HAPPY HEARTH WARMING EVERYPONY MY GIFT TO YOU...

And uhhhh...merry Christmas too I guess...you filthy animal...

The Jews Knows…ok whatever. So I’m guessing I’m doing this shit now huh? To be honest, I didn’t want to write this, but Wolf and I made a bet last night after we both took some really bad acid. And the bet was that whoever saw Winnie the pooh jerking off to foot porn while bugs bunny massages a person’s neck while in the bathroom in an uncomfortable manner has to do something that the other commands. Guess who saw Winnie the Pooh while jerking off to foot porn…this guy… I even managed to see some dark and trippy colors as well…saw that creepy Mickey Mouse doll up in the guest bedroom screaming the word nigger at a stick.

And that stick growing legs and saying, “Shhhhh…it’s alright baby…back in my day, we beat nappers with sticks. And that’s right baby…nappers, I fucked them every day.”

And then the stick would go back to being a stick. I then went into a dark, but yet calming place where I felt like I was floating through time and space. No worries, no fears. I was one with myself. I saw the stars, the planets, the galaxies, the ever expanding darkness of the universe. And then it all went to black and I ended up waking up on the coffee table.

And for a second I had thought I saw a chicken say to me, “What’s going on Nigga?”

But then I rubbed my eyes and…there was no chicken. I was like ‘what the fuck’? Where was the chicken? Was that chicken just part of my imagination? I don’t know. I keep getting this feeling, this weird feeling in the back of my head that the chicken is going to come back to me in the middle of the night and stare at me…with a knife and wait for me to be in a state of a deep sleep and then murder come towards my bed with that knife. And when I can’t feel anything, and it’ll cause the 5^th 9/11…I don’t know, I just get a feeling. Don’t trust the chicken that talks like a black guy.

Never trust the chicken. And now I think I know how Arrell feels. Well anyways, that was me. As for Wolf, I can’t see what everything goes on inside Wolf’s mind. I mean…I can open up portals, a window more or less, see what happened from my perspective and other people’s perspectives. I can maybe even see what goes on beyond the land of the living and depending and most of the time know what is being said in someone’s mind, with a slight hint of imagery. But the portals…they don’t work all the time like you think they would. It’s weird. It’s even weirder that I can somehow use the portals in that kind of way. It’s a weird combination of using my magic and outside of the universe…it’s complicated. But moving on, just know that Wolf’s mind in his acid state was untouchable for me to see. So Wolf told me what he “claimed” to see have seen.

He said to me that he saw Scooby Doo from the show A Pup Named Scooby Doo…and the he said everything got darker and darker for him as his heart rate rose up to a very high number that he could apparently feel…according to him. And then the theme song started to play and it ended up slowing down as the theme song started to repeat itself on an endless loop. And as the theme went on, it all got slower and darker as the pup named Scooby Doo started to just stare at him with a little smile. And to him, he got closer and closer to the pup without warning and with force by something that was behind him and against his own will.

And as he got closer, apparently a dark, deep, disembodied voice with a little bit of a booming tone to it said, “slowly dies on the inside due to painful memories of a pup named Scooby Doo...as the theme song slowly plays in the back of the mind, slowly eating away at the sanity that remains...as internal, confused screaming intensifies with every, passing second, wanting to be let out, yet no hope is coming, for the darkness slowly crawls into the mind of a human being, wanting to see the day of light, but the darkness of night forever more engulfs the world of the human mind, screaming for an answer from god, yet he never answers...”

And as soon as that string of sentences was over, it looped again just like the theme song, but instead of being slower, the words got faster and faster, and soon it was being said backwards. And as for Wolf, he couldn’t do anything but watch. He couldn’t close his eyes as the pup named Scooby Doo grabbed his eyelids…assuming wolves made out of wood have eye lids…well he does blink somehow so I guess he does, and held them up. And Wolf…Wolf watched in horror as he said he saw things that he cannot unsee. It is forever burned into his memory and that what he saw was something horrifying, nightmarishly terrifying.

Something that would make anyone sick to the core, just want to throw up by seeing it. But yet I have no clue what that thing even is as Wolf won’t say a word about it. You ask him, he will not say anything about it, not even a hint. And he even gets a little shaken up about it too. I think what he saw on that acid trip really got to him, and usually he doesn’t care too much most of the time. Those are only the words that he used to describe it to me. And...I think I believe him on it. Sometimes he likes to mess around with me, but…maybe he was correct. Well aside from that, he also saw the Nostalgia Critic and Lakra with hyper realistic eyes with blood coming out from it, but who gives a shit about that?

Anyways, that was our acid trip. I usually don’t take acid, in fact I’m not a huge fan of it, but it was a bet and that’s our thing…so why the hell not? But I lost and the thing that Wolf wanted me to do was while in the middle of telling what happened to me in the past, you know, the whole journal thing…he wants me to write down the little things as well. Those little moments, little forgetful, maybe funny moments with what happened to us in the past and such that no gives a crap about. Those little moments that don’t really matter, and really I rather not remember those moments. But I lost the bet and I’ve got nothing else better to do at the moment, so I guess I am obligated to do so. And with that being said, I guess I have to start writing down somewhat small, and insignificant events that happened in my past into this journal…fuck me and my life.

