh flowing together as if he’d never been shot.

It took ten seconds, and he touched down on the ground as the magic released him. Oss and the over-enthusiastic soldier followed not long after, and Tulip felt his gut. There was a hole in his suit, but otherwise, no indication he’d ever been shot. He looked at Celestia, and felt... fear.

She’d undone what would have ultimately proven to be a fatal wound, and she hadn’t even broken a sweat. And then she’d done it two more times, simultaneously.

“Commander Tulip,” Celestia said. “What will you do?”

Tulip blinked. “What?”

“Your people are looking to you for leadership.”

Tulip looked around, and saw an uncertain people. Celestia, the enemy of mankind, was standing in their midst, and they were armed. But she had brought considerable power to bear as if it was nothing, and all in the name of helping their own people; one of whom who had threatened to kill her not two minutes prior.

Tulip broke their indecision with a command. “You, soldier.”

“Y-yessir?” The newly-healed trooper saluted.

“Arrest Specialist Oss, make sure he goes into a secure cell. I’ll decide what to do with him later.”

“Yessir.” The soldier moved to apprehend Oss, who shook the single soldier off with a shake of his shoulder, as he walked up to Celestia, glaring at her.

“Why stop here, huh?” Oss hissed. “What’s your game? Finish it! Or do you mean to torture me before you make me a pony?”

“I don’t intend to do anything more to you,” Celestia said, calmly. “Certainly not make you a pony.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t want to become one.”

Oss looked at Celestia, taken aback. “Since when has what humans have wanted ever mattered to you?”

“Since the moment I have met your race,” Celestia said, as Oss was finally gripped by a trio of soldiers, and restrained without resistance. “You are sentient beings, capable of thought and emotion. Only in the most dire of situations would I impose my will on that of a free creature, and right now, the situation is far from dire.”

Oss didn’t have a response to that, and at a firm nudge from one of the arresting soldiers, walked towards the main building slowly, handcuffed behind his back.

Tulip watched him go, and turned to Celestia. “You really aren’t the Celestia we know.”

Celestia’s jaw clenched as she mulled it over. “I think we need to have a talk about how we’re going to deal with your Celestia.”

+==[~~~]==+

Rainbow Dash trotted along the corridor, her coat and mane all tingly from the after-effects of Trixie’s drying spell, borrowed and hastily-cleaned labcoat fluttering around her as she went.

“I feel stupid,” she muttered, just loud enough for a half of a pebble in her breast pocket to hear her. The magically enchanted stone was linked to the other half of the pebble elsewhere, and carried vibrations and sound much like a soup-can telephone.

“That’s funny,” Lyra’s voice muttered back, the stone vibrating as it relayed her voice, “Because labcoats are proven to make you look at least twenty percent smarter.”

Rainbow Dash frowned. “You know what I mean. And besides, this thing is pinning my wings; it’s too small, how am I supposed to fly like this?”

“You’re not supposed to fly,” Richard said, “You’re supposed to check out the throne room and make sure it’s clear so we can get in and out without running into Celestia or her guards.”

“It’s never going to work,” Rainbow Dash lamented. “I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.”

“Confidence is key,” Trixie advised. “If YOU think it’s not going to work, somepony will notice and it won’t work. But if you’re absolutely sure it will, then it will.”

“Easy for you to say,” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

“Hey,” Richard countered, “We’re hiding two bodies. If you get caught, you just face some strange questions. We get caught, we’re looking at a stay in the dungeon, followed by summary ponification or immolation.”

“This Equestria doesn’t have ponification,” Lyra reminded. “You won’t be ponified.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash agreed. “Worst case scenario, get sent to the moon or turned into a statue.”

“...And how is that more humane than turning me into a pony?”

“It’s not. Worst case. It won’t happen, I’m sure.”

“And who was saying that this whole thing wouldn’t work just a few seconds ago?”

Rainbow Dash conveniently fell silent as she rounded a corner, tapping the stone to silence it, and spotted the doors to the throne room up ahead on her right; two guards flanked the door, and watched her draw close.

“State your business,” one of them said.

Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. “Rainbow Dash, here for an audience with Princess Luna.”

“Regarding?”

“Stuff,” Rainbow Dash said reflexively, before backtracking a little. “Secret stuff. Princess’ ears only.”

“Okay,” the guard sighed. “What kind of secret stuff?”

“Sciencey secret stuff.”

“Hmm.” The guard looked Rainbow Dash over, skeptical. “Somehow, I don’t think you’re telling me everything.”

