Foreword: If you skipped the previous chapter, I have a description a little further in that is a summary of what happened.

A white ceiling greets me when I wake up. 'Definitely a hospital ceiling.' I think. There is a weight on my chest: it's Tavi, she is crying. Another sound makes its way to my ears, the sound of a long high-pitched tone. Then it changes, from a flat tone, to a series of beeps. 'The heart monitor.' I think. Tavi moves, first to look at the heart monitor, then to my face. I can see her eyes widening. I try to call out, I feel my lips move, but no sound escapes. I hear sudden movement above me, doctors and nurses, they are encircling me, moving Tavi out of the way as a mask takes its place over my face. Then, darkness falls.

I wake up once more, still looking at the white ceiling. As my senses come back to me, there are a few things I notice. First, Tavi is stretching in her chair. Second, a heart monitor is beating in the background. Third, there is a face mask on me giving me oxygen. Finally, Luna's night has claimed the sky. I hear a gasp, Tavi seems to have seen me awake. She quickly makes her way to my side, taking my hand in hers. I notice there are all sorts of tubes running into my arm, probably needed to keep me alive. Tavi is crying tears of happiness, at least I hope they are.

"Tavi, what happened?" I ask. My voice is low and strained, I barely get that question out so that she could hear.

"Well, while we were on our way home that insufferable DJ came up and shot at us. He struck you in the chest and me in the arm. Luckily one of the night watch was nearby and came to our aid before he could finish us off. I got lucky even more so, he missed the major blood vessels in my arm. You however, had a bullet through your lung and your heart was partially exposed. Apparently the bullet that hit you fragmented one of your ribs and caused massive internal damage. You were unconscious for three months and then you nearly died two weeks ago from cardiac arrest. Your heart had actually stopped beating, but as everypony gave up hope and started to leave your heart started up again. I looked and saw you were even awake." She says this, all the while growing closer and closer to tears.

'I caused her a lot of pain when this happened. I will never let her be this sad again, I swear it.' She composes her self and tries again to finish.

"After that you just seemed to be asleep, according to Luna you were having some sort of nightmare that she had no ability to interfere with or even glimpse during those three long months. She told us the best method to help you would be to talk to you. So I talked to you, everyday for three months I would talk to you. Sometimes I could swear you could hear me, but then you went into cardiac arrest." She sniffles a bit before continuing. "I was so happy when the heart monitor sprung to life, your lips moved a little as some nurses moved me away. I was so happy, you were alive, I wanted to stay by your side, but they needed to work fast to make sure you didn't slip away again. The others were outside at the time. Wondering why I could look happy since you had died. When they heard the news we were ecstatic. 'Maybe we won't lose you after all' we thought. We were so happy when we heard you had stabilized. Even more so when you started to get better."

"I am the only one here now, but Vinyl and Neon come in constantly to check on you. Frequency took some time off to come when he heard about the attack and the near death experience, but he is back in Manehatten. Luna checks in every now and again, and so do various members of the orchestra. Oh, you might be worried about the orchestra. Well don't be, after you were hospitalized Frederick came out of retirement to perform in your stead until you are fit to, once again, play the piano." She still has tears to cry, but they are tears of happiness. I form a little smile as I slowly lose consciousness again, and head back into my dreams. As I entered my dream, Luna stands before me.

"Welcome back to the realm of good dreams." She says with a smile. Not the kind I had grown accustomed to, but a purely happy smile. "What did you even dream about?" she asks as her face goes from happy to serious. She is definitely worried about why she couldn't see them at the least. So I give her an answer.

"Simple answer is I dreamed my worries, my doubt, my fear, my desires, all wrapped up in a perpetual hell. I was forced to, over and over, watch a scene become worse and worse. I was forced to watch myself do things, all while under the influence of my past." At this, Luna seems worried, as if something deeply troubles her. "I would occasionally hear a voice call out to me, but it was distant at first. Over time it became clearer and clearer. I suppose it was around the time of my cardiac arrest that I finally heard her and understood, it was Tavi." Luna seems to have given up letting her expression show, she simply watches and listens as I spin my tale.

"When I did, I could finally move. A doorway of light was behind me, the voice coming from it. I had a desire, a need to answer that voice. I made my way there, but was stopped by an image of my past. My ex, Mariana, who controlled me for the first hundred thousand or so cycles blocked my way. She attempted to stop me, but I overcame my own fears and doubts, I moved on and through the doorway. I woke up and heard the heart monitor declare no activity, before it sprung back to life. I don't remember much beyond that point.

Luna seems to take this all in, mills it about in her head, and delivers a response. "First question, how many cycles were there? You mentioned a hundred thousand, but that doesn't sound like the end."

