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Turn That Frown Upside Down

by Brony Tom

Chapter 5: 5: Catching On

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The sad-looking bakery was right where Golden indicated it would be. Cheerilee stood outside for a moment to prepare. She wasn’t sure who might be within and would have to play this by ear. It was unfortunate, because better preparation would have allowed tailoring of her reaction to best suit the situation.

However, it couldn’t be helped and she would just have to trust herself to do the most effective thing. Golden’s warning about the mysteriously quiet unicorn was somewhat disturbing. Cheerilee’s assistant had doubted he was another vampire, however, and for good reason. While a vampire might be more in-tune with their body and thus able to step more lightly, their hoofsteps would never be as soft as snowfall. More likely, the unicorn was simply using a sound-deadening spell. A pony who could pull off that kind of magic-or the kind of pony that needed to-was certainly more dangerous than a regular terrorist.

Well, time to find out what she was dealing with. Cheerilee opened the door. The front room was empty, and looked as grimy as the exterior of the building. A faint smell of bread hung in the air, overlaid with that of decay. Cheerilee quietly crossed the customer floor, heading behind the counter to the spacious kitchen.

Cheerilee swept her eyes around as she stepped into the room, noting two zebra, two unicorns, a buffalo, and a pegasus. Surprised by an odd-looking mare in their midst, Cheerilee had a moment before they reacted.

The kitchen had no back door and the windows were covered with bars. The only way out of the room was through the door Cheerilee had just entered. The mare herself was an attention-grabbing figure; she stood tall on just two legs, her body draped in a coat made of processed animal skin. Her face was impassive and difficult to evaluate behind the dark glasses that hid her eyes. A gleaming sword was held in its scabbard on her back.

She glanced around. “Who are the zealots? Who here would die for the HOOF cause?”

One of the unicorns looked around at his fellows and then back at Cheerilee, still off balance and not sure what to make of her. “We all would. We’re fighting for freedom.”

“Freedom from what? A pair of benevolent and loving Princesses?” Cheerilee shrugged. “Well, I suppose that makes my job easier. I’ll just kill you all.”

“Just who the buck do you think you are?” demanded the buffalo.

“Call me Smiley.”

There was a moment of silence. The pegasus said, “Wasn’t that the name-”

The buffalo charged. Cheerilee had been watching him and the moment his heart-rate jumped up from a shot of adrenalin, she knew he would be first to move. She gracefully drew her sword and ducked low, slicing through all four of the bull’s legs in one swing. Bone and muscle separated cleanly, drops of blood spraying in a fine mist from the blade. He hit the floor bellowing in pain and quite unable to move. Cheerilee glanced at him, deciding that he had less than a minute before bleeding to death. She turned back to the room.

The others wore shocked expressions, as would anyone who had just witnessed a surprise quadruple amputation. There was something else, however; they had heard of her. At least a few of them knew about Cheerilee’s previous attack. Smiley’s reputation was growing.

“Let me ask again,” said the lavender mare. “Who wishes to die for the cause?”

The two unicorns glanced at each other and turned back to Cheerilee. Both of them launched a bolt of magic at her. It was a spell the vampire had seen before. Cheerilee knew more than a little about magic despite being an earth pony- she had had plenty of it used on her.

She swept the blade in a downward arc, intercepting the spells and deflecting them away from her. Each burst of magic left a blackened mark on the floor. Better than on her hide.

The two ponies who had attacked stared dumbfounded. Cheerilee hid her smile. The sword had been forged to be resistant to magic, so much so that directed spells simply bounced off.

Undeterred, the pair of unicorns fired a flurry of spells in her direction. Cheerilee whipped the sword back and forth, countering each jet of energy that came her way. She got one lined up perfectly and swatted it back towards the caster, hitting him directly in the head as he was charging another spell. With the feedback from the spells interfering with his magic, the unicorn screamed and dropped to the floor, the two spells combining to set his face on fire.

