“You’re kidding!”

All it takes to answer the cyan pegasus’ question is a glance, following which Rainbow lets out a sigh.

“So...what’s the plan?” she asks, as we’re both now watching the scene from a relatively-nearby rooftop.

I slowly look around me, then answer “Surprise.”

Exactly what I was hoping to avoid, Pinkie pops out of nowhere, but -- thank Celestia -- I’m able to quickly knock the pink party pony out cold with a swift back-hoof, in a way that -- as Rainbow would later tell me -- looked pretty bad-ass, as I didn’t look away, or even move at all, with the obviously exception of my one fore-hoof, as if I had known it was going to happen...which in a way I did.

Thankfully, Rainbow ignored the unconscious Pinkie Pie as if the pink earth pony were a dead hooker. “So...surprise? That’s it? How are we going to go about that?”

I half-smile. “By dropping down from the sky, of course.”

"You know me too damn well." Rainbow quotes me with a smirk.

We both look towards the scene. After a moment, Rainbow says, “I got the near side. Of Derpy, that is.”

I chuckle. “Then I’ll get the far side.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

We take a second to reassure ourselves of the situation, then with a nod to each other, we both silently -- but swiftly -- position ourselves above the scene. After hovering for a couple seconds, we, with another nod to each other, go into a mini-dive-bomb, and land with a loud thud. Conveniently, this also caused a cloud of dust to temporarily mask the surrounding area, which added to our surprise entrance. When it cleared, everypony present saw Rainbow Dash separating Hoops and Derpy, and myself separating Derpy and Dumbbell. For some reason, Joe was nowhere to be seen, which actually was nice, as it evened the field...well, based upon numbers, that is. When the two bullies see us, they’re taken aback by...well, the surprise.

Before I lost the chance, I decided to break the silence with a highly dramatic line:

“Long time, no see, assholes.”

Hilariously, this -- despite the use of language -- prompted a roar of cheering from the surrounding crowd, all of whom had previously been either afraid or unable to intervene.

“What do you think you’re doing? Do yo--”

“What does it look like we’re doing? We’re protecting our friend!”

“Ha! Good luck with that! Whaddya gonna do? Are you gonna have Golden Lame over here try to use his ‘mind tricks’ again?”

“Wow...after all these years, you still haven’t come up with a better insult.”

“We don’t need to! Cause we’re going to let our hooves do the talking this time!”

After a short gasp from the crowd, Rainbow and I respond -- in unison -- with swift bucks that would make even Applejack jealous.

Obviously unprepared for the ‘sucker-bucks’, the two bullies go flying backwards, causing another roar of cheers to erupt from the crowed. I smiled -- one thing you always want to have is the crowd on your side.

Rainbow begins to move towards Hoops, but before she can I shout, “Dash! Stay put!”

Keeping her eyes locked on her assignment*, she shouts back, “Why?! We should go after them while they’re vulnerable!”

“As true as that may be, fighting them is our secondary objective! If you leave your position, then Derpy will be the vulnerable one!”

Seeing my point, Rainbow stands her ground as we both wait for the two bullies to get back up. Dumbbell was the first to do so, and he didn’t hesitate to throw a punch at me, which -- thanks to his hastiness -- I was able to counter by dodging the punch with a side-step, grabbing his extended foreleg with my right hoof -- pulling his arm closer to me so that the only thing keeping him balanced is my hold on him -- hitting him with a left hook, using his foreleg to twist his body around, then pushing him forward, before finally bucking him once again. Even I'm surprised on how complex it sounds when described, yet it seemed so...instinctive, let alone happening so quickly.

I quickly turn to check on Derpy -- who had been curled up in a tight ball this entire time -- as well as on Rainbow, whom I look at just in time to see her jump-buck Hoops. Not long after that, the two bullies, tasting defeat, take wing and flee. I was actually really disappointed when they did, as Rainbow and I were just starting to enjoy ourselves, but alas, our primary focus was Derpy. Keeping to that, before the crowd could ‘mob’ us, I give Rainbow a quick look, to which she nods, knowing what I meant by it. The two of us don’t hesitate to each wrap a foreleg around the gray pegasus, and carry her hastily to the secure haven that is Rainbow’s cloud-house.

*This is actually somewhat of a pun. In basketball, the guy you're supposed to be guarding is referred to as your (defensive) assignment. The pun in this is that Rainbow's assignment is 'Hoops' -- a basketball reference.