Filthy Dirty Rarity

Part Two

The antique mahogany grandfather clock standing tall against the dining hall wall sounded off with eight ominous rings as Celestia and Luna took their seats at the marble table, sitting on their velvet cushions just a couple of feet opposite from each other. The glow of the setting sun lazily poked through the scarlet curtains, enough to see clearly with but still enough to cast shadows of the two ponies across the carpet to give the room a pleasant aura of calm as they sat alone, awaiting the return of the serving maid who had asked them what they wanted for their evening meal.

“It’s been a while since we’ve done this, Luna,” Celestia said with a slight smile, resting her hooves on the edge of the table and nudging the fine silver cutlery with gentle pokes. “We should really spend more time with each other, you know. It would be nice to make more use of the changing hour.”

Across the other end of the table, the alicorn of the night was sitting patiently while glancing at her empty plate. “Oh yes, sister,” Luna said. “These royal duties can be a frightful pain sometimes. Still, having this time together is better than having none at all I suppose, despite it being if it is when we take over each other’s duties.”

“It’s quite inconvenient being two different ponies that work at such different times. Sometimes, I think we should just take the day off and do something fun. You know, like we used to? It’s actually why I wanted to see you tonight.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the squeaking wheel of the servant’s cart, two silver domes being pushed to the edge of the table, one served gracefully by the young pegasus maid to Celestia, then to Luna, and after she excused herself with a nod from the elder princess, the younger was left hesitating at the sight of the plate cover. Celestia raised her brow.

“What’s the matter?” she said, chuckling slightly at her sister’s quizzical stare.

"Well,” Luna said, giving the cover a light tap, “I am not sure if the kitchen received my order correctly. I do not remember it being ordinary for a sandwich supper to be served in the formal manner.”

Celestia shrugged. “Perhaps the staff are just eager to impress. It’s the least I expect of them. Anyway, as I was saying...”

“A day off?” Luna sighed. “That would be most wonderful, but...”

Something made her stay her hoof as she went to remove the dish cover. It was quiet-- barely noticeable to all but the most honed of pony ears-- but she swore in her mind that it was there.

Faint giggling.

“...but that would be most irresponsible of us, would it not?” Luna continued. “We may indeed be royalty, but even we have important duties that must be performed without fail.”

Celestia gave a slight smirk. “Come now, Luna,” she said. “One day to ourselves isn’t too much to ask of anybody, is it? I think that with every full year of making the sun and moon rise and set, we should have a special day just for us. You and me, going out somewhere.”

“What is it that you are suggesting?”

“That tomorrow...” Celestia began on her evening meal of pasta. “...that we do some good old-fashioned sisterly bonding. Now eat up and I’ll explain.”

A silence came between the sisters, one that Luna found most settling as she stared at her distorted reflection in the shining silver cloche in front of her, glancing only occasionally to see Celestia tucking into her dinner with a calm and dignified demeanor with her levitating fork. It was a suspicious silence that was only punctuated by the quiet chewing, as if there has ought to be a guest or a musician of sorts to ease the mood, but the princess thought nothing of it, shaking her head after pausing for those few moments. She went to remove the cover.

“Well, I do suppose that one day could not hu--”

Celestia looked upwards with impeccable timing. A creamy white explosion burst forth from Luna’s dish, jets of foam flying across the hall with a deafening splat as a thick crust of a pie thrusted itself into the alicorn’s face at a blinding speed, cold desert colliding with the pony’s snout and cheeks. She didn’t even see it coming; she was left motionless as the cloche fell to the floor with a clatter, the chunks of pastry slipping from her face, piece by piece, to reveal her cream-caked features as the spring from the trick plate slowly creaked back into the hiding spot with a rusty creak.

Celestia was the first to break the reformed silence with her snickering as the outline of an icy scowl formed in the pudding mashed onto Luna’s face. “Well don’t look at me!” she said with a playful grin. “It wasn’t my idea to put that in there!”

The pied princess licked her lips, the cold whipped cream only sharpening her steely glare to the point where her deep blue eyes could have shot lethal icicles into her sister’s smug smile. Drips of desert flowing from her chin, she wiped a hoof across her eyes and dismissed the pudding that had gathered onto them with a furious flick to her sides, never breaking her gaze from Celestia’s own stare of delight. She sat perfectly still and endured Celestia’s giggles with a fiery blush, masked beneath the cream.

