Shining Armor walks out of the clinic in a daze. His groin is still aching from the release earlier, but fortunately his stallionhood has receded back into its hiding place. Good thing too, because I'd rather avoid public indecency charges on top of everything else today. He shakes his head to clear his thoughts, almost poking Cadance in the cheek with his horn in the process. After avoiding the unwanted perforation, she gently nuzzles Shining Armor, and they start walking back to the castle.

"So what did the Doctor say?" she inquires after they turn the first corner and step onto the quiet streets of the city. "Did she find out if anything's wrong?"

Shining Armor, lost in his own thoughts, barely even hears his wife. After a few steps, the Princess stops dead in her tracks. "It's not something serious is it? Are you ill?" When the stallion once again fails to answer her, she circles around him to stand in front of him. Her muzzle is almost touching her husband's. "Shiny!"

"Huh?" He finally stops when the worry in Cadance's voice snaps him out of his musings.

"Shiny, you're scaring me! What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I mean... She told me I have to have some therapy," he says in a weak voice, checking around if anypony else might hear his words. He finds the two of them standing alone on a windswept street, the working hours of the non-royalty still unfinished. Still, he really can't get the words out to explain the situation. He only shakes his head again and tries to start walking around Cadance. She quickly interposes herself in front of him again and looks him straight in the eyes.

"But you're not hurt or anything like that?"

Shining Armor finds himself unable to meet his wife's gaze, and looks away. "It's complicated. Maybe... maybe we should talk about it in the evening? I think it's better for me to gather my thoughts a bit."

"Honey... " She lifts a hoof to try and brush her distraught husband's cheek, but he shies away from it.

"Please... tonight alright? I have to think."

This time Cadance doesn't try to stop him. She only lowers her head and fights back the lump in her throat. They make their way back to the castle, both lost in their own thoughts.

A few hours later, Shining Armor finds himself rolling a pen on a desk absent-mindedly. The polished wood, the soft chair under his backside, it all feels alien to him. In front of him stand several messy stacks of official papers. Hidden somewhere underneath the piles is his "in" tray, completely overwhelmed. The "out" tray next to it stands almost empty, him only having been able to sign a few assignment wafers and commission reports.

"Good news, honey! I'm completely well and good! Yes, honey, I kinda blew my load on the doctor's face. No, honey, I wasn't attracted to her. She just gave me a wing-job that made me come in under a minute... " he pauses and rests his face on his forehooves. "No, honey, it's not you. I just can't get it up with you, but it's completely okay with a total stranger. Of course I love you! Did I mention therapy? I have to go see a shrink cos there's really nothing wrong with me after all. Completely fine. Just not with you. Yeah. That'll work out SO well."

With a frustrated kick he allows his seat to swivel around. He reclines back in his massive chair, looking around his room. The walls are lined with bookcases and cupboards, all made in robust dark wood, like everything else in the room. In front of him, stands a massive table with a meticulously drawn map of Equestria and its surroundings. It is covered in pins and markers, all of them signifying units and supply lines of the Equestrian Army.

"What the hay am I doing here?" he asks the room, but receives no answer. "I'm a soldier, not a pencil-pushing... clerk!"

Shining Armor walks to the window and pulls away the heavy curtain to look outside. "And they even had to put my...'office' right above the training grounds." Outside in the autumn drizzle, a group of Earth Ponies are crawling in the muddy ground with heavy saddlebags on their backs and carrying spears in their mouths. He can almost imagine the grunts of anger and determination as the drill instructors keep pushing the recruits to their limits and beyond. Most of them will quit in a few weeks, too tired and mentally exhausted to keep on going. But from that pressure, the few that remain will come out as diamonds, ready to be polished and set in the crown of The Royal Guard.

He sees a recruit fall down on his face, not even able to get up. The instructor is on to him immediately like a rabid diamond dog, shouting at the top of his voice how useless a maggot the pony in front of him is. The pony on the ground, a muscular stallion, only covers his head with his hooves to protect himself from the verbal barrage.

