He looked again in the mirror, blew a stray hair back only for it to fall back over his fore-head. He grunted and licked his hoof before slicking it back. He smiled and then the hair pointed straight up.

"Aww! Come on!" Macintosh grunted. "Dang hair stay down." He licked his hoof again and he made sure the hair would stay down.

"Good, now to head over." He sighed wistfully but with nervousness in it. "And all ah got was a small little gift." He frowned at the small box resting on his bed. "Maybe ah Should take something else?" He looked around until he saw a small, stiched, black and grey wool leg sticking out from under the bed. "Thad'll do."

He reached under the bed and pulled out the Smarty pants doll, he 'borrowed' after the want it need it spell. It only really affected him but even he knew it was natural.

He picked up the two items and set them down in his saddle bags. Before he left he looked back at his yoke and closed the door slightly jerkily.

"Hey big bro!" He was greeted by Applebloom half way down the stairs. "Ya goin' to go see your crush?"

"W-What crush? Ah don't have a crush." He stuttered.

"Mac," She said pulling a straight face. "Ma'h room is next to yours. Ah can hear ya in your sleep. Don't worry," She winked. "Ah Pinkie promise to keep it a secret."

"Ah don't know what yall are talking bout'. yall kids need to eat less sugar, it's makin' all of yall delusional." He quickly hurried past her and nearly ran out the door.

He slowed down once he was at the front gate, he looked back and waved at a grinning Applebloom. He started to go along the worn trail that led to Ponyville.

"Ah hope she'll like it." He mumbled to himself as he watched the saddle bag out of the corner of his eye.

Ponyville came into view even quicker than usual, he only then realized as he entered that he had picked up pace sub-consciously.

'Better early.' He thought. 'The early farmer gets the soil tilled fresher now, then later.' He thought of his own saying.

He nodded towards any mare or stallion who waved at him. He was only stopped when he heard Rarity whine.

"Opalescence! Please come down! For mommy?"

He gritted his teeth as another barrage of sound hit his ears. He looked over and saw Rarity loking up a tree, upon the tree's highest branch was white cat, who, looked positively ticked.

"Miss Rarity?" Macintosh said walking up to her. "Anything ah can help ya with?"

"Oh!" She spun around on her hooves, a grin on her face. "Yes, could you help me get Opal down? I've been trying to get her down, I even used her favorite toy yet all she does is hiss."

He looked at the cat and saw her looking down curiously at the work horse. He looked at the tree and put his ear to the trunk.

Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Macintosh... what are you doing?"

"Ah'm listenen'." He knocked on the tree once, twice and finally a third time. "Could ya just back up two steps and then take a step to the left."

"Alright. But I don't see how this is going to help." She moved back and then to the right.

"Now hold out your hoof. And make sure it's steady and firm."

"Okay, but what are you going to do?" She asked.

He turned around, planted his front hooves into the ground, reared back and thrust his back legs into the bark. It shook violently and down came a screech, followed by a white ball of fluff that landed directly in Rarity's hoof.

"Macintosh..." She stared wide eyed at Opal sitting in the center of her hoof. "How did you know she'd land here?"

"Ah need to know where apples fall so they won't get bruised on the ground." He rolled his shoulders, gave a nod and began to walk off.

"Macintosh, wait. I feel like I need to give you some kind of reward." She said getting in his way.

"Eenope. Ah don't want a reward for something any other pony would do." He tried to go around but found a slight weight on his hooves. He looked down and saw them enveloped in a blue glow. "What did ya have in mind?" He sighed.

"I was hoping you would have an idea." She said quietly. "Wait, I heard you were going to the hospital, correct? To see," She stopped and looked around. "The newest patient."

"Eeyup." He answered looking at the hospital in the, relatively short distance.

"Oh! Then wait here. I have just the thing." She trotted off to a nearby shop.

'Flowers and herbs.' He read in his mind. 'Opened in the neightees. Original owners were Meadow Springs and Herbal Remedy.' He recited the history in his head.

"Big Macintosh!" Rarity called out from the shop. "I need your help. Again..." She said with anything but mischief in her voice.

He snapped out of his trance and walked in, almost hitting a hanging pot above the door.

"Mornin' Flowers." He said to the colt behind the counter.

"Mac! How's it been? I haven't seen you since last Tuesday. What, is it the..." He looked at Rarity before putting a magic seal on her ears, much to her annoyance. "Match? Is it early?" He whispered.

"Na'h and it's aright' if she hears. Not like Ah haven't seen her there before. Go on, let her go."

"Macintosh! I demand to know what that was about!" She stamped her hoof, glaring red faced at the colt behind the counter.

