Sneaking past the single zebra guarding the camp was easy. Especially since the zebra was trying to escape too. In fact, the whole camp was escaping that night. Apparently they were only in it for the money and when a battle was about to start they high tailed it out of there to go find some other rich guy waging a war so they could do the same to him. I just wanted my life.

I got pretty far into a nearby woods before deciding that it wasn't necessary for me to run anymore. The forest reminded me of the ones in Canada. More and more things were revealing themselves to be some strange reference to Earth or maybe it was the other way around. But I didn't feel like dwelling over the similarities at that moment. My mind was actually wandering to Rainbow Dash for some strange reason. It could have been the fact that she was my, what did they call it here, special somepony. Or maybe I wanted somebody to talk to about this crappy adventure I was in. But my mind was not in the moment at all.

So I probably deserved falling into a river and hitting my head on a rock.

When I woke I was immediately worried about the mental problems that could arise with being knocked unconscious multiple times in a row. I then noticed the campfire next me with my buffalo camp-mate sitting next to it. He noticed that I was awake and he waddled over to me.

“Found you floating in river,” he said slowly. “I thought your were dead, but no. You have been asleep for five days. Tell me, you escaped, why did you try to kill yourself?”

“I didn't.” I sat up and tried tied to ignore the throbbing pain in my head. “Where are we?”

“Nearing the border between the Moose Kingdom and Equestria. I am making my way to our homeland though I had to carry you the entire time.”

“Oh, well thanks.”

“No problem pony.”

We talked for most of the night. I learned that his name was White Horn and that he was born in a tribe that lived near the border of Equestria. He left home to gain glory for himself and his tribe but failed. I decided that this was probably a good thing because I needed to return to Ponyville and actually prepare myself for the adventure this time. Especially a weapon.

The morning came quickly and we headed toward a distant change in landscape. We were walking through a high mountain area with sparse pines but in the distance I could see what appeared to be a savanna with a desert even further behind it. It took us roughly three days to reach the ever-warming lowlands.

“I don’t tolerate heat very well,” I said as we paused under a thin tree with wide shady branches. The only tree for miles in any direction. “It was a health problem I had back when I was human and I think it carried on to my pony life.”

“If you die then the vultures will be happy at least,” he said without any hint of emotion. “I forget that ponies don’t last as long without water and if you have health problems then you will probably die in the next few days. Because it’s only going to get worse.”

“I like how you are so concerned for my welfare,” I deadpanned.

“I don’t want to see you die,” White Horn said with more emotion mixed in. “But if you do then you do.”

“Fair enough."

I ceased to find it fair though as we entered the desert itself. Funny how that happens. You feel one emotion about something before it starts but when you are actually in the moment you feel wronged. I also believed that I wouldn't be stupid enough to think mirages were puddles of water, but that also proved wrong.

After stopping me from drinking sand a few times, White Horn dragged me to an outcropping of rocks and we rested in the small amount of shade it had to offer. I started to ramble in my dehydrated delusions.

“I feel like Rommel during the last months of the African campaign!” I threw my hooves into the air and stared at the blinding blue sky. “Minus the tanks and-and stuff. To hell with Hitler! I wonder if Hitler liked slushies? I like slushies, the cherry-cola ones. Could use one now. Do you like slushies?”

White Horn looked at me quizzically but said nothing.

“God. Damn. Red. Bull. Can!” I continued. “That thing is responsible for all of this. I knew I should have drank water instead. No more energy drinks for me! Oh Rainbow, save me! Why am I talking? Talking dehydrates you faster! Ahhh, I’m speeding up my death! I really need to stop talking! This is such a sad moment. I will never see Rainbow Dash again! Gah! White Horn help me, I can't stop talking!”

The buffalo obliged my request and knocked me unconscious with a quick slap of a hoof to my face.

The rest of the trek through the desert was a blur for me. White Horn didn't abandon me to die like I thought he would but continued to carry my slowly dying body. I knew we were out of the desert when he threw me into a small pond, instantly reviving me to a measure.

“Drink,” he said. “But don’t drink too much or you will die.”

“Did you know that one of the guys who named Death Valley died from drinking too much water after passing through it?” I don’t know why I chose spouting facts over water but whatever.

The first thing I noticed after I drank a safe amount of water was the large assortment of buffalo around me. Some watched me with curious expressions but most of them gave me no heed.

“I see you finally brought something of use back to the tribe White Horn.”

I turned and saw a large buffalo that I guessed was the chief due to the large head dress he wore. I didn’t like the way he looked at me. It was as if he was observing an object instead of a person.

I quickly realized why when two buffalo grabbed me, tied me up and carried me away.

“Hey, what the hell is going on?” I demanded. “Yo, White Horn! The hell bro?”

“Sorry Guinness,” he replied sincerely. “But you will bring our poor tribe much wealth being sold as a slave when the caravans comes through again.”

I was too dumbfounded to speak as they threw me into a caged pit. I landed with a thump and looked around my prison. It was inhabited by one other being, a mare who looked extremely familiar. She stared at me with amusement and then I realized why I thought I had seen her before. The mare looked just like a tan Rainbow Dash with a monotone mane and wore what I would describe as a British safari outfit.

She leaned closer to me and chuckled. “If you help me escape I will make you a prominent character in my next book. Deal?”

I stuck out my hoof in acceptance and she shook it. “Deal.”

I instantly trusted her. Any pony that looked like Rainbow Dash and wore a safari outfit was sure to be brave and dependable.

I hate being wrong.