“Pray tell,” Luna whispered, filled with a tempered anger, “why have you seen fit to launch a desert so forcefully into your own sister’s face in such a manner as this?”

A lump suddenly lodged in Celestia’s throat, the smile on her face slowly fading. “I-I’m sorry?”

Luna spoke up, chagrin swelling rapidly in her voice. “Why is it that you have deemed it necessary to humiliate me in such a juvenile manner?”

The elder alicorn cleared her throat, fidgeting in her chair. “I-It was just a bit of fun! Lighten up, Luna. I mean—”

“Lighten. Up. Luna.” The younger alicorn rose slowly from her seat, advancing to the opposite end of the table with a menacing prowl. “A bit of fun, dear sister, is a game of tag with your filly friends. A bit of fun is a game of cards with old acquaintances as you catch up on old times. This...” She stopped right at the edge of Celestia’s chair, making the white pony back off by a fraction of an inch. “Do you want to know what I call this, Celestia?”

The princess laughed nervously, a dark blue glow emanating from Luna’s horn with a fierce radiance. “Now Luna,” Celestia said, “let’s be reasonable about this! This is no way to act over a silly joke!”

“Oh yes? Well, do you know what I think, dear sister of mine?”

Luna leaned in close to Celestia’s ear, speaking in a whisper. “You’re too easy.”

Celestia’s eyes went wide when she saw her sister’s grin, the pudding still dripping from her face in creamy blobs as she broke out into a fit of girlish giggles, throwing herself onto the white alicorn for a tight hug. All Celestia could do was return an awkward, almost forced laughter in reply, sitting rooted to the spot until Luna had loosened her grip and used the tablecloth to clear her face.

“I must say,” Luna said with a smile, “that I knew there was something most suspicious about you wishing to see me like this and knowing your rather playful tendencies lately, I expected your little trap.”

Celestia blinked. “I... Wha--”

“You do not think that I would not have overheard our guards and servants talking about recent odd occurrences?” Luna continued. “Placing jam in the shower heads of the barrack bathrooms? Switching the flour in the kitchens with sneezing powder? I must say, you are getting rather predictable now.”

“Is that so?” Celestia said with a smirk.

“I have seen you speaking with that pink mare lately on more than one occasion and every single time you do so, it leads to one more unfortunate pony being the victim of a practical joke. You were talking with her again this afternoon, were you not? Was it her idea to prank me tonight?”

        “Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Celestia said with a slight laugh.

The look of confusion on Luna’s face was short-lived, replaced by one of utter surprise as she glanced to her own hooves; poking out from beneath the table was the head of a certain pink pony, a beaming grin spread from ear to ear across her face.

        “Hi!” she said.

Rarity regretted her decision the second she arrived at Sweet Apple Acres.

The first thing that she and Sweetie were greeted with was a large, shining carving of a pegasus from the side on, hanging from above the gates, the morning sun making the rainbow of goo that was coating it glisten and sparkle from its tail tip to its snout. The pony had a cartoonish grin on its face, something which set the siren blaring in Rarity’s mind. As if she has sucked a rotten lemon, she grimaced when she saw a long, thin strand of the slime drip from one of the hooves, forming a small pool of pink on the road below. Sloppily painted on the pegasus’ flank was a green arrow pointing to the insides of the farm, the words ‘Gathering of the Gunky this way!’ written on a small plaque above the sign.

“Oh cool!” Sweetie said, walking to the puddle of goo. “The sign drips! Isn’t that neat, Rarity?”

As if there was a cue for it, a bead of the gunge fell from the tip of the pegasus’ tail onto Sweetie’s flank, Rarity gagging her squeal as it exploded into a bright green splotch on the filly’s flank, right where her cutie mark should have been.

“An omen!” Sweetie yelled with a gasp, her voice cracking with delight. “This... This is my calling! Winning gameshows is my talent!”

