"--so one of the cooks went down right beside me, iced with extra frosting." Eclipse accentuated his statement by slamming his front hooves together. "I'm in the middle of a fucking panic attack, waving my forelegs around like it ain't no thang, tossing everything I could, up to and including that Soap Suds mare next to me; a practice normally reserved for when the mare is actually your wife, but desperate times call for desperate measures."

Discord clutched his stomach in his laughter, wiping a tear from his eye with a flick of his talon. The tear turned into a butterfly mid-flight, gently flapping its wings as it made its way to a window. A nearby pony opened the window to let the insect fly free, but it turned and opened a mouth several times larger than the rest of its body, filled with rows of sharp teeth. The insect of your nightmares let loose a terrifying roar, bowling the pony over with both force and fright. Afterwords, it returned to its normal butterfly self and daintily floated right the fuck out of there before someone found some insecticide. Like Raid. Fuck, Raid is scary.

Eclipse hadn't missed a beat in telling his story.

"Eventually, I picked up one of the aforementioned crumpets and slung that little bastard at Luna. One of her guards flew in front of the tea drinker's joy and took the shot, like it would have really made a difference. Crumpet never stood a chance either way. But, I had opened myself up and one of Luna's guys was prepared to fire a pie of perfect preparation at me and put me down for good."

Discord snickered. "Do tell; how did it not go according to plan?"

"Because at that precise moment, Celestia walked in, completely unsuspecting. Now, it would have been priceless if she had just walked though while everyone was still slinging and came out unscathed, but instead of that happening, the guard just kinda... reacted I guess. Celestia's sudden arrival caused him to accidentally toss his weapon at her, so she got a face-full of dessert."

Discord held a black bowler hat against his chest. "May we forever honor the memory of the princess's failed dietary plans."

"I tried that exact same joke and got nothing for it!" Eclipse complained when he heard the guards in the room snicker. "Anyway, Celestia getting hit was punctuated with literally everything suddenly stopping. Food halted mid-air, Ponies stopped in the middle of whatever they were doing and I finally finished reading the Sunday comics. Then, Celestia activates her magic, gently taking every molecule of pie out of her mane and coat, as well as picking up every non claimed piece of ammunition in the room. I blinked and she was gone. Plus, there were some muffled screams coming out from a mountain of food that had displaced itself to the location that guard had been in two seconds ago. And by displace itself, I mean Celestia had buried the poor soul."

"Is...is he alright?"

"He survived, but he'll never be the same again."

Discord nodded respectfully.

"So, Dust Demon and Sagebrush walk in, wondering why Celestia had turned and came back from wherever she was headed. Luna pegged em both. Before she ducked back behind cover, I'm out with a slingshot and a load of grapes, preparing to either take the shot or have everything explode behind me. And nothing was exploding."

"Grapeshot pun, despite grapes only being desserts to freaky vegan-type people and sometimes not even then?"

"Oooooh, yes." Eclipse grinned. "A dozen grapes fired out in a cone. A perfect ten degree angle between the center and any one of the sides. I had gotten close, so every single one of them took Luna right in her side." Eclipse sniffed. "It was beautiful, but it would take more than that to bring Luna down."

"This is my favorite part!" Feather Duster grinned, bouncing in her seat.

Discord glanced at her. "Where did you come from?"

Eclipse cut them both off. "Then, as if out of the heavens themselves, they descended."

Discord leaned in, holding a pen and paper with a name-tag that read 'press' hanging around his neck. "Who?"

"They were using the balloon carriage we had fashioned back during the Appleloosa mission. They said they hadn't been able to recover it yet, but it was just a ruse. Celestia and Cactus Star, here to avenge both diet and father." Eclipse smiled at the memory, eyes misting over. "They rained pudding and chocolate bars like they were going out of style. Sadly, they could only assist for a short time before the return fire almost took them down. Still, they gave us the time we needed to get ourselves back together, rebuilding our defensive perimeter with what we had left. Both sides had taken so much damage that when one random soldier on Luna's side suggested an armistice, everyone jumped at it. Peace has reigned ever since."

"Who was the soldier?" Feather Duster asked.

"I don't really know." Eclipse confessed. "It was one of those weird names though. You know, the ones that have one word in their name then another word that's really just a synonym for the first one? Yeah, one of those."

Discord scratched his chin, a thought bubble popping up next to his head, inside of which was a piece of paper and a pencil. "Every time I hear a name like that, they're almost always a writer in their spare time."

"What makes you say that?" Feather Duster asked, adjusting her position to sit with all her legs pointed in one direction.

