Dear Diary,

I’m so glad to be back in Canterlot after so long. Sure, I lose out on sharing Bon-Bon and Lyra’s comfy spare bed with Ice Blossom, but if you can believe it, I actually began to miss that futon mattress in a wooden alcove. If pressed for an answer, I’d probably have to say that I simply grew tired of Ponyville. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my stay quite a bit. It’s just... ugh.

Spending time with Lyra and little baby Honeydew reminds me why I disliked children so much on Earth. They love to cry, and more than that, they enjoy tormenting those around them. Honeydew is nothing if not obsessed with wings. That would be fine if she didn’t try to preen me—just after spitting up on me, more often than not. Pretty sure Lyra has a polaroid of the pain on my face when a giggling Honeydew yanked out one of my primaries.

I suppose that brings me to my injury count for this trip. Judging by the scars, I’ve got at least three separate scratches from that cockatrice I murderized in the Everfree, and the gashes in my side from the lamia’s teeth aren’t anything to scoff at either. If not for the fact that I nearly died, I would gladly refer to these as ‘battle scars’—Celestia knows I’m going to have them for a while. At least I got Zecora’s recipe, right?

Shit. I still can’t believe that most Ponyvillians think I’m some hero now—some big damn hero—just for saving Silver Spoon’s life. Okay, yes, I fought a cockatrice in hoof-to-claw combat and ended up cutting its fucking head off with a rock when it tried going after Silver Spoon. I admit that’s pretty fucking badass. Getting eaten alive by a lamia? Not so badass. If not for my blood cleansing potion, I’d be a big dead hero. Even then, because it was too busy blowing the lamia the fuck up, it didn’t do anything for me, thus leaving me with a major bacterial infection and close to death for two days.

I suppose while I’m on the subject of Ponyville, I should write down everything that happened. Sure, I could talk about the whole heroism thing and how I’m pretty sure the next time I go to Ponyville I’m likely to see a statue of myself—despite telling Twilight I’ll take a sledgehammer to a statue of myself if need be—but I think it would be more productive to talk about the ponies I’ve met with along the way.

It’s little wonder the Silver family were so keen on treating me to dinner. I mean, I saved their little girl! But yeah, after meeting them at that little get-together Celestia and Luna guilted me into going to, I agreed to have dinner with them. It wasn’t anything real major; it was just a meal at a restaurant in the fancy part of Ponyville. You know how it goes: sit around the table telling Sterling Silver, Silver Lining, and Silver Spoon a bit about Silver Script, from where I came from and what I do now, to theories on why I’m small. Bah—they think my proposed Rule of Cute explanation was more feasible than buggered genetics from the transformation.

Like I kinda feared, Silver Spoon does seem to have a bit of an obsessive interest in me, but honestly? It seems like the kind of passing thing a kid would have. She just asked questions about things I like to do, favorite colors, and why I seem to prefer Princess Luna over Celestia. She looked a bit disappointed when I told her most of my time is spent studying or in class, but hopefully the fact that I study hard will brush off on the girl. Lord knows that might make me a decent role-model.

Well, I guess the reasoning for her questioning became obvious the next day. When Blossom and I met with Rarity and Fluttershy—they both seemed to get along very well with Blossom, by the way—Rarity brought her initial designs for my new saddlebags with her to the spa. Beyond the obvious fact that one side was actually being designed as a carrying case—hard exterior with foam inserts for flasks—the biggest thing I noticed about the design was the inclusion of silver crescent-moon buckles. When prodded about where she got the idea, she admitted that Silver Spoon had come to her that morning offering the hoof-crafted buckles. I’ll admit, that was pretty touching.

Beyond asking her to make the straps for the thing adjustable for up to a fully grown pony, I was quite happy with her design. I told her over massages how I was planning on testing Zecora’s potion on myself just prior to the start of the semester, and I had no idea what side effects there might be beyond temporarily having a penis. Well, when I told her more about the potion—the very one that Pinkie had dosed more than half the group with—Fluttershy squeaked very loudly in surprise. I think maybe the two of them are counting their blessings that they didn’t hook up out of curiosity.

Maybe it was mean of me to suggest that any child of Rarity and Fluttershy would be lethally adorable, but they took it in good cheer. Granted, Rarity made her own little jibe about what a little bundle of joy my young would be. All in all, Blossom thought that both sides of it were entertaining enough.