Rarity blinked, trying to look enthusiastic as possible while wrestling with that thought in her mind. “I’m sure, yes. This should be easy. No challenge at all. Absolutely simple.” She ran her hoof through her mane with a deep, long sigh as she stared at the words plastered on that plaque, realising there was one small part written in tiny pink lettering on the bottom; ‘Prepare to get wet!’ was what it said, at least from what she could make out from where the slime had begun to run in the warm sunlight. She had spent half an hour staring in the mirror that morning, whispering to herself as she wondered if it was even worth it to get ready for a day out. What would be the point in daintly touching up herself with make-up -- not that she would have needed to, being the fabulous mare she was -- when her coat would be caked with slop anyway? Brushing her mane into her trademark swirl would have certainly been pointless too being how it wouldn’t stay like that for long, she murmured under her breath.

“Well then,” she said to her sister, “lead on. I’ll be right behind you.”

As Sweetie skipped through the gates of Sweet Apple Acres, along the road that lead to Applejack’s home, Rarity’s forced smile caved into the frown that found its way naturally, just by even thinking of the contest. Even the thought of thousands of sparkling jewels wasn’t enough to make her keep up with her sister, a slow march being all she could manage as she tried to delay the inevitable. She glanced back to the dripping sign, a bubble of blue goo on the surface of the pool bursting with a snappy pop making her shudder.

“I don’t care if I win enough diamonds to bathe in,” she whispered. “It’ll never be worth it if I have to bathe in that first...”

As it was so early in the morning-- too early for anypony to rush about and get dirty-- the two ponies made their way to the Apple family home at the end of the short road, led by a stream of silly string along the white fences on either side to them, Sweetie with her excited skipping and Rarity dragging her hooves along the dusty ground. Apple Bloom darted out the front door to greet them.

“Hey there Sweetie!” she said with a smile. “Come on in! Scootaloo’s upstairs waitin’ for ya.” She turned her attention to Rarity. “Applejack an’ the others are in the kitchen. Oh, an’ thanks for doin’ this!”

Rarity nodded as she trudged inside the house, Apple Bloom closing the door behind her. The two fillies rushed upstairs, leaving the mare standing alone on the porch with a curious look on her face. I knew it, she thought. I knew this was a plot of some kind. How else would she know I’d compete unless it was her idea... or somepony else...

Distant banter from familiar voices made her ears prick; she crept towards the kitchen door, peering inside so as to not reveal herself to whoever was waiting inside. Things resembled a war room, albeit a very casual one, rather than a place for cooking and eating, a huge roll of paper spread across the table with a map that was littered with symbols neatly drawn in fine ink being the first thing Rarity spotted, along with the pile of forms to its side. Sitting at the table was Twilight, who was pointing at many of the marked spots on the map while she happily chatted with a nodding Pinkie Pie. Across from them and lounging in the open back door were Rainbow Dash and Applejack, along with Fluttershy close by. Spike was also present, snacking on a piece of pie and he perched on the kitchen counter.

It was only when Rarity entered with a loud ‘Good morning!’ that the room was swept with instant silence. All planning and chatting froze in time as all eyes turned to the unicorn in one unified motion, some with the wide-eyed shock, others with the brow of disbelief and Applejack with a mix of both. Spike was caught mid-bite, his apple pie hanging limply in his lips when he went rigid at Rarity’s entrance and even Pinkie, as excitable and carefree as she was, looked stunned. Rarity gave a surprised blush, giggling.

“Were you expecting somepony else?” she said.

In an instant, Twilight magically swept a form from the top of the pile and thrusted it into Rarity’s face, trotting up to her afterwards. “I want to be absolutely, one-hundred percent clear on this,” she said with urgency. “Is this or is this not your writing and your name on this sheet?”

Rarity stepped back, squinting slightly to read the form. The twirls of the I’s, the loops on the R’s and the Y’s, the seamless swirls of ink that gracefully spelt her name… She had no doubt in her mind that she herself had indeed written her own name, along with her sister’s. For a short while after she had done so, she still could not believe she had done so willingly, for a part of her convinced her that there was a spell or even a curse on her that had forced her to accept Sweetie’s proposal. But then there was the chest.

“I don’t see what the issue is here, Twilight,” she said, making her irritation known. “I have the right to enter the contest like any other pony, do I not?”