"Next time you encounter a pony with a name like that, ask them if they write. Get back to me. Until then," A pair of shades dropped down from the ceiling, landing on his face and covering his eyes. "Deal--"

"Not a chance." Eclipse said as he snatched the shades from Discord's face. Underneath, there lay a slightly smaller pair that had been hidden by the first.

"--with it." Discord finished, walking off and leaving Eclipse with Feather Duster as Celestia walked in.

"Ah, There you are." The princess smiled. "Eclipse, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind doing a favor for me?"

"Shoot." Eclipse shrugged. "Long as you don't try and get me into politics we should be good to go."

"Oh? Plan B, then." She joked, though her ever passive expression never gave way. It had grown especially impenetrable in the last three days, a defense mechanism from Discord's return from stone. "I'm a little busy with an unexpected incident that occurred between several noble houses, so I need you to take my place for my inspection of the Canterlot department of weapons and research."

Eclipse processed the thought. "What exactly will I need to inspect?"

"It's really just a glorified tour." Celestia answered simply. "Just follow the guide and if there's anything that seems to stick out as being morally or ethically questionable, if not outright reprehensible, simply report it back to me."

"Yay!" Eclipse shouted, holding two test tubes of questionable content into the air. "I do science!" He poured one tube into the other, where they combined to form a pinkish liquid. When nothing else happened, Eclipse peeked into the top of the tube, when the contents spontaneously exploded. The opening of the tube served as a release for the energy, sparing the tube itself from any major damage, but Eclipse's face was covered with soot and his mane was blasted back, giving him a unique manestyle that maintained its shape.

Celestia sighed, smiling at his display. "You always inspire such confidence."

Eclipse simply coughed in response, a small black cloud exiting his lungs. It was the spitting image of every cartoon character whenever something blows up in their face.

Feather Duster kissed him on the cheek. "We're gonna need to clean you up."

"Six weeks to the day..." Eclipse muttered, standing in front of the building he was supposed to be 'inspecting'. "Kinda hoping shapeshifty-creepo was wrong about this." He tugged slightly at his cloak, the same cloak he had been given by Shining Armor some time ago. Over the past several weeks, he had made a habit of wearing it, if only to avoid the attention he got as a blank flank. Last time, he was sure someone had taken a picture of him.

"Are you the stallion Celestia sent to inspect our projects?"

"Hrm?" Eclipse asked, turning to come face to face with a bright red unicorn with a blue and green mane. She was wearing a white lab coat and a pair of glasses over her bright blue eyes. "Oh. Oh! Yeah, I am. Sorry."

The mare waved her hoof. "Don't worry about it. We were thrown off as well by the Princess herself not coming to visit. She likes to keep out any work that could be harmful to her subjects."

"I can imagine. Now, the inspection?"

"Of course, sir. Right this way." She turned and entered the building, Eclipse on her heels.

"Don't worry about calling me 'sir'. Eclipse'll be just fine."

"As you wish, sir." She replied, giving him a mischievous smirk. "I'm Ray Beam, by the way."

Eclipse smiled, shaking his head. His thought process came to a screeching halt when he recalled Discord's advice on certain names. "Hey, you wouldn't happen to be a writer, would you?" He asked, point-blank and out of the blue.

She blinked, opening the door to their first destination. "How'd you know?"

"I had a feeling." He covered, making a mental note to apologize to one draconequis.

"No matter." She waved it off as they entered a wing of the facility, with several walls and separate sections built into the room to avoid several scientists getting their work mixed in with each other. "This is where we work on some of our newest technology. The exception is any weaponry we are creating, which is in a separate--and much more secure--wing of the facility. Feel free to look around, but please don't enter any of the workstations. This is very delicate work."

Eclipse nodded, slowly walking around the large and slightly cavernous room. It was roughly the size of Walmart, as seen in Practically Everywhere, USA. Its distinct openness--even with the occasional wall to separate areas--surprised him. He had always imagined a research station to be much more locked down and with more barriers between each individual experiment. Then again, Equestria wasn't known for needing to worry too heavily on informants or terrorist bomb threats.

He turned to look into a workstation and saw a stallion carrying off a box of light-bulbs. "Did one of them go out or something?" He asked Ray Beam, eyes following the stallion.

The mare perked up at the question. Upon following his gaze to the stallion, she laughed. "Oh, no. It's just an experiment. We're trying to get light-bulbs working off electricity, rather than simply need a unicorn to place an enchantment upon them. We're hoping that it'll let towns of mostly earth ponies or pegasi have easy access to artificial light, once we figure out how its done. Its actually the first in a large series where we're attempting to harvest electricity as an alternative energy source."