"Buisness." He replied. "Aside from farming. The, y'know. That." He raised his eyebrows once for emphasis.

"Oh! That! Well, yes. So," She turned back to the colt. "My friend here would like to buy some flowers for a certain somepony."

Mac's face flushed as he saw the colt snicker.

"It's about time Mac. I was wondering when you would ask her." He laughed as he opened up the glass counter. "So, what'll it be?"

"I think Twilight like daises." Rarity said putting a hoof to her chin.

"Eenope." Big Mac said. "Red roses. With no thorns. That's her favorite."

"How do you know what her favorite flower is?" Rarity asked raising an eyebrow.

"Whenever ah went to the library ah always smelled roses. Sometimes ah saw Spike carryin' a vase." He said. "Those right there Flowers. Eeyup, those."

Flowers pulled out a bouquet of roses, all thorn-less as he set them down on the counter.

"That's two bits. Discount for a lover. See." He pointed at a sign on the wall. "Lovers get a one bit off discount."

"Ah haven't asked her out yet, actually ah was planin' on it today." He grabbed the flowers, threw two bits onto the counter and ran off.

He didn't look back as he ran towards the hospital, which was coming up surprisingly fast.

In a moment he was at the front doors, he opened them and saw a depressed nurse.

"Ah'm here to see-"

"She's up there. Just follow the sound of groaning guards." She said rubbing her head. "Just go through there." She pointed to the right at a hallway.

"Thank ya kindly." He nodded as he trotted past.

He looked at his reflection momentarily and saw his hair was a mess, again. Only the one, troublesome hair from before was still in place. He sighed ad let it hang.

Up ahead, the sound of armor against tile was heard. He turned a corner and saw multiple guards by the door. When he approached they all seemed to shift back and then forward slightly, almost as if they were shaking. Upon further inspection, they were trembling.

"Howdy." He greeted them "What's with all the guards?"

"Were here to protect the patient." One of them spoke up. "Nopony allowed."

"What? Why not?" He tilted his head to the side.

"Afraid of danger I suppose."

"Danger?" He chuckled deeply. "Ah heard of that mare takin' on gods and goddesses without a second thought. She even charged a hydra, eyes closed." He laughed again. "She don't need any guards."

"W-Well, she is unconscious."

"That so?" He sighed. "Well danget. Ah came all this way for nothin'." He grunted in response. "Could ah go and set the gifts down for her?"

"No." They all replied.

"No? Well, could any of yall do it?"

"No." They said again.

"Well fine." He sat against the wall. "Ah can wait for her to wake up." He crossed his fore-legs behind his head.

"Sir, we cannot allow you to stay in the hallway." Another said breaking the line they had formed.

That was all that Mac need to run around him in a flash. He accidentally knocked a guard over as he went for the door.

He was pulled back by the guards and thrown to the end of the hall. He got up and saw them all in a line again.

"We've had a very rough day! Just go home and do whatever it is you do." A Lunar guard said.

"Eenope." He charged again, head down.

One guard charged forward and slammed head first into the work horse. Big Macintosh pushed him back with ease, the guard was trying to slow hm down but could only slide.

"I need back up! No-" The guard yelled before being flung to the side.

The red behemoth stood his ground, even as the other guards lined up.

A solar and Lunar guard came at him. He rose onto his back hooves and smashed them down onto they're heads before shoving the Solar one out of the way and bucking the Lunar guard away.

A Solar guard ran at him, spear pointed out. Macintosh grunted and stepped to the left and wedged the shaft under his shoulder where he held it. He leaned back, took the spear from the guard's grasp and smashed the blunt edge into his face.

Another Lunar guard ran at him, horn charged with a black glow. Macintosh rose onto his back hooves and swung at the guards side, sending him into a wall. The guard got up, or tried before Big Mac smashed both of his hooves onto his side.

A Solar unicorn guard charged forward and hit Mac in the side making him slide. Mac wrapped his fore-hooves around the guards neck and brought him down to the ground, horn first. He side-swiped the guard and saw a small chip fly off.

Two Lunar guards and Solar charged. Two in the air, two on the tile. Macintosh charge, ramming into the two on the ground, flinging a Lunar guard into one of the Lunar pegasus guards. The other one landed on his back and started to punch him across the muzzle.

"Take this! And some of that! Yeah that's righ-" The guard was cut off when Mac flipped on his back and landed on the guard. "Ow..."

The remaining guards piled onto Big Macintosh. He'd already flipped onto his belly but was suffering multiple hits across his body. He gave a grunt before slowly rising onto his hooves, all the guards still on him. He grabbed A Lunar by the wings and sent his weight, and the guards weight onto it when he stepped on it. The guard fell off with a pained wail.