“Well sure ya do,” Applejack said, “but… Well, we figured that dirt an’ gooey stuff wouldn’t be your thing, y’know?”

“It’s just that when all of us saw your name on the form,” Fluttershy said, “we just couldn’t believe it! We thought you wouldn’t have dared to be within a hundred miles of a messy contest, let alone be playing in it!”

Applejack nodded. “We thought that your sister an’ her friends were settin’ you up for a joke, signin’ you up without tellin’ you. But now that we know that you’re goin’ in for real, then—“

“We have some real competition!” Rainbow Dash said, hoof pumping the air. Rarity gave her a suspicious look.

“Oh? What makes you say that?” she asked.

“Because,” Spike said, his mouth full of his pie, “chances are you aren’t doing this for fun. You’re doing this for the grand prize, am I right?”

Rarity shrugged. “The grand prize? You mean that chest?” She gave a laugh, trying to appear indifferent. “Perhaps Pinkie would be kind enough to show me it?”

A distant knocking on a door prevented any possibility of that, the pink party pony leaping up from her seat. “They’re here!” she squealed, bouncing into the air and dashing from the room, leaving the papers on the table scattered in a small heap as Rarity felt the rush of air whiz past her in a flash. She has blinked and missed it; she glanced around the kitchen and realised that Pinkie truly had vanished, a collective shrug from her friends before she could even ask who ‘they’ were. Instead, she turned her attention to the map on the table.

“So then,” she said, “what is all this?”

Twilight leaned upwards, pointing over the paper. “Oh, this map?” she said, “is a detailed plan of the precise locations for the different festival activities! Now let’s see, number one...” She pointed at the small numbered square in the appropriate column, humming as she cross-referenced it back to a tiny list on the side. “...is the pie stockade, ran by Mr and Mrs Cake. Number two is a dunk tank featuring the Great and Powerful Trixie, which should go down a storm given her rather unsavory reputation. Number three--”

“Or...!” Rainbow had loudly interrupted with a grin, Twilight giving her an irritated look. “Or you can see for yourself out here!”

The curiosity was too much for Rarity to handle; she slowly went to where Rainbow stood and poked her head through the door frame,  a short gasp of surprise escaping from her. What should have been the sight of rolling fields and apple orchards was instead replaced by two neat columns of stalls in a perfectly parallel fashion, the colourfully vibrant canopies and attractions leading to what looked like a small stadium, but one that still dwarfed the stalls below it. She could scarcely believe how big it was, even from where it stood, and she questioned in her mind how long they had been working on it. The event was barely even close to ready when she has dropped by to look the previous week.

“Impressive, ain’t it?” Applejack said.

It was true that the festival was such an awe-inspiring sight, Rarity thought, yet she still felt uneasy when she saw the ponies preparing themselves at their stalls for a messy day, the bodies looking like specks due to how far away she was.

“So the whole of Ponyville is invited?” she asked. “All those ponies, getting so filthy..”

“Not just Ponyville!”

Rarity quickly span on the spot, Pinkie bouncing up to her with a familiar beam. “I double-double-triple chocolate checked that I had fliers sent to everywhere, and I mean everywhere! Hoofington, Las Pegas, Canterlot...” She became serious for a moment as she looked out over the madness that she had a main hoof in creating. “This will be the greatest day of your lives, ladies.”

Rarity couldn’t disagree more, yet she somehow managed to keep forcing the smile that she had faked ever since she arrived at Sweet Apple Acres. “Twilight?” she said.

“Yes Rarity?” the unicorn replied.

“I know that there will be plenty of food being-- shall we say-- served at this event, but what about that other substance? You know, that delightful ooze covering the pegasus sign?”

“Oh that!” Twilight smiled like a filly with her hooves on the latest, most expensive doll in Equestria. “I’m glad you asked! Girls, I believe it’s time for a little demonstration in where the mystery slime comes from.”

They were quickly escorted to the side of the house where a wooden wall had been crudely constructed, and on this was painted a bright white and red target in the centre. Twilight instructed everypony to stay behind her, taking up an aiming stance before the bullseye just a few metres away.