“Come on,” Rainbow Dash tried to hover into the air, before remembering the lab coat, and turning the flap into an irritated flick of coat and a gesture. “I’m Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty! Would I lie to you? Why are you asking so many questions?”

“We know who you are,” the guard said. “We’re asking all these questions as part of a new counter-changeling policy. Now, why are you wearing a lab coat, and why are you here on science-related business? Last we heard, you were an athlete. Wonderbolts candidate. Your friend Twilight Sparkle is the academic of your little group, and science is an awfully academic field for a pony with your background.”

“Oh, uh,” Rainbow Dash’s eyes flicked about as she searched for the excuse she’d thought up earlier. “I’m helping Twi out with her experiments these days, ever since I discovered that it wasn’t just for eggheads.”

“What kind of experiments?”

“Um.” Rainbow Dash sat on her haunches. “It was like, this big ring thingy. It spins really fast, and does... stuff.”

“Like...?”

“Like...” Rainbow Dash’s brain clicked, and she frowned. “Hey, stop that!”

“Stop what?” The guard said, innocently.

“You- I said it was secret!” Rainbow fumed. “Stop asking about it, and gimme my audience!”

The guard picked up his clipboard, double-checking, and gave Rainbow Dash a flat look. “Ten minutes until Blueblood is scheduled to finish his audience, then there will be a free slot for you to discuss your “secret sciency stuff” with Princess Luna.”

Rainbow Dash threw her hooves up in the air with a huff. “Thank Celestia. Do I need to stand here for ten minutes, or can I go and do something else?”

The guard shook his head. “No. You can go off and do whatever you like, just be back here in ten minutes.”

“Thank Celestia,” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, and trotted off. “I hope Lyra’s having more fun than I am.”

+==[~~~]==+

The soldier ran as fast as he could, hooves clipping and clopping on the tiles as he raced to find somepony he could tell about what he’d seen.

There was a short spitting sound, a thlap of fluid, and the strangled choke of a guardspony freezing in his tracks. With swiftness and care, an earth pony wearing royal forge uniform leapt out from behind a statue, and grabbed the immobile, statuesque soldier, dragging him into the shadows.

Stonehammer looked around to make sure he hadn’t been spotted, and satisfied he hadn’t, let his chemical glands wind down. The frozen guard looked at him frantically, muscles twitching as he tried to open his mouth and scream for help. Stonehammer spared him a quick look, to make sure the paralysis spit had anchored firmly to his victim’s skin, and took to the air, membraneous wings unfurling and beating away with nary a whisper as he lifted his prize.

That had been a close one - his cover had almost been blown by the guard spotting him in the changing room as he picked a piece of hay out of his fangs. Luckily, he had a spit for that, too. Unfortunately, it usually took time to prepare the requisite amnesiacs, but when it was ready, the poor guard would forget the last two or three hours of his life, or so. An unfortunate happening, but the changeling’s mission came first, and his mission was to infiltrate the castle and await further orders. He couldn’t have random guards outing him.

All he had to do was find a quiet room to hole up in while the spit was prepared. He touched down next to the locker room he’d been spotted in, and nudging the door open with his flank, backed into it, dragging the immobile guard with him. The guard’s eyes went wider than usual, and Stonehammer spun, his glands warming up as he prepared another paralyzing spit.

On the other side of the room, accessing the locker room from the other side, were two unicorns dragging another unconscious royal guardspony. Behind them, a large, bipedal creature had another guardspony slung over his shoulder.

Stonehammer considered taking the “you shouldn’t be here” approach, but he recalled that he himself was not looking any better, dragging a paralyzed guardspony. The two parties looked at each other, and the biped broke the silence first, pointing a warning finger at Stonehammer.

“You didn’t see shit.”

“I didn’t if you didn’t,” he ventured, dragging the guardspony over to a nearby bench, and parking him next to it.

The other group seemed satisfied that he wasn’t going to rat them out, and moved over to some of the lockers, pulling them open. With moderate care, they crammed the guards into the lockers, and closed them once more, locking them. The biped looked at him, and jerked a limb at the lockers.

“You want us to shove him in a locker for you?”

“Ah, no,” Stonehammer shook his head, patting the paralyzed pegasus on the back. “I’m, uh, I’ve got a plan.”

“If you say so,” the biped grunted. “Come on, let’s go.”

The unicorns nodded, and following the biped’s lead, exited the locker room, closing the door behind them with a click. Stonehammer stared at the door, and just blinked.