The second unicorn made the mistake of taking his eyes off Cheerilee to look at the flames and she crossed the floor in an instant, running him through with the sword. A zebra tried to get around her and go for the door, but she swung her weapon, pony and all, and cut down the escapee.

Cheerilee pulled her sword from the two bodies speared on it and wiped off the blade. The burning pony was rolling on the floor but the magical flames were not going out. The remaining zebra stood rather defiantly, staring at her. “I am not afraid of you. I am not afraid to die. What is your quarrel with HOOF?”

Cheerilee stared at him for a moment, considering her answer. “I’ve seen a lot of pages of history in the making, and your so-called organization is nothing but spilled ink, a stain on Equestria. HOOF attacks civilians that have no quarrel with you. You attack those who cannot fight back. It’s disgraceful. You aren’t freedom fighters. You’re a disease, and I’m the cure.”

“Some kind of crusader, then?” The zebra snorted. “Look at this bloodshed. You are unable to say that you are better than us.”

“The bitter medicine is most effective.” Cheerilee began to slowly advance on him. “You’re right, though- I’m not a good pony. In fact, I’m the worst there is. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve killed. I have no friends and no family to impose morals on me. The only things I think about are death and destruction.”

She was nearly face to face with the stallion, yet his eyes still held defiance. Cheerilee stared him down. “Equestria can only have one terror in the night. That terror is me, and you’re just getting in the way. You say you aren’t afraid of me. That’s fine. You’re still going to die.”

She whipped the sword through the air horizontally, the blade audibly slicing wind. The zebra flinched, and then blinked in surprise. The skin of his chest was cut, so shallowly and so quickly that he didn’t immediately feel it. He looked up just as Cheerilee plunged her hoof into the wound, driving through and into the underlying muscle. Ribs shattered from the force of her strike and the zebra wheezed in panic as his breath was forcibly driven from him.

“The skin is always the hard part to get through, so I like to make a clean slice,” mused Cheerilee as her foreleg pushed deeper inside his body, rummaging around. Wet, squelching slurps emanated from inside his chest as a steady stream of blood burbled around Cheerilee’s limb and down his front.

The zebra was unable to speak, as no air was left in his lungs. Cheerilee found what she was looking for and slowly tugged at a writhing lump of muscle in the hole she had made. She forcibly tore the many ligaments and veins holding it in place, each one separating with a sickly sound akin to moist velcro being ripped apart. As Cheerilee began extracting it, rhythmic pulses of hot, sweet blood gushed all over both of them from the hole in his chest.

In Cheerilee’s hoof was his heart, and it beat its last as it was finally ripped completely from his body. A great gout of blood followed the organ, erupting from severed arteries and mangled tissue.

Cheerilee pushed his corpse away, a horrified look in its dead eyes. The gaping chasm in the zebra’s chest continued to dribble on the floor. Residual blood would find its way out, a result of the capillary effect, if Cheerilee remembered correctly.

She got up, blood rolling in small drops off her body and leather coat, and turned towards the pegasus who was quivering in the corner. She saw his eyes glance desperately towards the door. Cheerilee slowly brought the displaced heart to her lips and took a slow, contemplative bite. She chewed and swallowed before having a second taste.

That was too much for the pony and he shot into the air, making a break for the door. Cheerilee threw the heart, hitting him in the nose so hard it knocked the stallion out of the air. Before he could recover, she was straddling him with care, gently pinning his wings flat. Despite her non-hostile touch, he tried feverishly to escape. The zebra’s blood on his face, and the flow of his own from a broken nose, flew everywhere.

Cheerilee leaned forward, taking his cheeks between her hooves to steady his head. “Stop. I want to talk to you.”

Being forced to stare at her, the pegasus did indeed cease his struggles. He was still trembling in fear, as if looking death itself in the face.

“Would you die for HOOF?” asked Cheerilee.

“N-no! Please!”

“Relax.” Cheerilee kept her voice light and conversational. “I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson. I’m going to let you live.”