"A lot, I lost count at some point, I think the number would be close to five hundred thousand."

Her eyes widened at this, she apparently expected a much lower number then that, maybe 200,000 or so, but definitely not that. "Half a million, what kind of hell did your past put you through?"

"The worst kind. I watched as I abused and destroyed Vinyl and Tavi. It all started with being born, living my life, watching it all fall apart with Mariana, then I watch as I play a song with Tavi. Killing her as she smiles, then continue to play. As time went on Vinyl was added, and eventually I would destroy and rape them. I would watch all of this happen on a stage as I lie in the darkness. The worst part is I could feel it. I could feel myself doing these things while watching it happen. I felt sick, but until I heard and understood Tavi, I couldn't stop it." As I say this, the memories flood back, as if I relive it all in an instant. I fall to my knees and cry. "I would constantly destroy Tavi and Vinyl, but neither would blame me. Near the end Tavi finally started to scream in pain, but even then, she never insulted me, she never blamed me. It hurt to see her like that, feeling myself destroy her body for my amusement. Hundreds of thousands of times I hurt them, yet they never blamed me."

"Then here is my final question, do you believe you have beaten this down for good?" She asks this watching from a distance with analyzing eyes.

I think a moment and respond simply, "No." She seems perplexed by this, so I continue. "No one can ever truly defeat their fears and doubts, they can only overcome them. I can feel it still within me, trying to drag me down and back into that hell. However, I know my life is not just my own. I am not alone in my life, I have friends, like you and Vinyl, that I consider like family. I have plenty of great friends in my life, and most of all, I have Tavi. I refuse to give in and make her cry. I refuse to live that nightmare, that hell, as if it were my fate or destiny. I may not be able to destroy it, but I will not let it claim me. I will shine in the darkness of my heart, like a star in the sky!"

This may be a dream, but these emotions are real. I feel a warmth surround me: Luna is covering me with her magnificent wings and holding me dearly. She is crying, but her lips are pursed into a smile, I can't say I fully understand why she is so happy but I do know she's happy for me. I simply continue to cry, letting out everything I have been holding in all these years. It feels...nice. I just stay there, in Luna's embrace, for a few hours. Eventually, she has to leave; she must return to her duties, so she leaves me to my dreams. I dream of gray and black and white and blue, and it was a happy dream.

I awake again; this time, Tavi isn't around. I am far from alone though. "Hey, welcome back man." It's Neon. "If you are wondering Vinyl just stepped out to get something to eat. We wanted to-" He gets cut off as Vinyl enters the room in a rush, levitating a hay burger behind her as she rushes to my side.

"Dude, you're awake! that's awesome. Tavi said you woke up for a moment a few days ago, and Luna said she talked to you when you fell back asleep, but finally you're awake!" The DJ is as happy as could be but Neon looks a little jealous. Glad to see he is doing well. I look over at Vinyl, finally looking at her I notice something and simply stare wide-eyed. "What's the matter?" Looking down she gets a big smile on her face. "Oh right, I forgot you don't know yet. I'm pregnant with Neon's kid!" I don't think my eyes could get any wider, I actually get a headache from the strain of it.

I try and speak, finding it easier then before even though the mask is still on. "So I guess I know how you two got together so much faster then your average couple." They both blush a bit, though Vinyl is beaming with pride.

"Yeah, guess you caught me, not like you and Tavi didn't do it though." I blush rather hard at that comment. "It's not hard to figure out, a mare in heat doesn't act completely normal during her heat, yet the one time I saw Tavi during her heat, about three days into it, she was certainly not acting strangely. Not entirely odd but every mare goes a little weird during their heat, not enough to disrupt their everyday lives usually, but it is noticeable. Didn't help that you two were extra close after that, going so far as to move in with her."

Neon, realizing this is not something either of us want Vinyl to talk about, decided now was a good time to derail this conversation. "Anyway we still don't know the gender of the baby, only that we only have one child growing in there. We would have gotten married soon after we found out, but I am pretty sure I want you to be my best man for that day." As he says that a warm place in my heart opens up. My best friend is getting married, and I get to be right there when it happens. "By the way, since the baby is due early July, we will get married after that since Vinyl wants to look good for our wedding day photo."

Vinyl blushes at this and playfully punches Neon in the arm. 'Yeah, that sounds like Vinyl. She pretends to not really care about her physical image, but she pays more attention to her figure than you would think.' This gets a light chuckle out of me.

"So wait, I am only going to be the 'best man' because I am best friends with the bride. Are you certain that there isn't another stallion you want to ask? Obviously I accept, but I would like to know." I ask, genuinely curious.