He grabbed another Solar guard by the horn and smashed his head into the wall. He fell down with a bloodied muzzle.

The remaining guards, all of which that did not consist of the bloodied Solar guards and Lunar guards splayed across the hallway, went back to make a wall. Only two unicorn's remained, the pegasai all were groaning either in the wall's or on the tile.

"Guards!" Shinning armor called out stepping out from the room. "What is the problem? It sounds like there's a war..." Only then did his eyes see Macintosh, who had a fire in his eyes that rarely anypony saw. And nopony ever liked it when that happened.

"Do I know you?" Shinning asked.

"Eenope." Replied Macintosh.

"Whoever you are, you're under arrest for-"

"Sir!" One of the two remaining guards whispered. "Don't make him anymore angry than he already is. I have two kids and a wife! I'm to young to die!"

"Are you saying that he managed to defeat ten trained and armed guards alone?" Shinning said looking back at the red workhorse from the corner of his eye.

"Eeyup." Big Macintosh said. "Ah wouldn't have unless they would'a let me in. Ah just wanted to give her some present's... to make her feel better."

"Really?" Shinning looked back at the guard, hoof on muzzle. "You realize that I'm the one who is supposed to handle visitors? Correct?"

"You never told us that. You just walked in here, took over and stopped that pink menace. After that you said not to be bothered and you locked yourself away in the patients room."

"Oh... Well still," he turned back to Macintosh. "I'm afraid that we cannot give her anything without proper inspection. And as for you, you're under arrest. All items will be confiscated and burned for the chance of any haphazard happening. Now come along quietly and-"

"Eenope." Mac grunted scraping a massive hoof across the tile. "Ah've come to far for a bunch of walkin', over pampered soup cans to stop me."

Shinning sighed. "Guards, ready the paralysis spells. Full power."

Shinning and the two guards charged their horns and fired off three bolts of green energy. They all hit Macintosh in the chest, he stood stock-still.

"We'll go on, get him." Shinning said as he turned back to the door.

Before he opened it he heard the sound of metal hitting metal, turned and saw two Lunar guards flying to the other end of the hall. Armor beaten to a pulp. Wide-eyed his gaze fell upon the red behemoth's chest as he found himself looking into two large, and very angry green eyes.

Macintosh snorted before flinging Shinning behind him and reaching for the door knob. Shinning charged his horn and teleported Big Macintosh to the corner of the hallway.

"Ah don't want to have to hurt ya." Mac snorted.

"Same here." Shinning growled charging his horn. He fired a volley of paralysis spells.

Macintosh raised his fore-legs in defense and caught all the bolts. His legs felt tingly but he still set them down firmly to Shinning armor's disbelief.

"H-How...?" Shinning muttered under his breath. "How are you still standing!?"

"Ah don't get muscle cramps. Never have so ma'h muscles are alway's relaxed." He cracked his neck as the same fire re-lit itself. "Am ah gounna' have to hurt ya? Or are ya gounna' let me through?"

"Only if the princess herself told me to stop." Shinning growled. "And she didn't."

Big Macintosh charged forward, head bent down to ram. Shinning armor ran forward too and jumped at the last second to trip Macintosh, the only thing he received was his leg getting cracked, and a swift buck to the side. He fell to the ground in a daze but shook it off when he saw Macintosh walk toward him.

Shinning lunge forward and brought his fore-legs around Macintosh's neck in an attempt to strangle him into submission. Macintosh just stood there, anger gone to be replaced by confusion.

"What are ya doing?" He asked staring at the guard captain.

"Why aren't you gasping fr air?" Shinning grunted.

"Ah only breath every two hours and thirty minutes. If its a slow day, three hours and five minutes." He shrugged. "This is how ya do it right!" In one swift moment he wrapped his fore-legs around Shinning armors barrel and held him there.

"How are you this strong!?" Shinning said as he tried to pry the workhorses fore-legs apart. "Magic? Training? Or both?"

"worked on the farm most of ma'h life. Do ya know what the nick name for me is?" Macintosh asked with a devilish glint in his eyes.

"What?" Shinning glared at him.

Macintosh started to squeeze, Shinning armor's armor started to bend, his ribs bent slightly and he was becoming short of breath.

"The Apple family oak smasher!" He yelled before giving Shinning armor a well placed headbutt.

He dropped the limp guard captain, cleaned off the blood from his coat, and retrieved his items. As he went back a bright flash, flashed from the other side of the door.

Before he grabbed the door knob he looked back at one of the Solar guard helmets and frowned.