Sigh…I guess it isn’t the worse thing in the world. Well…where should I start then? The theatre?...no…not that…the stuff that happened with Ghost?...no we’re not at that part yet… Uhhh…the pillows? No…that was also Ghost…hmmm…me trying to find out what happened to the other ponies like Starlight…or Blueblood? No…I’ll save that for another time when I’m drunk off my ass. What could I write down…uhhh…wait…I’VE GOT IT!!! The time…when we talked about the Earth being flat…true story by the way. So where do I begin though with this…I know.

Ok so it was a nice morning on a brand new day, many, many, many years ago. Not that many years ago, but you get the point. And it was a bright and sunny day, a brand new, fresh day to start off with for most of the ponies living in the little…”little” town of Stalia. And I had just gotten up from my bed, went to the bathroom. I did my usual bathroom stuff that I do in the morning like brushing my teeth and the like. And then I went down, had a little bit of a headache. And I went downstairs to the kitchen because my eyes were hurting a bit, and I was a little bit groggy because I did some drinking the previous night and…well…let’s just say I was hammered.

A little bit of a hangover you could say, but not enough for me, Mac, and Jack to have done something. I was at the bar in town with the guys the previous night and came home and did some more drinking. That much I’ll say. And as I went down the steps, I found Wolf slumped over the couch, drunk out of his mind. But I brushed him off, went to the kitchen, and found some pills that came with the place when Wolf and I moved into the library. Yeah…it was already pre-packed with food and stuff, guess Celestia had prepared it for us at the time before she had me moved. Anyways, I took something that was called RinX basically their version of Aspirin.

I took two small pills, and decided to make some coffee, as that is sometimes the best way to get rid of a hangover. I didn’t say a word, and as I was making the coffee, Wolf woke up, and he had some shade on, crooked I mind you, on his face. And he too didn’t say a word either. He just got up from the couch, went to the fridge, and went to have his morning alcohol. And then my coffee was done, I put it in a disposable cup, and started to drink some as Wolf and I headed out the door. And yes, Wolf still had his shades on, while still being somewhat drunk.

And as we were walking towards the door to go outside, I said to him, “I hate the taste of fucking coffee.”

I had said it in a sort of miserable tone too…but my eyes were starting to get a bit better by that point, and I was feeling a tiny bit better, as expected.

And with Wolf’s response, he said to me, “Then take some medicine like I do then Knight. It’ll do wonders for you.”

And then as I was opening the door with my other free hoof, I then said to Wolf, “And that’s why I’m drinking coffee right now.”

And then I opened the door and the sunlight hit our eyes like a flash of blinding light. But afterwards, it was over as the light faded and we could see a better as our eyes adjusted. For Wolf, he flinched a little bit despite the shades, and for me, my eyes just had to adjust to the new brightness. And as we were walking out and I was closing the door behind us, we saw everyone out and about, having fun, with smiles on their faces. It seemed like a peaceful and busy day for some and fun for others.

And not too far from my home, were the guys playing a little game of Frisbee. Mac, Jack, and Arrell were standing in a big, spread out circle, with Forrest standing on the sidelines with a little smile, watching what was going on. And as for Neon, he was in the middle, catching a Frisbee in mid air with his mouth like a cat, but when he caught the Frisbee, he just landed on the ground on his hooves, spit out the disc, and let out a little screech. As for me, I’ve learned to stop questioning it, even though it was still weird and somewhere deep on the inside somewhere, I wanted to question it. But I couldn’t and just had to let it go. And so Wolf and I just walked over to them, and eventually they noticed us.

And Forrest was the first one to greet us and as he raised his right hoof and waved at us with a warm smile and said, “Hey guys! How’s it going!?”

I then said after taking a quick sip of bitter coffee, “Shut up Forrest.”

I had said it with a little scowling look, but after that, I immediately turned my head towards the other guys and said to them, “Hey guys.”

And Arrell, without turning his head towards me, as he had his back towards me while Jack and Mac was facing me, had said, “Heya Knight. Long night last night?”

And even though I hated them at the time somewhere on the inside, despite those feelings, I said to Arrell, “Ehh…could have been better.”

Forrest then spoke up and said, “But…I said hello first…”

And Jack just said in response, “Shut up faggot”

And Jack then looked over towards me and he then said to me, “Ehh…I’ve had worse Knight. But whatever.”

And Jack soon caught the Frisbee that Neon had spat out. And then Jack took the Frisbee, looked towards Mac, and threw it towards him, as high as he could, and soon Neon tried to jump up and bite it, but Mac ended up catching it instead, and then soon throwing it to Arrell.

I then questioned the guys, “So what is happening here?”

Arrell then said to me, “We’re just playing catch the Frisbee from Neon.”

And I asked them, “Why?”

And then Jack said, “Well we were supposed to be playing it with our pets and see who had the most non-pussy pet, but we entrusted our pets to Mac here and he ended up letting them loose. So we have no damn clue where they’re at.”

Mac then spoke up with a little anger in his voice and he said, “HEY! They were telling me they knew how to get into the secret base that Applejack is hiding somewhere. And when they get back, they’re going to tell me where that entrance is and we’ll go there together. And once we do, we’re going to have ourselves A FUCKING PAYDAY! There’s gold hidden in that secret base you hear!? And we’ll be rich…RICH I TELL YA! And Applejack will question where that gold went and she won’t know what hit her!”