"Well, my friends either want to be with Vinyl, or want nothing to do with her so, I figured a friend that sees Vinyl for what she is would make a good choice. The fact that she sees you as a brother figure made it certain." I smile at the comment.

'It seems to me that Vinyl has really come into her own. Guess I won't need to worry about her as much from now on.' A smile crosses my face, and the doctor enters the room.

"I see our patient is awake today!" The doctor says cheerfully. He is a human doctor, a rarity in Equestria compared to other occupations. "Good morning Mr. Broquer. Well, I suppose I should say good afternoon instead." He chuckles.

"Please doctor call me Sam, no need for formalities at this late in the game huh?" I say while smiling weakly.

"Alrighty then Sam: according to your records, your wound has healed nicely; but still not in good enough shape to let you go as you are probably well aware yourself. When you are released, you probably will suffer long lasting effects. More than likely walking will become hard, if not impossible. There are a lot of things magic can do, but it can't make miracles with everything. We will set up therapy, but I doubt it will do any good since your spine was injured. So trust me when I say that you got lucky."

Vinyl and Neon are bummed, they had expected good news. Although I actually like him: he doesn't sugar coat things, he says them as they are. He did however made one mistake; he thinks I will take this lying down. I won't. "Hey doc, one thing before I let you continue."

"Yes Sam?"

"I will walk again, and when I walk it'll be the same way I did before I got shot. Point is: I will make a full recovery." Vinyl and Neon turned toward me, smiles on their face: if I was saying this, I was back to being myself. The doctor stares at me, waiting to see if I was just saying it, or if I mean it. Then he smiles.

"Well then if you have already made up your mind maybe you will, but from my expertise, I say it is impossible. If you want to prove me wrong then do it."

"A doctor that tells me to do what I want to do because it will make me better. I think we will get along just fine." I smile weakly, the feeling of tiredness begins to wash over me. I just have one question remaining. "By the way, where is Tavi, playing with the orchestra?"

Vinyl looks at me, her normally playful demeanor on full blast. "Yeah, she is currently practicing with the rest of the orchestra. They gave her some time off due to her arm injury and then, after your near death experience three weeks ago they gave her some more. Now though, she couldn't be much happier unless she could hold you in her arms." She looks a little sad, and I don't even need her to continue to know what she is thinking. "And dude, I'm sorry. If not for-"

Finding the strength to move, I shift my body and put my finger on her lips. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this. I was the one who punched him, I was the one that made the decision to put myself on the line. All you did was make amazing music. I had to get his attention and he had to pull the trigger. This is not your fault, so don't even try it." I lie back down, my strength failing me as Vinyl just stares, tears filling her eyes.

She smiles and says "Thanks dude, that means a lot to me." She sniffles a bit because I'm falling back sleep. Before I could though, the doctor starts talking.

"Hope you aren't falling asleep just yet, I need to talk to you in private; HIPPA and all that." I nod as Vinyl and Neon say their good byes, then head out and the doctor speaks. "I'll be honest there kid: you should have died in the first thirty seconds of getting shot. Not so much because of the bullet wound, but the poisons injected in them. Princess Luna said when she talked to you that you had a nightmare. She refused details but let's try and guess a little. The poison was made using 'Heart's Desire'. As you would assume from the name, this plant is normally used to create bonds. The poison you were infused with instead creates dark, twisted versions of your heart's true desire."

My eyes are wide in shock: I fought that darkness, but was it ever really there? The doctor watches as a series of emotions surge across my face and as I stay on perplexed he asks, "So, you have a question to ask do you?"

"Yes doctor. First up, are there ever any symptoms of fear or doubt coming up?"

"Well that is hard to tell. Most victims die with their only waking descriptions being of their desires twisted and contorted. Usually lustful desires are the worst, but a desire to help children for instance could lead to dreams of stealing children and harming them instead. That is just an example of course, given to me courtesy of the toxicologist on hand. Why would that be a concern for you?"

"Well doctor, it happened about the time of my cardiac arrest, before I woke up." He nods and writes down the information into his notes. "I understood that Octavia was speaking to me for the first time since that hell started. When I did, I could finally look away from that hell. I saw a door of light, beyond it was the source of the voice, of Octavia's voice. I wanted to go across the door, to see Octavia again. As I approached the door a figure from my past appeared. In real life, she had ruined me. In this hell, she controlled me absolutely. It tried to break me down. It tried to buy time as the door disappeared. It used my fears and doubts, but when I heard Octavia again though, I knew I couldn't stop. As I passed it, it laughed and disappeared. The door shone brighter and I walked through. I woke up after that, I heard the heart monitor signaling the loss of a beat, I could hear Tavi crying. A moment later it sprang back to life, after that, all I remember is her smiling at me. Then nothing."

