Running down the hallways uttering a stream of profanity there was only one thought on my mind.
~Is today the day? The day that I die?~

This was a thought that ran through my mind a lot recently, since today is the second anniversary of me becoming the Dusk's personal Grim-Wizard. The one responsible dealing with the dukes problems with grim efficiency. (The one's that he can't be bothered to fix himself, like the gnarled apathetic lord he was.) I am best at what I do, but what I do isn't very nice. Makes me thankful that the demon freeloading in my brain prevents me from dreaming.

The day I became a Grim-Wizard was ,coincidentally , the first time I met them. The ones that I can mostly count on to help fix Dusk's more...Impractical problems. The problems that couldn't be solved from reading a book,crushing a coup, or digging up dirt on an upstart noble or two (And there is a lot of dirt to find) There are some problems that you just can't handle by yourself!

Together we managed to pull off some incredible, crazy feats of insanity in the name of "The Greater Good".
Our most notable achievement to date was the time that we re-sealed an elder god inside a plastic bottle.(Which was quickly thrown into Morgana's Trench, the blasted bog of ill will.(What an stupidly long name...))The abomination had almost driven us to kill each other, Until Duke Dusk showed me that it was within his power to repeatedly kill us and raise us from the dead just to kill us again for letting a meager sho'goth make us crazy... (That had certainly gotten our act together!)

That doesn't make us friends. No, at the best we are colleagues. At worst, Rivals. I may not have to worry about a knife in my back when we are all together, But I resolved never to be around them individually... Especially after what happened to Gertrude. Sure she was loathsome, brash, and quite arrogant, sure she was on The List, and that I would have killed her eventually... But did they have to mutilate the body like that? I am not sure who killed her and how, But I am quite sure that I don't need to know.

~How does someone even do that with a chicken?!?~
I think to myself, reminiscing at the few mental pictures that I failed to repress.

I reach the next leg of my journey, the Lobby Door. Like most of the doors inside the castle it was locked. However, the lock on this particular door is actually a cruel prank played by Dusk. The ornate squid statues flanking the door were actually the enchanted Rape-Golems of the Teemo'Las Grove. They were magical creatures that delighted in asking stupid questions until they are answered wrongly. When that happens (And trust me,it always happens...Always), they violate whatever made the last response to their question in the worst possible ways. I saw the very soul of a foolish clergyman being perforated by a phallic tentacles.And they are growing more efficient in warping my sanity with their deviancy My mind still refuses to comprehend what they did last time.

All that I could gleam from reading books about them was that the golems Imprint the personality and intelligence of the first sentient creature that touches them Into their source-gems, which they use to communicate vocally. After that all I could find on them various "techniques" they used to... Ensnare their prey.

I hope against hope that they are inactive as I sneak up to the door, gingerly tapping it in an attempt to open it. I hear a thick voice that reverberated through the corridors, sounding like stone being grind underwater. Quack!

"Where do yah think your going... Boyo?" asked the leftward statue, with an accent that sounds like it comes from the mountain dwellers in the WuKong Hills.

"Yah boy, Where de'yah th'nk yer goin'?" said the right statue, which had a accent that could only come from the outskirts of one of the many backwater towns of Nashyorn.(Hue-montville perhaps?)

"Uh... Quack?" I yelped meekly.

"Such a silly nanny! Thinking that we wouldn't see through yah space duck ruse a third time!" The left statue let out a guttural guffaw.

"He shure is hoss, e' sho' is!"

I considered just making a run for it...But saner heads prevailed. Wouldn't they just love to chase me and pin me against a wall and teach me the true meaning of so-. I do, however, back step a bit so they don't surround me.

~This isn't helping! Think stupid! Think!~ I scream inside my head, trying to ignore the horrifying predictions of my near future. I stare at my feet to avoid making eye contact with the statues... Even if they don't have eyes I still don't want to do anything that may provoke them.

"Shud we start rapin 'm now Hoss?"

"Don't be daft Laddy, we gots ta ask him questions befer we rape him!"