"Five bits says he won't even last the week, right Lieutenant Iron... " His mind once again catches up with his mouth as he turns around to look at his empty room. " ...Sight?" he finishes on autopilot.

"Damn it." Shining Armor slumps back onto his chair. The overtly soft cushions, even on the armrests, make him feel more trapped than ever. Angrily, he turns back to his work and approves three munitions requests without even reading them before the pen slips from the grasp of his magic and rolls over the side and behind the table.

"DAMN IT!" he shouts and pushes himself back, only to have his chair catch in the plush carpeting and deposit him on his back on the floor. A few books fall down on the floor around him with heavy thuds. What follows is silence number 11822: Quietly contemplating murder on the person who invented indoor work, and more specifically, chairs.

The silence is only interrupted by the slow, deliberate sound of a book sliding off the shelf above where Shining Armor impacted the bookcase. The last thing he sees before the lights go out is the cover of "The Complete History of the Equestrian Military Dress-Code, Illustrated Hardcover Edition".

The whole 2600 page version.

The first thing Shining Armor notices is that it is still dark. Next thing is the ceiling, only dimly lit by the ambient lights of the city below. The room spins around a few times before settling on pain.

"Urgh."

With the compulsory groan of pain out of the way, he clambers up, displacing the 3rd airborne regiment to guard the Everfree Forest on the table while doing so. After a few tries, he pushes the headache from his mind enough to light the small lamp above his desk. The clock on the wall tells him that it's way past midnight.

And then the last guest to the party arrives: Greeting Pain and Confusion at the door is Panic, who barely has time to exchange a few pleasantries with its friends before Shining Armor dashes out.

"She's going to murder me!" He rounds a bend while four-hoof drifting and sprints up the stairs to Cadance's tower. At the top he stops to pant for a second before opening the door to their apartment. Shining Armor feels his heart sink as he sees his wife at the dinner table. Her head is laid on her hooves, and she is snoring gently with a trickle of drool running down her chin.

"H-honey? I'm home," he whispers, not really knowing what else to say. A sudden thought occurs to him. Horseapples! I still have no idea what to tell her about the visit to the doctor. To his horror, the alicorn at the table stirs and opens a drowsy eye.

"Shiny? What time is it?" she asks groggily.

Think! Think! Think! "It's uhh... it's... bedtime! Yes! I came to take you to bed. Now come on, honey. Good save.

"Okay," Cadance answers. She gets up from her seat and Shining Armor escorts her by the shoulder to their bed, where she barely has time to lie down before she closes her eyes again. "Wuvya," she mutters, before falling silent.

Shining Armor levitates her blanket up, and she makes a small content sound as she snuggles deeper into her pillow.

"Love you too, Cady." He looks at her sleeping face and a small smile creeps to his face. With a relieved sigh, he sits down on his own side of the bed. Behind him, Cadance's breathing becomes more shallow, signaling that she has fallen back to sleep.

That only leaves Shining Armor. He sits, resting his head on his forehooves. The events of the day start once again their merry run around his head. The visit to the doctor, the guilt, the frustration, they all roil around in his head, until he finally collapses onto the bed and closes his eyes.

He doesn't know how long has passed since he returned to their bedchamber. What immediatly catches his attention is the wet feeling that is traveling around his nethers. He lifts his head and sees Cadance gently licking the base of his member.

She stops for a moment and looks at her husband. "I... couldn't resist. You looked so cute asleep and I thought that maybe we could give it another try?" she says.

"But... I... " Shining Armor stammers.

"Shh, I know. The doctor managed to make you come all over her in the office. I know you're all healthy now, so just relax."

"How did you..?" he asks in confusion.

"We're married, aren't we? Your face was flushed just like after we'd made love, and you smelled like your own love juice. Not to mention the specs that had dried on your fur."

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! Honest! Cady it was an accident— "

"Shhhhhh," she whispers and lowers her head back to her task. Shining Armor can feel how her tongue travels around his private parts, making circles around his sacks and tickles the base of his shaft. The gentle throbbing and the hot waves of excitement in his loins signal him in no unclear terms that The Prince has awoken. Was she always this good with her tongue?