The doctor writes all of it down. Every single word. "I see. Although I should give you the physiological reasons you are alive, we'll skip that and I'll talk to our shrink to see what he can make of this."

"Did all of the poison make it into my system?"

"No, you got most of it because the bullet hit you directly. Octavia was also shot, but since the bullet grazed her arm, she only suffered from minor symptoms."

"What happened to HIPPA doctor? You just spilled a little of Tavi's medical history to me."

"Oh let it go, I know you want to know what happened to her. Besides, thanks to her signature, you have full access to her medical records as a significant other would."

This brings a content smile to my face, the fact that she already considers me that close is amazing. "Hey doctor, when I wake up, I'd like to fill out paper work to let Tavi have full access to my medical records as a significant other."

"Sure. I can see you are tired from all of this so--"

I interrupt him abruptly, one last thing still plagues my mind. "Doctor, I have one last question."

"And that is?"

"Why were his bullets coated in poison, and how did he even get the gun into Equestria? The laws forbid it and the Princesses certainly would not have let someone like that in."

"Sorry, I don't know. You will have to ask the guard when the time comes."

"Alright then, thank you. I'll get some rest and see to things another time."

"As you wish, have a good nap Sam."

"Sure thing, have a good nap Sam."

As I fall asleep I feel an old, familiar warmth flow through me. The sounds around me blur and I slip back into the land of dreams. I dream of the past, before my life was turned upside down, of playing the piano, before being held by my mother. I was not alone with my mother though. Claudette, as an innocent young girl was also there. My brother, dressed in full police uniform stood not far away, with a young Tavi just before him. I dreamed of a good life.

I rise with a smile on my face, the early morning light coming through the curtains. I can hear birds chirping through the window. It's relaxing, and so is the sight of the mare walking in through the door. "Morning Tavi."

Tavi looks at me with a moment of surprise as a smile graces her face. The nightmare I went through and the pain I received begin to ebb away. I will always remember what happened in there, because now I want Tavi to be herself and I don't want to be the monster Mariana was, but I don't want to go back to what I was. 'I will make her happy, I will live by her side from now till the end.' I think as she approaches me and sits by my side.

"Good morning sleepy head. Glad to see you." she says with a smile.

"Well, this is a great morning, I get to wake up and get to see my beautiful Tavi." I say with a smile.

"My my, someone is certainly feeling flirty this morning."

"I have three months and then some of flirting to catch up on apparently. Figured I would get started on it."

"I see. Well then, let's save the real flirting for after we celebrate your return home."

This puzzles me, am I really that well? I have been unconscious, if I put the times together correctly, a total of about four months.

"Yeah, you haven't exactly thought about magical healing: it may work miracles, but gun shot wounds laced with poisons still don't heal well."

"I know, but it's been five months since you were checked in." 'What.'

"They have been keeping you on enough drugs to keep you sleeping most of the time, they stopped yesterday after your conversation with the doctor. They honestly have no idea how you are waking up so often. Then again anesthesia is not an exact science they say."

"Guess that explains it. Did they tell you how that DJ ever got into Equestria, let alone the gun?" I ask, at this Octavia's brow furrows.

The color drains from Tavi's face as she answers. "They did, there is an underground group of smugglers, humans and ponies alike, who traffic various objects from Earth to Equestria and vice-versa. The idea is that there are a few portals still left undiscovered by the governments of both sides, so these portals can be used to illegally transport objects and living beings. After some research there have been a few humans and ponies abducted by several smuggling rings, both as slaves and...toys."

The first thought going through my head is about the many friends I have made and what may happen if any of them is ever kidnapped. I shake my head after a moment, "I would rather not think about how bad things can get; so onto a lighter topic, when do I leave?"

"Well, let's just say I am going into heat soon and I need my best form of relief." She says as a sexy smile forms across her lips, a drastic change from the melancholic one that had just taken up her face. If the heart monitor... wait, where is the heart monitor. When did they take that away?

"I am glad they took out that heart monitor, they might become worried about why my heart rate has sky rocketed. Well, let's get me out of here then, I miss seeing you every morning."

She blushes a little, but her gaze never changes from loving after a moment she simply says, "I thought you would try to get out on your own at first."

"I'll try that when I have a wheelchair to fall into with others around to help should, and probably when, I fall. Muscle deterioration and all that."

She giggles into her hand and replies, "Indeed, good thing help will be here--" Tavi is cut off by the arrival of Neon and Vinyl. "...soon."