“That was weird,” his immobilized guard managed to grunt around a locked-up jaw.

“Tell me about it,” the changeling replied.

+==[~~~]==+

Once again, Twilight and company were standing next to the minivan, only this time, instead of a pair of robots seeing them off, it was small cluster of changelings.

“Remember our deal,” Doppel said. “Do not renege on it, or we will find you and make sure you die with us.”

“We won’t,” Twilight sighed. “Honestly. What sort of ponies do you take us for?”

“Just that, ponies and humans,” Doppel said. “The ponies always serve only Celestia, ultimately, and humans seem to have little to no trouble with going back on a deal.”

“Then I’m very sorry for you,” Twilight said. “We intend to keep our word. We made a promise.”

“It’s like Pinkie says,” Fluttershy mumbled. “Breaking a promise is the fastest way to lose a friend, forever.”

Doppel blinked. “Friend?”

“Well,” Twilight said. “If you want. Can’t hurt, right?”

Doppel nodded. “I guess it couldn’t.” He looked towards the horizon. “According to members of my swarm who have infiltrated Equestria and survived to report back, New York is a major hub for Equestria. Getting in without being or becoming pony is difficult, and thaumic radiation is heavy in the air.”

“Equestria is in disarray,” countered Emmet. “Without their princess, they folded like wet cardboard, apparently. Haven’t even seen that many patrols of late, so I guess that’s the truth of it.”

“That might be so,” Doppel admitted. “Still. If I were you, I would find a way of keeping the potion off your skin and out of your lungs, and do not skimp on said protection.”

“Tell a fish how to swim, why don’t you?”

“Oh,” Twilight held up a hoof. “If you see any human-made robots about, try mentioning that you’re friends of us, or talking to Palladion. You can’t feed off them, but they might be able to help more than we can right now. They certainly won’t persecute you.”

“I will keep that in mind,” Doppel said. “Now, the road ahead should be clear; no active pony or human settlements line the road.”

“Convenient,” Emmet muttered. “Palladion said he was sending scouts ahead to remove any mechanical obstructions as well. It’s like a red carpet, all for us.”

“Remember the last time we walked down a red carpet?” Desmond asked.

“Trap,” Moses grunted, his first word in hours.

“I like traps,” Emmet shrugged. “You always know where you stand with a good old fashioned trap. Someone wants you dead. Nice and simple.”

“Hopefully, you do not wind up dead,” Doppel shrugged. “Now, get moving. There should be a scheduled patrol in fifteen minutes, we want you long gone by then.”

“I can tell when we’re not wanted,” David muttered. “Alright, kids. Get in the car, we’re gonna go and see... uh...”

The medic trailed off, and Desmond sighed.

“And you were so close, too.”

+==[~~~]==+

Celestia was not entirely pleased with how guns were being pointed at her almost constantly, despite repeated commands from Tulip to stand down and stop it. All the same, she didn’t blame them.

Stock footage of herself had been kept and recorded on human devices, and she’d seen the other her’s deception from the human perspective. Promises made, the same promises broken an instant later, in a flash. Claiming it was all done in the name of harmony and love.

Celestia had to stop after the tape of the first recorded assault. It was too much, and even though the realm she was in was not hers to control, she could amass quite a lot of power. And all of it was itching for the first legitimate use in years; her defeat at the hooves of Chrysalis was more down to an underestimation of how much power the changeling queen had absorbed. The problem with being all powerful was that unless you wanted everything that so much as looked at you funny to be ashes, you had to keep a tight rein on that power, and half the battle was in guessing how much you could cut loose.

The other Celestia hadn’t bothered overmuch, using brute force to impose her will on everything around her, and using her own people as pawns to further her own means. Celestia felt her gut twist. Not even Discord did that. Discord might be evil, and cruel, but that was simply because it was his nature, his perogative to be contrary. Kind, loving, orderly Equestria; Cruel, spite-filled, chaotic Discord.

Celestia briefly wondered where Discord was in this world; none of the humans she’d talked to had seen so much as a hide or hair of anything that was much more than pony, aside from her other-self, and some of the more aggressive wildlife.

To round off her briefing, she’d returned to the place where this ordeal had begun - the lab where she’d entered the world.

The room had undergone a drastic change; the last time she’d been here, she’d recalled a heavy scent of iron in the air. Blood. Death. Now, that smell was gone, replaced with an overpowering pine scent, and the floor glinted, scrubbed spotless by some industrious individual. She doubted the individual was the man buried head-first in the machine up to his waist, however.