"I told you there'd be no problem, Shiny," his wife whispers. "Now let's get down to it, shall we?"

The room is soon filled with hungry slurping sounds as Cadance takes Shining Armor's member into her mouth and starts moving her lips up and down along its length. He lowers his hooves down and feels his wife's mane as it bobs in rhythm with her lips. Small grunts of pleasure escape his mouth as he involuntarily starts to push his hips up in response. He finds his lover's horn and grabs onto it with a hoof and starts setting the pace for her sucking. Cadance submits, but not for long. She lifts her head higher, leaving only the tip of his tool in her mouth. She lolls it around her mouth for a moment before pushing it out completely with her tongue.

"I think that's enough foreplay, don't you think?" she says. "Because I've been waiting for you to take me for a month, and I want it NOW!" Her voice is needy and urgent, almost pleading.

Shining Armor doesn't need more persuading. He pushes the needy mare on her back and leans into her. They share a passionate kiss, reveling in the feel of each other's lips and tongues. He backs up and touches his own member with a hoof. It perks up in answer, already tingly from anticipation. The smell of his wife's musky arousal tempts him to enter her, but he tries to prolong the moment to savour the feeling of dominance.

"Shinyyy! Please! I need it bad! Take me already! Pleeeease!" Cadance gyrates her whole hindquarters around the stallion's legs, spreading her juices all over his legs, and he finally succumbs to his lust. The familiar slit is slippery, allowing him to find it easily by touch alone. He soon finds some resistance, as his member is about to enter. His wife is tighter than he remembers, which suits him just fine. He pushes deeper, reveling in the high-pitched whinnies that accompany his thrust all the way.

"Shinyyy! Please be gentle... " she says in a begging voice.

He immediately backs a little way out, allowing Cadance to catch her breath. "You're so much more snug than I remembered, Cady. It feels so much better than I thought."

"I'm sorry! It must be all the disuse from all this time. I didn't mean to do it," she whimpers.

Shining Armor covers her mouth with a hoof. He pushes his member back in, slowly, but with grim determination. The mare under him squirms, but the sounds escaping her lips have turned to ones of bliss. He pulls back again, only to thrust his member even deeper, reveling in the tightness of his lover. Again and again he pushes, and with every motion the mare's squeals grow higher and higher, until her voice is just a continuous, climactic moan. Her rump makes a moist slapping sound with his every advance, the mare flowing freely from arousal.

With a growl, Shining Armor feels the build-up in his abdomen finally reach its peak, and he starts to empty his load into Cadance. With blurred vision from his orgasm, he looks at his wife's eyes. They are glowing a toxic green, and her features start turning longer and thinner. What earlier was the softness of her fur is now the cold, sleek surface of chitinous plates under his hooves. He falls onto his back in horror, and the apparition rises to stand above him.

"Yess! Fill me with your seed, Captain Of The Guard!" Queen Chrysalis shrieks. "Fill me with your seed so we can together build an army of changelings to ravage this land! We will rebuild our hive, even bigger than before, and Princess Celestia will be your whore! But one mere shot won't be enough for it! Oh no! We shall do this again and again and again and again! Now fuck me, Prince! Make it perfect!" She jumps onto Shining Armor, pushing him down onto the wet mattress underneath. And he screams.

He screams and screams, and the Changeling Queen is still grappling him, holding him down, ready to force herself onto him once more. He fights back with flailing hooves and headbutts, and the apparition is forced away. He jumps out of the bed and channels his willpower into his horn. The room is illuminated by the pale white glow of his magic. On the floor next to their bed, Cadance is sitting on the floor with her eyes wide. She is still clutching her blanket as if looking for security from it.

"Ca-cadance?" His heart is pounding in his chest, but slowly the last vestiges of sleep are replaced by understanding. A dream. It was just a dream. Did I hurt Cady? Oh no... "Cady? Are you alright?"

