Chapter16: A Swarm of AIDS

Well, I’m sure you all enjoyed my tale of the hangover.

The thing is, this canon part of my story actually didn’t happen right after the hangover part. In fact, it happened after 3 days.

I believe the universe was giving me a break for once. Well, at least it wasn’t being a dick this time around, by the way, this time around, it returned to being a dick. So where shall I begin.

Well, Arrell was near the edge of the Everfree. Not to collect flowers for Celestia’s visit. No. he was there to breed the animals, because at a town meeting, the town voted for Arrell to breed his animals outside of the town’s limits.

I mean, he was breeding the animals in front of children, so Arrell was force to breed his animals outside of town. I mean, Arrell was pissed off by this, he threaten to kill everyone in town for this, but it didn’t happen.

In addition, I forgot to tell that Celestia was coming for a visit. Apparently, also Luna and Twilight as well. I had no fucking clue why they were coming. I mean, I don’t even believe it even said so why in the episode.

I mean, if it’s just to check up on me, then why didn’t they just send fucking Twilight. Then again, she does have a crush on me, although at the time, it was about when she discovered she had a crush on me, so I guess you could say it would be better to either send Luna or Celestia over I guess. I really don’t fucking know.

Well, like I said before, Arrell was breeding the animals, and were feeding them as well. I also think Arrell was planning on trolling the town for putting that law against him because he was making a awful lot of fucking animals with diabetes and AIDS.

Also, haven’t you notice by now, that my story of my life here so far has a lot of AIDS related shit going on. It’s either from the Zebras, or there’s a weird type of epidemic, where not that where you die from AIDS, but it’s used in a weird way.

When Arrell was just about done making his weapons, I mean animals breed correctly.

I swear to fucking god (this universe’s god) if PETA reads this, gets offended by the use of the animals, and sue me for it, or whatever those hippies do, and then I’ll just put them down.

Besides, according to Ruck Rucka Ali, hippies smell. That or PETA will make a fake game, where the animals that Arrell made would be trying to kill him.

Maybe they should try to kill Mac. I mean, if you recall on what I said back in Chapter 11, how back in Chapter 6 how Mac fucked up the animals and made them talk like from alien resurrection, which was a shitty fucking movie.

Yea, I mean, it’s been what, 9 Chapters since Chapter 6, and I’m still complaining about it. It just shows how much one little thing can fuck up and affect the entire future.

I mean, sometimes I have nightmares about those of fucking hybrid abominations.

Anyway, while Arrell was packing everything up, Arrell came across a Parsprite. Dam it pinkie pie. She knew how to lead them away, but not keep them from going to other places.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But Knight, why not just have Neon (since he breaks the laws of fucking physics) or pinkie to get rid of them?”

And if that’s not what you’re thinking, and got lost in the story, where no shit seems to make any fucking sense at all, then you’re not alone. Trust me, even I get lost, and I’m the one who fucking experienced it.

Anyway, that answer to the question is, well, you’ll see why later.

Well, Arrell saw this creature, and thought it would be unique to add to his collection or slaves I guess, pick your guess. I mean, your guess is as good as mine is. Well, he fucking took it.

Therefore, I’m guessing the word of parasprite never got out enough, or maybe not to this town. Therefore, Arrell took a parasprite, and now we’re going to have a parasprite problem.

Ok, so remember how Celestia and her bitchs I guess you could call them, were coming over to Stalia? Well, if you recall in the episode, Twilight was worried and paranoid as Stalin was.

What? I can’t make a history joke? At least a Russian joke? Then again, I did made one.

It just means that all bears comes from Russia and that what the bears are like. They just don’t invade the cities, that’s all.
Anyway, I wasn’t paranoid. In fact, I didn’t give a flaming fucking dam fuck. In fact, I was passed out, while Wolf was laughing his ass off at nothing, because he was high.

We even had slow ride playing the background. Of course, I have a magic spell for that.

It’s like an app. Like, need a hitman? There’s an app for that. Need to grab the nearest illegal Mexican and force him to work for you? there’s an app for that. Need a Jew? There’s an app for that. You get the fucking point.

And to tell you spell name, it’s called the weed music spell.

In addition, Wolf got a letter from Celestia. It was just a reminder letter, saying how she was going to come and shit.

Well, of course, I never open Celestia’s letters, for the most part. Besides, I was passed out, from trying to break my own drinking record again. I was shooting for 11 tequilas this time around.