But Forrest spoke up and said, “But…I miss my pet though…my pet hamster isn’t going to survive on his own out in the woods.”

Forrest started to have a little tear fall down his cheek as he made a little sniffle sound.

Mac then just responded with, “Stop being a wuss Forrest, your pet hamster will be fine. Hamsters can defend themselves when threaten and fight to the death. Everypony knows that, it’s common sense you big dummy.”

Forrest then said, “But…I just got that hamster from the pet store…I named him Mr. Fluffy…”

And Forrest still sounded sad when he had said that. And then Mac responded to Forrest with, “Don’t worry Forrest, if Mr. Fluffy dies and we find his body, we’ll avenge Mr. Fluffy together when we finally put Applejack down. I know she suspects us and our every move to take her and her empire down. BUT WE WON’T LET IT! RIGHT GUYS!?”

Mac had raised his left hoof up, trying to rally us all up for his “cause”. And after he had said that, he looked around, with a little bit of a hopeful smile on his face, waiting to see if anyone else was with him on the same page. But instead we just all stared at him…except for Neon who had the Frisbee in his hooves, but then had the Frisbee levitate in mid air for a few seconds, had it grew some eyeballs and started a starring contest. And Wolf was having his head in the clouds at that moment.

But still, we just stared at Mac. And after a few seconds of awkward silence, Mac just put his left hoof down and had his little hopeful smile disappear and have a little bit of an angry frown form upon his face.

And he then said under his breath, “One day, you’ll all see the mistake you chose this day. The day of reckoning is upon us all…”

But no one heard that and we just moved on with the conversation. And Jack then just said, “And so we kind of had nothing else to do with a Frisbee, so we’re just fucking around with Neon and told him it was his baby sister…we don’t get it either, trust us.”

And then Neon, as the Frisbee was still levitating in mid air with a pair of eyeballs, started to gouge out the eyeballs with a spork that he found…somewhere…and he said, “The Frisbee is the moooooooooooooooooooooooon.”

And then Jack said, “Ha…Frisbee is the moon. Reminds me of how the moon is fake.”

Jack had said it with a little smile, a little smirk more or less. But Jack’s comment didn’t make everyone smile other than maybe Forrest who didn’t seem to be bothered by Jack’s comments.

And of course as everyone else was staring at him, Jack had his little smirk disappear and then asked, “What are you assholes looking at?”

Arrell then gave a slight little chuckle and said, “I’m sorry, but clearly you’re the asshole here. You’re the one here believes that the moon isn’t real.”

Mac then looked at Jack and said, “Come on Jack, that’s a new low, even for Forrest.”

Forrest just sat there, as he was being bombarded with brash comments towards him, and said not a single word. He just knew in his mind that he didn’t say anything, but Yeah, he was still being ripped on.

But Mac continued to say to Jack, “I might believe that Applejack is evil, and she is, and everypony telling me no, she isn’t and it’s just the fact that I have social issues, even though that’s not true at all I tell ya. It’s not that, the voices in my head tell me so. But even I, Mac Farmer, believe in Luna’s great moon every night. It helps me fight the great evil that is Applejack when I pray to the moon and ask for its powers.”

Jack then said, “Come on guys, stop being stupid. Clearly the moon isn’t real. It’s just a way for the Alicorns to take control of us by installing fear into our minds that they are more powerful than us and that they can do whatever they want. It’s been clearly proven before that the Alicorns are just as powerful as any unicorn, and just made a hologram, so they can be in power and rule over us. And for that reason, we should not trust our own form of government…just saying...”

Arrell then refuted with, “Then explain how Alicorns can do all of these spells that unicorns can’t do, no offense Knight, and perform these spells…like making “holograms of the moon?”

And so Jack then said, “Hey, listen hear you son of a bitch. They just hid the spells somewhere so that nopony can ever find it. And the spells themselves is something any unicorn can do. I can do, Knight can do it. Even my little brother that I don’t like to acknowledge could do it too…assuming he existed.”

Mac then said to Jack, “NOW THAT’S JUST ABSURD! YOU’RE STARTING TO SOUND LIKE A FUCKING TRAITOR!”

Jack then got a little bit frustrated and had an angry face form on his face and looked towards Mac and said to him, “Oh you want to bring it on jackass!? You want to go a round or two for it!?”

Jack then raised his right hoof up, meaning he was ready to thrown down with Mac. And Mac just stood his ground, literally, as his hooves were firmly planted on the ground, with his teeth showing, meaning that he was a ready for a fight.

And a fight would have happened if it wasn’t for Forrest interrupting and said to the guys, “I think the moon is fake too.”

He had said it was a small smile. Not too big, but just as warm like his others.

And Jack just looked at him with a disappointed look on his face and he said to him, “Great, the faggot is the only one on my side.”

But Forrest then persisted, with a little disappointed look on his face and said to Jack, “But I do though Classy Jack. I really do. I genuinely believe that our form of government is a cover up so a secret, hidden government of even more powerful Alicorns can rule the entire pony race. And they are the ones pulling the strings and making us think that the moon and the sun are real and that the princesses are in power. And it was done to make us think that we’re still in control somehow while still being lazy and not have to worry about what laws are proposed and passed. I believe in a form of government where…”

Jack then cut off Forrest and said, “That’s greeeeeeeaaaaaat. Just fucking great.”