"Oh! I guts a gud one! Wut numba am I thinkin of?"

"Uh... Quack?"

"Aww shoot!He guessed it!"

Yer such an idjit Laddy... Okay boyo, What be the air-speed of a fully laden swallow?"

~...Quack?~ My mind goes blank...Like it just flipped off when it attempted to process such a random question.
My only hope now is... Fuck me!!! (What a poor choice of words.)

"Er, um, uh... What color is it?" I ask.

"Wut?"

"The swallow... What color is it? Blue? Red? Is the swallow pink? Oh oh! I bet its a purpley orange color..."{and on and on I went in an attempt to kill myself through asphyxiation so I won't go through whatever they are about to put me through until the left statue snapped}

"How the bloody hell should I know you bloody daft git! I ought just start fu- What in the bloody hells of babylon are ye d-Mrmpf!"

I take my gaze off a particularly interesting puddle of Duke knows what to see-
BunniesfrolickinginahappymeadowsuchcutebunniesohmyduketheyaresoadorableIjustwanttohugemandhugemandnotthinknotthinknotthinkaboutwhatIamreallyseeingwhichisobviouslyjusttwoadorablebunniesandnothingelsenothingelsenothingelse the door completely unguarded by the statues. I make my cautious steps toward the door, hearing the-
Thesteadyrollingofawagonwheelonapavedstreetohmyitssorelaxingsoveryrelaxingicanjustfeelmysanxietyslippingawayyepiamsaneiamsaneiamsaneiamsane I take a quick peek at the-
ClownsthosesillyclownswhatareyouclownsdoingwiththosehoseshahahahwhydoyouhavesomuchcerealcomingoutthehosesclownsohyougotsomecerealonmeclownshahahahayousosillyclownssosillysosillysosillysosillyIamcoveredincerealnowyousillysillysillysillysilly

I shake the sugarycereal out of my hair and open wide the lobby door and see 9 pairs of eyes gazing at me from the walls in the dimly lit room. I am completely indifferent to their stares. They are just jealous of the deliciousdeliciouscereal all over me. A familiar pair of pink eyes looks at me, brimming with madness. A solitary gray eye stares with barely restrained wraith at the owner of the pink eyes.

"Why in dukes name do I even bother betting against you?" Said a shrill voice in a harsh tone.

"Because you always take a challange Nike, ALWAYS! Now, Pony up that guoji!" a bit-to-giddy voice from the pink eyes barked at the gray eyeball.The voice then laughed at what was probably an inside joke it was having with it's no doubt numerous personalities.

"Whatever, heres your stupid Guoji Annie." I hear a light clanging from what I assume was Nike throwing his Guoji on the floor in front of Annie. "How did you know that Ryze was going wind up covered in-~deliciouswholesomenuttycereal~-?"

"I thought yah knew better then tah question it Nike, she is as wyrd as they come." A pair of green eyes said rather bluntly.

"Aw stuff it Samire! I suppose you have something to say Pellus..." The gray eye shifted it's stare toward to one of the pairs of blue eyes sitting in the corner.

The owner of the smaller of the pair of eyes glared at the grey eyeball with a condescending so apparent that I didn't even need to the owners face to know that she had a look of utter revulsion on it. Pellus gave a snobby hmpf as she said," Don't include me in your silly conversations pest! Do you know who I am?"

"I know this... Your ummmm... your a...err... Social rogue?" said a soft, deep voice which came from the larger pair of blue eyes.

"No Guy..." Pellus said calmly talking as one would to a child," I am a NobleWoman."

"More like a noble pain in my ass." Samire said with a snort.

My eyes finally adjust to the darkness. The first thing I see clearly is the hulking form of Gaius Simplar. One of the many peculiar people that made up my group. He is the kindest soul I have ever met. He is also the one that scares me most. The only reason that no one takes advantage of him is due to his intimidating visage... The man is is covered in scars!(still don't know where he gets them, but he winds up with hundreds of new nicks and cuts every time I see him... Does he give loving hugs to rabid animals or something?) While he may appear to be a docile red-headed simpleton, I just know that he is hiding A complete Savage under all that goodwill... I mean, no matter how dumb you are there is no way you could last on your own with that kind of attitude without having a dark side!