He licked a hoof and straightened out his mane, this time it all stayed in place. He smiled and opened the door.

"Eenope!" He slammed the door and stepped to the side at Celestia teleported into the hallway. He gave a quick bow before regaining his calm demeanor.

"Shinning, why-" Her eyes widened as she saw the guards lying across the hall. With Big Macintosh holding a bouquet of roses in his mouth and a doll on his back resting against a small present while he stood in the middle of it all, face portraying no emotion.

"I'm guessing you have something to do with this?" She smirked.

"Eeyup."

"And you wouldn't happen to be related to the element of honesty, would you?"

"Eeyup."

She frowned.

"Your not a pony of many words, are you?"

"Eeyup... princess."

"As you know, I'll have to put you under arrest. Now come along." She motioned him forward.

"Eenope." He grunted.

"No?" She smiled inwardly but her actual face showed a small frown. 'Now I can finally use the treason trick.' She thought. "You realize that could be considered treason to disobey your ruler?"

"Eeyup." He replied nodding.

She stood there, shocked.

"And your still saying no?"

"Eeyup."

"Is that a yes for a yes, or a yes to a no?"

"Eeyup."

"Yes to what?"

He shrugged as he gently set down the objects.

"Princess, ah'm sorry but ah'm going to see her. Even if ah have to go through ya to do it." He narrowed his eyes.

"You realize that's completely insane, right? I'm an immortal goddess, ruler of the sun and your co-ruler. You don't have much of a chance, but if that is what you wish." She spread her wings. "Then so be it."

"Ladies first."

"I see your mother taught you proper manners, unfortunately you forgot not to hit a mare."

His eyes widened in fury before he gave an audible snort.

"Don't ya say a word bout' ma'h folks!" He yelled as he rushed forward.

She half smirked and half frowned as she put up one of her strongest shields. He smashed into and it shattered.

'How was he able to do that!?' She thought as a red blur placed itself upon her back. 'And why is he so heavy!? He's got to be mostly muscle!'

He wrapped his fore-hooves around her neck and started to squeeze.

He legs got shaky and she fell to the side, wheezing as he ran into the room finally.

She got up, snorted and was about to go in after him, only to have her flank get stuck in the frame.

He looked up from Twilight to see Celestia trying to wiggle out from her wooden trap. he walked over and stuck out a hoof.

She stared at it before putting a gold clad hoof in it. With a firm tug she flew in, landing on him in the process. She raised her head back as she sat up. Unfortunately, she was sitting in between his back legs, her fore-hooves on his chest.

She blushed as he just looked uncomfortable, before either of them could move another presence made itself know.

"I come and clean later." One of the Hospital's cleaning staff said as she walked away with the cart and a line of guard armor behind her.

He got out from under her and quickly ran to the bed with Twilight resting in it.

"Nopony has ever bested me in combat so easily before. Who are you?" Celestia asked sitting next to him.

"Big Macintosh Apple. Ah'm just a farmer ah suppose." He shrugged as he pulled a bit of cover onto Twilight's shoulder making a small smile appear on her muzzle.

"No, your much more than that." She narrowed her eyes before a small smile formed on her lips. "You care for her. Really care, am I right?"

"Eeyup." He said getting up. He walked out of the room before coming back with the items.

"Ah'm done." He said setting them down at his co-rulers hooves. "Give these to her when yall are done, if it's not to much to do that is."

"I think it will be better if you do that. Now," Her horn lit up before a blast of energy shot out, engulfing him and blowing the wall out. "It's time for you to go to jail for your crimes."

"Eeyup."

The dust cleared and she saw a soot covered Macintosh.

"Do ya just want me to climb in the hole in the wall and make it look like ya beat me?" He asked.

"Please. And before you go, we should have tea sometime. Discuss how you managed to defeat all of my guards."

"Eeyup." He said as he crawled into the hole in the wall.

He stuck out his tongue, opened his mouth, stuck one hind leg into the air and had his fore-legs against him.

"Not very believable." She said.

His one raised leg twitched slightly.

"Much better." She looked around. "Now to fix this." Her horn was charging, as she was about to fire a spell, a pink blur swept past her and engulfed her vision.

It ended and floating down at her hooves was a small note.

"Your welcome princess! Love Pinkie Pie!" It read.

Author's Notes:

The Next chapter will be back in the present. I apologize if you were expecting actual present time chapters before. I wrote these to get off some humor before going into the dark and emotional stuff.
And just for Big Mac. Macintosh-14

Canterlot military and royalty-owned

P.S. The cake is a lie. It's actually a *** ***.