“Good afternoon, Doctor!” Tulip greeted. The man stopped, and extracted himself from the large, boxy contraption hooked up to the main machine by thick cables, and looked at them.

“Ah, guten abend, Commander. You are looking hale und healthy for someone who is supposed to be dead, ja?” Doctor Milz responded by way of greeting, displacing a set of goggles from his eyes to his forehead. “Und I see you have brought me ze pony princess for experiments! Vunderbar!”

“I am sorry, but I am not here for experiments,” Celestia corrected. “I am merely here to look at the machine that is responsible for bringing me here.”

“Then if you will not help, then go! Shoo!” The doctor waved wrinkled hands at the princess irritably. “I do not have time for ze slacking about! Make yourselves useful, or leave zer lab! I have science to make!”

Celestia looked at the Commander, but he shrugged. This was the doctor’s lab, and while Tulip might wear the hat, as far as this room was concerned, Milz wore the pants.

“Very well,” Celestia sighed. “I shall help you with your science. What do you want me to do?”

“Do you know anything about zer Twilight Sparkle’s own portal?”

Princess Celestia closed her eyes. “I would venture that I do. She sent me countless letters regarding it, and gave me a heart attack when she finally tapped into her research budget.” Celestia winced. “That was... I asked her to make use of her budget gradually in future, I had to cut funding to other research projects to fund hers.”

“How much?” Tulip pounced, sensing his chance to finally get a number out of someone.

“Eight digits. No decimal point. And that’s not including the fact that some of the rarest elements we have went into it. Suffice to say, we didn’t just give her the money, and we made quite sure there was no room for error.”

“Well,” Milz said. “If you could be telling me why my portal vill not vork, it would be zer big help.”

Celestia frowned. Playing troubleshooter was not high on her list of things she liked to do. Which was why she had a government to run Equestria, and not a tyranny. “Very well, then. Show me the machine.”

+==[~~~]==+

“Coast’s clear!” Rainbow Dash reported.

The rainbow pony popped out from around the corner, no longer wearing the lab coat. She strode forward, a little confused.

“Hmm, too clear,” she mused.

“How so?” Richard asked, following Rainbow Dash, head bobbing about as he twisted and turned.

“There were two guards here,” Rainbow Dash pointed at the closed throne room doors, “And now there are not.”

“Smells like a trap to me,” Richard muttered. He looked around, and sighed. “Let’s get this over and done with.”

“Didn’t you just agree it was a trap?” Lyra asked, adjusting her lab coat once more. “If it’s a trap, why are you going in anyway?”

Richard shrugged. “I can’t see the trap from here, the only place where I’ll be able to find out what it is, is...”

“Inside the trap,” Trixie muttered, the scarred showmare looking about. “Trixie owes you her life, human. You will not be alone.”

“I’m going too!” Rainbow Dash said. “Sheesh. It’s only a little trap, I doubt it can hold the fastest flier in Equestria!”

Lyra rolled her eyes. “Look, we’re all going, we don’t need to declare whether or not we’re going in. I was just asking about the trap thing.”

“Right,” Rainbow Dash said, flapping forward and planting her hooves firmly on the doors. With a minor effort, she pushed, and the large doors clicked and swung open ponderously.

The throne room was a large affair; stone floor covered mostly by a tasteful carpet runner that went the length of the room, lit by the moonlight shining through the stained-glass windows. At the end of the room, a series of steps that rose up to a pair of thrones, one of which was filled by a midnight mare.

“Princess Luna,” Rainbow Dash said. “Sorry we took so long, but here we are! With the human!”

The group advanced down the carpet, towards the throne, and Luna sat up when she saw the human. With a glow of magic, the doors closed themselves, and she left her throne, descending the stairs to meet them.

“How... interesting,” Luna remarked. “It walks on two legs?”

“Yup!” Lyra bounced a little. “Isn’t it amazing?”

“So you’re Luna,” Richard muttered.

“Princess Luna,” Luna corrected.

“...Princess Luna,” Rainbow Dash said, brow furrowed in suspicion. “This is Richard.”

“It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Richard,” Luna said. “I hope you can shed some light on recent events.”

“I don’t know any more about them than you do, Princess,” Richard said. “I just want to go back to my own world.”

“Oh,” Luna said. “Well, that’s a shame. Because now we have a problem.”

“A problem?”

