Moon Diary

I’m writing this report to you in an attempt at self-redemption. Sending Luna to the moon for a thousand years was the cruelest thing I’ve ever heard of, or done. I was foolish at the time, and didn’t think of the consequences to her mind. I hope this will explain to you what occurred to her over the course of her torture, and explain a little into your increasing questions regarding pony psychology. This is extremely hard for me to write, as it digs back to a time I wish I could erase. I will copy down the most significant parts of her long, frightening journal. I will also post notes explaining entries, and filling in the major time gaps. Please be warned that some parts of this journal are quite disturbing.

Day 1, Year 1.

I can’t believe it. My own sister has banished me.
At least she had the ‘courtesy’ to cast an oxygen spell so I actually have to endure the thousand years that I’m stuck here.
She’ll change her mind, she always does. She’ll whisk me back home and beg for my forgiveness. Will I give it to her? Of course not, she doesn’t even deserve to kiss my hooves. How could she even do this to me? She would’ve acted the same way as I did if everyone ignored her, and praised me.
She was always the favorite one, always the ‘best princess’. She has no idea what it’s like to live in somepony's shadow for all their life.
When she brings me back, I’m going to put my hoof down. No more nice princess from here on out, I’ll banish her to the sun and see how she likes it.
Did I mention she blocked my magic? No, I didn’t. Can’t do a thing with my horn now, and it's not like my wings work very well on the moon.
Well, for now I guess I’ll just plot out my revenge on her when she feels sorry for me and brings me back. At least I have this diary with me, but I have to use my mouth to write like a sorry peasant!

(The best) Princess Luna

Day 6, Year 1.

She’s more persistent then I thought she would be.
It’s been almost a week and she hasn’t brought me back, obviously. It’s not like I would continue to write in this thing after I return.
She even had the nerve to put the day and year of my sentence as a self-changing calendar in the back of this thing.
She must’ve cast a spell on me that stop thirst and hunger, because otherwise I’d be dead. I do miss the taste of food though, especially the delicious sugar buns the servants made.
She thinks that keeping me here will change my mind, fix me. Well it’s not going to work, the moment she brings me back I’m banishing her and making night eternal, so the peasants have no choice but to live through my beautiful darkness.
This quill must be enchanted too, as it has a never ending supply of ink at the end.
I’ve spent the past week plotting, and enjoying the stars. I can hardly think of any reason why she thought this was supposed to be a punishment.
It is cold though, very cold. I’ve hardly been able to sleep, but no matter; it gives me more time for planning anyway. I guess I’ll go now, I’ll write again soon.

(Still the best) Princess Luna

Day 22, Year 1.

She wasn’t kidding.
I’m starting to lose hope that she’ll change her mind and bring me back at all.
One thousand years I have to stay here. That’s three hundred and sixty five thousand days (roughly).
Which is also eight million seven hundred and sixty thousand hours (roughly), which narrowed down is five hundred and twenty five million six hundred thousand minutes (roughly).
Narrowed down even further, is three hundred and fifteen billion three hundred and sixty million seconds (roughly). I even memorized those numbers, just to give me something to do. I’m so incredibly bored; the thrill of jumping around in low gravity doesn’t last very long.
I miss fellow ponykind so, even my sister.
I’m so lonely up here; it’s just me and you now, Diary. I ripped out a few pages to doodle on a few days ago, which I regret now.
What if I run out of paper to write on?
Then I’ll have nothing, nothing at all.

Lonely, Lonely Luna

Day 56, Year 1.

I’m doomed here.
It's been nearly two months, and I’ve lost all hope of returning early.
I’ve forgotten what food tastes like, what the warm touch of another feels like. I can’t remember the smell of home, only the stale smell of nothingness that exists here.
I feel like I can’t go on anymore. I wish I could just end it all.

Luna

Day 74, Year 1.

I got a new friend today.
I was rolling around in the moon sand trying to stab myself to death with my horn like I have been for the past few weeks when all of a sudden, a large pony appeared right next to me.
I was so startled. It was actually quite funny.
I’ve been talking with him all night, he’s very nice.
He sits there quietly and listens to what I have to say. He doesn’t move either; he just sits there and listens.
I sometimes wish he would talk back, but I don’t mind, having company is just so nice.
I’ve decided to call him Dr. Felifrinkle. Dr. Dave T Felifrinkle, at least until he tells me his real name.
I have a good feeling we’re going to be the best of friends. I might introduce him to you one day, Diary.
I’m sure you can be his friend too.