"S-shiny? What's going on?" she answers in a trembling voice.

"I had... a nightmare. A terrible, terrible nightmare." He slowly circles the bed and approaches the prone alicorn. She shies away at first, but then suddenly flings herself onto Shining Armor, taking him in a tight embrace and knocking them both onto the floor. He feels Cadance's whole body shiver against his own, and all he can do is hold onto her and stroke her mane. After a while, she calms down, and they climb up to sit on the bed, still holding each other.

"You were shouting and trashing around and I was trying to see what was wrong. And then you pushed me out of the bed," she says in a pouty tone and gives him an accusing look.

"Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" he asks while trying to check her body for possible injuries. He is interrupted by Cadance grabbing him gently from his cheeks with her hooves, forcing him to look into her eyes.

"Of course not, silly. It seems I am getting used to you throwing me around." A small wicked grin spreads on her face. "But... "

Shining Armor swallows the lump in his throat. "But?"

"But... " She leans even closer to the stallion. " ...you should remember that there is a penalty for that." Her grin turns even more wicked, revealing some of her teeth.

"Cady... wait..." His protests fall onto deaf ears as Cadance glomps him onto the bed and locks their lips together in a deep kiss. After they surface for air, they both feel the tension from earlier break away and both of them turn to lie on their backs, laughing. The laughter slowly turns into content smiles, and Shining Armor sneaks his forehoof behind Cadance's head. They lie there, side by side, listening to the each other's breathing.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Cadance asks.

"The dream?"

"Yes, silly." She turns onto her side and runs a playful hoof on his chest. "What could make the honorable Prince Of Equestria, make such a ruckus in the middle of the night?"

Shining Armor falls silent for a moment. I can't tell her. She'd get upset again... and I kinda like just cuddling here.

"I can't remember."

"Really?" Her hoof stops. "Seemed like a hard dream to forget."

He looks at Cadance and smiles. "Yeah. Dreams and stuff. Must have forgotten it when I saw you without a brushed mane."

He is rewarded with a reminder of an alicorns strength, as her gentle slap to his stomach makes him double over. "You're horrible," she says with a giggle.

He coughs and tries to catch his breath. "Yeah... guess... I am... "

"Well. We have an early morning tomorrow, so I'm going to go back to sleep now." She gives him another gentle kiss and picks her fallen blanket from the floor. "Good night, Shiny," she whispers.

"Good night, Cady," he responds.

After a few minutes, Cadance is once again back to sleep. Shining Armor is left alone in the darkness to nurse his aching stomach and mull the vivid nightmare in his head.

Shining Armor wakes from hazy dreams, his chest pressed against Cadance's back. He nuzzles into her, inhaling the raspberry scent of her shampoo. She stirs a little, then sighs contentedly and wriggles back into Shining Armor.

"Morning, honey," he whispers into her ear.

"It can't be morning yet. Please turn off the sun, Shiny."

"I'm sure I can go ask Princess Celestia. She's probably at the breakfast table already." His gaze falls on the small clock that Cadance has on her bedside table. "Or lunch."

"Five more minutes," she mutters and closes her eyes once again.

He lies there, content in the warmth of their shared bed and her body against his own. His lips place a gentle kiss on her neck, and she turns to face him. Her eyes are still half-closed, the corners of her eyes still covered in gound after the night. She smiles and parts her lips, and Shining Armor presses his own against them. Their tongues—

"OH! Begging your pardons, Your Royal Highness! We came to change the sheets and didn't think there would be anypony in bed at this late hour of the morning," comes a mare's voice. Shining Armor's chest freezes in shock, and he instinctively pulls his blanket up to cover him and Cadance. There are two elderly maids standing at the door; One is a plump, cream-coated unicorn with a curly pink perm, the other a lanky pegasus with a greying brown mane. They both have crows feet, radiant cheeks and salacious grins, and are wearing frilly aprons.

"The scandal, Broom Sweep!" squeals the pegasus, "To think I walked in on the Prince towering over our young Princess like some rascally pirate."