Jack then looked towards Neon and he then asked him while pointing his right hoof at him, “Neon, what do you think about the moon? Is it real or fake?”

Neon, that was then chewing on the eyeballs that grew on the Frisbee while holding the Frisbee in his hooves, and having a big smile on his face, as he said to Jack, “The moon is made out of the blood of my enemies. The Truths are lies. The lies are Truth. And we never landed on the moon. Neil Armstrong’s dead daughter Karen that died from cancer’s skull told me so last night while star gazing…”

And then after that response, no one was bothered by it and instead everyone just moved on. I did, but it’s just something you can’t fight…don’t fight Neon; it’ll just make your death go on longer. Don’t fight it. Just let Neon happen…shhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

So anyways, Arrell then said with a little bit of disgust in his tone, “Oh great, we’re outnumbered two to three.”

Arrell then turned his head towards me and he asked me, as Wolf just collapsed to the ground because he was drunk as usual, “Knight, what’s your stance on this? Do you think it’s a conspiracy or what?”

I then waited a few seconds before I gave my response. I thought about what was being talked about and honestly I didn’t really care if the moon was fake or not. By this point, does a governmental conspiracy about what is real even matter? I mean I was fucking a human being in the My Little Pony universe, and I’m going to question if the moon was fake or not?

But whatever, I had to give a response, so I then came up with what to say and I said to the guys, “I really don’t care about the moon. I think it’s real, but I really don’t care about this it. If anything, I’m more curious if the world is flat or not.”

And then after I had said that, I had to contemplate what I had just said, because in that moment I knew, I fucked up.

And so with that response, Arrell said, “If the world is flat? Clearly somepony didn’t go to school when they were young. Obviously the world isn’t flat.”

But then Jack spoke up and said, “Now wait just a minute, it’s not a farfetched idea that we’re living on a flat Earth.”

Arrell then said back to Jack, “Oh come on Jack, first you say you don’t believe in the moon, now you’re saying the Earth is flat? What’s next, you don’t believe in rainbows?”

Jack then said, “Well I would like to think the Elements of Harmony are trying to mind control us into thinking they’re special.”

Mac then quickly said, “I second that.”

Forrest then butted in and said, “I think the Earth is flat as well. I mean...I’ve been up there in the sky and I can never see the so called “curvature” of the Earth.”

Jack then looked towards Forrest with an annoyed, but mellowed out look on his face, “Forrest…stop agreeing with what I have to say. Your kind is not welcomed here…”

Neon then abruptly said, “The world is a ball!”

And then Neon, as usual with the regular smile, took out an annoying, talking orange, with the human looking eyeballs and mouth, and the orange said, “Hey Neon! Hey Neon! Why you’re gree…”

And then the orange was cut off as Neon took a big ol’ bite out of the orange’s face, but instead of an orange, it was blood, organs, and some pieces of a brain, as the orange screamed out in bloody terror as it was being eaten alive by Neon. But the rest of the guys ignored that, like usual, and we carried on with the conversation that we were having. Although I think that Neon is on the side that the Earth is round judging from that comment, but by this point, who knows.

Anyway, I then said, “ I just don’t think the Earth is round you know? I mean, if the Earth was round, then how does the sun and moon work then? Does that mean on the other side, the two princesses control the time of day for them? I mean if the earth was round, then how come the sun moves around us then? Shouldn’t we be moving around the sun with Celestia not having the power to control it in the first place? The moon maybe, but not the sun.

'But if Celestia can really, truly move the sun, then that would mean the sun and the moon revolves around us, we don’t revolve around the sun. Also, if the sun can be moved, then that means the sun has to go somewhere, and with space, it can only go so far while still being in range of Celestia controlling it. So that means it has to go under the earth. And if the earth was round, then that would mean that the sun rises when we get our moon, and I don’t think that really happens. It just goes underneath while Luna raises the moon, and vice versa.”

Jack then said with a confused look on his face, “Uhhh…I was thinking that the two princesses was trying to control us and make us think we’re living on a round planet but uhhhh…that works too I guess.”

Forrest then said, “I think that makes sense.”

He had said it was a slight smile as well. As if he was happy that I put in my two cents or something of the like.

But Arrell then looked like he was fed up with what I was saying and he said, as he raised one of his hooves in the air and waved in around in motion, “Oh come on!”

Arrell then looked towards Mac and he then quickly asked, “Mac, please tell me you don’t believe in a flat earth.”

And Mac then had a thinking look on his face as he said, “Uhhh…well…I don’t know much about math. My Pa and Ma never really sent me to a school to do that fancy science shit. But uhhh…I guess I do.”

Mac then thought about something for a few more seconds as he put a hoof to his chin to think about it.

And then after a few quick seconds of silence, Mac then said, “Is the Earth the shape of an apple?”

He had said that while putting his left forearm forward and a little bit of wide eyes as he looked towards Arrell.

Arrell then had a ‘whatever’ kind of look with his eyes and he said as he rolled his eyes, “Close enough I guess.”