Diary + Dr. Felifrinkle + Luna

[Celestia’s Note: I was disgusted that she had tried to kill herself in such a brutal way, I had never expected it. The journal entries in this time gap we’re mostly just her befriending this ‘friend’ of hers. Please note I never sent anypony else to the moon.]

Day 147, Year 1.

Wasn’t he just the best, Diary?
I laughed and laughed so much at his jokes, he should really consider becoming a stand-up comedian. I don’t know if he’ll get much of an audience on the moon though.
Can I tell you something Diary, something that’s kind of personal? I think I might be having feelings for Dave. Do you think he has feelings for me too? I surely hope so, because when I see him tomorrow, I’m going to ask him out on a date.
Yay! I feel so excited! I wonder what our children will look like. Beautiful, I bet.
I’m going to try and get some sleep now, have to be refreshed for tomorrow! Good night Diary, I love you.

Momma Luna

Day 148, Year 1.

That bastard ran off.
I can’t find him anywhere, he’s just gone.
I’ve been running around for hours and hours, but I can’t find any trace of him anywhere. I feel so heartbroken, so betrayed.
I hope he comes back, these months with him where the happiest months of my life.
Oh, look at me Diary; I’m getting tears all over you.
Well I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. Yes, I checked under the rock for him, that’s the first place I looked. Of course I know what rock you’re talking about!
You frustrate me sometimes, Diary. I’m going to bed; we’ll search for Dr. Felifrinkle tomorrow.

Heartbroken Luna

[Celestia’s Note: The journal entries here were her exhausted, feeble efforts to find a part of her deluded mind that she had grown to love. These are some of the first signs of insanity, perceiving inanimate objects as alive and hallucinating.]

Day 364, Year 1.

One year down, nine hundred and ninety nine to go. Dave is gone, and I accept it. I’ve travelled all over my lunar prison in an attempt to find him.
I fear for my sanity, what if the reason he disappeared is because he never existed in the first place?
I sure hope he is real, and that I’ll find him eventually. I know you’re real Diary; you’ve been with me from the beginning.
What is reality? Is this real?
Am I just dreaming, and I can’t wake up? If I am dreaming, am I really on the moon, or is it me dreaming while im sleeping on the moon?
Now I’m questioning my own reality, this can’t be good. I’ll write again soon, I promise.

Dream Luna

[Celestia’s Note: Very few journal entries here, mostly her questioning her own existence and spiraling into depression. These are the second signs of insanity.]

Day 121, Year 2.

I drew blood today.
I’ve sat here for around five days I think, just driving my horn as hard as I can into my leg. I can’t feel the pain anymore, which is a shame. The pain reminds me that this is MY reality, dreaming or not.
Anyway, I finally broke through my protection spell that I’ve had since birth. It was only for a moment, but the deed was done.
Blood trickled down my leg, and I quickly licked it up. It was the first time I’ve tasted anything other than moon sand in a very long time. The sweet metallic taste running down my throat felt heavenly, and I licked at my wound until the bleeding stopped.
Now that I know it's possible, I’m going to keep trying to break the spell again.
I put a dash of blood on this page, to remind myself of this great accomplishment.
I hope I can break the spell again soon.

Blood Princess

[Celestia’s Note: This was incredibly disturbing to read. I couldn’t and still can’t believe I ever drove my sister to this. But it was inevitable, and I was just too blind to see it. self-harm is the third sign of insanity.]

Day 207, Year 2.

I did it again.
It took much longer then last time; it’s been two months I believe.
I haven’t slept in almost a year, I don’t feel the need. I figured my sister knew that was a way for me to kill myself, so she stopped it.
I don’t care; it gives me more time to work. I haven’t moved from this position in a long time, the repeated rhythm of slamming my horn against my leg keeping my mind busy. Anyway, I could feel the spell weakening and I prepared myself.
When I felt the tingling of the spell dissipating I forced my horn through my flesh. It struck bone and stuck there.
Intense pain racked my entire body, and it was glorious. I’ve been sitting here catching blood in my hooves and pushing it into my mouth, it's fantastic.
I haven’t been this happy in years. Can’t write too much, I’m wasting too much blood.

