Dear Diary,

Wow, I never thought I’d ever be writing one of these things, especially given that cliched Dear Diary opening, but the doctor suggested that writing about the goings-on in my life might help cope with all the crap going on. That’s actually the first thing I’ll be writing about. After my last in-person encounter with the princess, she insisted before I left that I should see a therapist. That kinda goes in the face of what I expected—and wanted—but I guess given her own experiences, Princess Luna holds mental health in paramount. Kinda devious to make it a mandatory part of our arrangement, but I suppose it is something I need to deal with after all.

Mostly, it bothers me that the princess doesn’t trust me to deal with my own problems. I mean, I know these things aren’t the sort of thing you can fix on your own, but at the same time it feels... wrong to be forced into getting help. Yes, I should be thanking her for this, but given how independent I am, this takes out any choice in the matter. At least Luna promises that therapy will not conflict with my education.

Because of this, I’ve been tasked with visiting Dr. Clear Conscience, a psychiatrist that the princess herself highly recommends, on a regular basis. Once a week is a bit much to ask given that I only have a month to prepare for my studies. Not to mention that once my studies begin in earnest, I will be at an obvious disadvantage. Still, it is a thing worth doing if it means that I will not so easily succumb to insanity once again.

Clear Conscience is a nice stallion. I know it sounds cliche to say that he cares about his patients, but he really means it in his expressed interest. That first session was rather shocking for me. Instead of being sat down and asked to tell him about my life straight from the get go, Clear caught me completely off guard by telling me about himself. He told me about how he lost his mother to mental illness—despite her seeing a psychiatrist at the time—and how that shaped his career. He said to me that if a psychiatrist couldn’t show their patients that they actually cared, they had no place treating the infirm.

It was following that speech that he asked me to tell him a bit about myself. I told him right off the bat that everything I was going to tell him would sound absolutely crazy—a regrettably offensive choice of words—but that it was all true. He stunned me by admitting, and I quote, “If I hadn’t known of most of your unique background ahead of this session, I would probably say that the Ponyville incident was instigated by a form of paranoid schizophrenia developed from an underlying case of post-traumatic stress disorder, resultant of another incident.”

I’d be lying if I said that he didn’t catch me off guard there. I was fully expecting to be strapped into a straitjacket right away. Instead he just smiled and asked me what’s been troubling me as of late. After explaining how hard I’ve been studying for my certification, I went on to talk about the dreams that I’ve been suppressing with sleep aids. The content of the dream that I had on the date that I met with the princess really seemed to scare him. He asked me to start writing in this diary about the things in my mind...

So here I am. Maybe this will even be good for me.
~Silver Script, January 14th, 2002 PH

Dear Silver,

I’m really sorry about replying to your letter so late. Some featherbrain in the postal service sent it half-way to Neighpon of all places, and it only got here yesterday. Can you believe it? It took them this long to figure out their mistake and get me your letter. I just wanted to get that out of the way with so that you wouldn’t think we’ve been ignoring your letters.

Regarding what you said about Twilight, I actually spoke with her just the other day. I was at Sugarcube Corner with Cutie Mark Crusaders—taking them for a treat—when suddenly she just walked in, fresh off the train. In all the hubbub of an instant Pinkie Pie Party, I got a few minutes to talk with her. After thinking about what you said, I decided that I would apologize to her for everything. Everything that happened to her was a result of me trying so hard to prove to ponies that humans were real and bringing you here, after all.

Given the way you described how she felt about me, I would have thought that I would be the last pony she’d want to see. Amazingly, she was happy to see me too. No, I didn’t get it at the time, either. Still, when Pinkie tasked the Crusaders with gathering everypony for the party, we had an opportunity to sit down and talk about our lives. I expected her to be harsh on me like you mentioned in your letter, but instead she was surprisingly nice. She even admitted to saying the sorts of things that were mentioned in your letter. Instead, she says she has a newfound respect for me, not because of what I’m going through, but because of what I will go through. She said that teaching you gave her a lot respect for mothers—somehow. I’m not sure if that means you’ve been a bratty little filly or if it’s a good thing.

She said... it’s hard teaching a pony everything they need to know about the world, and that sometimes they’ll disappoint you, but what’s more rewarding than seeing them do right by you is when they do something selfless and incredibly precious to you. I don’t know what you did for her, but I think you really made an impression on her. Things are going to be alright between us two, I think.

I know you were being vindictive when you put that idea about me chaperoning the girls into their families heads, but really, I am thankful for it. Sure, I learned a heck of a lot about responsibility just from that one chaotic week with you, but I’ve learned even more from the girls. I’m fully expecting to need a lot of patience once our filly is born—yep, you heard me; it’s a filly!—and working with the Cutie Mark Crusaders has been nothing if not a trial in patience and responsibility. If only I had enough paper to tell you all the trouble those three can get up to. Oh! Another plus is how great I feel!