"Like a pirate, Feather Duster? Was he looking for some plunder?"

"Not THIS again," Shining Armor turns to his wife. "Please make them go away? Please?" he pleads.

"Shh. I want to hear what they've got today," Cadance answers with a grin.

"Oh yes, Duster, I'd say there was a bit of jolly rogering going on. My, the scandal, you can taste it in the air."

"Ooh, I can taste more than scandal in the air, Broom. Oh, the scandal!"

"Such scandal, Duster!"

"Oh! Scandal!"

"Scandal! Oh!"

As their verbal rampage picks up pace, the pegasus nabs the Prince's blanket away from him and tosses it on the floor. Shining Armor sits up to lean oh his pillows. "Uh, ladies," he says, irritation creeping into his voice, "We'd quite like some privacy—"

"There'll be talk in the kitchens, Broom, the royal couple haven't even started with their breakfast at nearly ten in the morning. So very rummy, wouldn't you say?"

"Very rummy indeed, look at the Prince, he looks positively rapacious! You can tell he's craving a bit of crumpet, Duster."

Shining Armor grows more annoyed, scowling at the maids. "Ladies... that is quite enough," he says, but his protests are drowned in the maids' prattle.

"I think the blushing bride wants some too, Broom. There's a voracious look in her eyes, she's positively hungry for it!"

"She wants her fill of it, I'm sure. She's craving a hefty pair of scones, bulging with clotted cream."

"Clotted cream, Broom?"

"Oh yes, Duster, rich, thick cream, dripping down her lips and sliding down her throat. I'd bet she's gagging for it at this hour of the morning."

"I think they fancy a bit of breakfast in bed, Broom."

"That would be rather romantic, wouldn't it? Just look at the Princess, I'd wager she wants to feed her husband a hot, moist muffin."

The Princess in question blushes slightly, but instead of scowling, she merely lets out a giggle.

"I say, Broom! No need to corrupt innocent young minds with innuendos like that, you'll cause a scandal! No, my dear, I'm sure they're just exhausted."

"Yes, honeymooning does take it out of you, doesn't it, Duster?"

"Oh it does, Broom. Why I remember when my dear Reggie swept me away on my honeymoon. We spent the whole week walking around Manehattan with legs like jelly, we did."

"I know what you mean, Duster. When Percival took my maidenhead and we laid together for the first time—ooh, the scandal, Duster, we nearly woke Discord with our cries we did!"

"You never forget the first night of your honeymoon, do you, Broom? Oh, the sheets, when Reggie made me a mare, such scandal. The bed looked like a griffon's kitchen!" She gives an appraising look at the sheets on the Royal Couple's bed and tsks. Her accomplice turns to look at Shining Armor, who is gritting his teeth from annoyance.

"Is that a guilty grin on our good Prince's face? Oh, what a devil, I'll wager he uncorked the claret last night, Duster, there'll be such scandal in the laundry today!"

"Oh, the scandal!"

"Such scandal!"

"Scandal!"

"Oh, scandal!"

"I am warning you—" he raises his voice but to no avail.

"I'd wager against it, Broom, we're simple commoners from simple Trottingham, not urbane cosmopolitans like the Prince and the Princess. No, I'd wager the Princess' been to the field before she met our wonderful Prince."

"Played the field? You think she fumbled a few balls before her engagement? Such scandal, Duster!"

"What scandal, Broom, I'd say she held a few bats in her time, smacked a few wickets too!"

"She's a canny mare, Duster, I'm sure she shopped around before making a purchase."

"Now that is enough, ladies. I think—" Shining Armor tries to cut in, but is interrupted as the earth pony maid nabs his pillow from behind him, making him smack his head on the end of the bed.

"I'd say Her Royal Highness can drive a hard bargain, Broom. Why, I'd reckon she could get two tossed salads for half a tuppeny upright!"

"I couldn't blame her, Duster, I'd want to get a bit of practice in before marrying His Royal Highness if I were her."