True to her word, Rarity did have Lotus and Aloe bring out a special shampoo that restored my mane and tail to their former glory... and then some! Somehow, through it all, my mane came out silky and oh so fluffy, just like a towel in Albuquerque. You better believe that if I still had fingers, I’d never stop playing with my mane. Seriously, it felt wonderful just brushing against it with the frog of my hoof.

Bah, now I’m rambling. Anyway, the whole spa date was pretty fun and relaxing, all things considered. My wounds don’t ache nearly as much as they did before, and my muscles don’t feel nearly as tense as they used to. Small favors when dealing with a foal, to be sure.

I finally did get a chance to sit down with Lyra and Bon-Bon to explain my gift to them. It was the night before Blossom and I had to head back, so I practically dragged Bon-Bon aside when she got home from Sweet de Treat and said “You guys wanted to open it together while I was here. That time is now.” She wasn’t all that impressed with my brusqueness, but she couldn’t rightly fault her.

I’m not sure which of them seemed more confused when they opened the parcel to find the lactation potion. Bon-Bon looked at me like I had nine heads, while Lyra simply snickered at me, muttering something about fetishes. So of course, I explained that there might be times when Lyra might otherwise be indisposed, unable to feed Honeydew, and it wouldn’t be feasible to run all the way home with a hungry foal to retrieve stored milk from the fridge. The potion would provide Bon-Bon with the ability to do so.

Lyra cracked up at the mental image of her Bonnie trailing milk or nursing the foal she’s sired, pointing out that even if the occasion never arose, Bon-Bon could always drink the potion, and save a bundle on milk for her baking needs. She could even play wetnurse for other ponies, or sell it to adults looking for a unique snack. Not going to lie, the thought of Bon-Bon becoming the Milkmare of Ponyville was pretty fucking hilarious, until Bon-Bon threatened to start shipping me bottles of milk. I don’t even want to think about that.

If there’s one thing I regret about my whole trip to Ponyville, it’s that I didn’t get to spend as much time with Twilight as I might have liked. At first, it was just the whole thing with the Everfree and then being near death for two days kinda eats a lot of your time. Then of course you have Twilight going and becoming an alicorn, which has eaten up the rest of her time. You know, brushing up on all the protocol and practices for her coronation ceremony.

It would be nice to just sit down and talk shop—alchemy, really—for a little while. Sure, the free research semester is all I really need to complete if I choose the School of Miscellania for my specialization, but if anypony can help me decide, it’s the pony who has studied and dabbled in every form of legal magic known to ponies. Besides, it’d just be nice to be able to talk to somepony who knows what I’m talking about.

No chance of that now though. About a week from today, the coronation ceremony of Princess Twilight Sparkle takes place. It’s literally the day before university 'commences', and the day after Gearalt’s little concert. Five days, in other words. We’ve gotten some more practice in since I got back, but most of my spare time has been dedicated to gathering the ingredients for Zecora’s potion. After that, though, I've thankfully have a few days of respite before my classes actually begin.

Yeah, it’s taken some work, but I wanted to prepare some initial data before I went into the semester. I’d run clinical trials, but it’s not exactly something you can do without a research grant, which I can’t rightly apply for before the semester even begins. At least if I can provide some preliminary data for the grant, I can do clinical trials when I start branching out and altering the potion. For now, I’m happy enough to have a unicorn med student—I know he’ll be using magic to take some of his samples, but there’s not much else I can do for what I have planned—willing to lend me a hoof.

The ‘trial’ is tomorrow morning, and he says he can have a baseline analysis of the DNA back to me by the evening, and a more in-depth analysis the following day. Damned if magic can’t be misused, but you can’t fault a unicorn for good work. Anyway, I suppose I better get going. I’ve gotta take the potion off the heat and let it sit for the night before it’s good to go, and I should probably be getting to bed, as well.

~Silver Script, August 29th, 2002 PH

Author's Notes:

Short interlude this week. Nothing major because we're literally just fast-forwarding but a few days with nothing absolutely major happening.

Thanks, DarkxRedemption E3gner, and NightmareKnight.

Feb 3rd. Minor Retroactive continuity.