Eclipse nodded to himself, vaguely recalling light bulbs and electricity as one of the aspects of the human world he explained to the princesses (and that group of scientists who tried to grill him on weaponry). "Once you've gotten the kinks worked out of incandescence, jump right into florescence. Bit more complicated, but way more efficient." Before Ray Beam could react to his statement, he had already wandered several stations over, stopping at one which hosted a pair of white rimmed glasses with green lenses as its centerpiece. The researchers themselves were apparently on break.

Ray Beam had trotted over just in time to hear him mutter to himself. "Since when are fashion statements a researcher's domain? Those things had better come equipped with a heads-up-display."

"That's exactly what they come equipped with."

Eclipse stiffened, needing a moment to not cry out in surprise. When he finally calmed down from surprise, he turned to find a green mare with a black mane staring back at him opposite from just opposite Ray Beam. Deciding to try his luck, he raised an eyebrow. "What does the HUD monitor?"

"Various things. It can be changed according to user preference. It can even be turned off." The mare glanced into the station. "We're actually trying to get it so it doesn't come in just white and green."

"What about black with blue lenses?"

"It's an idea." The mare conceded. "We are also looking to do some field testing, but we doubt that any pony actually does enough to really put the glasses through their paces. They're built for full combat situations, but we have no idea how well they'll actually hold."

"Who's your boss?"

"I'm the head of this wing." She replied, though not in the overly proud manner one would expect to come with such a claim. "Each wing functions as an independent cell, but we can talk to each other and cooperate when needed."

Eclipse nodded. "I have to admit. I'm curious. Any idea when I can get a pair?"

The mare grinned. "I'll let you try them on."

"For the heavy research you do here, this place is pretty laid back." Eclipse noted, accepting the HUD unit he was being handed.

Ray Beam scoffed. "You should see weaponry. Live fires and explosions are a norm. Typically around once a week, but maybe more when they've thought of something interesting."

Ray Beam and her boss--named Wired Circuit--shared a look. "Scratch that!" The two laughed at their personal in-joke.

Eclipse ignored them, adjusting the glasses. Several small screens and boxes appeared, selecting various objects and naming them. It even named the two mares in the room with him. Eclipse blinked in surprise. "Is this thing connected to a database of some kind?"

Wired Circuit nodded. "It's using your own brain's stored memory and knowledge to give information. This means that the information it provides is limited by the very pony wearing the unit, but it's easier than trying to fit everything that we can into it. It also allows personal touches, like dirty little secrets you may only barely remember. Or just reminding you who your loved ones are."

"That is awesome." Eclipse smiled, the expression turning into a grin as he found himself able to adjust what information showed with his thoughts. Using this, he filtered out all the menial items and kept only names and basic statistics of ponies available. He also found a small corner which used his nervous system to monitor his body, down to injury, stamina and general conditions such as temperature and heart rate. "This is truly amazing. Seriously, I'm going to need a pair of these."

Wired Circuit smiled. "Black and blue would look good with that cloak and coat/mane color scheme you have... Tell you what? I'll make you a deal, Eclipse."

"Alright, shoot." Eclipse shrugged, twisting one of his ears around to face her even while he continued experimenting with the HUD unit.

"Give them a run for a week or two, maybe a month. We might be able to get you your blue and black ones, free of charge. "

Eclipse stared at her, suspicion on his face.

"It's not the stress testing we want, but it'll certainly be better data than anything we can get in a lab. Place is pretty static day to day, so a night on the more mobile town might be just the thing to test processing power. Plus, if it breaks then, we'll know to work on durability for a long while yet."

"Well," Eclipse said nervously. "I do actually end up in hostile situations from time to time..."

"Bar fights?" Ray Beam snickered.

A resounding explosion echoed through the facility, scrambling the scientists in several other stations. A researcher frantically ran into the room, followed by two unknown ponies.

"Help!" The researcher screamed. "We're being attacked!"

Eclipse was out in a flash, bull rushing one pony with his head down. Once he made contact, he reared up, sending the pony flying. He turned to face the second pony, a pegasus who had taken flight. Eclipse fired several small lances of chaos magic into the air, using his right font hoof like a gun. Eventually, he had gotten tired of missing and launched a heat seeker projectile after the pony.

The projectile made contact and covered the pony with a sticky goo, pinning his wings to his body and his body to the ground. Once he had hit the ground, that is.

Eclipse raised the HUD unit, giving the shocked Wired Circuit and Ray Beam full view of his eyes, now glowing red.

"More like fighting an army of evil goons with chaos magic. And I'm the one with the chaos magic, in the event that confused you." He answered Ray Beam's last question, grinning widely.

He turned and fired another chaos blast at the pony he had bull rushed, sending the pony sprawling along the floor with a quickly fading sense of consciousness.

Author's Notes:

Yay! We're finally to the point where Discord is free! Only half a year late!

If you've got feedback, leave it in the comments below. Please? Maybe? No? Okay...