I mean, I was hanging upside down from the couch, with sunglasses that wasn’t straight, with a joint in my hoof, while strangely, my hat was still on.

Anyways, Wolf got the letter, opened it, laughed at it, put weed in it, rolled it up, and smoked it. Now I know that Wolf.

Always doing crazy shit like that.

Then the doorbell rang, but of course, I was still passed out, so Wolf got the door. It was Arrell, who was dropping something off that I asked him to get me.

It was a lighter. Wolf and I had something planned for Celestia. Here’s the thing. We were planning to put dead bodies in three cannons, and shoot them at her, for being a trollestia and shit.

I don’t give a flaming fuck if the universe makes it disappear. I want to at least try to do it. Why dead bodies you may ask?

Well, all the dead bodies were made when I first came over here. trust me, even though you’re aware of that there was only a few moments where there was a dead body, but trust me, there was a lot more you guys are unaware of.

Of course, I was going to lay the dead bodies all over town as well. I even paid some pony to bring out the canons and shit when Celestia gets here.

We just needed a lighter to set off the canons. In addition, I should correct myself, before stupid people think and comment on the story on something that I fucked up on this part.

It wasn’t a lighter, it was a matchstick. Sure, I know I have a light when I smoke my weed, but that’s my lighter, and not for pranking Trollestia and shit. Anyways, when Wolf went to get the matchsticks, Wolf was still laughing his ass off.

Even Arrell asked why he was laughing, but Wolf told him that I was with a spirit of peace. In other words, hippie talk.

of course, Arrell did any other sane person would do, which was back up slowly, and pretend he didn’t see or hear what he saw or heard.

After a few minutes passed, I soon was no longer passed out.

I mean, my brain hurt, but I was still ok. I went to the bathroom, looked at myself, and I looked like a doucebag as always.

As I was taking a piss, I was teleported outside to the park, where every pony else was cleaning up for Celestias arrival. I was taking a fucking piss, and then teleported. The thing is that no one saw me in that awkward position I was in when I ever take a piss. Not a single fucking soul. In addition, my pee was gone. I didn’t have to go anymore, so basically saying, the universe did that to me.

Therefore, I guess the universe figured out that since I was planning to troll Trollestia, it was going to troll me. Well played universe. Well played.

I then said fuck it and decided on checking out the decorations. I walked through the park and saw ok shit. I mean, it wasn’t good shit, nor wasn’t it bad shit, but ok shit. Just like the good kind of rape and the bad kind of rape. Confused? Me too.

Let’s move on.

I also saw the banner that was being was being raised, which read welcome Celest instead of Celestia. Of course, I told the two ponies that they got it all worng, and it should be Trollestia.

However, they heard the complete opposite of what I said, and they heard me say, “You could try by redoing it and making sure the letters fit on the banner.”

Well, the universe is extra pissy that day or was it? In addition, I noticed what the banner was written in, and it was fucking crayon. Why that? That’s for fucking kids. This is for the ruler of Equestria, Celestia. Pardon my launguge and me. I completely forgot. Trollestia.

Also, will ever let the Trollestia thing go. Eventually later on, I will. I then went to the party shop and to check on Neon. Ok, I was only checking to make sure he didn’t fucking poisoning anything.

I mean, even though you can tell, I’m not a fan of Celestia and shit, I still care for her though. I mean, I don’t want her dead.
If I wanted her dead, I would’ve done it already. I mean, remember, the god like being here.

Well, thankfully Neon wasn’t poisoning any shit, but he was teleporting the cakes and treats to somewhere else. Well, to that one place Neon went after I had that hangover adventure.

Also, I really havn’t heard from that guy Neon went to from last Chapter. Last thing that I heard, some pony heard screams from his room, but the screams stopped.

I’m starting to get scared now by Neon. Are you scared of Neon? If so, I guess you could use it as a ghost story. I wasn’t sure what Neon was doing with those cakes with that dead guy, although, at least I think he’s dead, but I don’t want to know.

In addition, Neon didn’t just teleported the cakes to that dead guy, but also to Jack’s cousin, who has the orphan child.

IN MANEHATTEN……
“Dam it! Son of a fucking Bitch! First Jack sends me his Fucking slave child to me! Now I have fucking cakes and shit all over my fucking dam floor that piece of mother fucking crap son of a bitch!” said the angry cousin.

The child saw the delectable treats from his box and grabbed one before the cousin chopped off his hoof for taking shit that wasn’t in the box.