Yummy, yummy blood.

Day 209, Year 2.

It’s over.
After a little while, I pulled my horn out of my leg, and blood started pooling all over the floor. The wound is far too big to mend on it’s on, and I can feel myself dying. I lost the strength to stand a while ago, so I’m lying here and writing this. I can feel my life ebbing away, and I’m not fighting it. I feel so glad it's over; finally I can escape this hell. This is my last entry, Diary. I’m sorry for leaving you here, but I can’t bear to stay any longer. I feel so cold, even more than usual. I’m going to hold on to this feeling though, as it’s the last time I feel anything. Your cruel torture hasn’t worked Celestia; I’m finally free.

Dead Princess

[Celestia’s Note: This destroyed me, I had no idea I would ever drive her to suicide. This is the fourth and last sign of insanity, suicide. Unfortunately, her condemnation didn’t end there.]

Day 132, Year 14.

It didn’t work.
I woke up, back on the moon. At least I still have you, Diary.
The wound on my leg has turned into a scar and the Protection Spell is back, stronger than ever. It shaved a few years off my sentence, but I’ll never be able to break the spell again.
It’s finally hit me that I’m going to be here for a thousand years, there’s no way out.

Damned Princess

[Celestia’s Note: I cast a resurrection spell on her when I first sent her, to make sure she couldn’t die. I had intended this as a safety precaution, to save her from accidental death. I had never meant it for this. Most of the journal entries here are few and meaningless, just her lying about in her misery.]

Day 246, Year 14.

Time goes much slower when you have nothing.
I’ve begun daydreaming for hours on end, imagining happier places.
I can’t remember what the face of a pony looks like; I’ve forgotten what I look like. I’ve forgotten any emotion, I feel nothing.
I don’t exist, not anymore. It’s over. Everything is over. I will be here till the end of time itself.

The walking husk that once was Luna

[Celestia’s Note: The journal entries here are very spaced out and most are just drawings and thoughts, but began picking up again after ‘Dr. Felifrinkle’ returned, along with many other imaginary friends.]

Day 12, Year 17.

I’m happy that Dr. Felifrinkle is back. I’ve gotten this whole new community, and I’m not lonely anymore. Mrs. Boopkin made a nice pie today; she’s a really good cook. Dr. Felifrinkle holds a comedy gala every day, according to your calendar, Diary. I’m happy again; Dave and I are doing very well. I’ll write again when I have time. Goodbye for now, Diary.

Luna + Dave forever

Day 133, Year 17.

He betrayed me.
My own husband, my own Dave.
I saw him kissing that whore Miss Harpie. How could he?
HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?
I loved him, and he knew it. He crushed my heart again, and now I won’t let him escape. I won’t let any of them escape. They can’t run from me, I’m going to kill them all.

They will suffer by my hooves

Day 135, Year 17.

They’re all gone now. I killed them all, in gruesome ways too.
I can’t find their bodies though, and the entire village has disappeared.
I’m alone again. Good, I didn’t need them. It’s only you and me from now on Diary. I know you won’t leave me.

Diary + Luna

[Celestia’s Note: I can only imagine the cause to this was her mind rejecting the hallucinations, and forcing a way for her body to accept it. If I had brought her back now, she might have been spared. But I didn’t.

Day 101, Year 28

I miss company.
It's strange, after I murdered the ones who betrayed me, nopony else has come to visit me.
I don't think I frightened them away, the voices in my head told me the killings were graceful. They said the way I tore them apart mercilessly was like a beautiful dance.

Beautiful indeed

[Celestia's Note: I believe that this was her mind explaining to her, convincing her that what she did was right. She accepted this and started the aggressive phase of her mental breakdown.]

Day 2, Year 56

Twinkle, Twinkle little star.
How I wonder what you are?
Up above my moon so high,
your light makes me want to die.
Twinkle, Twinkle don’t you fight.
Luna feasts on you tonight.

I can’t even eat stars, ha-ha

[Celestia’s Note: The journal entries here were mostly like the last one, but nearly illegible or horrific in detail. By this point, she had completely lost her mind.]

Day 314, Year 87.

