Chapter 2: Step 1 Wake up; Step 2 Feel Like Shit

Soarin was woken up by somepony poking him in the side with a stick, just under his wing, causing him to snap upright in shock. With a loud yelp he shot up, his mane and tail filled with hay.

"Look, he's awake!" a filly said happily as her friends laughed, making Soarin's face turn bright red. He was a strong, athletic, stallion, but the sound of a filly's laughter made him uneasy, especially when it's directed at him. With his face still redder than the sun Soarin climbed out of the hay pile, shaking himself to get all of the hay out. While he was shaking he heard one of the fillies trot around him, stopping when she got to his side.

"Hey Applebloom, what's that thing swinging from his stomach?" the filly asked, making Soarin bolt out of the barn faster than anypony should have been able to. As he ran the memories of last night came flooding back to him, including the memory of him trying to get it on with the mare that was selling pastries in town. Now that he thought about it she looked familiar, but he just couldn't place his hoof on it. Of course, if Soarin wasn't essentially running from a foalophilia charge he might have been able to figure it out. Would he even get that kind of charge? It really wasn't his fault, he had been horny last night, and then they woke him up from his dream! The guard couldn't arrest him for the fillies catching him with morning wood, could they?

*THUD*

"OH CELESTIA I THINK I BROKE MY EVERYTHING!" Soarin cried as his body crumpled to the ground after his high speed collision with an apple tree. As if adding insult to injury an apple fell out of the tree and landed on his head. After pulling himself up Soarin looked over at the apple with a tired grimace on his face.

"Nearly broke my body, and then I got a free reminder that gravity works, perfect," Soarin groaned as he picked up the apple, his growling stomach begging for him to eat it. Before he could sink his teeth into it he felt something hard hit his hoof, sending the apple flying at least fifty feet away, right into an apple barrel. Looking at the source of the hard thing Soarin saw the orange mare from last night, now giving him a very angry glare.

"Now what exactly were you doing out here, stealing our apples?" Applejack asked, her eyes narrowing as she looked right into his. Soarin stammered for a bit until a small yellow filly came running up from behind him, followed by an orange Pegasus and a white Unicorn.

"Hey, it's that stallion that was sleeping in out barn!" Applebloom said, a confused look on her face when her orange friend went around behind Soarin.

"Hey, that weird black thing is gone..." Scootaloo said as she looked between Soarin's hind legs, "I wonder where it went..."

"Scootaloo get away from there!" Applejack said harshly as she pulled the filly away from Soarin's flank. After pulling the girls away for a quick scolding Applejack came back, a questioning look on her face.

"So... Nice weather we're having, eh?" Soarin asked, trying to get the topic off of the fillies catching a glimpse of his, glorious (As he would like it to be known), stallionhood. Right on queue the sky above them opened up, a cold rain falling down onto the Wonderbolt and the farmer, both of them far less than amused.

"Come on, let's go talk in the house," Applejack said flatly as she turned to make her way out of the orchard.

"Already inviting me into your house, usually the mare waits until after I screw her to do that!" Soarin said happily, trying to lighten the mood, but all it managed to do was get him a buck to the chest, "I think you're bucking me the wrong way, usually I'm a whole lot closer..." Applejack's cheeks were starting to turn red from his dirty jokes, all the while Soarin was trying his hardest to not laugh his ass off at it. A strong farmer girl, blushing at his dirty jokes. It was definitely something to cross of the bucket list, but there was one more that he could complete while he was here; #83. Have sex with the farmer's daughter.

"Stop starin' at my ass or you're going to lose your eyes." Applejack said angrily, one of her hind legs ready to buck Soarin hard enough to make him lose his eyesight.

"Okay, sorry ma'am..." Soarin said woefully. Looks like that won't get completed, Soarin thought as he remembered the last time a mare had said that to him. It was a few days after him and Spitfire had started dating, and they were doing a training routine. She was lead pony, he was wing pony, which gave him plenty of time to stare at her finely toned flank. If Soarin wasn't so sad from being rejected before even trying he would probably have started drooling at the memory of that wonderful flank that used to be his...

"Hey fly boy, get your head out of the clouds and away from my ass," Applejack said angrily, snapping Soarin out of his thoughts just before his nose ended up causing his untimely death. With mere millimeters to spare before he ended up getting a whiff of a truly apple pie Soarin snapped his head up, his cheek's flushed deeper than the red stallion that came out of the farm house a second later.

"Mornin' sis, and..." Big Mac trailed off, not sure what to say about Soarin being right behind his sister. Without waiting for Soarin to introduce himself Big Mac headed off towards the town, his chores for the day including meeting with Cheerilee about Applebloom, picking up the mail, and fixing an old part of Fluttershy's cottage that was close to falling down. Applejack didn't seem to pay any attention to this as she grunted to say hi to him as she headed into the house, waiting in the doorway for Soarin.

