Chapter 3: Yes Ma'am's

Soarin and Applejack silently trotted into town, with no pony in sight. Judging by the height of the sun it probably meant that most ponies were at work or school, or in some of the Wonderbolts' cases, still drunk. The two of them trotted past Surprise, who was flying with the top of her head pressed into the dirt path while her hooves were sticking up in the air. Applejack tossed Soarin a look to see if that kind of thing was normal for her, and the only response she got from him was a simple shrug. After at least half an hour of walking Soarin was starting to get bored, so he started to make random noises, like any bored colt would do.

"Pfftbbrradfeasfegfadgfdagfsd" Soarin mumbled and choked, making it sound like he was the monster from the foal's story Swampy the Goo Pony, which managed to annoy Applejack.

"Could you not do that?" Applejack asked, but it was more of a demand than a question, "It's really stupid and starting to get annoying" Soarin seemed to take this as a hint to keep making his stupid noises, so every step for the next three minutes was followed by a loud "breelt".

"Seriously, Soarin, can you not do that!" Applejack said, now getting really annoyed with him, "It's like you're just a colt in a stallion's body!"

"Well, want to see what this colt can do with that body?" Soarin asked, meaning it as little more than a joke. He already knew that his dreams of having sex with Applejack, aka the farmer's daughter, was like a rock wishing it could fly. It'd be awesome, but it'll never happen (Unless Discord says otherwise, because he can do that if he wants). That simple analogy ended up giving Soarin a dastardly idea, but before he could ask if Discord was still in town Applejack picked up her pace.

"You're so immature!" Applejack groaned as she trotted so fast that she was almost running. Behind her Soarin was smiling happily, enjoying himself with how well he was annoying Applejack. When she had gotten to far away he starting flying to catch up, which was quite a bit easier than walking. Also when he flew above her he noticed she would start to stare at the ground, as if his family jewels would fall on her face if she didn't.

"Hey AJ?" Soarin asked, surprising and annoying Applejack by using her nickname, "Is Discord still in town?"

"No, Celestia called him back to Canterlot Castle so he wouldn't create a mess of things down here," Applejack replied, "Within two weeks of being rehabilitation he tried to create a sovereign state within Fluttershy's cottage"

"Wow..." Soarin replied lazily, his hopes completely dashed with that news. Now not even Discord could help him go for a roll in the hay with Applejack. As they continued on Soarin started to think about why he was so transfixed on her in particular. There was no doubt in his mind that there were plenty of other farm girls that would happily let him in, but Applejack seemed to stand out. What was it that made her so special?

*CRASH*

"Smooth one fly boy," Applejack said as Soarin peeled his face off the side of Sugar Cube Corner, which happened to be where they were going anyways. Once Soarin saw only one Applejack they headed inside, where Spitfire was waiting for them at one of the tables. Slowly walking over Soarin felt like he was on death row, and within a few minutes a rope would tighten around his neck.

"Nice to see you," Spitfire said in her official tone of voice, "Soarin High" Behind Soarin he heard Applejack snicker, probably at his last name. It was one of the few things Soarin admittedly hated about himself, it seemed like his name was mocking him, but Applejack laughing at it seemed to hurt more than normal.

"Good morning Captain Spitfire," Soarin said, his voice cracking from how nervous he was now, "You asked for me?"

"Mhmm..." Spitfire said as she got out of her chair to walk up to Soarin's face, and once she was close enough to his ear she whispered, "I see you found yourself something better to do last night" Her voice was harsh and had an almost seething tone to it. Was she actually mad about it? They broke up two years ago, why would she be that mad about him being with another mare, even though he really wasn't. Soarin's brain went hard to work trying to figure out the mystery that Spitfire had put before him, which allowed him to block out what she was saying entirely.

"...and that's why I'm going to..." Spitfire was saying before she realized Soarin wasn't actually listening to her, "Soarin!"

"Huh? Wha?" Soarin mumbled, his eyes returning to normal from the glazed over look they had a moment ago, "Oh, uh, yes ma'am!" Applejack was barely able to hold back her laughter as Spitfire boiled over with rage, her hoof rising up to smack Soarin across the face, but something held her back. Was it because she had loved him at one point? Maybe she still loved him in some weird way? No pony really knew, but when Spitfire managed to cool herself down she gave Soarin the shorter version of what she had just said.

"You're being demoted," Spitfire said, her official tone cracking a little bit, "You're just an average Wonderbolt now" The loud yelp that followed made everypony's blood curdle. Soarin was crying like his life was slowly being pulled away from him without mercy. Slowly, painfully, he stopped yelling, falling to the floor with his eyes rolling back into his head. Applejack looked up at Spitfire in a worried confusion until Soarin moved. Well, it was more of a twitch, but after a little bit he managed to get to his hooves and slowly move towards the door.