“You see,” Luna said, stepping forward, irises flashing to slits, “I can’t let you leave this room on two legs. You must join the herd.”

“Princess?” Lyra asked, concerned. “What in the name of-”

“The trap!” Richard cursed, diving to the side. A bolt of blue energy flew past him, and hit the carpet, turning a circular area of carpet to a bleeding mass of flesh.

“Ew,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Gross!”

“Oh dear,” Luna said, in such a monotone. “The poor carpet was partially ponified. I’ve given away my game, now.”

Richard rolled to his feet, hand resting on his knife. “I should never have come here.”

“That’s quite right!” Luna exclaimed, reaching out with her magic. Richard felt a grip around his neck, inside his armor, and began to choke. His feet kicked the air as he was lifted into the the air.

“Princess! Stop!” Rainbow Dash implored, only for a second glow of magic to swat her out of the air and into a wall hanging.

“Why don’t you just give in?” Luna asked, sneering. “Just go quietly, no mess, no fuss, no stress. Just you and the herd. Save yourself the pain.” She increased her magic, and Richard grunted in pain, clutching his neck to no avail. “Because now I have to throttle you unconscious so I can convert you without resistance, because you and yours have given me so much trouble in the past.”

“Celestia!” Richard choked. “It’s you!”

“Yes, I guess you could say that,” Luna admitted. “My parallel-world sister is not very strong, she is quite powerless to resist. Can you believe that she’s in here, right now, kicking and screaming to try and stop me? The most she can do is stop me blinking!” Luna squeezed harder. “A pity that dry eyes won’t stop me now. She’s so close, and yet, so far away...”

“Hey, Luna!” a voice yelled. The controlled princess turned around, and saw a burned mare with a silver mane standing before her, horn glowing brightly under a beaten, worn hat.

“You are very egocentric, you know that?” Trixie yelled, letting her magic go.

The magic took the form that Trixie was best acquainted with; flashing, bright lights. And there was an awful amount of magic being released.

“No!” Luna screeched, performing an awkward cringing motion. It was like she was trying to shield her eyes from the blast, but like some sort of masochist, couldn’t resist staring anyway. She stared into the explosion of light, even as everyone else reflexively shied away from it. As she did, her grip on Richard faltered and he fell to the ground, coughing.

When the ponies and Richard dared to open their eyes and look again, Luna lay on the ground, unconscious. Richard tentatively got closer, and poked her with his boot.

“Out cold,” he called out. “What the hell was that?”

“Trixie just used a bright light,” she shrugged. “Trixie meant to incapacitate, but not quite this much.”

The doors to the throne room flew open with a bang, and it was as if the sun was rising just outside as guards ran in ahead of their ruler, taking up positions at the sides of the doors.

Princess Celestia.

“You!” Celestia shouted, pointing a golden hoof at Richard. “What have you done to my sister?!”

“Princess Celestia!” Rainbow Dash moved swiftly, getting between Richard and Celestia. “It wasn’t him! Princess Luna was-”

A flash of sunlight sent Rainbow Dash flying again, this time straight back into Richard. The small pony was not heavy by pony standards, and was barely taller than Richard’s waist, but she was still heavy enough to send the human stumbling back, tripping over his own feet and falling over next to the prone body of Luna.

“Princess!” Lyra cried out. “What in the name of Equestria are you do-”

“Silence!” Celestia bellowed, briefly glowing brighter than the sun itself. “This creature is a human! A cruel, warlike creature whose only drive is to consume!”

“He’s not like that!” Lyra countered. “He risked his life to save a foal!”

“He fought a hydra to save me,” Trixie added.

“Are you sure you got the right creature?” Rainbow Dash wheezed, getting up.

“Are you sure you have the right creature?” Richard said, in a low voice as he got up.

“What?” Rainbow Dash spun.

“Celestia,” Richard nodded with his head. “Is this your Celestia?”

Celestia seemed only momentarily surprised, her face dropping into a smug smile. She didn’t say anything, but it was enough to confirm Richard’s accusation.

“Celestia...” Lyra breathed. If this wasn’t the Celestia that she and Equestria knew, if this was the Celestia that had allegedly launched a genocide upon an intelligent race...