Soon, the child got diarrhea and Malaria.
BACK IN STALIA……

I somehow feel somewhat bad for that child. Then again, why should I since I don’t know what the fuck happened to him and if he’s alive or not.

Soon, Arrell came in, and said he had something to ask us.

He wanted to know if bees could fuck the strange species of bugs that he found. Apparently, Arrell wanted to make round bees or something.

When I saw what he had, I then had a shocked face. I then walked up to him and grabbed one of those little fuckers and teleported to Ponyville.

I went to Twilights door and knocked, but no one answered.

I then walked around for a few minutes and eventually found her talking with her girls. For some odd reason, I just find that wrong to say. I just do. I mean, think about for a minute.

Anyway, she asked me why I was there in Ponyville, and not getting ready for her coming. That also sounded wrong in a way, but for some reason, I feel proud of it.

I then showed her the parasprite and asked her, “How the fuck did these little fuckers get out of the Everfree?” surprisingly this time, she heard me fucking curse, although, there was that one time she did, but she rolled her eyes at me, if you recall from one of the chapters.

Anyway, the elements were in fucking shock that a parasprite has came back, although I told them it was only in Stalia and they were relived.

Those mother fucking bitchs.

After all, of the shit I did… no wait. I didn’t do jackshit for them. Well played universe. Well played.

Therefore, Twilight just told me to take Pinkie Pie down there to get rid of them. Pinkie agreed to do so, but she would have to do something first, so it would be later in the day.

Until then, I would have to keep these little bastards at home until Pinkie could get here. Now that I mention bastards, looking back at the parasprites remind me of Adult swims game, my little bastard. Maybe adult swim made the parasprites.

I mean, if you recall that one time, when they made that bump for Bronies, it said how they are creped out and shit about Bronies. Maybe they were up to this. Which, by the way, I actually thought this at the time and went to do a little investigation.

Well, I went home and Wolf saw this and was shocked. I mean, he had seen the episode, which by the way, he has seen all the episodes, well, at least until season 3. I didn’t get a chance to show him season 4, but whatever.

Well, I told him I was going to do an experiment on these little bastards. I was always curious of what these things were made out of anyway.

Therefore, I went down to my secret basement, and did some research. What I found out was that it has some relations to a fly, and some manmade genetics and a little bit from a bee. Now there was one more thing it was made up of.

It was fucking AIDS. Maybe Arrell was right when he made that excuse when the dragon came that one time. In others words, these are flying AIDS, and soon, there was going to be a swarm of AIDS.

In addition, while I was doing this, Arrell gave one to everyone of my fucking friends.

He gave one to Neon, although I wasn’t too worried about that, because in the end, Neon set those paraisprites on fire and took it to the place where I believe was the dead body was at.

He had given one to Jack and Forest. Forest was putting on a suit for when Celestia came, while Jack was making it. In addition, just to make sure and clear any information up, that Jack is not gay. I mean, I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that when someone reads this, they are going to think that Jack was gay, although even though he never showed any of the signs, but just because he works with fashion.

I’m just afraid someone is going to think that, just because he makes suits and shit. Well, he’s not gay. Moving on.

As for Mac, he didn’t want any, but only because he had thought that they carried AIDS and didn’t want to touch it. Well, for one thing, he was right about the AIDS.

However, they don’t spread the AIDS, unless for some odd reason some pony tries to fuck it. Which, by the way, some pony did. Well, not a pony, but an old woman did it.

Now she has AIDS, but she already had AIDS when she had fucked bees.

In addition, this was the same old woman from chapter 12, and if you recall, she loved pain and had a dark side with it.

Therefore, after I did my research, I told TK to figure out what the human quality DNA that was made part of the little creature. I mean, I’m starting to think it was Adult Swim now.

Well, I decided to go to sleep, although, bad move on my part, because when I woke up, there were about an army of those little fuckers.

They were taking shit and doing shit. It was insane. Also, what happened to fucking Pinkie Pie!? She didn’t even fucking come. That fucking bitch. Although, she didn’t pinkie promise, so I guess that’s an excuse.

Well, good news, pinkie came that morning with her band shit, and started to play to get rid of mines first. Well, unfortunately, the things didn’t follow her. Even Pinkie was confused.

Well, she said she was sorry, and went to get Twilight, although, she never came back. Who knows? Maybe since she breaks the laws of physics and all, maybe she went into another universe, came back, and forgot what she wanted to do.