"Are you coming or what?" Applejack asked, now sounding very irritated. Soarin decided to quickly make his way inside, knowing far better than to keep any mare, especially an angry one, waiting. As he took his first few steps inside Soarin's nose was assaulted by the rustic smell of the farm house, the suddenness of it nearly making him gag. When they made their way towards the living room Soarin could hear an old pony let out a happy noise.

"Looks like little Applejack finally brought a stallion home to Granny!" Granny Smith said happily as she struggled to get out of her rocking chair so she could greet Soarin, "And what a looker he is too! If I was younger I'd be trying to get me some a' that!"

"Granny stop, this isn't my coltfriend, I don't even have one," Applejack said with her hoof on her face, "He's just some idiot troublemaker that I have to talk to right now" Granny Smith gave Applejack a coy smile as she made her way to the kitchen so she could make herself something to eat.

"That's what they all say Applejack!" Granny said loudly from the kitchen, "Then eleven months later they're walking around with a foal!" Applejack groaned as she stared at Soarin before turning to head upstairs, meaning that he was supposed to follow her, or incur the wrath of an old mare's youthful wishes. Once they were upstairs Applejack headed to the furthest door on the right, which Soarin hoped wasn't the family's torture room. Why a farm house would have a torture room, Soarin wasn't too sure, but his mind did come up with the thought that maybe the red stallion used it whenever somepony tried to hit on his sister.

"Soarin either you get your flank in here, or you'll be missing your only chance to get into a mare's room," Applejack said, realizing what she said just as Soarin's mind managed to come up with some witty remark.

"But I've been in plenty of mares," Soarin said with a smirk, "Actually I think I've come in a few of them too..."

"Now I know why you're a Wonderbolt," Applejack replied sarcastically, "You gotta pay for all that child support"

"Would you like to get some too?" Soarin asked, the ashes of his hope to bang a farmer's daughter starting to heat up again. Applejack stared at him like he was crazy before she headed into her room, knowing full well that anything she could say would only serve to make things worse. Soarin quickly joined her in the room, shutting the door behind him as he tried to use whatever seductive charms he had, but it didn't work.

"Either you stop that now or I'm going to tell the guards that three little fillies saw your ding dong," Applejack said, barely able to hold back a laugh as Soarin's face dropped so fast that he could have broken the speed barrier. With a shake of his head Soarin started walking towards Applejack's bed, where she was sitting.

"So you wanted to talk?" Soarin asked, his usually cheerfulness gone from his voice as he plopped himself down on the bed.

"Well, last night you not only gave me way too much money for the pies and cider you had," Applejack said as she handed Soarin his coin bag, "But you also tried to have sex with me when I was carrying your drunk ass over here"

"That was the cider not me!" Soarin protested, his earlier jokes quickly coming to the front of his mind as he realized that him trying something like that wasn't too far fetched. Applejack held back a laugh as Soarin slowly turned to look at the open door, as if his entire life had just made sense to him all at once. Once his epiphany was over Soarin turned to face Applejack again, waiting for her to say what she wanted to say.

"Anyways, I almost got in a whole lot of trouble because a certain famous Pegasus went missing before his big show," Applejack said, reminding Soarin that he had missed the air show last night, "And someponies had seen you pigging out on my pies"

"Oh fuck..." Soarin said slowly, realizing that this would push Spitfire to her limits with him. Last time he did this they had just broken up, so she let him off easy, but now, almost two years later, there was no way she'd keep him on the team. If Soarin wasn't a Wonderbolt he'd lose it all. The money, the mares, the suit, and most importantly, his title. "Soarin the Wonderbolt" would be no more, all he'd be is another boring Pegasus who used to be somepony that everypony knew.

"Now, you may be in luck, because my friend Rainbow Dash came by before you woke up and said that Spitfire was looking for you," Applejack said, putting a hoof on Soarin's shoulder, "Rainbow also said that she was worried" Soarin was surprised that Spitfire would be worried about him, especially after he ditched a show, but then again, they used to date so she might still have some feelings for him.

"So what should I do now?" Soarin asked, hoping that the ever intelligent Applejack would give him good enough advice to save his hide. Applejack looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully, as if the answer to his question was written there even though it really wasn't.

"Well, first things first, I say you head into town and explain yourself from Spitfire's wrath," Applejack said with a silly smile, "It may save your ass from being thrown from the rafters" Soarin nodded his head and started to get up, but before he got more than four steps from the bed he turned around, giving Applejack the saddest look he could manage.

"Will you come with me?" Soarin asked, practically begging. Even though he looked extremely stupid when doing it, his pouting face managed to make Applejack get off her bed and walk towards him. With a small smile she trotted past him, remembering to keep her flank from swinging before she walked ahead of him. Silently Soarin celebrated a victory as he trotted after her, thinking that in some way, some how, having Applejack there was going to save his life. That and her amazing flank would keep his hopes up on the way there.