You keep saying that you’ll never be anything but an outsider in Ponyville, but you’ll always have a place here if the university doesn’t work out for you—congratulations, by the way. Bon-Bon and I have done a lot of talking, and because of your unique role in our daughter’s conception, you have a special place in our herd. I really do think that she’d love to have an Auntie Silly. Just keep that in mind, okay?

Good luck with your plight at the university, Silver. I sincerely hope you can achieve your goals there. In the meantime, I really need to get my hooves going. The Crusaders want to go mountain climbing today, and I intend to talk them down to just taking a hike through the highlands. Please come visit again soon. I really hope that you’ll be here in August for the foaling. It’d mean alot to us.

Take care,

Lyra Heartstrings

Dear Diary,

I know that school doesn’t start until April third, but that’s no reason for me not to do a bit of research beforehand, right? I mean, I’m probably going to be studying for at least a year before I actually get an opportunity to work on a cure for petrification, but without preparation, I won’t have any idea what to do. Just a bit of research, and I’ll at least know which direction to go.

It’s this line of thought that has holed me up in the Canterlot Public Library and Archives for the last two days. Over this period of time, I must have pored over every book pertaining to alchemy available there—which is admittedly not a lot—and cross-referencing the even fewer references to petrification. The best luck I’ve had was stumbling across a copy of Equestrian Alchemy: a Complete History just yesterday. Even then, it didn’t tell me a whole heck of a lot.

From what I can tell there are only a handful of focuses in the alchemy of Equestria, all of which have been pretty thoroughly scoured for a cure to petrification. In fact, there are only three schools of alchemy that seem to be taught here in Canterlot. The first school—and most obvious track in a cure for petrification—focuses on Restoratives, including potions that accelerate healing, or cures for poisons. This is an obvious dead end if after a thousand years no such cure has been found in this school.

The next school—one that hasn’t seen as much attention in recent years—is Combat Utility. This school obviously focuses on medicines that increase a soldier’s efficiency in the field of battle or increases a single pony’s potency in battle, or poisons used to disable their enemies. One unicorn actually created a poison that, when ingested or splashed on a pony’s coat, slowly petrified them. Granted, they never pioneered a cure, but they managed to replicate the effect pretty darn well. From what I can tell, this track is also an optional course for field medics in the Royal Guard. I don’t think this’ll get me where I need to be, though.

Finally, there’s Miscellania. No, I’m not joking; they literally dump everything that does not fall under the first two schools into one category.That means pony libido enhancers are part of the same category as potions that alter a pony’s eye color. Lazy, I know, but I guess they don’t really care enough to create multiple schools. This one has a lot of potential, if only because it has a lot of options.

Interesting enough, though, there is no mention of transformative potions. I mean yeah, some ponies have apparently created solutions that can temporarily increase the size of a stallion’s genitalia—as if those things aren’t dangerous enough already—or make a mare’s teats swell to unnatural sizes, but that’s about the extent of Equestrian transformative alchemy. There’s absolutely nothing like the zebra solution that Pinkie got from Zecora.

Speaking of zebra alchemy, there’s next to nothing on the subject. I’ve found a few references here or there—all of them regarding the effects and results, never the potions themselves—but other than that, absolutely nothing at all. I’d probably have to ask a zebra about it, but I have this theory that their alchemy is a tradition passed down by word, or that it is forbidden from print for some reason.

Anyway, I’ve got this crazy little idea I’ve been nurturing in case I can’t figure out anything in the normal schools. It probably means I’d have to make at least one trip into the Everfree, and maybe spend some time around a zoo or something, but it’s definitely something I can fall back on. I’d do that right now, but really, I want to have a firm knowledge of how alchemy works, and how a potion’s magical ingredients work together with one another.

Enough about alchemy though. This isn’t an alchemy research diary, after all. This is about my feelings and crap like that. Still, I can’t help but get a little anxious when I think about alchemy. It’s hard not to, knowing the cost of failure. That’s a foal’s life for fuck’s sake! I just get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me feel... guilty for being idle.

That’s another thing Clear Conscience wants to work with me on. In our last session, I dropped the bombshell about Pound Cake, and how my guilt surrounding the incident is my entire driving force behind my studies. He’s already pointed out that the guilt is unfounded and that I’m on the verge of an obsession. I’ll concede that this is exactly what it is. I don’t care though. This is bigger than me.

Isn’t it?
~Silver Script, January 23rd, 2002 PH

Dear Diary,

I had a dream last night; it wasn’t a nightmare for a change, but somehow that makes it all the much worse. In the dream, I was a human, back on Earth with my family. We were on a vacation in Cape Breton, and walking the three dogs along Dominion Beach. I remember reminiscing to them about the dog we used to take for walks along that same beach so many years before. In spite of the sorrowful note, we were happy together.

I remember waking up crying at two in the morning—hell, I’m still up and that’s why I’m writing this now—because of that dream. It was like somepony pushed a dagger into my heart and began to twist vigorously. All I could do for a good forty minutes was sob incoherently and apologize to nopony in particular. It felt like—and still feels like—a dam has burst inside me.