I found somepony today.
A strange metal house floated down to my moon, from outer space.
It was all grainy and flickered, and very hard to see. Some weird creature stepped out of it and talked in a language I didn’t recognize.
They were these strange white creatures, with little black lines hanging off them. They had as many limbs as I did, but they walked only on their back legs. Their front legs had five strange little tentacles sticking out of them, which they used to hold on to things. They were also grainy and flickered like their flying house.
The weirdest thing was their face, it was reflective and orange. I think they saw me, and because they ran back to their ship and flew off pretty quickly.
They weren’t like all the others who visited me. It was very interesting, very interesting indeed.

They looked tasty

[Celestia’s Note: I selected this journal over her other hallucinations as it stood out to me. Many ponies with hallucinations complained of seeing beings like these. Grainy and flickering, and standing on their hind legs. Not sure about the color descriptions and the orange reflective face. Anyway, the journal entries in this time gap were just Luna complaining of hallucinations, and them getting more and more hostile as time went on.]

Day 159, Year 101.

I'm not alone.
I've been getting the feeling that I'm being watched every now and again. I hope they show themselves to me eventually.
I wonder if they're friendly.

I wonder if they're edible.

Day 299, Year 110.

They’re everywhere. I can feel it, their beady eyes on me. I can’t see them but I know they’re there.
They think they’re so clever, hiding from me like this. I’ll find them, I will. When I do, I’ll eat them alive, and make the others watch. I’ll do it, I swear.
Unrelated note, the orange-faced things haven’t returned yet.
I hope I haven’t scared them off.

Woona

[Celestia’s Note: I believe her obsession with devouring things was her mind dealing with the fact that she hadn't eaten in a century. There was only one journal entry in this time gap, which was simply her stating she missed the red liquid. I’m assuming she meant blood.]

Day 46, Year 139.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.
I can hear this strange clicking noise, all day every day. I can never quite place where it comes from.

WHY WON’T IT SHUT UP?

[Celestia’s Note: The few entries that were here were of her complaining of this ticking noise, and trying to find a way to ‘fix the problem’.]

Day 119, Year 146.

This constant clicking is driving me crazy.
I've tried everything to silence it, but nothing works. It's found a way into my head and stuck there.
There is still one thing I haven't tried, but it will take me a while to do.
This protection spell is proving to be a major nuisance.

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK.

Day 213, Year 153.

I’ve finally gone deaf.
Slamming my ears against this rock paid off. I heard a sharp crack and now I can’t hear a thing.
I can’t hear the constant ticking, so that’s a relief.
That’s two senses gone; touch and sight are needed for writing, but smelling I think I can do without. I’ll move onto that next.

Freedom is great, isn’t it?


[Celestia’s Note: I’m equally horrified and curious at why she felt the need to remove her senses. Perhaps it was to imitate death? There were no journal entries here, simply more demonic drawings, poems and illegible text.]

Day 97, Year 187.

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?
WHY AM I HERE?
I HAVE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING. THE ONLY THING IN MY HEAD IS THIS GOD DAMN MOON AND YOU, DIARY.
I CAN’T EVEN READ ANYMORE, I ONLY KNOW HOW TO WRITE.
HOW DOES IT WORK?
I DON’T KNOW.

WHAT IS LIFE?

Day 201, Year 190.

I CAN ONLY SCREAM, BUT I CAN’T HEAR IT. I CAN FEEL MY THROAT VIBRATING AND THE PAIN IS THERE, SO I KNOW I’M SCREAMING. I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I’VE BEEN SCREAMING FOR, BUT I DON’T CARE. I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS.

LET ME OUT.

Day 143, Year 197.

KILL ME. PLEASE KILL ME, END ME.
MY MIND IS COLLAPSING IN ON ITSELF, I CAN FEEL IT.
I SEE THINGS EVERY DAY, EVERYTHING IS DISTORTED. IT'S SO WRONG, SO WRONG.
IT’S ALL UPSIDE DOWN, NOTHING IS RIGHT.
THEY WONT LEAVE ME ALONE, I CAN EVEN HEAR THEM. THEY’RE IN MY HEAD, SCREAMING INTO MY BRAIN.

KILL ME

Day 92, Year 200.

They're screaming at me to kill things, but there's nothing to kill.
The voices are filling me with the desire for blood, like a hungry parasite has latched onto my brain.
They get louder and louder with each passing day, and I don't know how much longer I can last.

Everything must die.