“Now then, I should warn you all that I’m about to use some pretty powerful and rather unstable magic. There’s no telling what might happen! So, would anybody like to volunteer?” she said with a chuckle, the party of friends shuffling back even further with reluctant shifts of the eye and nervous frowns. Rarity, especially, found herself nearing the back of the pack, daring not to stand anywhere near the splash zone. Rainbow Dash, however, merely rolled her eyes and blew a raspberry.

“Fine, I’ll be the first victim of the day if nobody else will. Give me your best shot!” she said with a smug grin, striding up to the target. Without warning, Twilight levitated a pair of thick, glass goggles over her head, snapping the tight elastic band to make sure they were securely on. It was like something out of an old war film for Rarity, as if she was watching the foolish pegasus walk to the wall to be executed by firing squad. Her heart was in her mouth as Rainbow stood on her hind hooves and rested her back against the target, as if she was lying flat out on the ground. They were ready to begin.

With a nod, Rainbow clenched her teeth with anxious anticipation when Twilight began to charge a spell from her horn with wild sparks of pink and blue flitting about the unicorn’s head as she herself grunted and groaned heavily, a blinding aura of white surrounding her that made everypony shield their eyes and retreat to safe cover behind the corner of the house as the sound of a low grumbling filled the air with snaps and crackles. Not one of them had the nerve to peek. Not even Pinkie, even though she was in a fit of giggles.

“It’s coming... It’s coming!” she yelled, barely audible over the blaring sounds of crunching and snapping but just enough for Pinkie’s excited squealing to be heard by Rarity, who was shaking with her eyes screwed shut. Louder and louder the crackling became, a shrill whine accompanying it, and before it came to a horrifyingly intense crescendo that would deafen everypony in a ten mile radius, Rarity’s eyes suddenly shot open.

It had stopped. Just like that. It was as if time had came to a total standstill for a split second, taking everything back to the tranquil, country ambience there always had been whenever Rarity visited Sweet Apple Acres. She looked around, seeing all of her friends as confused as she was. Except, out of all of them, Pinkie; she was already darting around the corner of the house, gasping with glee at where Twilight and Rainbow Dash were. One by one, each pony cautiously crept to her as well: Applejack first, Rarity last.

The moment she caught sight of Twilight, she had to stop herself from giving an ear-shattering scream by biting down hard on her hoof. Twilight was still standing there, breathing heavily, but there was neither a target nor Rainbow Dash in sight anywhere. At first, it seemed that where she had once stood was now a jet-black scorch mark that covered the entire surface of the wooden wall, but that was before everypony heard the dripping. The burnt areas were moving, sliding down the wall and pooling in a puddle at the base. Then something happened that made nearly everypony flinch; a silhouette in the shape of a pony stepped out from the wall, drips and threads of black limply clinging and swinging from its snout and belly.

“Ladies, allow me to explain,” Twilight said with a smile to everypony, not paying attention to the pegasus she had just drenched in the inky goo. “When a unicorn of major magical potential is learning how to control and employ her magic, she isn’t very successful the first hundred or so times. As a result... Well, this doesn’t happen when a unicorn fails every spell they try to cast, but rather when they try to cast a spell that they can’t fully imagine the effects of and they don’t find a proper outlet for that power. In short, the power comes out instead in a more unpleasant way.” She gave a laugh. “Well, depending on the context of ‘unpleasant’. For the fair, it actually has its advantages.”

Applejack whistled, visibly awestruck like everypony else. Everypony except for Pinkie, who was delightfully trotting up to the gunge-splattered pegasus in jolly rhythm and helping her to remove the goggles that were opaquely caked with the thick slop, Rainbow’s eyes clearly standing out from the dark colour that coated her entire being.

        She wobbled on the spot and let the slime run from her body with a toothy grin. “That...” Rainbow began to laugh like she didn’t have the slightest clue on how to react at all. “That was too awesome!”

        “I aim to please,” Twilight cheerfully said. “But we’d better get you hosed off soon. After a little while, especially in the warm sun, that slime begins to smell worse than bad. Still, that also has its upsides as a way of providing a little negative reinforcement, if you know what I’m saying. Something to avoid being dunked into at all costs.”