And then a pony in a fancy suit and a fancy top hat came walking by. One of the residents of Stalia for the most part, and his name was Toppy Hoppy. He noticed us and overheard what we were saying. And he had a little smile on his face with a little monocle on his face, a nice, black, fancy suit and bowtie with a little cane that he was carrying with him. He was also a unicorn, sort of middle aged, and had a grey colored mane that was short, with a darker grey coat color.

And a cutie mark that was a picture of a fish…because he sold fish and made millions of bits off of it. And Honestly, most of the time I never notice the other residents of Stalia, but in one of a few moments, I have here. To me they are just in the background, maybe every now and then they say something, but I keep them in the background in my mind. So in case the day ever came and everyone was burning, I can drown out their screams of bloody murder and terror as I sip on some nice hot coco…

Anyways, Toppy Hoppy saw us, and he stopped by me, in which case I gave him a little, weird side look as he was standing next to me.

And he asked me, with a little high pitched fancy British voice, “I say, what are you chaps talking about here?”

I then turned my full attention towards him, as well as the others, and I then responded to him after giving a slight sigh, “We’re talking about if the rock we’re living on is flat or not.”

I had said it with a bit of cynicism in my voice.

Toppy Hoppy then responded with, “Oh I do say, that must be an exciting good time!”

He had said it with enthusiasm, in which case I responded to him with, “Well…if you like hell, then it’s right up your ally.”

And then all of a sudden another pony joined that was also a background resident of Stalia. This time it was Hickey Prick…he was a prick if you couldn’t tell. And he was a prick because he was part of the Homeless that lived in Stalia’s Hobo Ally. He was an Earth Pony and had a cutie mark of a pencil and paper as he used to be a school teacher…before he beat up some kids with a dildo he found in his dead wife’s coffin and then got expelled for it…don’t ask. And he came walking in with a dark tone color fur coat and a dirty, messed up, grease stained, brown duster coat that he had on. One of his eyes was disproportioned, had most of his teeth missing, and his nose was a bit cricked. His mane wasn’t clean either and was just a mess.

He even had a stench that followed him everywhere he went and it smelled like skunk feces and a slowly, dead rotting rabbit corpse. And maybe something more that has yet to be identified by science. And he also has a bad back leg, on his left, as he was limping as he came walking towards us. And as usual, he had a half empty, or perhaps half full bottle of liquor in his left hooves and he carried it with him where ever he went. Anyways, he came up to us, pretty much the opposite side where Toppy Hoppy came from, and so the other guys and I turned our attention to Hickey Prick, as well as Toppy Hoppy’s attention as well.

And so he came to us and he said in a low tone of voice, as he may or may not have had throat cancer and said like a crazy person in a fast pace, “Hmmm what you guys talk about hmmmm? I tell ya, if I had a bit for every time some kind of hooligans playing on the street, I’d be a a wealthy stallion I tell ya hmmmm? I tell ya, you damn kids and your fancy talk and your fancy technology better get off my lawn or I get my stick and beat you and your zebra friends over there yander hmmm? I tell ya back in my day we didn’t have what you wipper Snappers have today. All we had were sticks in the backyard, beating zebras if we ever saw them hmmmm? I tell ya, we need to get those damn zebras and hippogriffs out of this country or it’s going to go all down hill from there Hmmmm? Dagnabsonofaubitchacguntfuckbitchliekadagngabasonsofadbitchyoudlikesasfuckignfaggotdandsonfouabitchas”

And we then all just stared at him and said absolutely nothing and some of the guys just gave him wide eyes, which some of us, including me, just stared at him with our hopes in humanity…ponykind, whatever…destroyed.

And so Jack broke the few seconds of silence and said, “Get back to your garbage home you filthy son of a bitch.”

He had said it like a command, but I think he was trying to say an insult. It was kind of off with that insult, but hey I don’t blame him for trying. At least he tried…but anyways... And then one more pony that was a background resident came walking by and it was a Pegasus this time around and it was basically Stalia’s Derpy. In fact, the town wanted to be competitive with Ponyville to the point where the mayor ordered for a pony to be born and made in a test tube so they can have their own Derpy.

They tried to find a mentally retarded pony in town, but no one was perfect enough apparently. They couldn’t find their “Derpy”, so they had to Derpfy a fetus from a test tube grown in some science lab, mostly underground since its illegal, so they can have their own Derpy and so Stalia can say they have a Derpy. So this pony that came up to us was crafted and perfected to be the perfect “Derpy” for Stalia, as some ponies believe that Derpy over in Ponyville was also made in a lab.

I mean from what I’ve heard, it wasn’t a mistake that she got that lazy eye of hers, but there’s another conspiracy theory that she was just grown in a lab to piss of the ponies of Stalia. But whatever, so Stalia made their “Derpy” and his name is Ferpy or his legal name to cover up the fact that he was grown in a test tube Fitzy Boo. Retarded, I know, but they gave him a made up history and everything. Ferpy was born perfect and was well on his way to growing up a healthy pony. And potentially could have had the mind of a genius and be seen as a role model for future generations to come.