Cadance is holding her stomach from laughing so hard and tears are rimming her eyes. Both of the maids move to stand side by side, pushing their heads against each other and looking at the Prince with hungry eyes. They are going for the kill. "Oh yes, Broom, our Prince is the very model of a stud. Oh, how his nostrils flare, the rakish way his mane falls across his face, so virile!"

"You can see the muscles flex under that gleaming coat, such raw athleticism. Cor, an erect, upstanding soldier like that, he'll have had a slew of mares, Duster."

"So strong, so potent, just look at him, Broom! He's ravished buckets of clunge, I say, such scandal!"

Shining Armor has gone past blushing and entered the crimson-with-anger -territory. "Uggh! I won't stand for—"

"So commanding, so stiff, Duster! And those legs and flanks, why I'm sure the former Captain could still mount an assault or two!"

"Only two, Broom? Perish the thought, look at his steely determination, his throbbing drive, I'll wager he can stay on the offensive all through the night!"

"Is that an innuendo there, Duster? Oh, you dirty old mare, what scandal! You've put Her Royal Highness into hysterics and turned His Royal Highness into a blushing schoolcolt with your lewdness."

"Shame on you, Feather! You've embarrassed His Royal Highness!"

"I HAVE HAD IT!" snaps Shining Armor and moves to get up. The two maids retreat in mock horror.

"That's quite enough you two," Princess Cadance finally interrupts. "Give me and my husband a few minutes to get up and then you may continue with your work."

Both of the maids fall silent and give a curt bow to her. "Yes, Princess Cadance," they say, and leave the room without another word.

Shining Armor is left to gawk at the door to the parlour and his wife in turn. "I wasn't kidding. Every morning the same thing. I just can't take it anymore! We'll—"

"I think it's a great way to start a day. And you really shouldn't mind them so much. Those two have been my maids for years, Dear. No need to be up in arms about a silly quip or two. They are dependable ponies, and you know they wouldn't actually tell anypony about what they see or hear in here. And they make me laugh." She gives Shining Armor a smile that culls the rest of his arguments before he can rally. Cadance gives a mighty yawn and shakes her head. "I need a shower."

She turns on the bed to leave for the bathroom, but her husband lays a hoof on her back. "Would you like me to join you, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?" he asks with a grin.

"I better go alone, dear. I think the two of them..." she nods her head in the direction of the living room "...have had quite enough gossip material for today." She gives Shining Armor a quick peck on his cheek and gets up from the bed, leaving him alone.

Shining Armor falls onto his back on the sweaty sheets. After a moment, he hears the running water from the bathroom and Cadance's gentle humming. "I might as well grab a shower at the barracks while I do my morning rounds. At least they haven't taken THAT away too," he grumbles, but the ceiling refuses to answer him.

He walks through the lounge without even looking at the chattering maids, feeling like a stranger in his new home. He heads straight for the door, waiting for an off-hoof comment to come his way, but it never does. The stairs down to the main level of the castle feel narrower and steeper than usual, and he tries to take them slowly. He has to stop halfway, his head feeling like somepony'd poured porridge into his ears. Shining Armor leans on the wall, wondering what is going on, until his stomach gives a loud grumble of protest. "Yeah, right. Haven't eaten since lunch yesterday."

After his head clears a bit, he continues on his voyage. "So... FIRST the kitchen... THEN the barracks. And then maybe —UARGGH-AGHH!" The last part is the result of him not looking where he is going, crashing into somepony else at the bottom of the stairs, and falling on his rump.

"Why do you not look where you are going!?" booms a loud shout to his face. His mane billows behind him as the hurricane-strength wind almost knocks him on his back.

"Sorry! I didn't look... I mean... " he stutters. As the dust clears away from his eyes, he finally sees who it was he smashed into. "P-PRINCESS LUNA?!"

"Yes. Your observational skills are apparently improving. Should I take your crashing into me as a sign that I am not worthy of your attention, dear nephew?"

"YES! NO! I mean—" He backs away, still on the floor.