Her captive looked as if he could scarcely believe his fortune. His expression changed, however, as Cheerilee moved her sword forward, positioning the blade at his wing joint. As the edge began to slice down, the stallion let out a blood-curdling scream of pain and terror. The mare kept pressing downwards, cleaving muscle and tendon, working the sword between a joint to neatly sever the wing.

The pony had not stopped shrieking, barely pausing to take a breath. Cheerilee leaned forward, grabbing his head again. “Look at me. I need you to calm down. You need to pay attention.”

Her commanding tone caught his notice and his cries began to fade, giving way to tears and rough breathing. Cheerilee continued to stare at him. “I did this for a reason. You will tell all the other members of HOOF what happened here tonight. They will see the pile of bodies and know that you got off easy with permanent crippling.”

“Why?” gasped the pony, putting forth a huge effort to merely utter one syllable.

Cheerilee did not answer the question. She glanced at the stump of his wing, blood pouring from the large vessels that supplied the flight muscles. “Let’s get this cauterized or you’ll bleed to death.”

She dragged the sobbing pony over to where his unicorn friend was still burning. The crispy stallion had stopped rolling in agony and lay motionless. Cheerilee shoved the pegasus against the flames and let the heat sear his wound as well as a significant portion of his hair. He would live, but not if help didn’t arrive soon. Cheerilee pulled out a disposable cell phone she had bought earlier that day, dialing the police. She dropped the phone next to the distraught stallion as it began to ring and turned for the door.

Outside, Cheerilee took a moment to compose herself, drawing a deep calming breath. Everything had gone well. She hadn’t seen a crate or anything else that might have indicated a terrorist operation in the building, but there had been admitted members present.

It did seem a little strange. Why were they there if nothing was going on in the building? It couldn’t be just a temporary meeting if Golden had observed activity there hours ago.

There was a whisper of feathers on the wind and Cheerilee jerked her head upwards. A pegasus previously hidden in a cloud was quickly departing. She had been watched. The bakery hadn’t been an ambush, but definitely a setup. There would be time to figure things out later. Right now, she needed to catch the observer.

As an earth pony, Cheerilee had had to train herself how to think in three dimensions. Part of that actually involved observing Golden’s approach to things. Pegasi naturally didn’t think of height being an obstacle. As an experienced vampire, Cheerilee had learned that it wasn’t for her, either.

Her first leap took the mare halfway up the wall of the building next door, where she rebounded to the top of the bakery. A quick turn and sprint got her to another roof nearby, and she worked her way higher, following in the direction the watching pegasus had gone.

Clearly not expecting to be followed so easily, the airborne stallion made the mistake of not carefully monitoring his backtrail. While pegasi might not have a problem with heights, they often made the mistake of not also considering what was going on beneath them. He didn’t see Cheerilee advancing, nor did he expect her to leap at him from a nearby roof.

Cheerilee was confident in her timing and true in her aim. Midair, she yanked the sword from its scabbard and swung it in front of her, chopping deep in the the pegasus’ torso. She was slightly disappointed that it didn’t slice him in half, but in the air she had nothing to brace against to add extra strength to her attack.

Two quick slices later, Cheerilee had removed his wings and kicked the stallion’s body away. An earth pony holding pegasus wings in her hooves still fell like a rock, but with slightly more control. She crashed into the sidewalk, cracking pavement beneath her hooves.

Cheerilee took a moment to shake out her legs, which had absorbed most of the impact. She’d discovered over the years that preparing her body for injuries like falling out of the sky helped cut down on wounds suffered. It was almost like preemptive healing, but she had to see the danger coming.

She stepped away from her impact crater, dropping the limp, bloody wings. Cheerilee was glad to be back on the ground, where an earth pony belonged. Not that flying couldn’t be fun, but latent earth pony magic worked better on terra firma. She mused that a solid place to stand would have let her cleave the pony’s body neatly in two.

Even among earth ponies, the subject of ground-based magic was controversial. Having had much time to study it and enough sensitivity to notice, Cheerilee believed that it was a powerful force but difficult to manage on command. Earth ponies functioned better when in contact with the ground, plain and simple. It helped if said ground was soil, rather than concrete.

