Foreword: This is of course a continuation of Guinness and his adventures after the story Science, Steam and Beer and is a member story of totallynotabrony's Dream Series. I would read those if you don't want to be confused with references but it is not necessary. This story seems like it is moving fast and I did it on purpose for reasons in my own mind. Enjoy!

The Minty Freshness- Altoid

The moment I decided to fly off on an adventure, I was not thinking about the best way to retrieve the item I was searching for. My only thought, come to think of it, was trying to impress Rainbow Dash. But that is besides the point. I now found myself flying over some god forsaken ocean that stretched into the horizon and I had no idea how to swim in the shape of a pony. I was very much regretting the whole facade and struggling against the weakness in my wings when a speck appeared on the horizon. Borrowing a technique from another human-stuck-in-pony-form, I dove at it without any precautions as to what it could be. And just like Valiant, I regretted that decision to the fullest.

It turned out to be a ship. But the good attributes ended there. As my hooves touched down on its deck I quickly realised it belonged to a certain griffon who held the full job title of “Professional Requisitioner by Force of Ships, Goods, and Creatures”. In short, he was a pirate.

You know those encounters with somebody and no words are said, but by their actions and expressions no words need to be exchanged? Yeah, it was one of those moments. The only word said to me was “Pony” in a surprised-excited tone before they grabbed and threw me into the brig. At that point I was really regretting the whole adventure thing. I was getting angry at everything and everyone that had influence on me deciding this was a good idea. I was mad at the ponies, their little colorful existence that I was now part of, somehow seemed to gush adventures. I had already been through two awful adventures, not including my relationship with Rainbow Dash, that I found myself in barely days after I arrived in this place. The first one being of course the quest to close the gates of Tartarus after the idiots Valiant and Nova wounded Cerberus with a cannon full of apples and steam powered robots.

As for Valiant and Nova themselves? When I got back, I was going to kill them both! Though Nova, that bag o’ crap, was on his own adventure so he would have to wait my vengance. But Valiant...

The sound of steps approaching the cell tore me from my thoughts. I composed myself for the rigorous interrogation that I believed was to come. I was wrong.

“Hello!” exclaimed a heavyset minotaur in a feather topped hat. “Let me apologise for my crew. They thought you were trying to steal our booty and didn’t realise that you just wanted to join the crew. Am I right?”

I processed this only momentarily before bringing myself to the obvious answer. “Yes! It’s my dream to join your crew Captain, ever since I was a little lad!”

‘Don’t lay it on too thick you idiot!’ I mentally hissed at myself.

The captain didn’t seem to notice my overzealous response. In fact, I think he actually enjoyed it.

“That’s wonderful lad!” He slapped me painfully on the back. “I could use your excitement on my ship. What be your name eh?”

“Uh, call me Guinness.”

“Ginus? To hard to pronounce. I’ll call you Harper cuz of the harp on your flank. Speakin’ of that, you ponies have special talents that your mark things symbolise. What is yours?”

I thought for a moment of an answer that would put me immediately in high standings with the captain. “I’m very good at finding treasure.”

The captain looked at me, puzzled. “How does a harp symbolise that?”

“The harp is gold.” I quickly answered. “That means I’m good at finding things made out of gold.”

“Well I’ll be! This must be my lucky day! I’m more than happy to have you on my ship Harper! You can call me Captain Cannonball!”

“It is an honor to meet you captain!” I stuck out my hoof for him to shake and he stared at it. I tilted my head, Puzzled. “What’s wrong sir?”

He turned and walked away without another word. A griffin crewmember shuffled up to me and he seemed to have noticed the Captains reaction.

“The good old Cap’ don’t like touchin’ formal things,” the griffin said.

“Formal things?”

“Hand-er-hoofshakes, amongst other things, but especially hand or claw or hoofshakes. By the way, name’s Squibles.”

“Why do they call you Squibles?” I was starting to realise that this ship was just another insane place on this crazy world.

“It’s the sound I make when I sleep.”

“Oh...kay.” I stood and started to walk out of the brig. “It’s nice to meet you Squibles.”

Staying on a pirate ship sounds like hard work. You need to deal with all of the ropes and sails, remember Port from Starboard and most of all, you need to stay out of the other pirates’ way. That is if you aren't me.

My only job was telling the good old Captain Cannonball the best location for us to find, in his words, the best booty. It was tempting to point to my own posterior, but I was saving that for Rainbow. Plus, I still didn’t know how much of a sense of humor Cannonball had and I didn’t want to find out what keelhauling was like.

Still, I couldn’t complain. My life was better without those two idiot human-ponies around. I hate my species sometimes. Seriously, why did I have to be stuck with them? There are seven-billion other humans in the world that could have been transported to Equestria with me.

Though I did trade them for a boatload of testosterone filled morons who try to kill each other at the slightest ill look. That is why I stayed below and drank rum all day. There was no shortage of that.

After being on board the good ship, hell, I hadn't even bothered to find out the tub’s damn name. Well, after a week of sitting around being drunk 24/7 I decided to request a port day from Cannonball. From what I had learned, the pirates had been at sea for a very long time.

“So, Cap’,” I said pleasantly. “I think we should make port. Restock on supplies... rum. Maybe even do some plundering. What do you think boss?”

He looked up at me from a map he was absentmindedly reading. “I think it is high time we put your talent ta use, pony. Where would be a port full of loot and supplies?”

He pushed the map towards me and smiled. I could tell this was a test to see if I actually did have a skill that allowed me to find the best possible way to find ‘booty’. I looked at the ports and towns dotting the coastlines and tried to remember everything I knew about naval tactics and raiding. Any signs of guarding forts, shoals and strategic placing of enemy warships were an instantly not an option. After a few minutes I made a list of ports that I liked, crossed referenced them with a map of land routes that led to them and what kind of resources I guessed would be available around those towns.

After thirty minutes I pointed to a town called Port Freeforall. “There!”

Cannonball looked at the settlement and nodded. “Seems like a good place to raid. Alright, lets go give the pilot a heading.”

I smiled widely as I followed the captain to the upper deck and looked at the distant horizon. I was getting so excited about my success in becoming an adviser to a pirate I had almost forgotten about my original quest.

“Hey, Captain,” I asked. “Where would a good place be to look for, lets say, a rare and never before seen artifact be?”

“Oh, uh.” He pulled another map from a pack on his side and pointed at a town. “That would be the local museum in the village of Delcay. The owner has loads of interesting stuff though none of it will fetch a good price if you are looking’ to raiding it.”

“I don’t want to raid it,” I quickly informed him. “I just like museums.”

“Okay then, we'll head there after we hit the port.”

I nodded in agreement and prepared myself for an exciting adventure.