The terrifying visage of the Princess Of The Night refuses to relent, easily keeping up with his retreat.

"Has becoming royalty gone to your head, Prince Shining Armor!?" she bellows.

The stallion in question has no more answers before the might of the lunar diarch, and can only cover his head with his hooves, waiting for the oncoming storm.

"Or... " Princess Luna returns to a normal, quiet speech, " ...maybe it because I've lost weight? Is that it? Must be! Oh joy! I must go thank Tia immediately for the most impressive book on step aerobics she lent me!" She looks at the gawking stallion. "Oh do get up. We have cleaning staff for sweeping the floors so you don't have to do it with your hindquarters."

Shining Armor gets up, trying to nonchalantly brush the nonexistant dust from his shoulders. "T-thank you, Princess Luna."

She walks by the Prince. "Might I give you a suggestion, nephew?"

"Y-yes! Please, Princess Luna!" He unconsciously salutes the dark alicorn.

"Night is for me to guard, so maybe you should try sleeping? You would cause less collisions for one," Luna says in a regal voice.

"Yes, Your Majesty! Of course, Your Majesty!"

The Princess tosses her star-filled mane and walks away. Shining Armor has just enough time to let out a relieved sigh when a booming voice once more carries through the stone corridor.

"Although it is amusing to listen to you consummating your marriage!"

"I... I... uhmm... have to... uhh... bye!" Not even trying to explain anymore, Shining Armor runs off to the opposite direction. After he turns a few corners, he stops by to look at himself in a full body mirror on the wall. A messy mane, sweaty coat, bloodshot eyes and blushing cheeks greet him from his reflection. He smashes an angry hoof on the wall next to the mirror. "Nice going, Captain Armor. You only good for blushing, stuttering and running away from mares now?" He sees his angry face in the mirror and allows both his hoof and his head to droop. "And talking to yourself?"

Shining Armor's day is full of official business, which boils down to: Sit quietly and listen to people talk, and when they're done talking, nod and take the papers they have with them and toss them into the "in" tray before the next pony comes in. Repeat ad nauseam. This monotony is broken, when instead of the Lieutenant Whatshisface he was glumly anticipating, comes one of the castle couriers, a skinny young pegasus stallion.

"Your Highness, I bring an urgent message," he states in an official voice.

"Out with it. I still have a lot of important... " He looks at the young stallion, and then at the pile of papers on the table. "On second though, would you care for a cup of coffee and a game of cards?"

"Sorry, Your Highness. It wouldn't be—"

"Yeah. I know. Etiquette and stuff. What do you have for me?"

"We have received a message from... ahem... 'The Lovey-Dovey Honey-Bunny Sexual Health Clinic' to inform you that your first therapy session will be today at two." His face betrays no emotion.

Dead silence falls into the room. before Shining Armor is able to speak. "Your name?"

"I'm called Parcel Pallet, Your Highness," the young courier answers nervously.

"Now, Parcel. You don't mind me calling you Parcel, do you?"

"N-no, Your Highness."

"And I am called Prince Shining Armor."

"I... ummm... know."

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Now, Parcel. It occurs to me that sometimes you couriers might be... how should I say... getting together for a drink with other couriers, hmh?"

"We, umm, have been known to, Your Highness."

"And when you meet your fellow couriers next time, you will remember that Prince Shining Armor and you are friends. Very. Close. Friends. First name basis, even."

"We are, Your Highness?"

"Of course we are. And now that we are such close friends, we would never say anything about our friends that would maybe... make them the butt of every single joke the Royal Guard tells for the foreseeable future, now would we?"

"We... " The stallion's eyes open wider as his mind performs a basic calculation of two plus two, and comes up with 'trouble'. "I would never—"

"I know you wouldn't. Because then I would have to be very disappointed with my friend. And neither of us would want that, would we?"

"Of course not, Your Highness!"

"Good. Now. Back to your duties."

"Yes, Your Highness!"

When the youth has left the room, Shining Armor carefully places his head on the table and in a barely audible voice asks, "Where's a war when you need one?"