How fucked up is it that I refuse to even think about it... that I won’t even acknowledge the pain of being rejected by my parents, even in my sessions with Clear? Why can’t I just admit that I feel so conflicted about getting close to anypony because of how hurt they’ve left me? It’s so easy to blame others, so why should I always shoulder the blame and the guilt and the sorrow?

For that matter, why hasn’t he ever asked me about my parents yet? It’s clear as day that I’ve avoided the subject, and that it hurts, so why wouldn’t he approach the subject, recognizing it as important? Is he waiting for something in particular? Is he waiting for me? It probably is my responsibility to broach these things, but how do I even go about it? “So yeah, let’s talk about my parents, who in my time of need turned their backs on me. Let’s talk about how in denial I am that I would latch onto a random tragedy as a driving force rather than my own!” Yeah, that sounds about as stupid as I feel right now.

Just another bit of crazy to work over with the therapist on my next appointment.
~Silver Script, February 1st, 2002 PH

Dear Diary,

Tomorrow’s the day my lifestyle changes again. The entrance ceremony and all of that happens tomorrow at the university. I realize after having registered that I kinda had the wrong impression of how the school actually works. For some reason, I expected to be going to classes solely focused on alchemy in some neglected old building, and staying in some attached dormitory, but the counselor that helped me set everything up explained that all alchemy classes take place in the same building as other classes. Heck, she basically said there was a ninety percent chance that my roommate wouldn’t be in any of my courses or even the same year.

At least the dorm isn’t co-ed. I’m not sure I could handle being around a stallion when I should theoretically be entering estrus soon enough; it is almost spring after all. It isn’t that I don’t trust stallions, either. Due to the bizarre inversion compared to Earth, most stallions are pretty docile. Any that aren’t usually run businesses, or enroll in the guard like Shining Armor. Either way, it doesn’t really have anything to do with the stallions.

I just... I’m not sure I trust myself not to do something stupid. Sure, I was drunk when I bedded with Lyra and Bon-Bon, but some part of me was still curious. Since that time though, I’ve given very little thought to things of a sexual nature. If this came up in one of my sessions with Clear Conscience, he’d probably say that I’m traumatised, and maybe that’s true. I’m worried that I might hurt somepony for the wrong reason... or that I’ll be hurt.

When that half-asleep stallion wandered into the mare’s section back in the boarding house all those months ago and started crawling into my bed, did I really have to bite him? Was that what a normal pony would do? I could have tried to wake him, or barring that, I could have screamed! Why, then, did I jump straight to biting him? There’s self-preservation instincts, sure, but that was a grossly exaggerated response to something startling.

Maybe I should talk to Clear Conscience about this? I mean, the topic is kind of inappropriate if taken the wrong way, but at the same time, he’s supposed to be helping me to stop being damaged goods, right? If I can’t be open with him, we’ll never make any progress. Then again, compared to certain other issues, I think this much can wait.

That’s enough about my non-existent sex drive though. Even if I’m the only one who is reading this thing—if I find out otherwise, I might just decide to find out how many buckets a pony can fill with blood—I don’t wanna start talking about stuff that might get pervy. It’s bad enough I give off pheromones that make me more appealing to the opposite sex. Celestia forbid I accidentally become aroused and give off the wrong impression.

Anyway... since I don’t really have family here in Equestria—yes, Lyra and Bon-Bon said I’ll always have a place in their herd, but I dunno—Candy and Forceps promised to be there for the entrance ceremony. I never realized how dependent I was on their support until now. These entrance ceremonies... they’re an opportunity for families to show their support. They care about me enough to support me like family. I still can’t get over that acceptance.

The entrance ceremony itself, coupled with the whole trimester school year reminds me whole lot of Japan. I once asked about the origins of this system, and you know what they told me? It was something brought over from Neighpon by an exchange student who later became the head of the whole Equestrian education system. Some unicorn mare by the name of Henscratch. Go figure, eh? Makes me kinda miss all those little things from home. Maybe I should look into Neighponese comics for nostalgia’s sake.

Anyway, that’s all for tonight. I really need to get to sleep. It’s a big day tomorrow after all.

At least all of my dreams aren’t self-loathing nightmares now.
~Silver Script, February 2nd, 2002 PH

Author's Notes:

Well, Sorry it took so long to get this out there. Really wanted to make sure this was edited, and edited it was. I know I don't thank BearCider enough for taking time out of his hectic schedule, but this time I have others to thank as well. Here's a big, warm thank you for NightmareKnight and E3gner. You really helped make sure that I didn't come off completely illiterate.

I might have mentioned before, but the purpose of these little Interlude chapters is to account for major time skips that last for more than, say, a week. During those times, I want to of course imply that there is still stuff going on in Silver's life, which brings me to Silver Script's therapy. Make no mistake; the events of the first story were nothing short of traumatic for her, and it is clear that she isn't coping with all of them so well. Being the caring Diarch she's never depicted as, Luna wants only to help.