[Celestia’s Note: Most of the entries for a long time were like these ones. As painful as it was to include these, I decided I had to. Simply for the sake of self-redemption, somepony had to know of the pain I inflicted on her.]

Day 203, Year 201.

This execution has damned me.
My mind is lost and I’m finished.
According to my first entry in this Diary, I was brought here by my sister.
I must’ve done something terrible, but I can’t remember a thing. My body is destroyed, just like my brain.
She condemned me to this fate, and it has killed me. Not literally, I will remain here for the rest of my sentence.
The voices are screaming at me from within my mind, and I’m fighting them long enough to write this last entry. After this, I will succumb to it; hopefully it will ease the mental pain.
Goodbye Diary. You’ve made these years bearable, but now I must go.

And so goes my mind

[Celestia’s Note: This was her last journal entry for seven hundred years. I’m assuming she simply collapsed and lay with her eyes closed, trying to drown out the screaming in her head with other thoughts.]


Day 363, Year 999.
I was visited today, hehe.
Not like this is unusual, but this time it was different.
She was kind, and I couldn’t hear her speak. This meant she was real.
She looked so delicious.
She had this strange flowing purple, green and blue hair and the mark of the sun on her flank.
I ran up to her and tried to devour her, as she seemed the tastiest of the demons that had visited me.
I was stopped suddenly and this weird tingly sensation held me in the air. She walked up to me and put her horn against my head, and it flashed brightly.
When my vision returned, she was gone. It’s a shame I didn’t get to eat her. I feel tired though, which isn’t surprising as I haven’t slept in seven hundred years.
I think I might sleep now. Whatever the vision did to me, I suddenly remembered how to write. Not sure if it did anything else, other than the tiredness.

Sleepy Me.

[Celestia’s Note: I visited her on the day before her return, to see if she was ready to rejoin society.
I cast an oxygen spell and teleported myself to her. When I found her, she was laying in the moon sand, huddled and shivering.
Her eyes were wide open and unseeing, and she was repeatedly whispering
“Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone.”
Her ears were puffed up and destroyed, as well as her snout. Her horn was cracked off, and a blunted stub was all that remained.
The moment as I stepped into her vision she stopped talking and stared at me. It was then that I realized what I had done. Her eyes stared into mine, filling me with dread. I knew I wasn’t looking at my sister, but only at a monster.
A monster I had created.
Luna snarled and ran at me, snapping her jaws. I jumped in surprise and cast an immobilize spell. She was grinning ear to ear and biting furiously, desperately straining to get free.
I knew what I had to do, my last chance to free her of this torture I had put her through. I cast a memory removal spell, and fabricated the memory that she had put herself into a slumber. I made the spell effective after sleep, so I cast a drowsiness spell and a healing spell for her scars and immediately teleported myself back to Equestria.
I quickly fell into a depression that I am yet to free myself of. I can never forgive myself.]

Day 364, Year 999.

My sister is so foolish, I can’t believe she didn’t think of the fact that I could use slumber spell.
My legs ache after having slept for nearly a thousand years. I found this strange and slightly disturbing book next to me, with lots of logs of somepony losing her mind. Any names in it have been erased and a few pages have been ripped out, which is odd.
It’s actually quite funny; I assume that Celestia left this here to scare me.
I’ll humor her and put this final journal entry in before my return.
I have a few hours left to plan before I come back to Equestria; I wonder how things have fared without me.
No matter, my initial plan will go forth. I shall bring about night eternal, and those peasants will regret ever shunning me!

Nightmare Moon

“Celestia’s Note: A day doesn’t go past where I don’t regret what I did. I had sentenced her to a fate worse than death.
I am glad that the memory charm worked, and she doesn’t remember a thing.
However, the spell WILL wear off eventually. One day, it will break, and the memories will flood back.
She’ll remember everything and the voices of her nightmares will return. The endless craving for blood will fill her like a poison. But I can't send her back, I just can't.
Seeing her functioning as a normal member of society again is just so relieving, and makes it easier to try and forget what I had done.
I can't put her through that hell, that torture again.
I have a little sister again, and I'm NOT letting her go.
I know what will happen if she stays, but I've come to accept it. Her mind will succumb and nopony, not even me, will be able to stop her. The voices in her head want blood, and are very clever.
She’ll kill us all.”

The End

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