Chapter12: Dark

Well, after the events of yesterday, which was the dragon thing, I decided to relax and smoke weed and beer(that’s right, smoking beer.) I did it because I deserved it for learning a lesson about life. Yea, you could tell I was fucking high that day.
Well, Wolf was being a lazy fuck as well, and was sleeping on the couch. When I’m high or Wolf is, we usually joke around that make jokes that would offend people back on earth. Hey, the way I see it, that if a simple joke easily offends you, then you’re just basically taking the fun out of things to where no can have fun. Besides, if a joke offends you, just laugh along with it. I mean, you’ll be able to make a joke about the person that offended you one day, but you know, that’s my fucking opinion and all that shit.

By the way, why am I talking about this stuff? I should talk about my story, not to give a speech and shit.

Well, since my friends were tired out from yesterday and Wolf was being a lazy fucker, I decided to go out for a walk through Stalia. I was walking along the edges of the town, and I came across a pony that looked nervous and had a dark coat along with a red mane.

It was as if he was afraid to go into the town of Stalia. I then walked up to him and he even flinched. At the time, I was wondering if he had cancer, but I then thought that was silly of me to think that. It obviously meant he had aids. Maybe malaria as well, but I don’t think he went to the land of the zebras.

Well, I then asked him who he was and his name was Dark. Really. You can just tell this isn’t going to end well. I mean it’s a cool name for a pony and all, but it usually means something bad.

To be honest, I rather felt bad for him, so I asked if he had any friends. He said no and I offered to be a friend to him, and he hesitated a little at it, but he kindly accepted my offer.

Well, then I asked if he had anyplace to crash for the night and he said no. of course, I started to feel like he didn’t have aids and malaria, but he was a fucking hobo.

Great.

I mean along, as he didn’t try to give me aids, I would be fine helping him.

Well, I took him to my home and offered him the guess bedroom. He then said, “Room?”

it’s like he isn’t from this universe, but don’t worry, I checked his DNA. He belonged in this universe. Now if you’re wondering how the fuck DNA can tell of one’s universe, just trust me. There is a way to do it, but you would have to go deep within the DNA strands. In other words, that thing from Jurassic park. To be more specific, the little cartoon that showed during one of the tours. Moreover, no, it wasn’t the gay DNA guy or whatever the fuck that thing was.

Well, the next morning, I showed him to my friends and my friends were accepting to him of course. I mean, they were ponies and didn’t judge because he sounded white.

I know that sounded wrong and offensive, but that’s the cold harsh truth behind my friends. In addition, to let you know, they weren’t racists. In fact, I have no fucking clue what they were. I’m more confused then you are right now as the moment you are reading this.

Anyway, I left Dark to hang out with my friends, while I do a little business. Moreover, when I mean by business, I mean by getting high and shit.

Well, I was about to light my weed, when Wolf got a letter from Twilight, that she was coming over to check up on me. Yea, from now and then, she used to check up on me and my learning of friendship. I’m just surprised she wasn’t here for the past events.

You know, the griffin that was an asshole to me, Doucebag, Mac fucking everything up, Neon wanting to burn everything, my friends somehow keep finding a way to get into my house event tough its locked(which by the way, they decided at complete random to come to my house. Maybe they decided they stole enough from me, because I was missing some shit, until I found out they were hiding in a dead body. Don’t ask how it got there.) Then there was Spike raping her and let’s not forget Neon defying all laws of fucking physics.

I still get a shiver when I ever think about Neon breaking the laws of physics. It just creeps me out, like he’s slenderman or Jeff the killer or something. Maybe he his, but in disguise as a pony.

Nope, couldn’t be. He got the aids and it cured itself. Along with diabetes.

Well, it didn’t take Twilight too long to come to my house and she was pleased with my work. Now, I have no idea what she means by work. I mean, if it’s how well I’m with my friends, then that’s not work. I mean, they decided to be my friends, after Celestia’s evil clone tried to kill us all and we had to use the elements, which I’m still unsure what the fuck the elements are.

I mean, what the fuck do they represent? I know you don’t know, but trust me, it doesn’t make any sense.

Well, Twilight was about to leave, until Dark came through the door. She then looked at me with a shocked expression on her face.

She said we had to have a little private talk.

I then thought, “Is she hitting on me.” I mean she’s nice and all, but I don’t really go for unicorns and more for pegaisi. That and I don’t believe in love as I said before.

Well, fortunately for me, she wasn’t doing that, although, one time when I visited her place, I snooped around her place, and found some of her personal notes, or more like a diary and it had something to with me and something with love. I even saw a heart shape with K+T inside it.

That can’t be good.

Yea, it gets more fucked up later on. Trust me. I mean, when I saw this, although it was later on, like after season 1 repeated itself, that I found these, but it seems that Twilight had the hots for me.

Fuck.

Yea, to give you a heads up, this would also make this story even better and all, which Twilight has, a crush on me. Oh boy, this will be good for the story and possibly keep you guys interested in it, other than walking away from it, and either burning it from the boredom or how you just simply down right down like the story of my life, or just is really tired of the repetitiveness of the curse words.

Well, hey, that’s just me.

Well then, moving on. She told me how surprised she was how I didn’t contact her sooner.

I asked why and she said, “Didn’t you remember from the meetings?”

I asked what meetings and she said the ones in the letters. Yea, the thing is, Celestia made me part of her group that includes Luna and Twilight, that discusses the problems. Don’t ask me why she included me because I have no fucking clue why, because it seems to be an Alicorn business and I wasn’t one. Then again, maybe she was hinting at me of becoming one in the future. Then again, I was being tested and so far, I was passing.

At the time, it was fucking confusing.