Apparently, these things adopt quickly. They were like predators, which actually gave me an idea, although, I sent Wolf to do it, and gave him plenty of guns and ammo since it would be dangerous, but I casted spells on him before and he shouldn’t get hurt. I then tracked down a predator universe, opened it, and Wolf then jumped through it. I then went back to MLP and went to visit the other guys.

In addition, by the way, there was some missing food in the fridge. Apparently, Wolf fed them after midnight. That fucking dumbass. Didn’t he know about gremlins. I mean, I even showed him the movie. Know what?

From now on, I am going to call these things either AIDS or gremlins.

Well, I went to check on the others and see how they were doing with their gremlins. Forest was sleeping in his cloud castle or whatever the fuck it was.

Speaking of cloud shit. I always wondered what the fuck Rainbows house looked like. I mean, we do get a few glimpses of it like two or three times, but that’s it, other then what it looks like on the outside of course.

Well, Forest wasn’t sleeping in his bed, but on his cloud couch, since he had cloud beers.

Yes, you read right, cloud beers. From what I’ve heard, only Alicorns and pegasi can drink it. I mean, I had one, and of fucking course, you’re must be wondering how did I do it.

Well, that answer will come later in the future. Anyway, Forest woke up on his couch and saw the AIDS had multiplied. He then ran outside his house and went to find a solution, I think.

Well, I went to Jack’s first and Jack was standing outside of his house. I also saw fire inside. From what Jack has told me, when he woke up, his shit or his work was on fire.

Yes. Apparently, the gremlins lit his shit on fire. Well, now we have two Macs. Besides. I was relieved a little, because I thought he had burned it down for the insurance money. Then again, insurance for fire didn’t exist here. Well, with Neon, as I said before, he went with to what I believe with the dead body he had hiding in the building.

I’m really starting to get scared of Neon now. I mean, he’s like a creepy pasta pony or something. Creeps me the fuck out.

Well, after I had that thought in my head. Yea, I actually didn’t know, but Neon did hint and mentioned it a few times.

Anyways, jack, Forest, and I went to check up on Arrell. When we saw the door open to his house, we took a look in.

what we saw was what the fuck man. We saw all the animals that Arrell owned was humping and fucking the gremlins. In addition, where was Arrell?

He was sitting down in his chair, had his hoof on his chin, as in a thinking position, while have a poker face expression. He then said to us, “I believe I may have figured out why my animals are always fucking. It’s their hormones.”

That actually made a lot of sense. I mean, don’t you remember when you were a teenager; you always had the feel to fuck or hump something. So yea. Those animals were teenagers.

What came next was Mac riding in with some apples. He said, “Ok Arrell. I’ve got those apples you asked for. Since I’m pretty sure these are for those little buggers there and not for you or your animals since you never ask for them. I’ve got them from my cousin Applejack’s farm; since her apples taste like crap and mine is much better then hers.”

Mac has many problems with his cousin Applejack. Maybe I also need an intervention with him one day. Now only if I could do one for Neon. Yea, the intervention didn’t happen yet. Although, at the next town hall meeting, I was going to try to have a petition that Neon has an intervention.

Well, the gremlins then ate all the apples up quickly as shit. Don’t know what I said there, but ok then. Well, then Mac decided to round them up and put them in the Everfree.

Therefore, we collected them all.

In addition, when I mean by collecting them, I mean lighting them on fire and bury them in the Everfree. In addition, that’s what we did.

We lit those fuckers on fire as if it was the 4th of the July. We then collected all the burned dead bodies, buried them in the Everfree forest, and went to clean up the mess that they had made.

Well, after an hour of cleaning up or so, they came back. They came back from the fucking dead. Like I said. They adapt quickly. Shit fuck.

Therefore, what happened next, we were going to up and leave the town, and leave everyone behind in the town. Yea, my friends and I were assholes.

Well, we were going to do that, but unfortunately, the universe had something planned for me. I randomly did a spell, which turned the gremlins into pony killers.

Ok now. Apparently, the universe really wants me to die then. Well two can play at that game.

Although, it would take a while for me to figure something out for the universe. Moving on.

After I casted the spell, Forest looked at me, and said, “Oh look. You just fucked Equestria. Thanks Knight. Thanks.”

I wanted to tell him it was the universe making me to it, but of course, he wouldn’t believe me. Maybe Neon would, which I actually did.

As a response, I got “the universe only hates you, because you hate It.” he was kind of right. Maybe he isn’t a psychopath. Maybe he a philosopher psychopath.

Well, what happened next was, well, I went almost insane. I had a crazy look on my face and the Princesses were coming.