        “Ahh, whatever,” Rainbow said, waving her hoof in a dismissive manner. Unbeknownst to her, she was sending the goop on her hooves in many directions, some of it landing just shy of Fluttershy and Rarity to make the both of them flinch in unison. “But I guess I’d better wait until the contest if I want to stay messy.”

        Rarity wasn’t even trying to feign positivity anymore, but her anxious and quiet laughter managed to keep everypony fooled for a short while longer. As the rest of her friends escorted Rainbow Dash to somewhere where she could be given a quick blast with a hose, Rarity pulled Fluttershy back by the tip of her tail.

        “Say, uh, Fluttershy?” she stammered, trying to keep her smile from wavering. “You the contest, with the games and the mess? The huge, some would say absolutely unnecessary amount of messy things? I was wondering if... I’m not sure how to ask this...”

        The pegasus gave a look of concern. “Oh Rarity, if you’re having second thoughts about entering then please, just--”

        “No, no, no!” Rarity was battling to maintain her composure. “I still want to enter, but I’m not quite sure what to expect.”

        “I don’t think anypony does except for Pinkie, Twilight and Spike. They’re the only ones who’ve been anywhere near the design blueprints for the games since Twilight threatened to disqualify Applejack and Rainbow Dash if they tried to cheat by peeking. You know how competitive they can be, so they had to Pinkie swear to not try and peek to keep things fair. I haven’t been able to look either, even though I’m not entering the contest.”

        Rarity shook her head. “Actually, I was wondering what to expect in terms of something else. Like...” She sighed. “What does it feel like?”

        Fluttershy blinked. “What does what feel like?”

        “I mean, what does it feel like to be covered in that muck?” Rarity said bluntly. “Mud is one thing, like going to the spa, but this is something that I can’t imagine is quite the same.”

        “Oh...” Fluttershy furrowed her brow slightly. “Well, there was that one time when I was going to visit Pinkie and Twilight when the game were first getting built. To keep a long story short, they had a strange machine that looked like nothing I’d ever seen before that looked like a stool inside a glass booth with a box hanging above it. Back then, I had no idea what Twilight or Pinkie were planning at all, but... but when they wanted to demonstrate what the machine did, I said no.” Her cheeks flushed. “I said I wanted a go inside instead.”

        Rarity kept her cool despite being more than surprised. “So... What happened?”

        “It was weird, at first. It does feel pretty scary when you’re shut inside the booth though, especially when the lever is pulled. For just one second, it felt like any other time you’d go in the shower, but after that it was like being outside in the middle of a downpour. Only instead of it being slick rainwater, it was cold and green slime that was clingy and sticky all at once. There wasn’t a lot in the tank- enough to coat my mane and a little of my body- but it feels heavy and clammy. At the time, I couldn’t stop squirming and squealing.” A smile flickered on her lips for a second. “It was... nice.”

        She looked at Rarity, who was quietened as she thought about that one last word. Fluttershy laughed. “I’m not going to play in the games though,” she said. “It’s difficult to explain, but even though I liked the feeling of being covered in that slime, I wouldn’t want to be jumping and diving around in pools of it. A little mess is nice. The contest just has too much for me though. Besides, somepony has to be there to hose those dirty ponies down during the festival, doesn’t there?”

        Rarity slowly nodded. “Yes, I suppose there does. Speaking of hosing down, maybe we should check on the others? Well, you should go ahead at any rate. I’ll catch up to you.”

        Fluttershy did just that, leaving her standing alone. The pegasus disappeared around the corner.

        Rarity’s face deflated into a heavy, sagging grimace as she let out a frustrated groan the second she was out of sight, gritting her teeth and snorting heavily. That slime looked vile enough when it was inside a tiny jar with the lid on, but out in the open, splashed against a wall and soaking a pony from head to hoof, it was almost too much to bear. Denial was no longer an option; there was no way of only getting a little dirty, or dodging most of it. She knew she would have to get as dirty as Dash if she wanted to win.

        Fluttershy said it felt nice, she thought. Maybe it won’t be so bad! Heaven forbid, maybe I might actually have fun! Maybe I might win!

        She sighed wearily. “I really must stop being fooled by Sweetie Belle’s little mind games...”