But then one day, he needed to get vaccinated if he was to go to pre-school. So his parents took him and as soon as he got vaccinated, he got autism. The parents were heartbroken by this so they just dropped him off over at the local orphanage near Hobo Ally and left and never looked back. And from there, he got dumber and dumber as the years went on to where his autism evolved into a new disease called Super Autism.

And once he turned the legal age, he was kicked out of the orphanage and the mayor felt bad for him so he was generous enough to give him a home and everything. So he tries to live a happy, fulfilled life as much as possible, assuming he can understand the concept of life itself. He has problems obviously, as he can’t do basic math, has problems with speech, and has a lazy eye and a little fucked up leg that’s bent backwards. Just one leg…his left foreleg. At least that’s the cover up story they gave him. Really they just got drunk in the lab one night and made him in twelve hours and ended up making a living organism that resembles a Pegasus. He can’t speak either as they forgot to make a full pony brain…instead they just gave him a half a brain and some spray cheese…literally.

And somehow that works and honestly no one can tell if he has intelligence or not because he can’t speak. But apparently the longer you’re around him, the better you can understand him and his “language”. Let’s just say Ferpy has a heart of gold, but we all know deep down inside he is just autistic…maybe… Anyways, Ferpy was a Pegasus that had a very dark grey coat color, with a medium length of a mane that was a darker yellow. He also had a lazy eye, and his cutie mark that was given to him was this: C₁₇H₃₅COONa.

It was literally just that so uhhh…there you go.

Anyways, Ferpy came flying like a retard from the clouds and looked down on us as if he was kind of god with a permanent retarded like smile on his face and once he landed on the ground sloppily, he yelled out, “Uhhhhduhhhwaaaaaa”

Obviously I didn’t understand what he was saying, I mean he wasn’t even looking at my direction.

He was looking up at the clouds. But Toppy Hoppy then said with a little chuckle in his voice, “Why yes Ferpy, we are talking the philosophy of where our existence lies. How did you know?”

Ferpy then responded with “Waaaaaaduhwaaasaaaa!”

Arrell then responded while having a little surprised look on his face, but with a little smile, “Wow…you must have some ears on you Ferpy.”

Ferpy then responded with, “Waa baa…”

And then another background resident came by, and another one, and another one, and...really just having those three attracted everyone in town to come to us as they too wanted to find out what the commotion was. And eventually we had everyone in town, even Doctor Wings was in the conversation even though he left mid-surgery so…he killed someone for sure that day.

Anyways, everyone surrounded us, and everyone was talking to each other, a huge crowed basically. And even the other guys were just talking to each other, on the subject if we are living on a flat earth or not. And as for me, I was having my head hang low, having a nasty, annoyed look in my eyes, while still holding my coffee of course, with a lot of cynicism going through my mind at that time.

And eventually I had enough and soon I raised my head and yelled out to everyone to get them to shut up, “THAT’S IT! I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! WE’RE GOING TO SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL! EVERYONE, GET INTO GROUPS, DO SCIENCE STUFF OR WHATEVER IT IS TO SEE IF YOU CAN FIND PROOF IF THE EARTH IS FLAT OR NOT! AND WHEN YOU ALL HAVE SOMETHING, WE’LL HAVE AN ANSWER…SO ALL OF YOU CAN GO SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!”

Toppy Hoppy looked at me with a slight smile and he said to me as I gave him a stink eye look towards him, “Why, that’s a brilliant Idea there Knight. Let’s all get together in three groups and discover for ourselves if the world is flat.”

He then looked towards everyone else towards the town and he yelled a little, “Come now everypony! Let’s get a move on into three groups and find ourselves an answer to this mystery!”

He had said it too with enthusiasm and optimism, and everyone just went with it and moved out of our personal area and into three groups. And as usual, possibly by instinct, they went by race. So a group of Earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns. And Soon everyone went on their way to try and find proof if the Earth is flat.

As for the guys, they stood there and looked at me, with Arrell saying, “Well…that’s interesting…I CALL TEAM LEADER!”

Soon Arrell ran and tried to be the leader of the Pegasi team, all with wide eyes as he was in a bit of a hurry.

And right before he took from the ground, he yelled, “We’ll see if the Earth is really flat or not!”

And as for Forrest, he had a little sad look no his face and he said as he went after Arrell, “Wait for me!”

And so both Arrell and Forrest was gone.

And then as for Jack, he said to me as he walked towards the group of Unicorns, “Well somepony has to lead a group of retards.”

I then said to him as he walked by, still with a cynical look on my face, “You’ve only passed grade school with a D-.”

And then Jack then said to me, “I count that as enough experience to come up with mathematical proof that the Earth is flat.”

And so he walked off. And all that was left was Neon and Mac.

And so Mac led the charge with Neon for the Earth Pony team and said to Neon as they walked off, “Come on Neon. I bet you and I can find proof that Applejack is the reason why the earth is flat, and so we can find a way to fix it to being NON-FLAT!!!”

And Neon responded with simply, “I like pie.”

And they both walked away, so it was only wolf and I to judge if whether or not if the proof stands up. But of course Wolf was still passed out, so I took the remaining coffee that I had and quickly threw it over Wolf’s face.

As soon as the hot coffee touched Wolf’s face, he quickly sprung up and he said out loud, “What! Where! What!? I DIDN’T MEAN TO BOMB VIETNAM, I SWEAR! DON’T KILL ME!”