Cheerilee shook her head, knowing that even the simple basics didn’t really apply to her anymore and her life had become horrifically complicated-trying to restrain herself if nothing else. A lot of abilities had been bestowed through vampirism, some of them decidedly magical. A few seemed to come naturally, but others she’d stumbled upon and had to develop. Before her terror campaign was over, she might use them all.


It was dark and a little chilly out. Fortunately, I didn’t have to worry about that, as my apartment was well-lit and cozy. I sat in my comfy chair next to the window, affording me a view of the tranquil evening outside. Only a few ponies traveled the streets at this time, most having wrapped up their workdays a few hours prior.

I stared vaguely out the window at the ponies below (and above, in the case of a few pegasi), my eyes and thoughts wandering.

Those fillies have terrible taste in accessories, I noted as a gaggle of young mares trotted past, each one dressed in obnoxious, ultra-hipster type clothing. When will they learn that less is more?

Less is more... I thought, my mind turning towards one of the things I was trying not to think about- what Cheerilee would be doing right about now. It was definitely the opposite of ‘less is more’, that’s for sure. Much, much more.

Well, HOOF brought this on themselves when they attacked innocent civilians. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’; it’s only fair. I frowned, a few vivid memories worming their way unbidden to my mind- a struggling stallion, hot blood spurting into my mouth, the feel of his feeble attempts to escape my pinning grasp. Cheerilee was probably doing something similar.

I scowled. Terrorists deserve it. There’s no doubt about that. I let my face lean against the cool glass of the window as I gazed out, my eyes unfocused.

So why am I still trying to convince myself?

Down on the street below, I saw a young couple strolling along, enjoying the evening. They walked with a comfortable closeness. The thought crossed my mind: what if one of them was a HOOF agent? Would that change what I saw, change how I treated them? Could I tear them apart, in every sense of the word? Did I have the right to do so?

I frowned again. I was the one who suggested this plan, and I would be darned if I didn’t follow it myself.

Why is it so hard? Why can’t things just be simple?

I flipped out my phone to check for any news; it was a nice distraction from my thoughts. As I browsed equestria-news-express.com, one headline in particular caught my eye. ENE generally had a good mix of information. I opened the article, quickly scanning the contents; it described an upcoming legislative act that was to be passed.

Of particular interest, the name of the law was to be the ‘Equestrian Free Trade Agreement’, and was intended to increase the volume and value of trade between other countries and Equestria by easing up on regulations regarding checkpoints and other cross-border restrictions. Supposedly, this would simultaneously improve the economies of all countries involved, since international commerce would be easier and cheaper to conduct.

Another frown slashed across my face. I hoped that frowning wasn’t going to become a common occurrence. Anyway, the situation seemed fine on the surface. There were no indicators that something was up, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake this little niggling doubt in the back of my mind. The timing was too perfect.

Perhaps a little research was in order. I heaved myself up out of my comfortable chair and fetched my magic mirror from its resting place. A few moments later, Princess Luna’s visage appeared in the glass.

“Golden? What is it?”

“Princess, can you send me all the information you have on the EFTA? I was reading a bit about it and I wanted to know more.”

She chuckled. “You know, you don’t have to go straight to the top of the government to learn about new legislature.”

Her tone changed, adding a bit of curiosity and concern. “Do you suspect something, then?”

“I don’t know. There’s just something there, I think. I’ll look into it, but it’s probably not something important.”

“Very well; the information should arrive shortly. Good luck,” Luna said with a mischievous smirk.

I planted a hoof in my face; I would’ve been willing to bet any number of bits that she was sending me the entire text of the bill and expected me to read through all of it. At exactly that moment, a large stack of paper materialized in front of me and dropped to the floor with a resounding thud. I rolled my eyes and lugged it over to my chair. A long night of reading awaited me.

Next Chapter: 6: Inside Information Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 21 Minutes
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Turn That Frown Upside Down

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