"My life is over..." Soarin mumbled as he pushed the door open, lifting his head so he could see ahead of him. When he looked up he saw something gave him a little bit of happiness. The Wonderbolt recruit, Rainbow Dash, was sneaking out of a convenience store with a bag in her mouth. With his immense amount of experience Soarin was able to tell that inside the bag was a box of condoms, and if he knew his condoms, which he thought he did, they were the fancy "extra pleasure" ones...

"Wow..." Soarin said, a smile sneaking across his face for what could have been the last time in, well, forever. Somewhere deep inside Soarin was laughing, knowing that if he told anypony that Rainbow was buying condoms in broad daylight her life would be ruined, but then again, he was also laughing because some stallion in Ponyville was going to be getting very lucky, very soon. Before Soarin could shake the image of Rainbow laying down on a bed with some unknown stallion above her Applejack came up behind him, putting a hoof on his shoulder.

"You feeling okay?" Applejack asked, being genuinely worried about Soarin's mental well being. He just got demoted, and for somepony like him it was like they had just killed his first born son in front of him.

"Yeah, I think so..." Soarin said sadly, his voice sounding extremely depressing.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Applejack asked as she moved to look Soarin in the eyes.

"Have sex with me?" Soarin muttered quietly, his mouth having run faster than his brain. For a few seconds Applejack seemed appalled and disgusted, but her expression quickly changed to confusion.

"Beg your pardon?" Applejack asked, putting a hoof behind her ear, "I didn't quite hear you there"

"I said..." Soarin said slowly, trying to come up with an excuse to cover his mistake up, "Take me... to a party?" Applejack seemed relieved that he had said that, hopefully having not actually heard him mention having sex. With a happy smile Applejack put a hoof around Soarin's neck, pulling him back towards the farm until she remembered to tell Soarin what was going on.

"Today is my brother's birthday, we're throwing him a party up on the farm tonight," Applejack explained, "I thought you might want to come, hang out with some friends of mine" Soarin knew who she meant as her friends. The Elements of Harmony, the six ponies, including her, who had saved Equestria many more times than he would ever do in his lifetime.

"Sure, I guess I could tag along..." Soarin said slowly as a coy smile slipped across his lips, "Is this a... date?"

"Keep dreamin' fly boy..." Applejack said jokingly as she trotted off towards the farm, with Soarin not far behind. He knew that his last comment was probably pushing the limits of her generosity, but it didn't seem to bother her all too much. Or if it did, she was excellent at not showing it. Either way the two of them headed towards the farm in complete silence, and when they arrived Pinkie was already starting to put up the party decorations, so they decided to help her out.

"All this, just for me?" Big Mac asked as Applejack pulled the blindfold off his head. It took her almost an hour to convince him to go along with the plan because he wasn't sure if it'd be good for him or not. Once she tied the blindfold around him she pushed him out of the house and towards the barn, signalling Pinkie to get the last bits of the party together. Just as Big Mac entered the barn the final balloons went up, looking oddly elongated for some reason.

"Yup!" Pinkie said happily, "It's your birthday, so we threw you an awesome party!"

"Wow..." Big Mac said as he looked around the barn, "Hey Pinkie, where'd you get these balloons?" Everypony's attention was suddenly brought to the odd balloons, which seemed to have small bumps along them. Rainbow flew up to examine one, and when she poked it the balloon popped, so she looked closer at it's remains. Her face turned bright red as she realized what it was, and with one swift movement she threw the plastic away before giving everypony a shaky smile.

"Oh, it's nothing, must just be Pinkie's new party balloons," Rainbow said, sounding worried, "Right Pinks?"

"Yup, I got them from Big Mac's nightstand!" Pinkie said happily, making Big Mac's eyes shoot wide open in fear as he figured out what the "balloons" really were. After he shared a worried look with Rainbow the party got underway, and in all the commotion Applejack managed to pull Soarin aside.

"Feeling better?" Applejack asked, noticing the mug of cider in his hoof.

"Yeah, a little," Soarin replied, "You having fun?"

"Yup, but I have one question," Applejack said, looking towards one of the balloons that was floating around, "Why were my brother and Rainbow so worried about where Pinkie got the balloons?" Soarin felt the temptation to tell Applejack what they really were, but she was being so innocent that it was impossible. So, rather than tell her what was really going on, he decided to crack a joke about the situation.

"Let's just say I hope your brother knows how to pull out," Soarin said, just loud enough for Rainbow and Big Mac to hear, "Otherwise things may get a little... creamy"

"What in Luna's name are you yappin' about?" Applejack asked angrily, not happy that he didn't give her an actual answer.

"Oh, nothing..." Soarin said playfully before he headed out into the midst of the party, hoping to drown his sorrows in plenty of cider, and if he was lucky, one of the mares that was there.