He had wide eyes too when he had said that, but as soon as he had woken up and a few seconds passed to let his mind let him know where he was at, his eyes mellowed out and he then said, “What going on?”

Wolf then looked towards me while I gave him a side glance, and asked me, “What’s happening right now?”

I then said to Wolf as I started to walk away, “We’re going to see if the earth is Flat or not.”

And as I was walking away, Wolf was still in place as he then asked, “Oh…can I still drink?”

I then said, “Whatever Wolf, I don’t care right now.”

And then Wolf said to me, “Sweet, I’m in then.”

He had a little smile and catched up to me and walked by my side as we walked around a bit to give the three groups sometime to try and come up with proof that the Earth was flat.

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

PEGASI

So we waited around a while, spent time fucking around outside on the grass, Wolf got some more liquor and held it in his paws, but once we felt like time was up, we left. And so Wolf and I headed out to the group where the Pegasi was at and to see what kind of proof that they had. They were all in the sky except for one background resident named Purple Flurry, just a random Pegasi that was purple and was a mare. She was hovering near the ground , watching the skies.

So I went up to her and asked her in an annoyed, bit given up on life look on my face, “So, you guys got anything?”

Purple looked towards me and said kindly, “I don’t know. But Arrell and Forrest should be back any minute now.”

And at the time, it was the speak of the devil as Arrell and Forrest, along with most of the Pegasi of the town of Stalia came flying back and towards us. And once they landed, Arrell and Forrest was right in front of me while every other Pegasi landed behind them wand was watching us talk.

I then asked Arrell and Forrest as soon as they landed, “So…got proof?”

Arrell then said to me with his eyes rolled back, “Well Forrest suggested flying to space, but it turns out our wings can only go up so far before we get too cold and we ran out of oxygen.”

Forrest then said with an embarrassing look on his face, “It was a good try wasn’t it?”

Arrell then said, “Yeah but…three ponies died.”

He had said it with a little said look on his face.

I then asked Arrell, “Does that even matter with us?”

Arrell then looked towards me with a blank expression, “No, it doesn’t.”

So I then asked them, “So, what did you ended up doing then?”

I had a raised eyebrow as I was curious. So Forrest then told me, “Well, after trying to get to space and having three ponies die on us, we decided to see if we could see the curvature of the earth. Because if it’s flat, then we can’t see a curve. And if it there is, then the earth isn’t flat…right?”

I then said, “I guess. So did ya?”

Forrest had said all of that with a smile, and still did then when he said to me, “Well no. We couldn’t.”

Arrell then said, “I told Forrest that just because you can’t see a curve doesn’t prove anything, but he won’t listen.”

Wolf then spoke up, while drinking a little, “That can be easily explained. You see…we just have a very low draw distance and that’s why you can’t see a curve…”

Arrell then had a confused look on his face and then asked, “Draw what now?”

I then said with me not caring about what was just said, “Well, that’s good enough for me. Let’s move on to the Unicorns.”

UNICORNS

So we then moved onto the unicorn group, and we walked to the center of town as that’s where they decided to set up at. And when we got there, they had a bunch of tables, some cardboard with pictures, a lot of science related stuff like test tubes and protractors and the like. It looked like they were trying to use mathematics to try and find their answer. No surprise since apparently the unicorns are seen as the scholars throughout Equestria. Anyways, Jack was the lead of the group, and he was near so we went up to him and we asked him as he was using his magic to look at some green stuff in a test tube.

Once he saw us coming, he put the test tube down and I asked him, “So…what are you looking at?”

I had said it with a raised eyebrow of course. And he just said to me, “I don’t know. I just told them to come up with some equation that proves that the Earth is flat.”

Even though I know it wouldn’t have been correct, I was still curious as to what equation they came up with.

So I then asked, “Well then, let’s see it.”

Jack then looked towards the rest of the unicorns behind him and yelled out, “Alright guys, show ‘em!”

And so he and a few other unicorns moved out of the way and made room to bring out a chalkboard with some writing on it. And as soon as the chalkboard was in view for me and Wolf, another background resident of Stalia, named Ocean Dusk, another mare, who had a dark blue coat color and the like. She then used her magic to pick up a stick and then pointed to the board and explained to me what the equation was.

Ocean then said to me, “So what we came up with is this. F of x, equals to the sunshine, plus flowers, minus the degrees of a circle, divided by the times a bird chirps, also divided by tree, plus the mass of a fat pony, having sex with a dog. And that dog then finds a mare and also has sex with that mare. And that mare also likes to get off to the sound of a filthy zebra. And then an evil griffin comes to eat a rabbit that holds the knowledge to the secrets of the world that we live, which equals to uhhh…uhhh…uhh…a flat earth?”

On the chalkboard, there was a bunch of drawings and a lot of scribbles. Half of what she had described wasn’t even on there and when she had said that last part like a question, she had an embarrassed look on her face with red cheeks as she tried not to make eye contact.

I then asked her, “Did you just make that up on the spot because you all did absolutely nothing?”

Ocean then said to me, with still an embarrassed look on her face, “Yeah…we did…”

I then said, “Good enough for me. Come on Wolf…on to the Earth Ponies.”

