Twilight's Answering Machine 5

All of the following are recordings from the answering machine and are voice only.

Twilight Sparkle:  Yeah, yeah. Leave a message.

 (beep)

Mr. Cake: Hello, Twilight. This is Carrot Cake down at Sugarcube Corner. Listen, don’t tell this to anypony, especially my wife and Pinkie Pie. Dear lord, definitely not Pinkie. But, erm, I’ve heard from other ponies that you have lab equipment in the basement at your library. And, well, do you think you can do DNA checkup on the twins? I mean, it’s not like I don’t trust my wife or anything, but I really want to know how much it actually makes sense. Know what I mean? So yeah, call me back next time, and if my wife or Pinkie answers the phone, don’t tell them why you need to speak to me. S’long!

(beep)

Rainbow Dash: Hello, Twilight. This is the ghost of Star-Swirl the Bearded, telling you that you’re a great big egghead. You make me proud, girl! Only you have nitpicky behavior on the history of unicorn magic that nopony else give a ponytail about! Thanks! And you know what would be even better? Giving Rainbow Dash a batch of cookies! Well, make sure you get Spike to bake ‘em. I have a feeling you’d be terrible at it. Remember, Twilight. Rainbow Dash is the greatest pony in the world. And I know this because I’m Star-Swirl the Bearded.

(beep)

Discord: Bwa-ha ha ha ha! (lightning suddenly strikes in the background) Oh yes, Twilight, it is I, Discord! You may have put me in stone prison, but you haven’t taken my ability to call ponies while in suspended animation! Ooooo! I’m spreading chaos on your answering machine! And…that’s all I can do. That and making lightning appear. (lightning strikes again) It’s not easy being able to spread chaos when you’re in stone prison.

(beep)

Rocky: Twilight, this is your first and only warning. Stay away from Pinkie or we will be forced to resort to drastic measures!

Sir Lints-A-Lot: Oh yes. Pinkie is OUR friend, not your’s. The consequences will be dire!

Madame L’Flour: Oh yes! Consequences!

(silence)

Mr. Turnip: What consequences?

Rocky: Oh, um…phooey! We haven’t planned ahead!

(a sound of door opening and hooves walking on the floor is heard)

Pinkie Pie: (in background) Mr. and Mrs. Cake! I’m back!

Rocky: Oh horseapples! She’s back! Hurry, hang up!

Pinkie Pie: Hello? …Looks like Mr. Cake forgot to hang-up the phone when he talked to somepony this morning. Better not waste phone-energy!...Phones are magical, right? …Who am I talking to?

(beep)

Cherry Jubilee: Hello, Miss Sparkle? Okay, what the hay is going on? One day all six of you are working on my cherry farm, and the poof! The next day you all just leave without leaving a note or anything? Is this some type of joke!? Twilight, we’re behind on schedule! The shipment’s been delayed! Good chunk of our merchandise is ruined! Our sales are running low! Why!? Why did you do this to me!? What did I do to deserve this!? Some employees you girls turned out to be!

(beep)

Rainbow Dash: (eating potato chips) Oh hey Twilight. (munch munch munch) This is ol’ Rainbow. Just callin’, wondering how you’re doing. (munch munch munch) Ya’know, I’m doing fine. Still awesome as always. (munch munch munch) In conclusion, you should definitely listen to Star Swirl the Bearded. (munch munch munch)

(beep)

Mrs. Cake: Hello, Twilight. This is Cup Cake down at the Sugarcube Cormer. Uh…did my husband call you recently, lately? Don’t mention this to anyone, but I think he may be cheating on me. Ever since the twins were born he seems so unsure about me, and he keeps looking at me by the corner whenever my back is turned. And he seems pretty close to Pinkie lately, I think. Or maybe…I dunno. Look, um, are you two having an affair? I won’t be mad at you if you are, but (voice starts shaking) I just…I just love Carrot so much. (sniffs) I don’t know what I’ll do if he leaves me (starts crying).

(beep)

Spike: Oh hey Twilight, it’s me. So, uh…that Starswirl doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I think you’re capable of making the greatest cookies in the world! Maybe better than Pinkie herself! So, uh, bake cookies for Rainbow Dash. Yep, that’s all I’m saying. (phone click sound) Tee-hee hee. Twilight’s cookies will definitely give food poisoning to Rainbow! Hee hee. Hey, the phone’s not hung up…oh horsefeathers. (quickly slams the phone)

(beep)

END OF PART 5