When I woke up I felt... hollow. I lay there in the field, not wanting to move. I didn't even know if I could move. I thought back to last night, how my life had been ripped apart. I thought of her. I just couldn't bare to think her name, I just wanted it to end.

Love... what's the damn point... It's great 'til it's over... What's the point of even going on? I thought miserably, Why am I even still alive? I could've... should've... just used the knife... It would've been less painful...

I suddenly felt angry, hatred welled up inside of me, it boiled my blood, seared my veins. I began to pound the floor with my hooves, tears bursting forth again.

"Why! WHY ME?! WHAT THE BUCK DID I DO?" I screamed at the air "WHAT DID I DO WRONG?"
I started to tire, slowing my thumping of the ground until I gave one last feeble pound, before putting my head in between my hooves and sobbing.

I was miserable again, my heart feeling like it had daggers through it. My throat was hurting again, I couldn't believe anything had happened, part of me wanted to go back to Cloudsdale, and try and have a normal life, but deep down, I knew I couldn't. I couldn't bear to see... her face, just thinking about her... I wished I'd kept the knife...

"Why... why didn't I just do it..." I sobbed "Finish it all... " I carried on sobbing relentlessly.
Some time passed, it felt like hours, but it could have been minutes, I started thinking of ways to... go. I couldn't use the word "Kill", it felt like I'd already died.
I could hold my breath... painless... how long would it take though?

I realized I wasn't crying anymore, I just felt... tired. I couldn't bear to move, it hurt when I did, sending fresh waves of pain for every muscle that moved. I lay, unmoving in a kind of... trance. I lay there, I wasn't even thinking, my eyes had a glazed look to them. I wasn't thinking, the emptiness came back, consuming everything I was. In a way, it was a relief. But it was tinged with sadness and pain.

*****

I "woke up" hours later, feeling disoriented. The pain had... dispersed. It wasn't gone, it just wasn't as raw. I forced myself to stand, by the time I had, I stood there, swaying, trying to think straight. I felt numb, even emptier than before. I took a tentative step forward, feeling as though a breeze would cause me to shatter. I tried to stretch my wings, but they fell limply to my sides.

I stepped forwards again, trembling slightly, before I let out a long sigh.

"What's the point..." I whispered to myself before taking another step.

The point of what? A voice somewhere sounded.

"Everything..." I whispered, it felt good to talk, even if it was to myself. I took another step.

You're giving up! The voice in me accused.

"I... can't carry on..." I whispered again, almost pleadingly, I was giving up. "This isn't fair... I...I..."

I began to feel faint, exhaustion took over, and I simply passed out.

****

When I finally came around, I saw her. Staring at me. I blinked and she was gone. Different and conflicting emotions fought their way up. Anger, sadness, hate, love and everything in between. Above all else though, was confusion. I had no idea what I was supposed to feel. I almost broke down again, until I realized she wasn't real. She was never real.

She was sorry though... I reasoned
"Sorry she got caught..." I said out loud, my voice full of hate.
But you love her.
"Loved." I corrected myself
You still do. Said the voice deep in my head.

I ignored the voice... I knew it was just some messed up emotions.
"Emotions." I spat "What do they do except cause pain?"
I tried to walk, but found my left leg fired a blast of physical pain with every step.
Oh great... Now I can't walk...

So, I hopped. I hopped all the way. I didn't care about the pain though. It felt like I deserved it somehow. I'd began to revert to it being my fault again. I'd given up fighting myself though, I just accepted it.
All my money is in my bag... I thought meekly There should be enough for a house... I can leave this behind... If I deserve to anyway...

Either way, I kept hopping. If I was going to start again, I had to keep going. I moved with a single-minded determination. I had nothing but misery behind me, and an opportunity in front of me. There was a town in the distance, it looked... nice. I gave up any thoughts of going further. My mettle gave in at the sight of a place I might actually stay. It looked welcoming. I felt a tiny part of my pain... go. It just dissolved. I was still hurting, but the thought of somewhere I could go, somewhere I'd be safe, somewhere I could leave everything behind, kept me on my hooves.

A home... I thought sadly A new home...

I started walking, even my limp was gone. I'd been given strength by the hope of a hope. It felt good, to finally have something to hope for, even if I didn't really believe in it. It was hope that kept me going, I had no other source of energy. I hadn't eaten or drank anything for almost two days. But I kept going.

By the time I'd made it to the little town, it was almost dark. I looked up at the town hall, praying that the mayor was still there.
Thank Celestia she was.

"Excuse me?" I mumbled "Are you the mayor of this town?"
I realized how depressed my voice sounded, I didn't want anypony to "help" me, I preferred to deal with my own problems.
The grey haired mare turned around.
"Yes..." She sighed "I'm the mayor of Ponyville alright, what can I help you with?"
So that was the name of this town...Ponyville...
"I was wondering..." I said a little nervously, this wasn't a question you ask much, "Are there any houses for sale here?"
The mayor seemed to brighten up a little.
"Oh! I thought you were going to complain about one of Pinkie Pie's parties!"
"Who's-" I started, but the mayor was checking some paper. I waited patiently, ready for my dream to be destroyed as quickly as it had came.

"Why yes we do!" The mayor exclaimed, "It costs 1000 bits, if your interested."
I was shocked, I hadn't actually expected to be able to live here. I couldn't even speak, I dropped my bag and searched for my money. I found and counted it.

600... 700...850... 900... 950... 956...
My face dropped. I didn't have enough. I felt destroyed.I stood in silence for what seemed like hours, I felt empty again. There was now another hole where whatever hope I'd had used to be. I could barely understand what had just happened.
Wha- No... this isn't...it's not possible!

Something must've shown on my face because I heard mayor speak. I was barely paying attention.
"...what you have and... the rest off." Was all I heard.

I looked up.
"Sorry?" I said with a slightly confused look.
"I said if you want the house, you can give me what you have and work the rest off." She repeated.

I stared in shock. This was... great! I thanked the mayor over and over and over, the hole where my hope had been had been filled with... glee? I felt happy! I had a house!

As soon as I was done filling out boring paperwork and handing over my money, I'd practically ran to my new home. It was a small house near the edge of town. I loved it instantly. I didn't even bother to look around, just threw myself on the small bed in one of the rooms and slept soundly.