"Well then, let's get him out of this place and back to your love nest. From what I heard you are in for quite a treat, different from last time but oh so fun." Vinyl says. At first I am simply put happy for everything to be like normal, then my brain registers what she says and I simply blush.

Tavi beats me to that point, her face exceedingly red. As she stares flabbergasted at Vinyl, definitely showing her pregnancy now. She cradles her belly where her child grows, notices our beet red faces and laughs hard. Neon standing nearby as if predicting she would lose her balance. Which she does shortly thereafter.

"Vinyl, just because you are on maternal leave does not excuse your attempt to diffuse your boredom in such a manner!" Tavi exclaims. Her face is still red though. She looks to me and says, "Well, about a month after you fell unconscious I decided I needed a drink. Vinyl knew she was pregnant so she didn't drink, but she joined me to keep an eye out for me. As the night wore on and the drink started going I may have let a few of the details slip about that night." She slowly gets more ashamed as my hand reaches up to cup her face, and turn her toward me.

"Tavi, if she knows some of what happened last time, oh well. The emotions stay with us, and that is what counts." Tavi smiles warmly at this. Vinyl chuckles and Neon speaks up.

"Well why are we talking about this in the hospital? Let's get him out of here and back home already!"

"Agreed, we got to get out of here before they kick us out guys." Vinyl chimes in. I try to stand up, but fail to do so because of the loss of strengh. The thing is though, that I could feel every bit of my legs and control them. 'I hope that I will be able to satisfy Tavi during her heat. I want her to be happy, and doing so during her heat is big. Note to self: find out just how affective those stamina potions are.'

As we check out I fill out the paper work to allow Tavi access to my medical records. She was so happy to hear I was doing this as well that she gives me a hug. It hurt. After I'm fully checked out of the hospital I stop by the orchestra hall and get the music sheets for the next session. There's a new set of music starting next week, but I don't think I'll be able to make it. Normally, a mare is excused when they are in heat and stallions are excused when their mares enter heat. However, since Tavi has me to satiate her desires, she's ready to keep playing, while I on the other hand get lovely time off for her heat, meaning I will start on the fourth performance of the orchestra hall for the set I picked up music sheets for. This may seem convenient, but I have to go to physical therapy. That alone will be 'fun'.

About halfway to our home, Tavi takes over pushing me through the streets of Canterlot back to our home. If I hadn't been in the hospital for so long I would have complained about the speed, or the fact that we didn't take a coach to our home, but I want some sunshine. I had paled a bit in the hospital, and I want to get a little color back in my skin. I also remember reading about sunlight being a mood booster for us humans, so I figure why not, I won't get easy access to the sunlight forever. As we get closer to our home though, Tavi starts acting differently. She starts to pick up her pace while Vinyl seems to be using a poker face, and the light conversation we had going on has stopped. Looking at those things logically, I put them together as we reach home. "Tavi, there is a surprise party behind the doors of our home isn't there?"

I hear Vinyl groan as Tavi speaks, "Well, I guess we did a poor job of hiding it then didn't we?"

"Tavi, when there is a feeling of suspense in the air, it is hard to not expect it."

"Oh, we will see how long that lasts." Tavi says, a smug grin crossing her face.

'This is one of the many things I love about her: even when I have the advantage, she can take it away in an instant.' I think with a smile.

As we enter, I see nothing out of the ordinary. After a brief tour of the house, the only thing that has changed is that I'm staying on the first floor. As you can probably guess, this is when I hear a squeak behind me. I hear someone grin, literally grin as a familiar voice fills the room.

"It's party time!" Then the sound of a cannon goes off. It's party time, and I am definitely surprised. Only one question remains.

"How did you change my wheelchair's color to pink that fast?"

Author's Notes:

"Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth." — Souza

"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." — James M. Barrie

HIPPA- A set of standards to protect patient privacy, basically, without patient, family, or significant others (depending on situation) permission, information is to stay as strictly patient/doctor as possible. For children or those deemed unable to make important decisions (unconscious or drugged individuals for instance) the decision goes to family, significant others, or those on a pre-approved list may receive certain information.

Pinkie Pie: "Oh silly author, you should explain these things in the story, not in the notes. Also, I had plenty of time after... *blah blah blah*"

Author: "Pinkie, go back into the story, the fourth wall is still damaged from your cloning incident."

Pinkie: "Okie Dokie Lokie!"

Now then, as a side note, chapter releases will be a little slower from here on out. Basically the reason is I leave a LOT of little mistakes in the chapters, making my editor take even longer to do his job, so I am going to start editing myself more. Also, between real life problems and school actually getting hard, I need to actually focus on this stuff. I still have stuff written, but it will take a little longer to get it out.