I also didn’t know about the meetings because; like I said before, I never opened mail from Celestia. I never trust a troll. I even have some experience from that from Wolf whenever he trolls me.

So, moving on. Twilight explained to me everything about Dark. So heres the thing.

Apparently Dark was a criminal to Equestria. However, no pony knew this except Celestia, Luna, Twilight, and supposedly me, but since I didn’t give a single fuck about going to the meetings, I knew jackshit.

To be honest, I really don’t give a flaming fuck about anything Cantorlot related and shit.

well, I looked at Dark, then Twilight, then Dark, then Twilight, then Dark, then Twilight, then Dark, then Twilight, then Dark, then Twilight, then Dark, then Twilight, then Dark, then Twilight, then Dark, then Twilight, then Dark, then Twilight, and about the same thing 21 more fucking times and I’m not exaggerating that either.

Of course, Twilight saw me do this, and she slapped me. What a fucking rude bicth! She then yelled my name, and told me to get fucking sense or whatever the fuck I was supposed to do.

Well then, I then told Twilight how I don’t see her point of view of things. I mean, he didn’t hurt a fly.

However, just as I said it, he hurts an old woman, and for some odd reason, starts fucking a snail, a turtle, and about 20 fucking bees within 10 seconds flat. Luckily, Twilight didn’t see any of this. Then again, Wolf somewhat does something like that almost every day.

Hurting ponies, not the fucking part. Although, I think he secretly fucks some Everfree forest animals, but I have no fucking clue what’s so ever.

Well, then, moving on. I then told Twilight, I can prove her that Dark isn’t bad as she says, and he changed. I mean, he was nervous when I first met him. However, for some odd reason, I can’t stop thinking about when he hurt an old lady and fucked those animals within 10 seconds.

I mean, just imagine it.

In addition, if I got you to think about it and got a sick picture in your head, apparently my job here is done and I won the fucking bet against Wolf. Now he owes me 50 bits. That bitch.

Now, if you’re liking the thought, then you’re a sick bastard and go fuck yourself.

Therefore, I told Dark to go back to my friends, so I could show Twilight how well he’s with my friends and shit.

Of course, he asked why, and then out of fucking nowhere, Wolf comes running in with a fucking whip and saying tidy mow! Then Dark went with my friends.

I later asked where Wolf got the whip from, and apparently, Wolf went to the Official princess Molestia universe, and stole the whip from her. That and he did it with Molestia.

Now, I remember the tumbler page, and I’m starting to wonder and get scared.

Now, a little quick story here.

Wolf told molestia about the portals, and guess what she did. she came to this universe, and went up to my room, and well, let’s just say I have no idea if I’m supposed to be happy or scared at this point.

What happened to me was I was sleeping a good dream about beer and weed that I was on a planet full of it. Then Molestia woke me up, tied me down, or should I say forced me and did me.

Yes.

She molested me for the whole night. In addition, strangely enough, Wolf said, “can we have a threesome.”

I was so shocked at Wolf, but then again, he told me he enjoyed Molestia’s company, but it’s a threesome. Including me. I didn’t feel like doing a wolf like creature that’s made of wood. Instead, Molestia said no(thank my Celestia), and she continued to molest me.

Now, I have to admit, as much as that JackTHerbert guy on You tube who does the jack reacts shit, and how he wouldn’t want to get molested. It felt somewhat good. Now I’m ashamed of writhing this down, but really it felt good, but at the same time I’m scared of her coming back for round two. By the way, she did come back, but she came back for Wolf, but she did me a few times tough.

It just means I’m not a virgin anymore. Yay for me.

So, getting back to the story. Sorry for that as well, but let’s continue. So, Dark was good with my friends and shit, but Twilight wasn’t convinced.

Well, the next thing I did was go around town and asking other ponies of what they think about Dark. Now, I know it’s only been a day, but Stalia is like ponyville, except the gender population evens out equally.

I mean ponyville had a gender imbalance, that there were more mares then stallions, but in Stalia, it even out perfectly, but now there’s more mares in Stalia, and now there’s perks of being a stallion now in Stalia.

So yea. Well, Twilight still wasn’t convinced after the ponies said they liked him and he was a good pony.

That fucking bicth.

After all the things, I did for her. Then again, what did I do for her?

Well, whatever.

So next thing I did was go talk to the old woman pony that got hurt by Dark. I know it was a stupid Idea, but what else there was to prove to Twilight? Well, luck was on my side, because apparently the old mare liked it, and had a little dark side to her and asked Dark for more pain.

We all then slowly backed away, and somehow, that convinced Twilight. I have no idea why that convinced her, but ok then.
Well, what happened next, my friends, Dark, and me, along with Twilight and Wolf, went back to my house. Twilight would keep this secret and Dark spoke up. He said he thanked me for being his friend, and offered me to come with him.

I asked what the fuck are you talking about?

He then slowly rose into the air like a fucking possessed fucker would, and wind started coming through my home.

He then said, “Join me Knight. And we will rule Equestria as friend and friend. Let the magic of friendship do something for us!”

first, I don’t know where he got the first line at all. Second, the second line seemed what the fuck?

Therefore, I then became a softy again, and told him he was better than this. Then out of nowhere, and everyone in the room wondered as well where it came from, that sad music started to pop up.

Then Dark had a serious, nervous look on his face. He then disappeared, where I have no fucking clue where he went.
Now, if you somehow like Dark at this point, don’t worry, I eventually found him, and we’ll get to that later. So yea. More random shit happened that day. Just like every day for me.

for some reason, this reminds me of Chapter 9, except i i'm not sorry for it and don't feel ashmed of it. thats because, there was a point to this chapter. however, the character Dark won't be returning for a long ass time, but he will return. see you next week then.