And as we left, Jacked yelled out to us, “THE UNICORNS ARE THE MASTER RACE!”

And I just simply said back, “I GET IT JACK!”

To be fair…the unicorns are the master race, gas the earth ponies…

EARTH PONIES

And so we wanted to get this stupid “mystery” over and done with as soon as possible, so we hi tailed it over to Mac’s farm, as apparently as that’s where they all decided to show up at according to Ferpy. Apparently Wolf can translate what Ferpy says when he’s drunk enough. And with that being said, we went to the farm, it was a bit of a walk, but we made it in due time. And once we did, all the Earth ponies were just scattered around, talking to each other, not seeming to be doing anything to find out if the Earth is flat or not.

So I went up to a random background resident named Moonlight Love, another mare, this time just being a red/pink-ish kind of coat color. I’m not so great with colors…I think it’s because these pony eyes have color blindness or something when it comes to stallions…or maybe I just have a really fuzzy memory.

Either way, it was like between a red and a pink color for the mare.

Anyways, I went up to Moonlight and asked her, as she was minding her own business, “What’s going on here? Did you guys find something or what?”

And Moonlight simply explained to me, in a little shy tone, “Uhhh…no. We thought we were…but our group leaders aren’t really doing anything.”

She then pointed with her right hoof over towards Neon and Mac who were standing side by side to each other. Neon was just sitting there on his ass, staring at the ponies. He had his mouth opened up every once and a while, and if I can guess, he was staring at all the other Earth Ponies…seeing them as his next potential victims. He was looking at them with blood lust eyes, waiting for the time for him to strike for the next soul for him to send to Neon Hell. And somewhere deep within his own psyche, it was simply sanity to him what he was thinking.

And as for Mac, he was intensely starring at a shiny red apple, not even blinking once. He looked serious about it too as he just gave a look similar to Fluttershy’s stare, but instead he was giving the red apple a stern look as he held it up with his left hoof up to his face, as if he was studying it and waiting for something to happen. So I headed over to Mac and Neon, who were standing apart from the group of the other Earth Ponies.

And as I was about to ask Mac what was going on, because Neon wasn’t going to be of any help, Mac sprang up with wide, surprised eyes and raised his right hoof with still the apple in place and said, “I’VE GOT THE ANSWER!”

He wasn’t saying it to anyone in particular, and I also had a bit of a surprised look on my face when he had said it out of nowhere.

And after he had said, I asked him while Neon continued to look hungrily at his next potential victims, “So what is the answer then Mac?”

Mac then said as he held the apple to me and pointed at it with his free of everyone and a while, “See this apple here Knight? This apple is the Earth. The earth is round as well. How you may ask? Because this apple is round. If this apple was flat, so would the Earth. But, the Earth is not flat because this apple as well as everything that revolves around this apple is not flat. If the Earth was flat, then gravity would be quite different, and Applejack wouldn’t be such a bitch. And so, that means that Earth is an Apple.”

Mac then threw the apple away behind him, sat on his pony ass, crossed his forearms in front of him, and closed his eyes with a smug look on his face and said to me, “There is your proof Knight.”

He had sat there with a smug look, thinking he had found the answer and he was a genius and was better than Applejack somehow.

I would have a comment on how retarded that logic was, but I just couldn’t give a fuck anymore so I just simply said, as Mac just opened one eyes and was a bit confused, “Alright...we’re getting nowhere obviously. This was a bad idea obviously and a huge waste of time. If no one is going to find a definitive answer, then there is only one more thing that we can do to find the answer.”

And Mac then asked me, with a curious look with his both of his eyes opened, “What is it?”

A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER

So I was in the park of Stalia, sitting my pony ass down on the dirt floor that is the earth, across from another background resident of Stalia named Athy Est, who was a stallion, with a dark brown coat, a grey, wavy mane, and a pair of glasses. As well as a cutie mark that was a picture of an atomic whirl. And he had a smug look on his face, had confidence as we both looked down on the table that had a chess board on it.

And I simply had my right hoof, rubbing under my pony chin, thinking of my next move, while Athy Est didn’t say anything. It was just complete silence between the two of us.

Until of course the entire town of Stalia was behind me and soon Arrell came up to me and asked with a confused, but curious look on his face, “What are you doing?”

I then simple stated to him, “Quite Arrell, I’m trying to concentrate here. Depending on the outcome of this game, we will get our answer if the earth is flat.”

And then Arrell said as he turned around to head back with everyone else, “Alright then Knight. Uhhh…I’ll be with everypony else when you’re done.”

I then waved him off, even though he was going already, but...you know…couldn’t see that when my eyes were concentrated on the chess board. Anyways, I was thinking of my next move to make, as the move was a critical one. It would make it or break it, and Athy Est was just simply starring at me with smug looking eyes, thinking he was kind of smart hotshot, thinking he had beaten me…but then…I made my final move on him. and moved my white queen to H5.

And then I said to my opponent, “Checkmate Athy Est.”

He then had a sad and disappointed look on his face and made a little whimper sound as well.

And as he was being a little bitch sore loser, I got up from the ground and headed back to the rest of the town and yelled out to them, “ALRIGHT GUYS, THE EARTH IS FLAT! IT’S OFFICAL!”

And that was it…end of that little event that happened…the end…