My eyes stray to the other owner of pair of blue eyes. The noble madam Belldam Pellus von Who-Gives-A-Rat's-Ass. The only thing she cared about was status and how people saw her... We didn't necessarily count as people in her eyes. But for a snooty blonde noble she is possibly the most generous, since she offers her valuable skills free of charge(unless patience is a new form of currency, Then she would be a greedy witch) If I had to describe her in one word I would say that she was... Umm...

"The word your looking for is Fru-Fru Ryze"

I turn to see a crazed albino staring at into my very soul. It was Annie Twisted, our token wyrd-o. Her flat white hair looked like it was plastered on her scalp. As far as Wyrds go she is the craziest, but she is also one of the less... Oh-God-my-eyes-killmenow-the-end-is-nigh-the-end-is-nigh! kind of Wyrd while still having the power to "look past the veil of sanity into the maw of pure knowledge." Or something like that.

" You are a freak of nature Annie." cried Nike.

Nike is the one responsible for transport in and out of sticky situations. She has been in the employ of the past 5 Grim-wizard, and it certainly shows. I don't think their isn't a part of her thats hers anymore, all she is a patchwork of different body parts.Personally, I think she is just too proud to die.

"Well Mr.Grim-Wizard Do yah think yer ready to see the duke looking like that?" Samire said with a sharp grunt.

Samire is a hard man forged by years of hard-labor in the bloodmines of Nox'alol. You can tell from the weathered look on his face and the raggedy heap of brown on his head that he isn't the type of man to trifle with subtle details in life. He is as honest as they come, since he is actual unable to tell a lie due to a mining accident. This makes conversation with him blunt, at best. The perk of this, However, is that he knows when people are lying. (Like that helps much... When are people not lying? The only reason I keep him on the team is that his honesty is... Refreshing.)

"I suppose I should clean this cereal off me..." I admit.

"That's not cereal... It's- ~Deliciouswholesomeoatmeal~

I look at the "book" with a mixture of revulsion and terrified curiosity. The foreign thought in my head keeps repeating itself over and over again slowly growing louder and louder.

~It's alright, you are a big filly, you can handle this, Clover.~ The voice in my head sounded old and wizened.

I then realize that I am still screaming.

I have no idea what to do. I think I am on the verge of losing my mind! I... I can never let the knowledge of what this book, this abomination really is see the light of day!

But how?

I finally stop screaming. Instead, I start to feel alone.

Oh how I wish that my friends were here with me, but they aren't... Fluttershy isn't here to comfort me, she is probably counting kittens or something like that. Rainbow dash wasn't going to swoop in to stand up for me against this horrible book (could she even if she was here?). Applejack wasn't going to buck my flank into gear by saying,"It's justa book twilight! Yah haven't even read it yet!" Pinkie pie will not pop up behind me to offer a crazy solution to this horrible problem(again!). Rarity won't be here to... Um... Be Rarity?

I was completely alone with this horrible horrible book, this horrible voice in my head, and this unbelievably shitty author!

That was when I heard a new voice in my head... I barely noticed it, but it was there.

~Why don't cha burn it?~

I gasp at such an insane thought. Why would I ever, EVER, burn a-

~ Everything is going to be fine,Clover~

"Fire it is!" I say with an eerie calmness as I engulf star-swirls insane death book.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" I begin laughing a little to enthusiastically as the magical fires scorch the book and possibly wood flooring, but atleast I got rid o th-

A fiery vortex surrounds the book, dissipating the flames and revealing an unscathed book and leaving a tangible, grim magic in the air.

I stare at the book which has left me so flustered with my mouth agap.

"Muffin?" Came a voice behind me.

And that's my second chapter bronyfolk! Don't expect a schedule for my writings because their won't be... The chapters will be done when they are done!