I then said aloud, which by the fucking way, the universe made me say it, that I said, “Ok. Here’s the plan. Half of the town will distract the gremlins, while the other half builds in exact replica of the town, so Celesita will not notice anything that shit has gone wrong.”

Yea, I was crazy.

I was crazy for trying to redo that one part from that one western movie, where the town was preparing for an attack on the town, where they build an exact cheap replica of it, which the towns wins the battle.

They then randomly celebrate, but then start hitting each other, and ending up crashing into a movie set where there, was gay people singing and dancing in a very weird and odd way.

I have no fucking clue what the movie is called, but that’s what will happen if we do that idea. Actually, note to self, look for alternate universe where that happen and see how it will play out.

Now, then out of nowhere, predators come to attack the gremlins. Also, Wolf came back. He was a little scratched up, but was good. All he needed was some weed and beer, and he would be all set and good to go.

The predators were slaughtering those gremlins, and the gremlins starting flying back to the Everfree. They also went into a formed line like in the episode.

In addition, while that was happening, the Princesses arrived on their chariots. All of my friends went to see their arrival, and Princess Celestia stepped down, but the others did not.

In addition, Twilight had a bit of a worried look on her face, but I guess it was that she was worried that I didn’t fix the problem with the gremlins.

In addition, Celestia then said to me, “Knight! My star pupil!”

I just found that odd, because wasn’t Twilight her star pupil and shit. Then again, she is the ruler so I guess she could have many pupils as she fucking wanted. Fuck. Maybe enough to have a fivesome or a twentyonesome.

Actually, that would just be a big ol’ orgy. Whatever, moving on.

After she said that, the gremlins were walking by, and Celestia had that weird eye movement I always see whenever she is in an episode.

While she was looking at those gremlins, I said, “So, how was the trip? Catched any traffic?”

That was the stupidest fucking thing I have ever said. I mean, there’s fucking nothing in the sky at all, but apparently, the universe thinks different.

Why the fuck would you get any traffic in the sky, other then pegisi and birds. That’s it, and they will either get out of the way or you smash into them. Simple as that.

Then Celestia said, “What is this. I see you and the town of Stalia has thrown a parade in my honor of my visit, just like Twilight did.” and I went like, “yea, sure. We threw you a parade.”

I also saw the guy I paid to dump the dead bodies on Celestia, and I told him in a loud whisper, “Hide the dead bodies. Hide the dead bodies!”

Celestia then said she was treeiably honored. I’m not making that up. She even said that in the episode. I don’t understand. Maybe it’s an Alicorn thing. I will never understand Celestia. She used to be cool, but know I think she’s mentally unstable.

Well, she then told my friends and me that they had to go, because they had an infestation problem in Las Pegasus. Yea, apparently, some predators escaped and went to Las Pegasus. Yea, there were many dead ponies.

Therefore, they went up and left to take care of the problem. By the way, the predators left Las Pegasus before the princesses arrived, and they went somewhere deep in a jungle to live happily ever after.

Well, for a while until I found them again, this is another story for another time. so, when the princesses left, I was happy, although, I wouldn’t get my money back since I paid that one guy to dump the dead bodies all over Celestia and all, but I had a smile, since I knew this was finally over.

While I was smiling, ponies were running ramped through the streets, because there was still a predator problem.

Well, fortunately, TK was here to give me something about the Adult Swim people, which he then pushed back and knocked out all the predators and put them in the Everfree to be eaten by the timber wolves.

In addition, after TK did this, TK told me that the gremlins were made and were brought back by the Adult Swim group. I’m not even fucking kidding.

The Adult Swim group was in this universe. How are these humans coming here!? Is there like a rip through time and space or did Neon break the laws of physics, and brought the humans through it, or the humans saw the portal and shit, I don’t know anymore, all right?

Well, when TK said that the gremlin thing was Adult Swim’s fault, three people who are basically who run Adult Swim, came up from behind the bushes, and by the way, these are guys are in pony form, which is following of the universal rules and all.

They got up and said, “Dam it Dam it Dam it. Ponies have ruined our plans. We were going to kill these ponies, show them to the Bronies, and make them all lose hope in the show and they will stop being pony lover mother fuckers. We will have our revenge one day! You’ll regret it!” and they said all of that while running away into the equestrian desert, which they would be possibly be killed by diamond dogs.

Well, after that, everything went back to the way it was, well, for at least 12 hours.

Yea, i sort of did this chapter out of the blue. perhaps i should work on my other stories.