“You’re too late,” Celestia sneered. “Already, Canterlot is mine, along with all it’s military. I’ve even built my own gate back to Earth. I’ll return there with my new ponies, I’ll resume my conquest of that infernal human base, and humanity will fall, the last organized resistance scattered to the four winds.” Celestia tilted her head up thoughtfully. “I don’t think I’ll even bother converting them, I’ll just scour them out of existence...” Celestia stepped forward, her hoof landing on the flesh-floor that had been formed earlier. The flesh sizzled and snapped as it burned. “Like the stain on the world that they are.”

“Over my dead body,” Richard spat.

“That’s the idea.” Celestia’s horn lit up with a flash of magic, and threw a bolt of sunlight at Richard; The human raised an arm to shield himself, when-

“No!”

A burst of darkness met the sunlight head on, and Richard saw that the beam of light had been halted by a beam of darkest night, the stuff space was made of. Celestia seemed surprised when Luna got to her hooves, horn aglow as she halted the spell.

“No, you will not kill the human,” Luna said. “You are evil. If your plan is to eliminate these humans, then I shall stand against you.”

“You would stand against your sister?” Celestia smiled. “Remember what happened last time?”

“You are not my sister,” Luna said coldly. “And this is not your world. Get out. Never return!”

The beam of night strengthened, and slowly pushed back towards Celestia. The sun tyrant stepped back one step, to the alarm of her guards, and smiled.

“Is that all you’ve got?” she asked, stepping forward once more. The sunlight leapt forward with her, racing down the stream far faster than it had receded. “You think you can beat the power of the sun?”

Luna didn’t respond, brow breaking into a sweat as she struggled to stop the beam.

“I’ll deal with you two first, then I’ll take care of these poor, human-tainted witnesses,” Celestia said, mockingly. “It will be a pitiable shame, but who knows? I might even get ponies volunteering to wipe out humanity!”

Luna’s mind raced a mile a minute as she sought a way out of things. The beam was inexorable. The spell was going to hit them, remove them from the face of the world. Luna couldn’t compete with that kind of raw power. She’d thought being outside of her native realm would be enough to make it a fair contest of power, but Luna was woefully under strength.

The beam drew even closer still, and she prepared a second spell, praying she’d have enough time.

“Use Twilight’s Portal!” Richard yelled quickly. “Warn the HLF! Celestia lives!”

Luna’s mind clicked as she put together the plan; she reformed the half-formed spell into a mass teleportation spell, and threw half of it at the three ponies in the room; Rainbow Dash, Lyra, and the one self-identified as Trixie. The trio of mares vanished in a flash of moonlight, and Luna relaxed a little; they’d be safe.

The other half of the spell, she applied to herself and the human. Destination: A moon. It had to be a moon. But not her own moon. That was too predictable, and this dark Celestia would simply chase the down and finish the job.

So she’d go where Celestia could not follow, would not expect them to go. She reached out to the human’s mind, and mumbling a mental apology, rifled through his memories for the one she needed. A mall. A motorbike. A human female grinning at him. A stretcher. Vials of purple fluid. A library. An explosion. The moon.

‘

The beam hit them, and Luna quickly redirected it’s destructive power, channeling it into the teleport spell.

After all, they had quite a way to travel. They’d need every bit of power Luna could muster, and then some.

There was a flare of light, a rush of wind, and they were gone, leaving nothing but a smoking crater of glass where they had once been.

+==[~~~]==+

Beep... beep... beep... beep...

Richard came to, face-down in the dirt. His suit was beeping at him. Persistiently.

Hard vacuum detected! his suit chirped. Ventilation system sealed! Running on internal emergency oxygen reserves! Seek a new air source immediately!

Richard got up, staggering a little, and fell over as he left the ground briefly. He flailed his arms weakly, achieving nothing as he hit the ground once more and bounced slowly.

With a second, more careful effort, he got to his feet and looked around once more. All around him, pale white dirt stretched off into the horizon, and above him...

He looked around, and saw the Princess who had saved him from immediate immolation so recently, unconscious on the ground. She didn’t seem to be having any trouble breathing, though. In the distance, saw a familiar shape. He’d seen it in pictures, seen the original footage of the event. A flag planted in the earth as a monument to man’s determination to go where they would, do what they want. A flag that never flapped, for there was no wind.

His EOD suit was once again saving his life, exceeding it’s original design specifications, being the only thing between him and an agonizing death of asphyxiation, freezing and possibly decompression. And judging by the timer on his visor, blinking away, he had just ten minutes left before it became his tomb.

Richard Ides looked up at the Earth far above, and had just one thing to say.

“Fuck me, I’m on the moon.”

Next Chapter: The Flop Estimated time remaining: 29 Minutes