“Okay, so this is the plan.” My prison-mate suddenly said.

I looked over at her. The mare had insisted that I called her Grey because she didn’t like ponies she met on the road learning her real name. I wasn’t one of her readers but I didn't say anything. Grey had been silent for most of the day, deep in thought about her book and our escape plan. She had insisted that I left the planning to her, so I did. The pony was wearing a safari outfit for Pete’s sake! She looked legit.

Grey continued. “You use your strength and beat open this cage, overwhelm our guards and allow me to slip away.” She smiled widely, proud of her plan. “How does that sound?”

“Uh...Haha!” I believed she was joking. “What’s the real plan?”

“That was pretty much the real plan.”

“Oh.” I shook my head. Seriously, that was her idea? Good thing I had still formed a plan of my own. “Here is my idea.”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Grey turned away from me and pouted in the corner. “You didn’t like my plan so I won’t like yours. I have been in tighter situations before and I don't need you telling me if my plans are bad.”

My mouth dropped open. All respect I had for this mare disappeared. Though that respect was formed off of her looking sort of like Rainbow Dash and wearing a safari outfit. So there was some blame in me for putting so much expectation on her. But still, she wanted me to do all the work and we weren't even dating! So I set my own plan in motion without her.

It was too bad that the caravan arrived the next morning to take us away. The tunnel I was working on was coming along nicely although it was hard to work when Grey kept criticising my effort.

We were carried into the sunlight and set before a camel who looked at us critically. After poking us for a bit he turned to the buffalo chief.

“I will give you twenty high quality items for these two.” He circled us. “But I have to ask, are these two a breeding pair?”

“Now hold on!” I stood up and looked the camel in the eye. “I am not going to cheat on my girlfriend just because some desert-donkey thinks he owns me! If you think that you are going to lock me in a room with her and expect us to get it on and make you more slaves like some farm horse then I have some news for you! Kiss my beer logo ass! Come at me bro!”

A quick hoof to the face shut my mouth and knocked me unconscious.

“You are so brave,” Grey squealed as I woke up. “You are definitely getting in my book!”

“Cool,” I replied flatly. I wished that the annoying mare would move back to her side of the cage. “We just need to escape first.”

Two camels carried the cage we were in. At least twenty others made up the caravan and their wares included everything from rugs to pottery. We were the only other slaves as far as I could tell. Even if we did get free from the cage, how could we get past the camels. I still couldn’t fly due to that stupid revolutionary group, the FMLF!

So naturally I entered a comedic state. “Alright, so I am Russel Crowe and I need to become a warrior legend in the gladiator arena. I will fight for our freedom but instead of dying like he did in the movie, we live and gain our freedom.”

“I thought your name was Guinness?” Grey replied in the most confused voice I have ever heard someone speak in.

“It’s a reference to a movie where I come from.”

“Oh. Sounds like a good plot idea though.” She leaned against the cage and started to think. “I wish I could have thought of that.”

“You can use it,” I piped up. “I don’t think they will mind if you use it. They are very far away and most likely will never visit this place... or this planet.”

“Really?” Grey became ecstatic. “Tell me the story!”

So I spent the rest of the trip describing the movie Gladiator to Grey, along with some others. She liked Indiana Jones the most. Apparently that was the same type of stories that her books were. I would not be surprised if Grey became a media legend after we escaped. She better give me something after going big for giving these stories to her. Forgive me Steven Spielberg!

I was halfway through The Lord of the Rings when we arrived at a city smack dab in the middle of the desert. Several days had passed since we left the buffalo camp. This is how I would describe the location I now found myself in. You know that city in the movie Aladdin, Agrabah? That was what it looked like, palace and everything. Ponies that were the size of Celestia roamed the streets. In fact, I think they were more like horses.

“Amazing!” Grey pressed her face against the bars. “We are in Saddle Arabia!”

“Take them to the palace.” One of the camels ordered.

“And we are going to the palace!” She smiled at me in excitement. “I hope we get to meet the sultan and his wife!”

“I just want to escape.” I rolled my eyes and looked up at the palace. “I wonder what kind of job they will assign us. It better not be anything revolving around large amounts of physical labor.”

“I wonder if they will use us for the purpose that the camel said when he first got us.” Grey smiled at me and I could tell that was something she actually wanted to happen.

I just glared at her and shook my head.

“What, am I not pretty enough for you?” she pouted. Her lips puckered up in a pathetic duck-like way.

“No, you are.” I edged away from her. “I’m already taken though.”

“We might not have a choice.” She bit her lips in anticipation.

“I think I am going to kill myself.”

“You’re mean,” she snapped.

“You’re annoying,” I shot back. “Lets agree to hate each other in peace.”

“But I have never written a romance novel,” she was pouting once again. “First hoof experience could help me.”

“Romance stories usually involve to people, er, ponies in love. I don’t care for you at all.”

“But I love you!” she screamed before covering her mouth with a hoof.

My mouth dropped open and I stared at her. She was now graduated from ‘pain in the ass’ to a ‘crazy person’ in my book. “Girl, I have only known you for a few days and our time spent together has not been the most appealing.”

“But you have so many amazing stories and the way you talk nasty to me turns me on!” She started to move closer to me. “You will learn to love me.”

I quickly grabbed the attention of the nearest camel. “Help! I think I am about to be raped!”

He looked at me for a moment, blinked a few times, then returned his attention back to the road. I faced Grey again and her nose was directly in front of mine.

“Love me,” she whispered.

“No, no no! Go away!” I pressed myself against the side of the cage but still she edged closer.

Thank God we arrived at the palace before anything happened.